SHINee was finally home from their Japan Arena Tour. They got off the plane late at night and they were still exhausted because they took the plane right after the last concert. They had an important schedule the evening and they had to be in Korea as soon as possible. The first thing they did when they reached the dorm was shower and went straight to bed.

Except for the leader of the group.

Once he made sure all the members were tucked in nicely in bed, gently snoring because of their exhaustion, he made his way to the kitchen and made himself a nice cup of hot chocolate. He was tired, just like the others, but he couldn’t sleep.

Jinki brought his hot chocolate and the last cream filled choux pastry they had to the living room. He the TV and set the volume down so the others wouldn’t wake up. He just sat there on the sofa, watching the news anchor on TV reading the news about consumer prices and stock market.

He closed his eyes and remembered the event that happened earlier that evening. The concert was amazing, just like every single concert they had. The moment he laid eyes upon the sea of pearl blue lights always moved him. Shawols love them as much as they love them back. It’s always a great thing to keep in mind.

4 years. It’s been quite a long yet short time for SHINee. Jinki smiled gently remembering all the tough times he and the group had to go through to get to this point. The training, the busy schedules, the pressure, being away from family, constant mental battle and doubts. But they got through them and Jinki was proud to be a part of SHINee, and even being able to lead it.

He cracked his eyes open and reached for his hot chocolate. He took a sip and felt the warm liquid calming him down. He looked around until he spotted the thick album underneath the coffee table. It was dark brown, with a thin layer of dust collecting on top of it. Curiosity got him. He reached out for it and grabbed it without even getting up from the sofa.

He opened it. It felt like a huge wave of memories hit him. It was a picture album they made about 3 years ago, filled with pictures from their trainee and debut days.

He traced his finger over a picture of them taken right after their debut stage. Jonghyun was standing in the middle between Key and Taemin, his eyes were puffy from all his crying. Minho’s eyes were glassy as he stood beside Key, his ‘bbuing bbuing’ aegyo look already apparent. Key had his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulder and smiled brightly at the camera. He grinned as he looked at his own figure, smiling and feeling proud at that time standing beside Taemin as if he just conquered the world. Then he stopped smiling when he paid attention to the maknae himself.

Lee Taemin. Jinki always had a soft spot for him. The dancer of SHINee who debuted when he was only 15. Everybody was proud of just how hard he worked, juggling school, training and new found fame. He just graduated a while ago and that was a proud moment for not only Taemin and his family but also for SHINee as his other family.

Jinki remembered how close they were back then. Jinki was always the first person Taemin would look for whenever something bothered him. Taemin looked up to him as an older brother since he couldn’t see Taesun. He grew attached to Jinki and the older didn’t mind. He liked taking care of Taemin and his heart swelled with pride whenever Taemin would say that he was the best hyung ever. He was so clingy, Jinki remembered. So pure and innocent. And always so happy.

But now it’s different. Taemin was no longer the Taemin that clung onto Jinki anymore. Taemin grew up into a mature man that could take care of himself. Of course, Jinki was happy to see that Taemin became more responsible and mature every single day but a part of him wouldn’t let go. He wanted Taemin to cling onto him like he used to. He wanted Taemin to look for him and call out to him whenever he needed something.

“Hyung?” He slowly turned to the source of the voice and saw Jonghyun standing near the door, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, why are you awake?” Jonghyun dragged himself to the sofa and sat beside Jinki.

“Hungry.” He eyed the choux pastry on the plate beside Jinki. The leader who always looks out for s handed him the plate. Jonghyun gratefully grinned and started eating.

“Why aren’t you sleeping? Aren’t you sleepy?” Jinki shrugged at Jonghyun’s question and tiredly smiled.

“Can’t sleep. I figured hot chocolate and snack would help me. But knowing that my snack is now missing…” The older of the two drifted off and looked at Jonghyun who had devoured the pastry. Jonghyun grinned and they both just laughed.

“Sorry hyung.”

“Nah, I was only kidding. I’m not that hungry anyway.” Jonghyun’s eyes landed on the album on Jinki’s lap.

“Is that our photo album from way back then? The one that Key insisted to make?” Jonghyun peeked over and saw their picture.

“Brings back memories, doesn’t it?” Jinki said, fingers still on Taemin’s picture.

“Definitely. Go to the next page. I think there’s a picture of that time we drew pictures on Minho’s sleeping face.” And so they did find it, a picture of Minho sleeping on the sofa with various writings on his face. They also found a picture of them eating out in a restaurant, a picture of them playing video games together and lots of other things they just couldn’t do so freely anymore.

“Wait.” After chatting and laughing at so many pictures, Jonghyun halted Jinki’s movement to flip the page upon seeing a certain picture. It was a picture of him and Key, arms around each other’s shoulders, smiling sweetly with a slight blush on Jonghyun’s face. Jonghyun stared at it, eyes full of affection.

“That’s the picture we took after knowing that we would be in the same group.” Jinki went to the next page and a picture of him with Taemin peeking over his shoulder from behind caught his eyes. He tried to brush it off and continued on only to find a picture of him giving Taemin a piggyback. He silently turned the page and found more pictures of him and Taemin. Playing in the pool, falling asleep in the van, teaching the younger how to solve his homework.

“Have you ever wished to go back to the past, Jonghyun?” Jinki asked without looking at the younger of the two.

“Huh? No, I don’t think so… Everything seems to be amazing now, hyung. I’m with Key now and we just finished our first Japan concert hyung. Sure, trainee days were fun but I’m comfortable living in this time.” Jinki nodded and hummed.

“What’s with the sudden question?” Jonghyun asked, genuinely puzzled.

“Everything changed.” Jinki simply said. Jonghyun raised his eyebrow and shifted to take a good look at his hyung’s face. Jinki was looking down at the picture of him being hugged by Taemin and Jonghyun followed his gaze.

“Taemin?” Jonghyun whispered. Jinki hesitated but nodded in the end.

“Hyung…” Jonghyun was worried and Jinki could feel it.

“I’m okay. I was just wondering what your thoughts might be.” Jonghyun pondered for a while. Deciding what he should say.

“You might be the leader and the oldest member in SHINee, hyung, but that doesn’t mean you have to bear all your problems alone. At least talk to me, I’m second in command here, right?” They stayed silent for a couple of minutes until Jinki decided to speak up.

“Taemin doesn’t need me anymore, does he, Jonghyun?” Jonghyun frowned at his hyung’s weird question.

“He doesn’t come to me anymore. He’s all grown up and independent now. He doesn’t need me like he used to. And I don’t know, Jonghyun… I’m so used to having him clinging on to me that once he’s standing on his own feet I just miss him a lot.”

“But hyung, he’s with us every day.” Jinki clicked his tongue and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I know. It’s just that… I like him, Jonghyun. A lot. And he’s drifting away… I miss him.” Jinki cradled his head in his hands and felt even more exhausted than before. They just stayed there, not uttering a single word.

“Hyung…” A pair of arms wrapped around his neck and Jinki almost stopped breathing.

“I’ll leave you guys alone.” Jinki felt the sofa shift and not long after the door closed.

“Taemin…” Jinki didn’t need to look up, he knew the owner of those unmistakable hands.

“Hyung why do you miss me? I never left.” Taemin let go of his hyung only so that he could sit beside him and hugged his arm.

“We’re not like how we used to be.” Jinki simply answered, still not looking at the maknae.

“Time passes. I change. I’m growing up, I want to be wise and mature. I want to be able to take care of others and be responsible. I want to be aware of my actions and my surroundings. I want to be like you, hyung.”

“Nobody wanted you to change.”

“I want to change.” Taemin answered full of determination.

“I want to be better. I don’t want to be a kid that depends on people and make troubles for them. I don’t want to be a child anymore.” Jinki finally looked at Taemin and the younger was taken aback at the sadness in his hyung’s eyes.

“I want you to depend on me.” Jinki pleaded.

“I don’t want to.” Jinki’s gaze fell and Taemin snuggled him closer.

“I don’t want to depend on you. I don’t want to pull me along. I want to stand and walk beside you. I want us to move forward together instead of you having to drag me around. Please understand, hyung. I like you too and I want to be worthy for you.” Jinki wriggled his arm away from Taemin’s grasp. He scooped the younger in his arms and hugged him as if his life depended on it.

“I’m sorry… Perhaps it was just too fast for me to take in, Tae. I just want you close to me and it hurts when you’re not beside me.” Jinki whispered. Taemin gently smiled and hugged back.

“Then I’ll stay by your side, hyung.” Jinki pulled back to plant a kiss on Taemin’s forehead.

“Remember that whatever happens, I’ll always be your baby.” Taemin chuckled. Jinki only nodded and hugged him tight.