There’s a truth behind a cry

And there’s a cry behind a lie

 

Who are you?

If you asked Chaerin what sentence she hated the most to hear from Jiyong’s mouth, it was exactly the one he questioned her right now. To hear him ask that question brought her to her worst nightmare in an instant. Jiyong, in front of her, his face confused, asking her the question, he wasn’t judging her, or accused her doing something bad, he just wanted to know who she is.

 

She remembered spending her days and nights by his side in the hospital, sometimes crying silently, sometimes smiling hopefully, but always with their hands enclosed to each other. Not even a day she spent without holding his hands, trying to give him some sort of strength so he would wake up.

 

“Oppa, Seungri came today and he made fun of me, but he was sad because you weren’t there to join him, you two are so bad, aren’t you, oppa?”

 

“Oppa, I had this nightmare last night, you left me! And I woke up crying, oppa, aren’t you being too much? How can you make me cry even in my dream?”

 

“Oppa, I miss you… wake up soon,”

 

“Oppa, what to do? School starts tomorrow; I want to go with you… aren’t you going to wake up?”

 

“Oppa… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

 

 “Oppa? You’re awake? Oh my God! OPPA YOU’RE AWAKE!!! Seungri, Jingyo oppa is awake!!!”

 

“Chaerin?” She heard Jiyong called out, but it sounded so distant. It was his hands on her face that brought her back to reality. “Chaerin? Are you cold? You’re trembling,” he asked with obvious concern etched on his face, she looked straight to his eyes and her shaky hands found their way to touch his face.

 

“Chae?” He asked again, most probably confused by the way she acted.

 

Jiyong couldn’t understand why he asked her the question, she was just awake, still unwell and all, he should’ve waited. Now her body was all shaking and he knew she would cry any moment and he knew it was all his fault.

 

Babo, Jiyong you Babo, he cursed at himself.

 

“Hey look, it’s okay; you should rest, but now let’s eat and have your med oka-”

 

She closed her eyes, trying to hold back the tears and gulp down the sobs that was about to come out. She remembered now, how she called out his name a moment before she lost consciousness.

 

Stupid, stupid Chaerin, she scolded herself.

 

“Jingyo oppa,” Chaerin cut him off.

 

There was this certain sensation in his stomach every time he heard Chaerin said those words, Jingyo oppa. He couldn’t even understand, it could be a nickname for anyone, not necessarily him (but of course, Jingyo for Jiyong sounds fitting).

 

He stared at her teary eyes, feeling like he was lost in the depth of them. Was it sadness he saw there? Why so much sadness and burdens in such eyes of a girl? She bit her lips harder, trying to stop the sobbing but it was too late, and before they knew it she was in his hug with him her back softly whispering it’s okay to calm her down.

 

She shook her head, still crying, “No oppa, it’s not okay…” she sobbed harder, wetting his shirt but it was his least concern right now. The boys were in front of the door, knowing sooner or later they’d have to face this.

 

“Okay, so tell me what is it all about?” Jiyong questioned in his friendliest tone, but it didn’t matter how calm he was, Chaerin was obviously scared about this.

 

“Lee Chaerin, who are you?” He asked again, and Chaerin broke into more tears. Her hands gripping his shirt tighter, as if afraid if she loosened it a bit he would fly away.

 

It was Seungri who couldn’t take everything anymore and stormed inside the room before the other boys could stop him, “Stop asking her who she is! She is Lee Chaerin, my cousin! Can’t you see how much you’re hurting her asking who she is? How many times do you want to hurt her with those words?” Seungri barked, pushing Jiyong a little from Chaerin.

 

“No no no… Seungri, no... Please, Jingyo oppa… where?” She panicky looked for Jiyong and held his arms again, for a moment Jiyong thought she looked almost as lost as a little puppy.

 

Jiyong knew he shouldn’t, but all the mysteries, the questions and the uneventful series that happened all in a day brought headaches to him that he lost his patience somehow, “Seriously guys, what’s all this about?” He snapped, Chaerin whimpered like a little girl beside him, she was holding his arms like it was everything her dear life about.

 

Taeyang saw everything and he knew nothing good would come out of it, Chaerin never whimpers, and Jiyong wasn’t one to snap. “Look Ji, I will explain but you will need to calm down first, okay?”

 

“Okay, I’m calm,” Jiyong replied quickly. To feel that everyone’s hiding something from you wasn’t exactly a nice feeling; they better have a good explanation about all these.

 

Youngbae sighed, he knew being closest to Jiyong, it was his responsibility to explain, especially when Chaerin was in no condition to do so. “You were involved in an accident, the last year of Junior High, we went on a vacation after our graduation party” he said in one breathe, not daring to look at Jiyong’s eyes. “You lost your memories, you know… like what happened in the dramas Chaerin hated?”

 

“I was in Japan that year,” Jiyong cut him off, he could feel Chaerin’s hold on his arms was getting tighter.

 

“Yeah, you were, they brought you there for further treatment, and for you to start anew,” Taeyang explained again, this time looking up at Jiyong’s face, he had this straight face he always had when he was angry. They were silent for a moment, Jiyong looked like he was deep in thoughts and the others were too scared to say anything.

 

“I remember you guys,” Jiyong said again after some moments which felt like centuries. But then he went silent again, now that he thought about it, he never really remember about them, or the times they spent together. He always thought it was because everything happened too long ago, now what’s this? Losing memories? Seriously?

 

Jiyong was silent again, trying to order his thoughts although when he realized it he couldn’t help but scoff, how could he? He lost his memories! He looked around, who were these people? His childhood friends, really? Why now they looked like ordinary guy in a Mohawk, a guy with eagle eyes, a guy with small eyes, and a childish guy who can’t keep quiet? And who is this girl holding his arm tightly? Lee Chaerin? Hunchae? Chaerin? Who?

 

“Was it fun?” He snapped, and the girl clinging to his arm whimpered like a scared little girl when it’s stormy outside. But he couldn’t care, for all he knew… he didn’t know any of them, losing memories? Heh! What kind of a sick joke is it? “Answer me was it fun, looking at how clueless I am? Hiding this secret from me for years? Looking at me treating you like best friends?” he barked, and he knew the girl beside him sobbed silently.

 

He moved to Chaerin, gripping her shoulders tightly, “Who are you? Who are you! Answer me! Claiming me as yours the time I stepped back to Korea, was it one of your cunning plans? What is your real motive? Tell me all of it now!” He shouted, shaking the trembling body of the girl beside him.

 

“Yah, Kwon Jiyong! Stop it! You’re hurting her!” Seungri came in between them, trying to free her from his painful grip. “What are you doing? Are you crazy?” Seungri shouted, pushing him and pulling the crying Chaerin closer to him.

 

“Yes! Yes! I must be crazy! I lost my memories; it’s not surprising if I’m crazy! What are you going to do about it?” Jiyong barked back.

 

“Ani… oppa, no, I… Seungri, he… Oppa, he was just kidding, Oppa don’t be angry…” He heard Chaerin panicky mumbled, her face was red and wet with tears and sweats, her whole body shaking, maybe from fear or her fever, or both. “Seungri, tell him you’re joking, you’re always joking… please, TOP oppa, please… he listens to you…” Chaerin kept slurring, her hands shaking Seungri so he would succumb to her request.

 

“Listen here, Jiyong… we only wanted you to start anew, to forget about your past and-” TOP tried to explain before Jiyong cut his words off.

 

“Yeah right, I’m going to start anew, which means without you guys in my life. How could I let such liars fooling me all these years, seriously?” He questioned himself and scoffed at his own stupidity.

 

“Daesung oppa, please… tell him any jokes, he will laugh, he loves your jokes the most… please, Jingyo oppa is angry… Oppa no, don’t be angry…” She pleaded in a small voice.

 

Jiyong couldn’t understand the sight before him, those whom he thought his friends were suddenly strangers, and the crying girl in Seungri’s arms who kept pleading was suddenly looked so alien to him. Who are they?

 

Who is he?

 

Was it the truth the words they said? Who could he trust? Why was he suddenly felt so alone? Why was he suddenly without friends?

 

“Hyung, please… calm down a little,” Daesung’s voice brought him back to reality, to the faces so familiar to him but also so foreign at the same time. Jiyong took a deep breath trying to clear his thoughts, maybe he was exhausted that he didn’t want to shout anymore, maybe he had spent all his emotions that nothing left anymore, or maybe it was the soothing effect in Daesung’s voice, either way, he found himself listening to the words Daesung said.

 

“First, we should let Chaerin rests, she’s not in a condition for this… okay?” he said and Jiyong nodded, moving his sight to Chaerin. The girl looked scared and tired, and sick, of course. Seungri was telling her that nobody is angry and she should eat and sleep but she declined, shaking her head and crying, telling them that Jingyo oppa was angry at her. Seungri looked at him, then at Daesung, his eyes pleading.

 

Daesung sighed and talked to Jiyong in a low voice, “Can you… help us? She’ll only listen to you… just try to forget what we said earlier and act normal at her, ask her to eat and rest and then we can talk everything out.” Daesung pleaded.

 

Without a word Jiyong stood up and came closer to the bed where Chaerin was in, he could see she pulled up her blanket to hide herself from him, “Oppa, I’m sorry… please don’t be angry, please…” she whimpered.

 

Jiyong sat beside her on the bed and her hair, “Who said oppa is angry?” he questioned with a smile on his face, “We were just practicing, you know, for a theatrical act.” He explained, and deep down he laughed at himself for making such a lousy excuse, who would buy it?

 

“Really?” Chaerin asked with a small voice, apparently she bought it. He knew she wasn’t the one people see as the Queen, nor was she the Chaerin he got the chance to work on a project with. This Chaerin, there was something wrong with her, that much he knew. Now that he was right beside her he could feel the warmth emitting from her body, and the pale face was obvious, and he silently regretted shouting at her earlier.

 

He nodded, “Yes, really. Now you have to eat, okay? I’ll feed you.” He said, and Chaerin nodded eagerly.

 

Taeyang came with a bowl of porridge and let him feed Chaerin, “we’ll wait outside,” TOP said and he only nodded as they left the room.

 

***

Jiyong and the boys stayed at Chaerin’s house that night, there was no way they leave Chaerin alone, plus her house has like gazilions of room for they to stay in. They showed him a room, his room, they said. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, the room felt familiar. And as he tried to sleep that night, he found himself staring at the ceiling, the conversations with the Kings kept replaying in his head.

 

He tried to connect the dots, and he knew everything started making sense. How his mother knows Chaerin, why she cares about her wellbeing so much.

 

“You’re a part of us, Jiyong-ah, you always are. Chaerin introduced you to us.”

 

“We didn’t mean to hide anything from you, Ji, really. But we thought it would be better if you just forget what happened, they were… unpleasant…”

 

“Never show your angry face in front of her anymore,”

 

“Chaerin was the one with you when the accident happened; she was the one who took the blow real hard, especially when you were in a coma for almost a month. She spent the rest of her holiday in the hospital, waiting for you, telling you stories of what happened when you were in a comma,”

 

“You guys were kind of having an argument that day, you were angry at her and before she could apologize, it happened.”

 

 “Why do you think a girl like her doesn’t have many friends?”

 

“Stop asking her who is she, it hurts her a lot, it was the first sentence you ask her when you woke up. You were her only hope, her source of strength.”

 

 “When she lost you, she lost everything, including herself,”

 

“Isn’t it sad? She waited for you to wake up and when you did, you asked her that question, she passed out instantly.”

 

“She didn’t wake up for a week.”

 

“Chaerin, you see… she wasn’t exactly... stable… You know. She might look like she is, but she really isn’t. I mean, how could she? You might not understand it but… you two, in an accident together; you lost your memories, , right? But can you imagine being her? She saw and remembers everything, she waited for you to wake up, and when you finally did… you couldn’t remember her.”

 

“She lost her parents in that accident.”

 

I will wait that day when you can find your way
Out of this maze of love
and you can laugh to see cries and lies
‘Cause you know better than me, only the truth will set you free

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Author's note

/cries

it's such a failure, right? I tried my best to make it... dramatic, but I guess I failed miserably /sigh

anyways...

Aren't I being so kind? Here's an update! Yay! And it's kinda long, right? Well, at least it's longer. Plus I answered some questions, right? Wait... let me think again, did I? Really? heh... /evil smile

Okay, now that I'm being kind... you should repay me, right? Fill that comments section with hundreds of comments! It's a command! Heh... okay, kidding, but... please? /puppy eyes