Tears ran down his lover’s beautiful pale cheeks, tinted with a pale pink as the sadness and anger reflected in his eyes. Jonghyun watched in shock as Onew cried openly in front of him; the strong leader, crumbling before him in a sobbing mess. He didn’t know what he had done to make this happen, to see his leader so broken. But he wanted to make things better; Onew was never one to break in front of his dongsaengs, he was meant to be strong. It was heartbreaking to see his leader in such a state as they stood in Onew’s room.

“Hyung...” Jonghyun wanted to break the silence, the thick tension in the air. He wanted to do anything just to try and find out what was clearly bothering his older lover.

Onew sniffled and wiped his tears away with the heels of his palms in an attempt to regain some composure. “You don’t even realise do you?”

“Realise what? Please hyung, I want to fix whatever it is that I’ve done. Please yeobo, just... just tell me.” The younger boy begged as he tried to step closer to the crying leader.

Onew took a step back, holding out his hand in a silent plea for Jonghyun to stay back; to stay away from him. There was a tense silence once more as Onew finally began to calm down again.

With a shaky voice, that he had tried to mask, Onew spoke. “I... I think we should b-break up.”

Shock overloaded Jonghyun’s system, stunning him into silence. Why would his love, his beloved, his one and only, want to break up with him? Why was Onew not happy anymore? Was it something he said? Did he go too far with the chicken jokes? Was playfully shoving him on variety shows going too far? Clearly something had happened for his once supposedly happy lover to do a complete emotional three-sixty. Jonghyun stood stunned, analysing his lover’s words over and over again in his head, before trying to make any attempt at speaking.

Onew was breaking, he was more than breaking; he was disintegrating. He had, had enough of Jonghyun’s flirting. At first he had pretended that he was fine when he was spending time with Krystal and Luna and Jessica but he just couldn’t bear it anymore. Seeing his lover laughing and smiling with girls  was difficult.

Am I not enough for him? Is he sick of me now? What’s wrong with me?

He tried to change for his younger lover; he changed his wardrobe, he changed his hairstyle, he changed his exercise habits. He had done everything he could think of to try and make Jonghyun stay, but it just wasn’t enough for the younger boy.

Fine, if he’s not happy anymore, Onew thought to himself, I’ll end it before he does. At least then he won’t feel guilty when he’s with those girls.

“Wae?” Jonghyun’s voice broke through his train of thought as his tears dried up.

Onew took a deep breath, the leader facade put back in place. “I think its for the best that we don’t do this anymore. I don’t think its good for our image, for your image. The last thing I want to do is hurt your career unintentionally by being your lover. I’ll hand you back the things you gave me. Just... just try to forget any of this happened. Its for the best.”

Jonghyun shook his head as he felt his throat constricting, finally bursting out. “What did I do?! Hyung, please... I’m sorry for whatever I did, just... I need to know what I did. I need to know why you’re not happy anymore.”

Onew pulled out the drawer in his bed side table, pulling out several items that he swore he would treasure forever. The ticket stub from their first movie together, the white gold bracelet Jonghyun had given him as a gift for the six months, the couple ring that they chose together. Shoving them in a plastic bag along with several other items that Onew would rather not see, he ed the bag into Jonghyun’s hands. He never made eye contact with the young vocalist as he grabbed a jacket and fled from the scene, leaving a confused and hurt Jonghyun in his wake.

Jonghyun stood, looking dazedly at the plastic bag in his hands. He stared at it for several moments, letting the words of his apparent former love sink into his mind. Opening the bag slowly, Jonghyun pulled out a handful of items. The rabbit keychain he won for him from the ‘rigged’ claw machine. The polaroid of the selca they took together on their second monthsary. 

And the couple ring.

He looked down at his right hand, realising that he didn’t have the matching silver band on his finger. Placing the bag and the items in his hands on the bad, he felt around his pockets looking for the ring. He panicked.

Was this why Onew hyung broke up with me? Because I didn’t wear the couple ring?

These thoughts were accompanied by flashes of memories and moments in time where he had denied their relationship. Times his hyung would have been particularly upset after were... when he had just finished talking to a girl.

Racing after his hyung, he tried to think of where Onew would run off to and what he would say to make it up to him.

--

Onew sat, downing another shot of soju and slammed the shot glass onto the low coffee table. Joon watched as his dongsaeng tried to drown himself in the alcohol before him, but he knew that it was going to take a lot more than soju to get Onew wasted.

“Yah, Onew-yah,” Joon began. “What happened? I’ve never seen you like this before.”

Onew threw back another shot, placing the glass down on the table an exhaled loudly. “I broke up with Jonghyun.”

Joon’s eyes widened comically as he watched Onew throw back another shot he had poured himself. “Wae?! Because of those girls? Aish, jinjah!”

Onew nodded and sighed, the alcohol having next to not effect on his system yet. He wanted a night to just forget about everything, especially Jonghyun. He didn’t notice when Joon had left to answer the door, but he did notice the familiar voice asking about his whereabouts.

“Please Hyung, I need to know where he’s gone. I need to talk to him.”

Onew looked at his hyung and shook his head fervently, but it was too late. Jonghyun was already bowing his gratitude as he took off his shoes and walked into the MBLAQ dorm. The younger vocalist looked around the dorm in curiosity before his eyes landed on the coffee table covered in bottles of soju and packets of pork crackling, and then Onew himself. Jonghyun had never seen his Onew drunk, but he was certain that his leader was on the brink of getting trashed; the number of bottles on the table were enough to go by.

“I’m gonna go get more crackling, I’ll be right back.” Joon informed as he put on his shoes and left hurriedly.

The two sat in a relative silence as Onew continued to drink, moreso pour the alcohol into his system. Jonghyun watched in horror as his hyung seemed unaffected by the alcohol content in his body. It was when the younger boy had, had enough of watching his hyung drown himself in the drink when he reached up and grabbed his hyung’s wrist, preventing him from throwing back the shot.

“Let go, I can do what I want.” Onew grumbled as he struggled to free his wrist out of his dongsaeng’s grip.

Jonghyun shook his head, his grip loosening only slightly. “Andwe.”

Onew put the shot down with a huff, ripping his wrist away from Jonghyun’s grip when the younger finally let up. The younger boy seemed to smile a little at the fact that he had stopped drinking.

“I thought I told you to forget about everything. I’m your hyung you have to listen to me.” Onew spat, the alcohol finally taking its toll on his body.

Jonghyun smirked a little, looking down into his lap. “I was never one to listen though was I? I’m apparently pretty blind too as well as deaf.”

Onew sat confused, the soju messing with his head slightly as he tried to process this new riddle of information. He clutched his hair, squeezing his eyes shut at the pain and effort it took to process information. He sensed movement around him and soon felt gentle arms being placed around his shoulders, worry emanating from Jonghyun’s body.

“I need to sober up. My head hurts.” He grunted as he attempted to get up.

“Sit. I’ll make you some coffee.” Jonghyun whispered softly into his ear, trying not to add any more pain to his apparent headache.

He deliberated disobeying and walking out the door, but the pounding in his head simply put that campfire out. Keeping still, he felt Jonghyun’s warmth leave him, listening to the sound of the kettle boiling and the strong scent of coffee filling the dorm that soon followed. He felt his heartache at the thought that this was all sympathy, that Jonghyun only cared about him as a friend, not as a lover anymore. Tears welled in his eyes again, blurring his remaining vision as quiet sobs wracked through his body. The little voice in his head piped up taunting and jeering him like it had so many times before.

Pathetic. Why would he love you? You’re fat and ugly and stupid and no-one will ever love you. ESPECIALLY Kim Jonghyun.

Onew stuffed his fist into his mouth to muffle his whimpering as he cried harder. His body shuddered as he continued to cry, his heart filled with pain as the voice continued on.

Ugly. Pathetic. Loser. Fat. Stupid.

When Jonghyun had finished making the coffee, he had walked back in silently into the small ‘living room.’ The mug in his hand threatened to slip as he watched in horror and sadness as his hyung completely broke once more. The older man look shattered as his body was afflicted with almost silent sobs. Jonghyun strode over to his hyung and placed the mug on the table, wrapping his arms around the elder and soothed him as best he could.

“I-I’m not enough for you am I? I’m n-not good enough for a-anyone am I?” Onew sobbed as he cried into his hands.

Jonghyun hushed him, placing his chin atop of Onew’s head and rubbing comforting circles on his back.

“I love you more than anything. You are so perfect Jinki hyung. Yeobo, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you insecure. I’m sorry for not realising it beforehand. I’m sorry for making you feel like you aren’t good enough. I’m sorry for making you feel like this. I’m sorry for making you cry. Jwehsonghamnida.” Jonghyun whispered as he continued to comfort his leader.

Onew shook his head, his cries dying down only slightly. “I’m n-not worth it. I’m ugly and fat and pathetic and stupid and--”

“And beautiful and amazing and smart and perfect just the way you are.” Jonghyun finished for him, pulling away to look his hyung in the eye. “I don’t want to ever hear you say that about yourself ever again, arachi? Never again. You are so worth it. I love you so much.”

The older boy sniffled, wiping at his nose and not once looking the younger in the eye.

“I love you hyung. So much. It hurts me to think that you don’t want to be together anymore. But if that’s what you want...” He couldn’t find it in him to say ‘then I’m okay with that’. Because Jonghyun wasn’t okay with it, he was shattered because of it.

Onew mumbled out his words as he wiped away with tears. “Just... just tell me you love me again. I just... I need to hear you say it again, please jagiya.”

Jonghyun smiled a little at the pet name, happily saying it. “Jinki-hyung, yeobo, Dubu. Saranghamnidah. Jeongmal saranghamnidah.”

Onew sighed in relief, the pain in his chest and heart had disappeared completely. Leaning his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder, he let himself be held in his dongsaeng’s arms. The voice in his head had been smothered once more as Jonghyun muttered sweet nothings into his ear and place gentle kisses to his hair and forehead.

“Yah, if you guys are making out or getting it on, you have ten seconds before I come in to be decent!” Came Joon’s voice through the door.

The couple chuckled as Joon burst through the door and sighed in relief at the innocent scene. They walked home that night hand in hand, smiling to themselves about nothing at all. It was when they got home that Jinki realised that Jonghyun had putt the items in the plastic bag back in his drawer.

“I just have one thing to give you.” Jonghyun spoke suddenly, pulling something from his pocket.

Onew watched as the young vocalist bent down on one knee and held out the couple ring that was his.

“I’m not perfect, I flirt unintentionally, I’ve made you cry and I’ve hurt you. But Jinki, will you forgive me and take me back?” Jonghyun asked with pleading eyes, his own matching silver band on his right ring finger.

Onew smiled shyly. “Of course I do, you dinosaur.”

Jonghyun grinned, sliding the sparkling ring on his lover’s finger and standing once more. He connected their lips in a sweet and gentle kiss, reveling in how well their lips fit together. Onew forced himself not to smile and break the kiss, he cherished moments like this. He didn’t care about being perfect anymore, or trying to be better than the girls.

Because Jonghyun loved him... and that’s all that mattered.