they're getting nowhere
Blue Reflections
Christmas has never been important to Jinki’s family, but it has always been a major holiday for Minho’s family. Jinki used to joke about it with Minho, but he doesn’t take teasing too well. Well, he takes it. That’s not what he wants though, he always wants Minho to back, mocking him for his blasphemy and how he’ll go to hell and they’d have a good, fun session about religion and what it means.
Now that Jinki thinks about it, the depth of their relationship has come from being neighbors all their lives and soccer. And now that soccer is out of the equation, all they have is proximity.
They talk about grades now, the latest test, how the second essay for their history exam was a killer. Jinki wants to talk about other things, he always has, but the two of them never seem to be on the same wavelength. It hurts.
Taemin and Minho grow closer and Minho starts dropping his name casually in conversations, about how Taemin said this about that and it’s driving Jinki up the wall. He doesn’t want to hear about Taemin.
...
Progress is progressing. Taemin, if all else, has a positive attitude, and even if Jinki stares at him with less then a friendly look in his eye, at least Jinki’s bothered by him. This hadn’t been the original plan, but he hadn’t counted on Minho falling in love with him. The boy doesn’t realize it, but Taemin has seen enough infatuated stares to understand that Minho’s trailing gazes on his hands and the slight catch in his breath.
He knows for sure that he doesn’t want that sort of infatuation from Jinki; that’d be boring. That sort of love disappears easily and Taemin always wants something that will last ages. If he were a bit more of the romantic type, he’d want songs written about how much they loved each other, but he’s not. And neither is Jinki, really. Jinki’s practical, down to earth, and one of the most easy going people Taemin has ever seen.
Sometimes he wonders why it was Jinki and if he’s a masochist and both questions are answered with the distrust in his eyes. It’s been a long time since he’s seen that look.
...
Jinki would be forever happy if he never had to see Taemin and Minho again. Both of them, separately and together. He had quit stalking them and resorted to studying by himself in his room. His walls are covered with soccer players and he knows all their stats.
He can see Minho’s room from his window. He’s on the second floor, and his is on the first. Over winter break, he sees the two of them in there, sitting at the desk Minho pulled by the window. He sees them laughing, joking and Taemin gently pointing things out. He sees Minho’s bent head and the winter light catches on his curls.
Jinki studies in the living room after that.
...
The year is almost coming to a close and they’re almost seniors. The thought is a little frightening for Taemin, because he’s scared of the future. After high school they have to go to college and then after college they have to get jobs and support themselves. He wants to live with his parents, who coddle him, forever.
He’s a spoiled brat at times. He knows this. It doesn’t stop him though.
...
On accident, Jinki runs into the two of them heading home one day. As he and Minho live in the same direction, it’s not much of a surprise to run into him, but Taemin is by his side. For once, Taemin looks directly at him.
Their eyes meet. Jinki is the first to look away. Minho is oblivious.
Jinki wishes Minho wasn’t oblivious and could see that Jinki is starting to drown in things that were and things that never will. Why can’t he have Minho’s talent? He’s sure that Minho is thinking the same thing about him. It’s not a comforting thought.
Their walk is, for the most part, quiet. Minho points out the budding oak tree down the hill and Taemin responds with interest, though Jinki bets that he’s more fascinated by the contrast of the stark brown and the dull blue sky.
Just a guess, and when Jinki glances over at Taemin, their eyes meet and he knows he was right.
...
Things can’t be perfect, but Taemin knows that they can get pretty close. He knows this because he loves the way that Jinki’s eyes reflect the brown of the earth, showing just how grounded he is. They’re opposites and that’s what gets to him. Taemin wants to be up in the sky and Jinki never even looks up, refusing to let himself dream unnecessarily.
Taemin would like to meet Jinki’s parents one day. He wants to see what Jinki’s room looks like, what kind of furniture he has and sit side by side on his bed.
Minho’s room makes him uncomfortable, because he sees a disconnect between the room and Minho. Somehow Taemin doubts that Jinki is so disconnected from himself that his room wouldn’t reflect who he is.
...
He plays a game of avoidance and the other plays a game of tag. Jinki can see that, in how Taemin now starts hanging out by Jinki’s desk during lunch and study periods. Taemin is chasing him and Jinki’s scared. He doesn’t like being chased; he’s more the prey type, the moment he senses danger he dashes off. And the skinny kid, with hair that highlights his pale, slender neck, reeks of it.
It’s still cold outside. It’s almost the end of February and Minho is ecstatic with the improvement of his grades. Taemin is not similarly enthused, as he still has not beaten Jinki. It’s weird that Jinki can read Taemin so well, but he tells himself that it’s just because Taemin is so easy to read. He lets everything out on his face. Jinki thinks he should learn how to control that.
...
The last day of school is there before he knows it and Taemin is already nostalgic for the days of when he had first arrived. He’s scared of more than the future: he’s scared that his parents will uproot him once more, send him literally packing. He’s not ready for that to happen, not since this is the most fun he’s had for some years.
He lingers by Jinki’s desk, hoping that maybe he’ll say something to him, but Minho is there as well. It’s hard to just stare at Jinki and admire his adam’s apple and cheekbones with him there.
The school year ends with Minho confessing to him, right at the entrance to the train station. Someone accidentally brushes by him, almost pushing him over. Minho reaches out to steady him but Taemin steps back, shaking his head.
“I can’t tutor you anymore,” he tells Minho, who’s large eyes are staring at him. “Have a good break.”
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