A Lukai oneshot

Word count: 2,427

Genre: Fluff, Angst (?)

Situation: Luhan was avoiding Jongin.

Four: Confession 

Kim Jongin was sitting alone in his room and staring blankly at the wall again.

It was the sixth day after EXO-M had just ended their promotions and returned back to Korea.

It wasn’t that he was avoiding his fellow members; it was just that he was in a bad mood.

The reason why?

Luhan was avoiding him, in a manner that wasn’t exactly subtle. Jongin thought at first that that Luhan was just taking his time to approach him, seeing that the elder male also missed the other members of EXO-K. But after five days of no interaction other than some occasional awkward glances, Jongin decided that Luhan was indeed ignoring him for some mysterious reason. Which was utterly confusing for the dancing machine; did he offend Luhan unknowingly?

Jongin sulked when he walked into the living room.

Luhan was with Sehun again, sitting on the couch watching television and being perpetually stuck together. They were best friends, Jongin knew that but he couldn’t help but feel jealous of the maknae. Jongin loved and cared Sehun like an overly clingy best friend, he really did, because the youngest was the cutest person he ever knew. And Luhan was probably the nicest hyung in EXO to Jongin, the elder always seemed to be there to support him regardless on reasons. However when it came to both Sehun and Luhan, Jongin was nothing. He was nothing, practically invisible, completely irrelevant and completely ignorable to the internationally famous Hunhan.

Jongin hated that feeling of being ignored.

Jongin stalked back to his room, hiding away from any more possible irritable sights.

Jongin also stubbornly stayed in bed and sulked the whole day away.

The next evening.

Almost six days of no interaction with Luhan.

Jongin finally had enough of waiting and decided to take initiative.

He took a deep preparatory breath before knocking on Luhan’s bedroom door.   

“Come in, the door isn’t locked.” The elder called out, which Jongin did.

“…Hello hyung.” The younger male began awkwardly when Luhan looked at him.

“Hi Jongin.” Luhan smiled but Jongin could feel the reluctance and tension behind the grin.

“I need to talk with you.” Jongin implored seriously and sat down beside Luhan before he could reply. “Hmm? What is it about?” Luhan mumbled shortly as he fidgeted slightly, like he was repulsed about being so close to the younger male. Jongin was now totally sure that Luhan was avoiding him on purpose.

“Why are you ignoring me?” The question shot out of Jongin’s mouth; crudely sudden, straight to the point and shocking. Luhan gasped softly in surprise before looking away from the younger male embarrassedly, an ashamed blush rising in his cheeks. “Jongin, wh-whatever gave you the idea that I was ignoring you?” Luhan stuttered nervously, trying to hide his nervousness but failing terribly. “I was just-”

“Hyung, stop denying! You are ignoring me!” Jongin interrupted sharply, an irritated frown appearing on his face; it was painfully obvious that Luhan was indeed avoiding the younger. “I know you and Sehun are best friends, but there wasn’t a need to completely ignore me! Don’t get me wrong, I’m utterly fine with you being super-glued to Sehun but please tell me, did… did I offend you or something? We’ve never spoken to each other since EXO-M came back to Korea!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong- It’s just Sehun and I-” Luhan frowned as he tried to explain.

“Then why are you avoiding me?” Jongin questioned with a soft desperation.

“No… I’m not avoiding you – it’s just – I, you don’t understand – can we just stop talking about this…” Luhan was flustering and bordering on being stressfully distressed, but Jongin also noticed a small detail that bothered him immensely; there were tears, Luhan’s eyes were glistening with unshed wetness. “Why don’t we have some fun and go out now? Hyung will treat you to something nice.” The elder plastered on a forced grin smile and moved towards the door; though Jongin grabbed Luhan by his elbow before he could leave.

At first contact, a tremble shook Luhan’s body and Jongin instantly let go.

The younger gasped in surprise before weakly muttering. “I didn’t think that you found me disgusting.”

“God, no I don’t!” Luhan’s jaw dropped while his face paled slightly. “How could I ever find you disgusting?!”

“Then what?!” Jongin spat out, the elder’s collar. “Why don’t you tell me-”

“I’m the disgusting one, not you!” Luhan shouted fiercely, a pained expression erupting on his face.

“Huh?” The younger relaxed before softening his vice grip on the other’s collar. “Why?”

“Because you will hate me if tell you…”

“No I won’t, please Luhan hyung, tell me.” Jongin assured gently, trying to get Luhan to look at him.

The elder male shuffled his feet nervously before glancing back at Jongin with uncertainty.

Luhan’s was tearing silently now, warm wetness staining his cheeks.

“I’ve fallen in love with you, Kim Jongin.”

And the said male tensed up at the unexpected confession. A dizzying shock took over Jongin as his mind started to cloud over with warring thoughts. I didn’t hear wrongly did I? Luhan hyung said that he loved me, oh , he said that he had fallen in love with me! Jongin’s mouth gaped opened for a full minute before he stupidly decided to glare at the elder male who was completely vulnerable at the moment. Surprise, fear and confusion had completely stolen away Jongin’s rationality; how could he even react properly? “Wha-What? You can’t love me that way, it’s wrong!”

I know.” Luhan’s heart swelled with emotional hurt while his lips started to quiver badly. “I know that…. Which is why I’m avoiding you, which is why I’m trying to erase these feelings… I’m sorry Jongin – I just am really sorry for hurting you but I…I couldn’t help myself…” The elder male sobbed silently as he lowered his head away from Jongin, unable to face him anymore longer. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for ing up our relationship-”

“Hell yeah. You ed up alright.” Jongin breathed heavily, shaking his head in denial.

“I’m sorry, I’m really… really sorry for avoiding you, especially for loving you, I know you feel this is wrong but-”

“I don’t feel this is wrong, I know it is wrong!”  The younger roared. “It’s ing wrong… this isn’t happening, it isn’t happening!”“

“Jongin… I… just give me some time-”

“Time? What do you even need time for? We’ll never be together!”

Jongin shot out his words like a string of relentless attacks at Luhan, making him wince.

“I know that! I just – I just ing need some - some time to get over it!” The elder male screams hoarsely while frustrated tears were running down his face in a continuous stream. “I know it’s ed up! Just give me some time! I will forget it okay? I just-”

“Hyung…” Jongin’s soft and desperate whisper interrupted Luhan. “I can’t love you…” It was too much for Luhan to handle, hearing the boy who he loved so much say that. His heart was broken, it was completely and utterly broken by a five words; it felt like a thousand needles had just impaled themselves onto his body. “Jongin… just, I … excuse me.” The elder male manages to mumble out between broken sobs before running out from the room to lock himself in the dorm bathroom and to cry alone.

Jongin sees the pain that flashes in Luhan’s tearing eyes and a huge wave of sudden regret overwhelms him. Oh god, what have I just done? I’ve hurt the most wonderful hyung that loves me unconditionally! But Jongin doesn’t do anything to stop the elder male, he couldn’t do anything other than just watching Luhan run out from the room; he had just hurt Luhan in the cruellest way possible.

“I’m sorry… I’m really sorry…” Jongin stutters out after being left alone.

But it was too soft for Luhan to hear. 

--

The event that hits Jongin later at night wasn’t a surprise.

In actual fact, he had been expecting to be confronted by the best friend much earlier.

“Luhan loves you, do know how much you had ing hurt him by rejecting him?!”

Jongin remained silent under Sehun, who had angrily woken him up from a fitful sleep. The maknae was glaring daggers and holding Jongin’s collar aggressively. The guilt in Jongin’s heart is incredibly overwhelming; every single moment of being awake reminded him of Luhan, of how terrible he had been to the elder male. Jongin doesn’t like the feeling, he is sick of it, he is completely digested and tired of it, yet a part of him is afraid. He’s afraid because Luhan had just turned his life upside down, Jongin feels helpless and he just wants to run away from the situation at hand — it’s too confusing and difficult for him. And Jongin doesn’t understand why he was so affected by Luhan’s confession earlier in the day.

“Kim Jongin! ANSWER ME!” Sehun is shaking him by the shoulders violently.

“Stop shouting so loudly, you are going to wake the rest from their sleep and my ears hurt –”

Jongin winced when the maknae punched him in the face hard, causing his head to snap to the side.

“-I admit that I deserved to be hit but that still hurts a lot.” Jongin mumbled softly while nursing his jaw.

Sehun started bite his lower lip apologetically once he realised what he done. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you, I was just so-”

“Mad? Angry? Furious? Irritated? Frustrated? Disgusted?”

“… Yeah.” The next thing that happens takes Sehun by surprise though.

Jongin is suddenly crying and shaking, looking wholly broken and excruciatingly fragile.

And the maknae pulls him close into a hug before they laid together in silent comfort until Jongin quietens slightly.

“I’m the most horrible person on earth.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“I’m the most stupid person on earth.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“I’m the most worthless person on earth.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“I’m the most despicable -” Jongin is silenced by Sehun who squeezed shut his babbling lips with a hand.

“You aren’t that person, Jongin, so stop ing crying and telling yourself those lies, that you are that person.”

“How can you say that? Luhan, he’s hurt-” A sob chokes Jongin. “I just- what is happening to me?!”

The maknae sighs tiredly before staring directly into Jongin’s eyes - wasn’t it obvious?

“You are acting this way because you’re sorry, because you’re guilty and... mostly because you love Luhan too.”

Jongin stops crying and looks at Sehun with mute disbelief. “Wha-”

“You love Luhan, don’t deny it. So fix this mess.”

The next morning.

When Jongin sees Luhan for the first time during next day, it was during breakfast. The elder male was walking around the dorm kitchen, fixing himself a cup of coffee while chewing on a buttered sliced of waffles. Luhan was humming a cheery tune; practically skipping around the room and being unexpectedly happy like the badly concluded confession with the dancing machine from EXO-K didn’t even happen yesterday. Taking a deep breath to ready himself, Jongin moved towards Luhan with hesitant footsteps.  “Hyung, I-”

“Jongin! Do you want some of my breakfast?” Luhan grinned almost too brightly, it seemed forced and unnatural. “…No and I’m not exactly in the mood for food,” Jongin mumbled seriously, looking into Luhan’s eyes of endless mahogany. “I’m not a stupid guy who doesn’t understand anything, Luhan. How could you even be like this, pretending that nothing happened yesterday?”

“Then what do you want me to do? Cry in front of you again?” Luhan snapped, hating himself because frustrated tears where threatening to overflow from his eyes. “Because if that is what you want, it’s happening! The person I love so much probably hates me now, because I’m dumping my unwanted feelings on him. And I don’t want to see him because looking at him reminds me of-”

Luhan gasps breathlessly, freezing in place when Jongin’s lips descended on his mouth. “Jongin…” Luhan whispered softly as the younger male started to move his mouth, sensually but albeit awkwardly. A cloud on calmness relaxes Luhan and stops him from continuing his emotionally charged babbling; instead he lets some relieved tears escape when Jongin melts completely into the kiss. The two of them didn’t stop until their lips were fully abused and stolen of air. “Wha-”

“What just happened?” Luhan asked, with a sound that was a mix of a sob and a chuckle.

“I just… kissed a guy for the first time.” Jongin grinned embarrassedly. “And I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise…” Luhan whispered, still recovering from disbelief.    

“But I want to, Luhan.” Jongin spoke firmly and calmly with a gentle smile, while cupping the other male’s left cheek affectionately. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry for not accepting your feelings yesterday… I didn’t mean to hurt you at all… Did you know how I felt when I saw you running away while crying?” Luhan shook his head silently and the younger male laughed lightly. “I felt bad, incredibly bad, like my heart was being ripped into half. I couldn’t understand why I was hurting so much.”

“Oh.” Luhan simply nodded to show that he was listening, he was unsure of the proper way to respond. “I was scared, because it was you who was confessing to me, the best hyung in the world. It’s stupid but I was afraid-” Jongin paused shortly, rubbing at the back of his neck with a hand nervously. “-Because our friendship totally changed after the confession, it’s kind of ed up but I was afraid of ruining our relationship… because I couldn’t handle having the new …uh, experience of having a guy saying that he loved me… and I freaked out I guess.”

“I was afraid of hurting you because I didn’t know how to react, so I said all those things about not being able to accept you. And you know what, after I saw you running out of your room with hurt tears, it turns out that I was hurting myself too... because I…I was in love with you too... and I didn’t realise that at that time-”

“Kim Jongin, I-”           

“Besides, kissing you is kind of nice.”

Luhan blushed at the shameless remark from Jongin.

“What was it that you wanted to say again?”

“Kim Jongin, I’m so ing helplessly in love with you.”

Luhan confessed again, a happy tear streaking down his face.

“I feel the same way about you too.”