A Sehun-Luhan oneshot 

Word count: 8,846

Genre: Angst

Situation: Luhan's limited time.

Mood, play it while reading: Nell - Slip Away (Thanks to Mysteriousshadow, it might not be the song you requested but I found a new singer I like, Nell is fantastic!)  

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Three: Slip Away 

 

Sehun kisses Luhan, filled with gentleness as he cuddles closer to the elder male, ever lovingly while their legs tangled beneath the blankets. Turning towards him, Luhan smiles brightly, a warm fuzzy feeling in his heart – there was probably no other more romantic and blissful moment that could be compared to this. A quiet morning, two lovers in bed, completely exposed, worriless and in each other’s comfort. Luhan kisses back, soft lips pushing on Sehun’s lips, a buzz of passion behind them as tongues swiped together.

 

A weightless feeling takes over Sehun, tension and soreness from his muscles completely swept away from the action of just simply kissing Luhan. The elder male trembles slightly at the familiar warm and languid pace Sehun was taking. It’s was in the midst of EXO’s promotion break, so they had all the time in the world to spend. Glancing into each other’s eyes, both Sehun and Luhan could see the blessed glow in each other, thankful smiles beautifully etched on their faces as they exchanged sweet whispers of ‘I love you’s.

 

Luhan suddenly starts coughing, hoarsely and in powerful fits as he covers his own mouth. Sehun furrows his eyebrows together in worry, rubbing the elder male’s back in attempt to sooth him. “Sorry, Sehun.” Luhan apologizes between heaving, breaths his body slightly folding over in discomfort. “Don’t be sorry, you did nothing wrong.” The younger male mutters determinedly, holding Luhan in a tight hug when he recovers from the fit of painful sounding coughs. “Since when do you cough like that hyung?”

 

“I’m just sick with a bad cough.” Luhan smiles weakly in Sehun’s embrace, trying to calm his concerned lover. Luhan looks into his own hand with mute shock, stunned by the almost invisible reddish tint of smeared crimson. He wipes the blood away before Sehun could see it. Luhan knows that he should tell him, but he doesn’t want to worry Sehun, so he just keeps quiet and snuggles closer to the younger male for comfort. Sehun sighs at the pleasant warmth before pressing his lips onto the elder’s forehead, trailing a shower of butterfly kisses onto the male.   

 

There was something wrong with Luhan’s body.

 

18 February.

 

It was a ing sick joke.

 

Luhan nearly stumbled over when he stepped into the empty dorm, his legs were weak and wobbly, unable to support his weight. Why? Why did this happen to me? He questioned mentally, bitter tears running down his cheeks when the memory of the doctor's words came back to him. ing hell, this is so wrong! Luhan cursed, painfully rubbing away at the salt droplets that had pooled up in his eyes; not caring about how much it hurt. The male screams, he screams in a hoarse roar at everything, venting his frustrations.

 

Luhan wanted to be alone, shying away from everyone who approched him.

 

27 Februrary.

 

At the beach, Sehun was playing a game of Frisbee with Kai and Baekhyun, laughing when the tanned dancing machine’s head got hit unfortunately by the flying disk. Kai whines and shoots an unamused glare towards the maknae, tackling Sehun onto the sand and tickling him for revenge. Sehun shrieks and cries out for Baekhyun to help him amongst fits of laughter. But instead of helping, the vocalist evilly joins up with Kai, descending fingers on Sehun and making him scream even more.

 

Luhan smiles at the sight despite the fact that his lover was being bullied, he knew that his fellow members were only joking around. After a few more screams of help, Luhan decided to interfere and moved closer to the three males who were rolling around on the sand, pulling out Sehun from the ticklish torture. “That’s enough you two, stop bullying my Sehun.” Kai rolled his eyes while Baekhyun chuckled amusedly when the maknae childishly stuck out his tongue at them.

  

Then, Luhan and Sehun were tasked to get drinks by the EXO leaders, which they did after collecting their wallets. Strolling to the nearest convenience store, the couple went hand in hand. “Can we get snacks too?” Sehun asks when the store came into sight.

“I’ll buy you all the snacks you want.” Luhan nods, chuckling when the simple sentence spread a huge smile onto Sehun’s face. They stepped into the air-conditioned store, smiling when the owner greeted them with a cheerful welcome. Soon, they got their snacks and drinks, ready to head back to the beach when a little girl and her pet dog passed by them.

“I think the dog likes you.” Luhan laughs when the golden retriever wagged its tail at Sehun. “I think the dog wants our snacks!” Sehun chuckles; lifting the plastic carrier of food he was carrying away from the dog’s reach. Bending down, he patted the little girl’s dog affectionately. “Sorry, but this food is for me and Luhannie.”

The little girl then innocently looked up to Luhan, tilting her head. “Are you Luhannie?”

“Yes, I am.” Luhan grins, bending down next to Sehun to pat the dog too.

 

“You two are really cute together.” She smiles, hugging her furry pet. “Even more than my doggie.”

Sehun blushes shyly, laughing when he heard the little girl’s honest opinion.

Luhan smiles, looping his arm around the younger male’s shoulders.

 

Luhan's grin was hiding a hint of sadness.

 

4 March.

 

“I can keep going, really,” Luhan mumbles weakly, avoiding his fellow members’ look of concern.

“No, you need to rest.” Kris commands sternly, stopping the rehearsal music that was playing in the studio.

 

“Trust me, I can keep going-” Luhan protests, but he’s interrupted by Suho, who walks up to him with an unamused frown. “No, Luhan, stop arguing, you are really pale and we’re all worried for you and we all think that you need to back to the dorm and rest.” The usually nice leader of EXO-K spoke with an uncharacteristically stern firmness, who was backed up by all the other members who nodded agreeably. “Sehun, go back to the dorm too and make sure Luhan gets a good rest,” Kris instructs, calling on the maknae.

 

Luhan could only go back to the dorm, with no other choices as everyone was giving him an expectant stare, insistently willing him to take a rest. Sehun quickly packs up his bag, following the elder male out of the studio. He tries to talk with Luhan while walking back to the dorm together, but there wasn’t any response from the elder male, like he was doing it on purpose. Not that Luhan was doing it on purpose, it was just that his mind was too crammed with warring thoughts; he couldn’t hear Sehun over his internal conflict.

 

“Yah, hyung!” Sehun calls out irritably, waving his hand in front of Luhan.

“Oops, sorry.” Luhan apologizes down-castedly, sadly smiling at the younger male.

Sehun just sighs, moving to hold his lover’s hand. “Are you okay?”

 

Luhan nods silently, as his grip on Sehun’s hand tightened, like he was afraid to lose his lover.

 

14 March.

 

“You have to eat, Luhan!” Lay nearly shouts angrily, shocking everyone at the dining table. “I don’t why you are so anti-social these few days but you can’t starve yourself! I know that we are idols and that we need to watch our weight, but we still need to eat!” The main dancer of EXO-M exhales haggardly with a stern concern, pointing at the practically untouched food on Luhan’s plate. “You only took three bites of rice, how is that even a proper meal?!” 

 

“I have no appetite.”

 

Luhan closes his eyes for a few seconds, trying to control the sick nausea in his stomach at the sight of food. A throbbing headache was also hammering at his head, blurring Luhan’s vision. “I’m really not hungry and I’m not in the mood for a lecture about needing my proper nutrition.” He states nonchalantly, shooting Lay an irritated glare but instantly regretting it after.

 

Lay doesn’t say anything but gave Luhan a hurt look before silently walking away from the table, leaving his half eaten meal. An awkward silence descends amongst the members as Luhan bites his lower lip regretfully; Sehun gave Luhan a compelling look, nodding towards the hallway. “I’m sorry that you had to see that, guys. Please continue eating without me.” Luhan bows apologetically before leaving the table too.

 

“I’m sorry, Yixing, please come out?” Luhan whispers in chinese, knocking on Lay’s door.

The wooden door opens and the other male throws him a hug of forgiveness.

Luhan smiles sadly, holding in unshed hidden tears.

 

25 March.

 

“Hyung, you should really eat something.” Sehun states firmly, standing in front of the TV and blocking Luhan.

“But Sehun-” Luhan pouts adorably. “I do eat but I’m really not hungry.”

 

“Are you sure?” Sehun questions softly, immense tenderness and genuine concern audible in his voice, staring at the elder male as his attention differed to Luhan’s cheeks. They were thin and hollowed, depressed into the bone structure, making Sehun furrow his eyebrows. Luhan sighed before flashing a forced and too-bright smile to Sehun. “Yes, I’m sure.”

 

Sehun doesn’t believe him.

 

Luhan was getting to the point of being too skinny and it was worrying. “Hyung, I’m making lunch soon and you better eat or I’m going to stuff the food down your throat. Okay?” Sehun threatened seriously, raw emotion fuelling him. Luhan nodded reluctantly before waving a hand at the younger male, wanting him to stop blocking the television programme he was watching.

 

Luhan figured that Sehun’s cooking would be nice to eat.

 

10 April. 

 

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Luhan questioned, noting the stare he was receiving.

 

“Because I’m concerned for your well-being.” Sehun states with complete honesty, watching the elder male chew his food. Luhan chuckled lightly before taking a new bite of rice into his mouth, chewing in a hesitant manner like he was disgusted with food. At least he’s eating. Sehun reasoned mentally, observing as the elder male used his chopsticks; it frightened him how thin Luhan’s wrists were, they looked like they could snap any moment.

 

“Your birthday is coming soon.” Sehun piped up excitedly, smiling brightly.

“Yeah.” Luhan mumbles softly, managing a soft smile.

“Aren’t you excited for your special day?”

 

“I guess.” No, Luhan was anything but excited about the supposedly happy occasion.

Luhan dreaded having his birthday, it was a countdown to his days left. 

 

15 April.  

 

“Luhan hyung, you look really pale. Do you want to rest?” Tao questioned.

“No need, I’m fine-” Luhan broke off his speech, running quickly of the dance studio.

Sehun being the worried lover, followed the elder male, running quickly after him towards the washroom.

 

There was a sound of someone hoarsely vomiting and it scared Sehun. “Luhan, is that you?” The maknae called out repeatedly, searching for his hyung while pushing open every single cubicle. “Lu- Oh god! Luhan!” Sehun screamed, nearly collapsing in shock when he found Luhan, a sick churning rising in his gut at the scene of his lover’s limp body against a blood-stained toilet bowl. Was he dead? Tears began to form in Sehun’s eyes as a loud sob choked him, how did this even happen?  

 

“Sehun.” A hoarse whisper called out.

 

The maknae looks up with tear-blurred eyes, gasping when he sees Luhan talking. The elder male looked beyond terrible, his skin was haggard and pale, his eyes were dull and lifeless, but worst of all, his mouth and teeth were red, morbidly crimson. It doesn’t scare Sehun but it pained him incredibly. Luhan had vomited blood! “What happened hyung? Why are you so sick? Why didn’t you tell me?” The younger male sobbed, incoherently spewing accusatory questions at Luhan.

 

“I’m sorry Sehun. I’m sorry,” Luhan chants repeatedly, pearls of salt droplets mixing with his own blood as Sehun shook his shoulders violently. This was the reason why Luhan didn’t tell Sehun, he didn’t want to see the younger male cry. “I didn’t want you to cry Sehun-” Luhan’s voice got muffled when younger pulled him into a tight embrace. “I’m going to die soon.” Luhan whispered sadly with moist eyes, his pathetic tears dampening Sehun’s shoulder.

 

“Don’t ing say that!” Sehun cried angrily. “Don’t ing tell me that you are going to die! You are going to live Luhan, you are going to live!” The younger protested stubbornly, denying the truth that was presented to him. “No, Sehun… I really am going to die soon.” Luhan choked out hoarsely, a cough of blood staining Sehun’s shirt. The younger male just stared at the red on his shirt with disbelief.

 

That… is Luhan’s blood… he really is going to die…. “Why do you have to die so soon, Luhan?” Sehun cried, hugged the elder impossibly tighter; hurting them both, because Sehun could feel how terribly thinner Luhan was getting and because Luhan could see the trembling weakness that his arms shook with when he hugged the younger. “Why is life so cruel to you?”

 

“I don’t know…please keep this a secret from everyone, Sehun. I don’t want people to worry and I don’t want… to be kept in a hospital, living my last days there without the people I love…” Luhan begs desperately, ugly sobs shaking his entire body and Sehun just nods, trembling along with the elder male. “I won’t tell, I won’t tell anyone.” Sehun whispered weakly, pressing gentle kisses onto Luhan’s forehead to soothe him.

 

Sehun learns that Luhan had bronchitis.

A horrible disease that Luhan had for two years without even knowing.

 

16 April.

 

Luhan wakes up to the sound of Sehun crying.

The elder male cuddles closer to the maknae, trying to calm him.

 

“Why are you sick?”

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Why did you have to suffer alone?”

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Why were you hurting yourself by holding in the pain?”

“I’m sorry.” Luhan apologises for the fourth time, kissing Sehun on the mouth.

Luhan doesn’t have a definite answer to the questions, so he just apologises for not having one.

 

Luhan also apologises because Sehun was hurting and crying for him. The elder male just keeps quiet, hugging Sehun tightly as the younger wept a constant flow of tears; Luhan doesn’t tell him to breathe calmly, neither does Luhan tell Sehun that everything was going to be alright, because he knew it wasn’t. Luhan wants to say that it was going to be okay, but that would only be lying to himself and Sehun. And when the truth and stupidity of reality hits again, it was just going to hurt them more.

 

Luhan’s time was running out and he was still going to die.

 

20 April.

 

“Happy birthday Luhan!” A loud chorus sang happily, companied with celebratory applause.

Confetti and glittery streamers explode all over the place as the EXO members went to hug Luhan.

 

“Thank you all,” Luhan mutters softly, closing his eyes in the midst of the warm embrace. Everybody that cared for him was there; Suho, D.O, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kai, Sehun, Kris, Tao, Lay, Chen. Xiumin, Managers, Stylists, Cordi Noonas and even some of the SM sunbae-nims. “Thank you all so much…” Luhan whispers, trying to smile brightly but failing to do so miserably.

 

“Hyung, why are you crying?” Chanyeol asks cheerily, like the happy virus he is.

“I’m just really happy…” Luhan reaches out to ruffle the taller male’s hair, a small grin on his face.

 

Suddenly, Sehun brought up the cake with candles in front of Luhan, and the elder male paused as he sees the jubilant smile on the maknae’s face; somehow Sehun looked much happier compared to the past few days. Luhan thinks for quite a long time before making his birthday wish, he doesn’t really know what to wish for himself because there was nothing else he could want anymore, everything was already perfect enough. So Luhan just squeezes his eyes shut and blows.

 

He wishes for Sehun to find someone else who could be his new lover.

He also wishes for EXO to continue on and if they could, win a group of the year award too.

 

Soon, everybody leaves to party some more and Luhan opts to stay at the dorm with Sehun. The younger male cuddles up to Luhan on the living room couch and then began to quietly sing a song from their album, ‘What is Love’. Sehun his lips nervously when he felt the elder male tense up but nonetheless continued to sing, even if his chinese sounded completely horrible.

 

你如此完美, 突然我期待陪你走向的未来 

You’re perfect to me, I imagined, How would it be if we were together?

别把爱藏起来抓住幸福只要你能坦白oh baby

If only you say okay, everything is perfect, oh baby

I lost my mind 当你走进我视线 

I lost my mind, the moment I saw you.

 

就在你周围整个世界get in slow motion 请你告诉我如果这样就是爱 

Except you, everything get in slow motion Tell me, if this is love,

爱无所不在会让我忘记伤害 ,分担悲哀学习关怀

Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you

吵过哭过还能拥抱 , 请你告诉我如果这样就是爱

Fighting, crying and hugging, tell me, if this is love.

 

“Your chinese needs a lot of work, Sehunnie… your pronunciation is quite bad.” Luhan whispered, blinking away his tears secretly before pressing a gentle kiss onto his younger lover’s forehead. “You didn’t like my singing?” Sehun pouted, cutely frowning as he misunderstood the elder male. “I do, I like your singing, I love your singing-” Luhan mumbled brokenly, as his lips began quivering. “-I love everything about you, Sehun.”

 

“Don’t cry, hyung… I don’t like it.” Sehun smiles weakly, moving his head to kiss Luhan’s salt tears away. It was supposed to be reassuring and calming, but the soft lips of Sehun only served to strangle Luhan’s poor heart; choking and piercing multiple masses of disconfigured emotions into him. Why was this happening? Of all the seven billion people on earth, why did this happen? The elder male just starts crying even harder, curling up vulnerably to Sehun’s side. How could Luhan bear the thought of being without Sehun? What would happen to Sehun when he’s finally gone? How could life be so cruel to them?

 

At that moment, Sehun swears to prevent Luhan from crying anymore.        

 

27 April.

 

“Hyung! That was awesome! Iron man's suit is so cool! ... But I don't understand why Hulk is green though, he could be blue or orange and he-” Sehun rambled excitedly as he hopped about next to Luhan, who laughs at the maknae’s adorableness.

 

“What are we going to do next?” Sehun asked when he finished fanboying over ‘The Avengers’ movie they had just watched together. “Are you hungry hyung? Let’s go eat! I’m hungry!” Luhan chuckled when the younger male pulled his hand towards the mall directory map to look for food places. Sehun didn’t even give the elder male a chance to reply!

 

But Luhan just smiled happily, letting Sehun lead him with their interlocked hands. The elder male laughs when Sehun trips over his own feet at a corner, earning an annoyed glare from him. But soon, the maknae joins in laughing with Luhan, he supposed that he did indeed look silly when falling down.

 

3 May.

 

Luhan and Sehun were out on a date again.

This time, the couple were at the park having a nice evening stroll.

 

It’s the middle of spring and the roads are practically filled with flowers, which was to be expected for the season; piled upon the dew covered grass, floral scents whirled around in small spirals, sweeping the beautiful park; giving it an oddly romantic feel. Luhan gets a little tingly when a cold breeze blows past him, causing goosebumps to rise on his skin. But staying beside Sehun helped to keep him warm, the presence of the younger male seemed to make everything better.

 

Luhan gets surprised when Sehun suddenly kneeled down beside him.

“Sehun ah, what are you doing kneeling? You are dirtying your pants, get up!”

The younger male simply keeps quiet though, pulling a sliver ring out of his jeans pocket.

 

Luhan gasps when he sees the ring, and he’s unsure of the proper way to respond. “Sehun, are you doing what I think you are doing?” The elder male falters, feeling his legs go weak as Sehun slipped the ring onto his finger. “Please... keep it for someone else, I ca-can’t accept-” But before Luhan could protest anymore, Sehun had already silenced him with a kiss.

 

“I was planning to give you a ring much later, but now that you are ill-” Sehun whispers weakly, his voice trailing off as his breath mixed with Luhan’s. “-I’m going to give it to you now. It’s a promise ring, Luhan; that I’m going to always be with you, to always care for you. No matter what, I’ll always love you and-and… I’m sorry for making you cry.” The maknae chuckles, using his fingers to wipe at Luhan’s face.

 

“I’ll always love you, Sehun-”

 

Luhan presses his lips softly to the younger’s lips, pearls of tear droplets streaming down his closed eyes as he did so. They both knew what was going to happen in the future and Luhan just wishes that they could remain together forever, with no such thing as illnesses or tears, just happiness and simply, Oh Sehun.

 

“-to the end.”

 

4 May.

 

Luhan flies back to Beijing, China.

He stays there for a few days with his family members.

Luhan doesn’t tell them about his illness, they probably wouldn’t take it well.

Luhan doesn't know if he could ever see them again... they probably wouldn’t get to. 

 

9 May.

 

Luhan loses his strength to really speak.

It’s difficult for him to do even the simple things now.

Luhan’s bronchitis is getting worse, he gets more fatigued easily.

 

10 May.

 

Luhan gets paler and weaker, looking like he lacked ample sleep for many days.

It’s getting increasingly obvious that he was sick but he still had work to do.

Luhan coughs hoarsely before apologising profusely to the producer.

 

“Luhan! What are you doing? Your pitch and tone is terrible! Again!”

“Sorry Sir…” Luhan clears his throat, checking on the hand that was covering it.

Sehun throws him a worried look before meekly speaking to the producer. “He needs to rest, Sir.”

 

“Sehun, how am I going to meet the deadline if I let Luhan rest?! He had been having coughing fits since two hours ago, it isn’t my fault he doesn’t take proper care of himself! I have a job to do and Luhan is delaying the reccording for the new EXO album!” The producer yelled angrily, slamming a fist onto the table. The maknae falls silent, bearing the brunt of the producer’s wrath. Sehun apologises reluctantly and bows deeply; there was no point in reasoning when the music producer was in a bad mood.

 

Luhan caught Sehun’s eye and gave him a small appreciative grin.

The younger male smiles back, giving two thumbs-up to Luhan as encouragement.

There were traces of blood on Luhan’s hand; he wiped them away on his jeans.

 

14 May.

 

Luhan coughs up blood and faints during dance practice.

Everything stops and the male gets sent to the nearby hospital immediately.

The other EXO members finally learn that Luhan has bronchitis and they were angry for being kept in dark.

 

15 May.

 

Luhan has eleven visitors during lunch hour at the hospital.

He gets scolded by everyone, but they weren't angry; they were just shocked and sad.

Sehun looked at his fellow EXO members before his salt tears started to fall uncontrollably too.

 

Everybody was crying, they had a loved one that was terribly sick and they could do nothing about it.

Luhan cries along with them, it pained him immensely that they were hurting because of his terminal illness.

 

19 May.

 

Sehun knew it was late and after visiting hours, but he just wanted to see Luhan.

He could only hope that the elder male was still awake.

 

The younger male pauses lightly when he peeks through the glass window panel on the door. Luhan was sitting by the window, clutching his phone and looking longingly at the moonlit surroundings outside the hospital ward. Sehun’s heart squeezes a little inside, the elder male looked so fragile and vulnerable, he could tell that Luhan missed being beside his loved ones; Luhan was constantly checking on his phone and looking like he was pondering whether to call his loved ones.

 

“Hyung…” Sehun calls out in a whisper when he opens and closes the door softly. Luhan turns around in surprise and stares at the maknae incredulously. “What are you doing here at midnight? Don’t you have a schedule tomorrow? You are going to get eye bags!”

 

“I miss you.” Sehun says simply and he sighs in relief when Luhan smiles.

“Seriously though, you need sleep, it’s bad for your health to stay up.” Luhan states concernedly.

 

“I can tell you the same thing.” Sehun chuckles before moving to sit on the hospital bed and Luhan does the same. They sit in comfortable silence until Luhan grabs Sehun’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “How was your day?” The elder male questioned softly as Sehun was staring absent-mindedly at the needle and tubes that were stuck into Luhan’s arms. “The same old things… the hyungs are nicer to me now.” Sehun responds weakly.

 

“That’s good to hear.” Luhan grins, his warm fingers now drawing circles on Sehun’s hand.

“What about your day?” The younger asks in a warm and soothing voice.

 

“I lied on the hospital bed and stared at the television the whole day.”

“Oh.” Sehun looks down sadly but Luhan just chuckles, pressing his lips on the younger’s.

“And… I also uhm… wrote a song earlier when I couldn’t sleep but it isn’t finished ye-”

 

“Can I hear it?” Sehun interrupts and the elder male blushed embarrassedly.

Luhan clears his throat before taking a deep breath.

 

Until the last moment you’ve consoled me
But it’s as if you don’t know.
What is it that makes me miserable
I swell up at the days that are to be forgotten
More so than for the days when I will be left alone
It pains me that I can’t give you
More so than I can’t have you

“I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
I only wanted to tell you

That I’m still in love with you

 

Sehun trembles involuntarily and his grip on Luhan’s hand tightened.

There are irritated prickles in his eyes, and he knows that he can’t stop himself from crying even if he tried.

“It’s beautiful… Luhan, I love it.” Sehun manages to mumble out amidst silent sobs.

 

27 May.   

 

The week is filled with interviews, variety shows and performances for both EXO-K and EXO-M.

So none of the members have time to visit Luhan, but they message each other a lot.

Luhan tells them about his day and about how much he misses EXO.

Sehun flirts with Luhan over the phone when he has time.

 

1 June.

 

Luhan is discharged from the hospital and he goes back to the dorm.

All the members rush towards Luhan, who looks slightly better.

 

“Hyung! What are you doing here?!” Kai asked, pulling him into a hug before he could respond. “I didn’t want to stay in the hospital and I miss you all-” Luhan explains with a gentle smile. “-I’m well enough now and I’m going to continue with the EXO activity schedules.” When he finishes, everyone is staring at him in confusion and befuddlement, because obviously, well… Luhan was ill and there was no telling when he would have another relapse.

 

“Luhan, but you can’t! You need to stay in the hospital! When the fans see you, they are going to react badly and they will know that-” Kris is suddenly grabbed by Sehun, who angrily grabs the much taller male’s collar. “Who ing cares about the fans?! Why do we always have to think about them? What about Luhan? Why can’t you let him do what he wants?” The maknae shouts loudly, shaking the leader of EXO-M by his shoulders violently, and everybody sees the tears that were running down Sehun’s face.

 

“Sehun…” Suho calls out with an incredibly gentle voice, pulling the youngest away from Kris. “-We all know how you feel about Luhan but Kris has a point. It will be better for Luhan to stay in the hospital, where there are people taking care of him-” The leader of EXO-K sighs and turns toward Luhan, everybody follow his eyes and turns toward Luhan too; taking in the sight of how frail the male looked, how pale he looked and how thin he looked. Luhan fidgets under the eleven pairs of eyes; they were making him feel uncomfortable.

 

“Do you really want to continue with activities?” Kris asks softly.

“I just want to spend as much time with my loved ones as I possibly can, the only way for-”

Sehun lunges himself at Luhan, hugging him tightly and crying at the same time.

 

“-Me to do that is to continue with the activities.” Luhan mumbles between silent sobs.

Everybody gets affected by the mess of tears and emotions, and began to break down too.

Suho, Kai, D.O, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kris, Lay, Chen, Xiumin and Tao moves to hug the couple.

“We are one, Luhan.” Sehun whispers amidst the huge group embrace.

“We will always be one…”

 

5 June.

 

Luhan resumes having activities with EXO.

And he is doing quite a good job of keeping pace with the others.

Things seemed to fall back into their usual places as life goes back to normal.

Nobody asks about Luhan’s previous absence during new interviews and everyone is just relieved.

 

7 June.

 

Luhan goes to the hospital for a routine check-up after a performance at Music Bank.

Sehun accompanies the elder male to the hospital, worrying for Luhan.

 

11 June.

 

EXO celebrates Dano together, a festivity for spring and summer.

 

The dorm is decorated with beautiful ornaments, and Luhan helps to put them up with his fellow members. The day goes by smoothly and peacefully, there was no schedule to care about as it was a holiday. Luhan volunteers to stay in the kitchen with D.O, both cooking up a nice meal for the EXO boys. They eat rice cakes, play traditional games and exchange presents with each other.

 

Sehun is quiet when everybody is opening their presents, a jumble of excited laughs and shouts.

Luhan notices but he doesn’t say anything, instead he opts to kiss the younger male.

“Come on Sehunnie, it’s a festival, you should be celebrating happily with us!”

 

“Okay hyung.” Sehun nods with a grin slowly spreading on his face, earning a bright smile from Luhan. “That’s much better, Sehunnie!” The elder male chuckles and stuffs a piece of rice cake into the maknae’s mouth, earning a whine from Sehun, who nearly chokes at the sudden action.

 

17 June.

 

“Luhan, are you okay? You can sit out this performa-”

“I’m fine, I can continue.” Luhan interrupts Kris before standing up albeit wobbly.

Lay goes up to the vocalist’s side, helping him in case he would fall.

 

Everybody gives Luhan a concerned look but lets him go on stage nonetheless.

 

19 June

 

Luhan doesn't feel well during an interview.

‘Are you okay?’ Sehun mouths silently to Luhan who nods back.

But then, the elder male begins hyperventilating and gasping for breath almost spastically. 

 

Luhan throws up some crimson blood on Sehun, splattering red all over the maknae’s shirt.

The audience starts screaming and panicking at the sight.

Luhan is rushed to the hospital.

 

22 June.

 

All EXO activities have taken an indefinite stop.

And they are making news now; articles and reports about Luhan’s sickness are everywhere.

Fans are going crazy and both the EXO fan-page and SM-Town webpage is flooded with comments.

 

Every single day, the hospital is flooded with fans; who are demanding to see ‘their precious Luhan’. And each day, the EXO boys manoeuvre through the dozens of people without fail to visit Luhan, even if they were busy with a schedule or even if the visit was just for a mere few minutes. But honestly, who really cares about the activity schedule anymore?  

 

25 June.

 

“How’s everyone?” Luhan questions weakly, with Sehun and Baekhyun beside his hospital bed.

“We’re fine-” The younger males reassure gently while smiling brightly.

 

And for a moment, their smiles make everything seem normal, like how they used to smile when Luhan was still healthy. “I wish- I wish this wasn’t happening…” Luhan’s heart swells with a sudden sadness and he pauses; because he’s said too much and because both Baekhyun and Sehun were starting to collect moistness in their dulled eyes. “Sorry, I’m sorry for… all the trouble I’ve caused-” Luhan mumbles with a desperation, burying his face into his hands. “-I’m sorry for worrying you all…”

 

“It’s not your fault, Luhan.” Sehun whispered soothingly, moving to hug Luhan, and Baekhyun does the same. The maknae runs his fingers over the elder’s skin and Luhan slowly settles down, lulled into a calm and relaxed state by the other’s warmth. Sehun bends down to press a gentle kiss on Luhan’s forehead when he falls asleep peacefully.

 

28 June.

 

Luhan throws up blood again during visiting hours.

This time, he loses consciousness and collapses completely like a corpse.

 

And everybody goes insane with worried tears because Luhan is withering away in front of them.

Sehun falls apart and sobs loudly when Luhan is immediately rushed to the emergency room.

 

29 June.  

 

Luhan remains in a coma for about three days before waking up.

 

2 July

 

And when Luhan did wake up, Sehun was the first person to rush to the hospital.

“Hyung…” Sehun calls out after stepping into the room and closing the door behind him gently.

Luhan sits up on the hospital bed and smiles at him. “Sehun, you’re here.”

 

And the maknae is surprised by how incredibly weak Luhan both sounded and looked. 

“How are you feeling now?” Sehun asks softly while moving to sit by the elder male.

“Tired…and Sehun…-” Luhan simply mutters, closing his eyes for a moment.

 

“-They told me that I don’t have much time left.”

“I know, Luhan, we know.” Sehun nods, bravely holding back his tears as he held Luhan’s hand. 

“Could I ask you for something?” The elder male questioned weakly.

 

“Yes, you can, anything.”

“I want to back home, I don’t want to stay in the hospital.”

Sehun furrowed his eyebrows together. “But Luhan, staying in the hospital is better and the doctors don’t allow yo-”

 

“I don’t want to stay in the hospital, please-” Luhan almost begins begging and in that second, a hoarse fit of coughs choked him. “Please Sehun, I don’t to stay in this place, without my love ones. I can’t bear staying away from everyone, you and our EXO family. I hate it, I ing hate it. I hate this stupid illness and I hate knowing that I don’t have long to live, that at any second I could just drop dead; I don’t want to die alone in this hos-”

 

“Don’t say anymore, Luhan!” Sehun suddenly shouts out, a pitiful pain striking across his face; because Sehun knew that the elder male was telling the undeniable truth but he doesn’t want to hear it. Luhan was going to die and that would kill Sehun, because the pain from it would probably be too much for him to bear. Because Luhan was the one person that completed him, Sehun doesn’t ever think that he’ll ever find someone new. “I promise, I promise to bring you out of this hospital, even if I have to kidnap you to do it.” Luhan manages a tiny grin and they kiss sensually for a few minutes before Sehun headed to the reception counter.

 

Along the way, the maknae meets up with the rest of EXO and tells them about Luhan’s request. Together, they went to the reception counter to ask for discharge but the nurses there refused for the medical betterment for Luhan; so they had to head towards the doctor’s office to beg for discharge. About an hour of ugly sobbing, desperate convincing and near spastic reasoning from a huge group of eleven males crammed into a small office, the doctor finally relents and lets Luhan go.   

 

4 July.

 

Luhan finally gets some quality time to spend with his EXO brothers and Sehun.

He feels much better outside the hospital, away from the cold and white room that was his ward. 

 

7 July.

 

Luhan flies back to Beijing, China with Sehun.

The elder male introduces Sehun to his family members and friends.

But Luhan doesn’t mention about his relationship with Sehun and the younger doesn’t mind.

They stay there for one night and Luhan smiles brightly when he sees Sehun getting along with his family.

 

8 July.

 

Luhan goes touring with Sehun; to show the maknae the beauty of his homeland.

They visit the Forbidden City and the Great Wall of China.

 

9 July.

 

When Luhan wakes up, he finds Sehun staring at him.

 

“Good morning, love.” The maknae purrs seductively before snuggling closer to Luhan on the bed, but Luhan just laughs out amusedly and pushed the other male away. Sehun whined childishly as an adorable pout appeared on his face at the unexpected action from the elder male, but it only served to make Luhan laugh even more. “You’re so cheesy in the morning, Sehunnie!”

 

“But I thought you liked it.” Sehun growled playfully as he crept closer to Luhan and pressed multiple kisses onto his neck. “I suppose I do, which is why I let you do this to me-” The elder chuckles under Sehun, who was pinning him onto the silk covers of their hotel room bed. And suddenly, Luhan smirks as he flipped the younger male, changing their positions. Sehun gasps loudly from his submissive posture under Luhan, how the heck does elder male even have so much strength when he’s supposedly sick and frail?

 

“-But this time, I want to show you who’s the hyung.”

 

Sehun gulps nervously, both his eyes widening in surprise; he had never bottomed for anybody before, even for Luhan during the countless number of times they had . But all hints of any second thought washes away when Sehun feels soft lips kissing against his own as gentle fingers slowly traced his skin and tugged off his clothes. The younger doesn’t ask any questions or voice any protests when Luhan strips himself before pressing their bodies together for comforting intimacy.

 

It’s awkward and incredibly embarrassing at first for Sehun, for his legs were spread wide apart around Luhan’s waist and he blushes when the elder male threw him a confident smirk. “Hyung! Oh god!” Sehun cried out continuously, a chant of soft moans leaving his mouth when Luhan began to make love to him. The younger male is reduced to a trembling mess when sparks of pleasure enveloped his entire body, caused by Luhan’s s into his core.

 

Sehun screams when his sensitive prostrate was found, an overwhelming wave of ecstasy engulfing him. Sehun felt insanely good, and Luhan felt strangely revitalised, seeing the younger writhing underneath him. They were overdosed on love and it was too much of a waste for it end quickly, so Luhan moves slowly, leisurely enjoying every second of their shared time.

 

“Luhan! …Ah!” The maknae groans, panting erratically along with Luhan; and Sehun definitely knew that Luhan’s breathlessness was not because of some stupid disease like bronchitis. “Hyung, more, please!” Sehun begged and Luhan complies with a small chuckle, picking up the pace. In no time, their bodies twisted and moulded together amidst their many sighs of desire and euphoria; white waves of bliss explodes and passionate cries of each other’s name sound throughout the room.

 

Sehun smiles blessedly into the kiss that Luhan gives him after their aftermath.

And after a shower, the couple remained in the hotel room together, doing what they did best.

Luhan and Sehun cuddled, shared sweet kisses and exchanged mushy ‘I love you’s for the rest of the day.  

 

10 July.

 

“Don’t they remind you of Tao, Luhan hyung? … Hey pandas, I have a friend who looks like you!”

Sehun calls out cutely at the black and white bears, earning an amused laugh from Luhan.

 

After visiting the Panda House in Beijing Zoo, the couple goes to have a nice lunch in a restaurant located inside the premises. Then, Luhan and Sehun got on the subway train towards Olympic Green, the national attraction of China that was built in the 2008 Summer Olympics. They do some shopping at the nearby malls and Luhan buys a ridiculous lot of things, so much so that Sehun had to stop the elder male and question his sanity.

 

“Hyung, stop! How are our bags going to fit in all these stuff?!”

“We’ll get more bags!” Luhan reasons with a small grin. “Besides, these are gifts for our lovely brothers.”  

“Okay then.” Sehun sighs and followed Luhan, who ran off to get some bags at the travel section.

 

11 July.

 

Luhan has a relapse while talking a walk down the city’s commercial district. 

 

“Sehun, I don’t feel well, my chest… it feels like it is being crushed…” Luhan gasps out, suddenly bending down onto the floor as a discomforting wave of pain wrecked through his body. Instantly, Sehun holds the elder male up as firmly and gently as he could, before hailing a taxi. “ Let’s get you to a hospital now!” Sehun voices with a rising alarm in his speech, frantically waving for a taxi by the roadside.

 

Luhan doesn’t protest and that scares Sehun, the elder had previously proclaimed his dislike for the hospital so it must be hurting terribly for Luhan. And when they are finally in a taxi and almost speeding to a nearby hospital, Sehun places a constant and anxious watch on Luhan, who is breaking out with cold sweat and heaving heavily for breath.

 

“Please, you have to hang on!” The younger demanded and begged hopefully, grabbing Luhan’s hand.

Luhan gives Sehun a weak nod, gripping onto his hand tightly, like that was the only thing sustaining his life.

 

Luhan is rushed into the emergency room again.

 

12 July.

 

Luhan is asleep and Sehun doesn't know what to do or think.

Sehun's chinese is limited, so he's utterly clueless about the doctor's report on Luhan's condition.

The younger male is getting desperate but he just sits beside Luhan and holds his hand, hoping for the best.

 

14 July.

 

Luhan is still sleeping.

And Sehun holds his hand again, breaking down into tears.

What could he do in such a situation?

 

15 July.

 

Luhan is in a deep slumber and nothing seems to wake him up.

Sehun is going insane with worry and he does something that Luhan disapproved of immensely.

He just hopes that the elder male wouldn't kill him when he does wake up.

 

Sehun contacts Luhan's family.

 

16 July.

 

Chaos ensues when Luhan's parents arrive in the hospital.

 

“Why didn't you tell us earlier?! You horrible person, what did you do to my son?!” Luhan's mom screams at Sehun with a string of incoherent chinese while her husband was trying to hold her down. Luhan's mom was delirious, wailing and screaming for the heavens to have mercy on their only child. Luhan's father was crying as he struggled to calm the distressed woman; he was trembling too, obviously affected by the news of his son being terminally sick. Did Sehun make a terribly wrong choice of telling them? 

 

Sehun breaks down along with the pair of middle-aged adults, he has never seen anyone so sad before.

“Sorry, sorry... sorry.” Sehun apologises repeatedly in broken chinese, with salt tears running down his face.

Sehun doesn't need to know the language to understand their pain.

 

18 July.

 

Luhan wakes up and Sehun is immensely relieved but notes that he’s barely conscious.

 

Luhan spends a whole day talking with his parents, with the maknae by his bedside like a guardian. The elder male speaks softly and gently; reminiscing about his childhood, talking about how wonderful his life was in Korea, his new brothers and his lover. “I love him, Mom and Dad.” Luhan says in chinese weakly, pointing to the younger male. The parents turn toward Sehun with tears in their eyes, acknowledging him. “Thank you so much, for loving our son.” And Luhan translates for them.

 

Sehun nearly chokes up with sobs; Luhan's condition was nearing its finality.

 

20 July.

 

Sehun steps into the hospital room cautiously.

Something was bothering Sehun the moment he stepped in.

He didn’t like the atmosphere at all - the room was terribly suffocating.

 

“Luhan, I love you.” Sehun whispered, kissing Luhan’s scarily pale lips gently.

 

“I… love you too.” Luhan responds simply with an almost inaudible voice and Sehun’s heart shatters into thousands of pieces, the elder male was breathing heavily and raggedly; like it hurt him to even speak or breath. It’s happening, it’s really happening to Luhan. Sehun fidgets uneasily, taking up Luhan’s hand and rubbing smooth circles on the palm; the hand felt so small, weak, breakable and Sehun struggles with an onslaught of unshed tears. “Where do you want to go next when we leave the hospital, Luhannie?”

 

Luhan chuckles but a cough wrecks through his entire body. Instantly, Sehun leaps up from his seat and pats Luhan’s back to soothe him. “Don’t lie… to yourself, Sehun… my time is almost over… I’m going to die, I can feel it-” A soft, defeated sigh escapes Luhan when the fits of painful coughs left him. “-When you go back to Korea, tell everyone I love them-”

 

“No! Luhan, don’t say that, you are going to live and go back with me! Tell them that yourself in person!” Sehun is now sobbing loudly and fervently shaking because Luhan is closing his eyes. “Please Luhan, don’t do this to me! Open your-”

 

Luhan smiles gently, despite Sehun’s protests. “Find someone… else that loves you-”

“I’m not going to fall in love again! You are my only lover! I won’t forget you-”

 

“I’m not asking… you to forget me… If you love me Sehun, find someone for yourself… some other person who loves you… cares for you, because only then I can go away in peace, because… my most incredible, wonderful person of earth… has someone to love him like I can... Don’t deny this Sehunnie, we already knew that I was doing to die soon…” Luhan’s voice is straining with effort and a disgusting amount of tears stream down Sehun’s eyes, completely blurring his vision. “But before I go… Sehun, could you … promise me one thing?”

“Anything.” Sehun chokes out between sobs.

“Find someone… and live a happy... life for yourself.”

 

“I will Luhan, I will…” Sehun clenches his hand around Luhan’s hand, gripping it tightly and kissing it repeatedly, like it would keep the elder male alive. Sehun is biting at his lower lip, struggling to calm himself, to make a last good impression on Luhan, but it’s doesn’t work; his heart is breaking and bursting with piercing stabs of pain. A tremble breaks through Sehun and he bends down to give Luhan one lasting kiss, completely filled with the memories of their sweet and passionate relationship. “I will never forget you Luhan, I will always love you.”

 

“I’m glad... to hear that… I will always love you too, Seh-”

 

But he doesn’t finish and his hand goes limp.

“Luhan!” Sehun lets out a hoarse cry of anguish, collapsing onto his lover’s limp body.

 

Luhan’s gone and Sehun is screaming Luhan’s name while shaking his unmoving shoulders like a madman.

Ended, their time together had finally ended and Sehun would never be with Luhan again.

Sehun is still screaming even when the nurses and doctors pull him away from Luhan.

 

He’ll never see that sweet and lovable smile again.

He’ll never smell that familiar and calming scent again.

He’ll never kiss that pair of soft and warm lips again.

He’ll never hear that melodious and affectionate voice again.

He’ll never hold that beautiful and flawless body again.

 

Sehun collapses to the floor, bawling like all life had ended and he was the only person left on earth.

 

Sehun’s world had ended.

 

21 July.      

 

Sehun went to Beijing with Luhan as a pair, but he goes back to Korea alone.

 

And when Sehun returns to the EXO dorm, Kai was the first person to see him. “Sehunnie! You’re back! Where is Luh-” The dancing machine stops asking when he sees the pain in Sehun’s face. Kai understood instantly when Sehun threw himself into his shoulder, sobbing and dampening the fabric of Kai’s shirt. “… Luhan is peacefully at home now, am I right, Sehunnie?” Kai questioned gently while hugging the younger male tightly in a comforting embrace. Sehun just nods silently and continues crying in the comfort of another warm body.

 

Soon, Kai is crying too and one by one, the other members see them hugging and sobbing while standing near the still open door of their dorm entrance. Nobody had to say anything but they all knew what had happened, judging by the way the two youngest members were grieving. A huge mess of tears and trembling bodies ensues, and the remaining eleven boys of EXO hug together in a much needed, near suffocating comfort.

 

Luhan was at peace now, he wasn’t suffering in pain from bronchitis anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

20 April, the following year.

 

“Happy birthday Luhan, I brought my new boyfriend here to see you but you’re much better than him.”

“Hey!” A slap smacks Sehun’s and the maknae winces. “See! Look at how he’s abusing me!”

“I’m not abusing our Sehun, hyung, I’m just showing him my love in a different way.”

 

Sehun rolls his eyes at Kai before whacking him on the head for revenge.  

“Oww, that hurts! See, he’s the bad boyfriend, Luhan!” The dancing machine whined.

“I think Luhan will whack you too, for hitting me.” Sehun states with a smirk and Kai just pouts.

 

Life is strange sometimes; Sehun didn’t give up on living completely like he thought he would when Luhan passed away. Instead of remaining depressed and in constant grief, everybody in EXO moves on with time, continuing as a group of eleven. It was difficult in the beginning but since when was coping with a loss easy? Sure there were antis and criticism, like people saying that EXO should just disband because they weren’t complete without Luhan but they continued anyway. Too much time, sweat and money was spent on climbing the road to being one of SM’s best groups.

 

Besides, the eleven boys of EXO were continuing for a strong reason, they were living out Luhan’s dream of being a singer for him. Luhan doesn’t really die and slip away to nothing, instead he lives on in everyone’s heart; the EXO boys and their countless number of fans. And Sehun doesn’t cry when he thinks of Luhan anymore, because he was sure that the elder male would want him to be happy and always smiling. But he cried when EXO recorded the song that Luhan had sang to him in the hospital, Sehun added a few verses to finish the emotional ballad that was titled ‘Slip Away’ in their up-coming album.

 

“Sehunnie! The others are waiting for you back at the hotel!”

“Jongin ah, tell them to wait a few more minutes!” Sehun called out before turning back to the grave.

 

A small tear streaked down the maknae’s face before he bent down to place a shiny and heavy object in front of the tombstone. “Are you proud of us, Luhan? We… all of us did this for you…” Sehun chuckled lightly as he wiped away at the warm wetness that had rolled down his cheeks. Giving a small goodbye bow, Sehun whispered a soft ‘I love you, Luhannie’ before smiling brightly and running up to Kai who was waiting for him in the distance.

 

“What took you so long to speak to Luhannie?”

“Nothing much, I miss him.” Sehun widens into a grin before pressing a kiss onto Kai’s lips.

The elder just smiled into the unexpected kiss, before lacing their fingers together.

 

Sehun had given their MAMA-Group of the year award to Luhan.

 

 

 

 

--

on a side note, do go for yearly check-ups at a local hospital, it can do a lot of difference in your life

I have a cousin diagnosed with early stages of cancer but now she's fine after treament. so don't belittle these check-ups.

credits  to my friend DwaeejiTokki37, for being an awesome person and inspiring me (she writes for Infinite though)