I watched him transform...
From toddler to nerd to the famous player of the college

I loved him and He Liked her... There was nothing I could do about it 

Lee Joon, Sunny and I grew up together... We were like three musketeers... No one could separate us... Not even our different personalities...

We chose total different paths of life

Sunny became the part of Super Famous SNSD 
Joon was already Heir of the famous Lee Conglomerate
And I became a goofy Medical Student

Nothing changed until we started to fall in love... Started to feel what love was...

I was the first one to withdraw from the friendship because seeing them together was the pain that I couldn't bare... And the worst part was there was nothing I could do about it...

I couldn't be a to people... For whom I was ready to give my life...

December 8th, 2008: I walked to the shore... as dad had bought the house right next to the beach...

Feeling the cold sand under my bare feet I smiled as the cold breeze brushed against my face... It was beautiful cloudy day... So there were very few people...

I loved coming out on these days... The beach is so calm and empty...

It actually started to sprinkle... My lips curved up again... Looking up at the sky which was totally covered with the dark and light shade of clouds

I saw a couple running up to their car
I laughed... That was so like Joon...
Whenever it starts to rain... He is running like his life depends on it...

Every time Joon and I were here and it would rain... 
He would squeeze his eyes... Hiding his gorgeous coffee brown eyes under his lids in anger an grit his teeth... Ready to yell at me!!! Running hand through His light brown hair falling right on his forehead... Giving me the hint that... He was going to skin me alive if I started to sneeze

Yup his reason to hate the rain was that Every time it rained I would be sneezing 
he would just stare at me with those concerned eyes
In between all of our bickering and caring for each other I fell in love with him

I smiled at the memories... As I sat down on the cold sand... I wanted to scream to the world that I loved him... Just as I closed my eyes

I heard a familiar voice that I could never get tired of... 
The voice that I loved more than any music or melody in this world
The voice that I could recognize in a crowd

"Dummy" he shouted "Hey Dummy"

Yeah that's what he called me... Dummy since kindergarten because when teacher asked what was 1 + 1 I was sleepy so I shouted 11 and after that he started calling me dummy

"Joonie" I shouted back waving at him

I got up as I knew he was going to squeeze my bones together with his Hug

As I said he hugged me tightly...

"you have no idea... What I am going to tell you" he held me up and twirled 

"what is it?" as I wrapped my hands around his neck

"I can't believe I am serious about someone... Like a girlfriend serious" he said and my lips curved up...

"I like my best friend" he shouted 

My heart skipped a beat when he said that... It was like the whole world's happiness fell upon me as if all the wishes  in the world came true... And I couldn't ask for more

I buried my face in crook of his neck... Wow I am about to tell him too... I took a breath and decided to say those three words "I-" 

"I like her... I like Sunny... I can't believe" he shouted

My words got stuck in my throat... 
I froze the second he said those words... My body got numb...

"isn't it unbelievable?" he said looking at me

I smiled "of course... Come one go tell her... I am happy for you guys" I patted his shoulder

"Should I tell her?" he asked nervously 

"yeah... Y-yeah" I choked on my own tears...

He ran back and I stood there and finally let my tears fall!!!

I ran back home and straight went to my room...
I locked it and cried whole night... 
Due to standing in rain my fever started again

For next few days I stayed with Sunny and Joon... 
And I always felt like an unwanted person so soon I started to stay away from them...

It came to the time that I stopped hanging out with them and ignored Joon totally...

I never had sleep over again... 
I then realized I never had friends and now that I needed one to lean on I didn't have anyone 

I missed him like hell...
The pain that I was going through couldn't be healed I knew that...
Every night that I cried for him wouldn't stop as I would see them together 

That's how I knew I need to move... 
Move far from here... 
I applied for one year study abroad and I got it... 
I called my brother and sister in law and they said they are fine with me living with them... 
May be one year going far from here will soothe everything away... Just a month and so

and I'll be off from here for a year


February 2nd 2009: it was the day before my flight... Tomorrow was my flight... 
Joon had no idea about me moving away... As I barely talked to him

Whole day I checked my stuff and papers...

G.O and Mir who I became friends with and I could call them close friends... They had farewell party for me

The clock struck 6 pm and I was ready

I wore a green dress.... Which stopped just a little above my knee... There was a Black band of rhinestones around my waist...

I wore my green and black earrings... With.... Black strappy heels... Gave myself a smokey look  and curled my hair...

I looked at mirror and I actually looked perfectly beautiful... My honey colored eyes were just icing to the cake

I heard a rock hitting my window... I forgot to breathe for a moment... It was him... He always threw rock at my window when he was angry and when he wanted to talk to me seriously

I slowly walked to the window and opened the window... The cold wind from the shore hit my face and making my hair flow back 

I just stared right in his eyes... 
He stared back at me... We stood there just like that


Until he spat "you are moving?"

I didn't say anything I just stared at him

"I freaking asked you a question dammit... Are you moving? Answer me" he shouted 

I looked down to my feet and nodded.

"open the door..." he said in cold voice

"its open" I whispered but I guess he read my lips... He disappeared from there and I heard the back door open and slammed again...

His footsteps got closer to my room and finally he opened the door

"Why?" he asked but I didn't say anything... I was still standing there my face towards the window and my back towards him...

I slowly turned around... He was looking around... My room... He took my papers and my passport as he looked at it...

"so you planned this from long time" he looked at me hurt was clear in his eyes...

I just leaned against the wall... Just looking at him... Guilt rising in me...

"when were you going to tell me?" he looked straight into my eyes

I looked away "I-I was going to leave without telling you"

"wow amazing" he said sarcastically... But I could catch the hurt in his voice

"it's just a year... I'll be back" I said flatly

"A Year" he looked at me... I could see the wetness in his eyes "do you even have any idea how long that is? You know I can't live without you being here" he said coming towards me

"you'll live Joonie... I am not that important" I whispered

"Damn You... You don't care about others... It's only you you and you in your world" he grabbed my shoulders and yelled "you have no idea about what others feel... You just hurt them... All you care about it what makes you happy"

"I have to go" I whispered and looked at him 

Tears were rolling down his face...
I hugged him... 
He Buried his face in my hair...

As he lifted his head and looked at me... I just smiled

He put his forehead on mine "Don't Go" 

"I have to go... Or else everything will be ruined" 

He just stared at me... 

He started leaning in... 
I closed my eyes and he pressed his lips on mine... 
I swear for second I thought he was mine... I thought he was just on this earth for me... His lips perfectly fit onto mine...

I slowly wrapped my hands around his neck and let my tears fall
As he moved his lips... I kissed him back... It was my first kiss... It was perfect

The feelings I had for him I poured all in that kissed...

Suddenly he pulled back and looked at me with worried eyes
His eyes were wide...

He walked and didn't even look back

I closed my eyes and let my tears fall...
I smiled sadly

For next hour I fixed myself again and went to the party with everything seemed blurry... I couldn't forget his kiss or most likely mistake in his view

Next day I left... Left without saying good bye to him!!!


April 21st, 2010 : I stepped out of the plane... I barely realized how much I missed Seoul... The food... The people... Friends... And HIM

I went to my house... 
My parents out for business tour again...
I smiled as I looked around the house... Nothing changed except me...

It was new me... I concealed my feelings in my heart... I learned to smile even though I didn't even mean to

I dropped my luggage at my room and looked outside the window
It was raining again I smiled

I Walked down and walked out the back door
The familiar feeling of cold sand ran through my body... Making my smile wide... I twirled in rain until I started sneezing

I went back and say on the porch... Watching the sea meet clouds... Hear the soothing sound of waves...

A coffee cup appeared in front of me "You haven't let go of the bad habit?" I heard his voice and my heart slammed against my skin

But I covered my feelings with smile

I took the cup and took a sip of coffee "It's hard to let go of a bad habit especially if you love it" I smiled

He put his coffee next to me and sat behind me... I felt a towel around my hair "if you don't dry your hair you'll have fever..." he trailed off as he rubbed my hair with towel...

I closed my eyes... He touch felt so right... 

I was sitting between his knees... I leaned back and rested against his chest 

He put the towel aside... And wrapped his arms around me...

I don't if it was right or wrong... I don't know if he was still dating Sunny or not... But for once I wanted to care for myself and... For once I wanted to be selfish and didn't want to let go of this moment

We sat there... I told him about my year in California... He listened to me and Time to time nodded and laughed.

The sky was getting darker and due to the flight and rain I was tired

I closed my eyes and snuggled into his arms... He ran his hands through my hair... Making me more sleepy and I fell asleep in his arms

Through blurry image I could feel him carrying me to the bed... He put me in bed and put a blanket on me... 
I felt him kiss my forehead... 
I could feel a small smile spread across my face...

Next few days... I spent with him catching up... We never talked about what happened a year ago...

It was Friday... 2 weeks after I returned... 

We were walking along the shore... I felt as if something was wrong... Because he wasn't being himself and he was too quiet...

"why don't you just spit it out rather than wasting time for me to figure what's going on" I looked at Joon

He smiled but it didn't touch his eyes "you know me too well dummy" he ruffled my hair

"Spill the beans Joonie" I stood in front of him 

"I am leaving" he didn't look at me 

My heart dropped... I actually forgot to breathe

"breathe dummy" he put his hand on my cheek

"yeah... Yeah" I tried to compose myself

"I am leaving for army for my mandatory service tomorrow" he whispered and this time I walked away... 

I walked back to the house...
There was nothing in me...
I was emotionless like a cold ice...

The whole night I watched him from porch as his window was open

He was just sitting there... He didn't even look at me for a second... He knew I was there...

Next day... I got ready in the morning and went over...

"get up Joonie" I pulled off the blanket... 

He sat up in his bed and looked at me with surprise... 

"see you haven't even done the Packing and look at the room... It looks like Nobody have cleaned after I left" as I looked around 

"here is your breakfast" I put it on the side table... 

I walked around picking his clothes around... 

"you need to be responsible... Who is going to take care of you at the base" I shook my head 

I packed his clothes... Put a lot of instant food in his bags as he was going to need it desperately...  put all his dirty clothes in the washer and fixed his room... While he just say there and ate slowly... Ogling me also

When I was putting the extra clothes in his closet suddenly he wrapped his arms around me... Giving me a back hug

"Stay like this for a moment" he whispered

I stood there frozen
He put he buried his face on my shoulder... 
My hands went up and held his arm... We stood there for longer than I thought...

I gulped back and turned around 

"go get ready" I pushed him to the bathroom...

I went back to the closet I opened the next one... It had all the pictures of me... And Him... 
Since the childhood... I was jealous of him being with someone else so I would always post mine and his pictures in his closets... Even Sunny didn't know about this...

Sunny...

It hit me right there... We never talked about her... He just told me that she is working on her solo album that's why she is busy but he never told me anything else

I smiled as I ran my hand over the pictures..

I heard the bathroom door and I closed the closet door and started putting a list in his bag...

I looked at him and my heart skipped a beat he looked absolutely gorgeous... His coffee brown eyes turned toward me. As he ran his hand through his wet hair

As I looked at the watch it was time for him to leave so I started distracting myself

"stay away from Mushroom as you are allergic to him... Don't mess around and get back in one piece here" I smiled 

"you know me too well dummy" he threw towel at my face... I glared at him

But smiled "more than myself..." as I picked the towel to put in dirty clothes basket "don't do these kind of stuff there... Stay away from things you are allergic and don't whine about food-"

Suddenly He hugged me...
I stood there like statue...

I put my arms around him tightly and put my head on his chest as I let my tears fall...

His arms tightened around me and I felt him kiss top of my head...

As he kissed down my left side...
Slowly he nibbled on my ear...
I could hear my heartbeat...
He didn't stop... 

He kissed my cheek... And then my  jaw... I stepped back but he didn't lose the contact between my skin and his kisses...

I was trapped between the closet and his arms... His body firmly leaned against mine...

He kissed my neck down to the collar bone... He started it...

"Joonie..." I whispered 

"I am marking you" he said as he went back to finish what he started

He it until it turned purple I guess... For some reason a happy tear slipped from my eye

He kissed away the tear "Wait for Me" he kissed my forehead and left

I heard him say good bye to his parents...

I walked to window I saw him getting in car

He looked up as if he felt that I was watching him...

He smiled at me and the car zoomed off

I walked to the mirror looked at my collar bone... It was dark purple...
I touched and I knew I was going to wait for him even if it cost me my life

May 30th, 2012: he was coming back and I was so excited until Mir told me he was already back in the morning...

Whole day I was sulking... Why didn't he come and see me...? Then I made myself happy... That he might be busy as his parents are having a party tonight...

Its so weird Every time something happens... It always rain... And today the clouds told me that it was going to rain... And I knew something was going to happen

But I pushed those thoughts aside... I wanted to go to the party... I wanted to look nice and beautiful for him...

As look at myself after my whole a lot of hard work of choosing what to wear


I was wearing one shoulder black dress which had silver beads work on the shoulder part... My hair were in messy but stylish bun... I had light make up leaving my face to natural look... I wore silver jewelry and heels...

I took out the box from my drawer which had couple rings... I got them Cali when I was coming back... Wow even back then I had hope... 

I smiled at it... 

I walked down and went through the back door as it was easier to go to his house... Our porch actually touched his porch...

I walked out and looked at the beautiful sea... 

"I am going to do it today yay I am going to tell him" I cheered for myself as I was walked to his porch...

I walked up to the back door and opened it... I was about to step in but stopped right there when I saw Sunny kiss him on cheek and he smiled

The small blue box fell from hand...
"So this is why he didn't come to meet me... He forgot everything"

I turned around walked to the shore ... The only place which knows how much pain I went through...

I went and sat there... I had no idea where I threw my heels...
 I just sat there hugging my knees... 
Letting out small sobs...

I sat there for 3 hours as now it was 12 at midnight...

"I knew you were going to be here" he said as he walked towards me...

I didn't say anything as I was busy wiping my tears

I couldn't pretend anymore so I just started walking away...

He held my wrist "Scaredy Cat" he said "Liar... you didn't wait for me" 

I just swallowed down... For once I wanted to just disappear... He couldn't see my pain... He couldn't see my love

"You never came to see me" he turned me around

It was going over the board "I am not your girlfriend ok... So don't expect me to do something that I am not supposed to do..." I tried to free my hand but instead he held both of my hands and held me close to himself

Finally I let it out "I have been waiting for you... You have no idea how much it hurt me... You can't imagine the pain It caused me to see that the man I have been waiting for just used me when his girlfriend was away... To come to your door and find my hopes Shattered in million pieces... So just shut up and go to your girlfriend incase you want to use me again I let you but let me just know that I am not your girlfriend"

I let it all out... My body turned numb as those words left my mouth

"The be my girlfriend" he said with voice full with Hurt "you claimed that you know me more than yourself then how can you say that I used you... You don't know me... Remember when I was a player... Even though I was a player... I never went out with more than one girl at same time... So how can you think that I would do that to the girl I love more than myself"

I just looked at him as he sat down... Patting the spot next to him...

I slowly sat down but he didn't look at me...

"I didn't realize how much I love you until you left... All this time you were with me... You never had boyfriend or any other friend that I could get jealous from... So I never felt that you could be distant from me" he sighed as he looked up to the clouds "When I started going out with Sunny and when you started ignoring me at that time I thought you were trying to give us privacy... It was until I heard you were leaving... It shattered me inside"

He held my hand started rubbing his thumb in circles... I couldn't do anything but just listen...

"That night when I came to the window and you opened the window... Right at the spot I started realizing I had a crush on you... But again I refused it as I thought it was temporary because you looked absolutely gorgeous... As your hair flew with air making you look like an angel... And those honey colored eyes full with pain... I remember clearly" 

He sighed and looked at me but as I met his gaze he turned away 

"I was so scared that Night... But you weren't there for me" tear rolled down his face " When I kissed you I realized that I have always been in love with you... But I left because I was scared of your rejection..." he put his head on his knees

"Stupid... Idiot... Dumb..." I said between my tears "why would I kiss you back and you should've known that was my first kiss" I hit him slowly on his arms 

But he hugged me... I cried on his shoulder...
Again we sat like 2 years go...
I sat between his knees as wrapped his jacket around me and then his arms holding me close to him

"Sunny and I already broke up long before the kiss as she couldn't date because of the agency rules... And when you left... My world scattered... I would come here every day and sit here for hours waiting and hoping you would come out of somewhere... That whole year I tried to forget the pain... I went to clubs... Started drinking but I couldn't touch a girl... Whenever I tried... it felt like I was committing an unforgiveable sin... I would run back home and just sit in my room... I wanted to follow you but as I didn't do my mandatory service I couldn't leave"

I couldn't believe I put him through so much pain... "I am sorry... I am really sorry..." I sobbed in his arms "Tell me more... I want to know everything"

"2 years ago that day when I got up I had hangover but when I saw you... I couldn't believe my eyes I thought I was still drunk... I took shower and came back you were still there... I was so happy that I started dancing in kitchen while making coffee"

Both of us giggled between our tears as he continued

"In those two weeks I tried so much to give you hint but you didn't understand and the day I was leaving... I couldn't bare thought of you in someone else's arms and 2 years was long time... So I gave you an obvious hint... a hickey... And left with a slight hope that you'll be waiting for me"

He rubbed my arms and kissed top of my head

"Today I didn't come to see you because I wanted to ask you in front of everyone and to give you surprise but you didn't come you... When I walked out to the porch to come to see why didn't you come... I saw your heels and the blue box on my way... I knew you probably saw something that you misunderstood" he looked down me "what did you see?"

"I saw Sunny give you a kiss... I thought she was still your girlfriend and you just used me... It hurt me Much more than it should because I was insecure as I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING JOONIE"

"I LOVE YOU TOO... DUMMY" he smiled as he touched my nose with his finger

I turned an lean foreword... He was doing the same...

He pressed his lips against mine and I closed my eyes... I knew this was the perfect kiss with the perfect guy... Who I loved and who loved me...

As we pulled away he smiled at me

"Be my Girlfriend" he took out the same blue box from the jacket

I smiled and nodded

He slipped the ring on my finger and I did the same... 

"you are officially mine Dummy " I laughed as he said that

"You know you stole my first kiss right?" I

"Nah -uh not even... It was my right" he shook his head like a kid...

"how come... " I tilted my head

"remember... I told you whatever you gonna do first time... Its my right to teach you that or be with you..."

"I love you" I kissed his nose and whispered

"Back then I was your only friend... Now I am going to be the only boyfriend you are ever gonna have and of course your Soon to be y husband" he brushed his forehead against mine as I blushed

"you look cute while brushing Princess" he said as he kissed my Cheek

"I like how you called me Princess" I said as we got up to walk back to the house "I Love You Joonie" 

"I Love You too Princess"  he intertwined his fingers with mine as we walked back

That's how I knew I was going to spend all my life with the person I loved the most

That's how I knew fairy tales could Come true we just have to wait for right time... 

And that's how Me and Joon created a happily ever after for ourselves at that beach...

Happily ever after does exist... It just you have to wait for the right person and Never let him go...!!!