Because I'm Stupid
Back To Square One
Yoona
The petite, willowy girl bought the mug to her lips and took a sip of her favorite instant coffee. This was her Fourth cup for the day and it was just lunch.
Yoona bit her lower lip gently as the she recalled what Kai would do if he found out about this. In her mind's eye, Kai would unmercifully yet gently snatch the mug from her and finish it himself, then start to give her a three minute lecture, as usual about her daily coffee intake, and how bad it is for her. Yoona used to dislike it when he does that, in fact, she used to dislike so many things about Kai that she wondered why she even stayed with him for nearly two years.
Maybe it was the coffee lecture, maybe it was the way he wouldn't listen to her babble about her day at work, maybe it was because of the fact that he was always carrying his camera around, maybe it was because their jobs demanded more of them that they just treated each other like doormats, maybe it was all of those things that lead to their break up.
She didn't knew what happened between them, she could only wish that she did. The spark and love between them was still there, only now, Yoona realized that maybe they both didn't have the energy and willpower to care for each other.
"Why am I even thinking about it now? It's already been three years." Yoona whispered to herself, and before she could find the words to answer her question, her cellphone rang.
It was her best friend, Yuri. For a second there, Yoona was tempted to ignore the call and make herself another cup of coffee then think in peace, but she knew that she couldn't bury herself in solitary confinement like this. So she took a deep breath, answered the call, and brought the phone to her ear.
"Im Yoona! You are so dead!" Yuri hissed. It was as clear as day that made Yuri irritated and snappy at this point.
"What did I do this time?" She asked innocently. Yoona honestly didn't knew what she did wrong, yet knowing her clumsy self; she must have screwed something up unconsciously.
"Did you forget?" Yuri's voice raised. Yoona could picture her bestfriend frowning at the phone with a deep dent between her perfectly shaped eyebrows.
"Forget what?"
"Ohmygod. You really did forget! Get your up and go change! I can't believe you forgot that you need to interview Mr and Mrs. Lee today!"
Yoona's eyes widened. She completely forgot about it. "Oh no! I'll go change now, bye!"
With that, she threw her phone in her bag and started to take her clothes off as if her life depended on it. Yoona opened her closet, took out a short floral dress and a white suit and thin belt then changed into them immediately. She hurriedly put on a pair of beige pumps then dashed out of her house, her sling bag juggling, its contents threatening to spill out. Sometimes, she wanted to believe that her life was like a Korean drama, but the moment that she thought of it, she accidentally tripped on her own ankled and fell down ungracefully. She bit her lip and tried to stand up while hissing in pain. Taking a deep breath, she tried to sprint again while ignoring the ache in her ankle.
Yoona flicked her wrist to look at the time on her watch. 2:45. The interview was supposed to start at 3:15 but she had to be there by 3:00 sharp to prepare and set the place.
I can do this. I can make it on time, she murmured to herself hile sprinting towards her office. She was glad that Yuri had the heart to call and remind her, just like what she's been doing for years. Ever since they met each other in their freshmen year in high school, Yuri had helped her numerous amount of times. Being the scatterbrain that she was, Yoona complimented Yuri's organized and strict attitude nicely. Now, they're both twenty four and working for the same magazine company, their friendship remained as tight as ever. Infact, if it wasn't for Yuri and her cunning ways, she would never have landed a spot in this job anyway. Yoona tried to cath her breath then ran again, realizing that she owed Yuri a free dinner for this.
When she finally reached the building of her office, she composed herself and checked her reflection in the glass walls. She still looked the same as she did yers ago, the only things that changed was the length of her hair and her fashion sense. Yoona smiled and the reflection on the mirror followed suit. She ran her fingers through her long, dark brown hair before stepping into the automatic sliding glass doors.
Taking slow breaths, she headed straight to the elevator and to her office and tried to walk like she was a runway model who didn't have sore ankles. Thank God I don't look like someone who ran a mile.
Im Yoona smiled to herself when she stepped inside her office. It was her second most favorite place in the world, well, the world that she've experienced. She could think here. It was spacious and there was a lovely view of Seoul out of the glass windows. The view was beautiful, specially at night, when the city lights were on, and she was on top, feeling like she could look down on those white and orange man-made stars.
"This place really is beautiful, it's like your own haven, Choding."
"I know, and look at this!" She gently took his hand and towed him towards the glass walls. Yoona looked down to see the sparkle of hundreds of lights that seemed to far away. "Isn't it beautiful?"
"Yes, you are." Yoona turned her head softly to Kai when she felt how close he was, his breath warm against her pale cheeks.
Yoona's heart nearly did a cartwheel worthy of the olympic gymnastics when she looked at her reflection in Kai's warm, inviting dark eyes. Her pink lips lifted up to an involuntary smile, he always has this effect on her.
"Kiss me." She whispered and he smiled and leaned closer to her, and the moment his lips touched hers, Yoona knew that, in this dark room illuminated by streetlights, with his right arm cupping her cheek and the other around her waist, with his lips on hers and their eyes wide open, looking into each other's eyes as if they could see their souls, she knew that this was what she needed. Just his lips on hers. Nothing more, and nothing less.
"Yoona, it's time. Let's get ready." A messy, dark-haired head popped through her door, snapping Yoona out of her reverie. She had to smile to Jaejoong, she always interrupted her just when she was about to space out. "Yes, sunbae. I'll be there."
She composed herself and slowly went out her office, trying to be as graceful as she can. She looked at the studio in where they were going to film. Jaejoong already fixed the lightning and fixed the chairs and camera at a great angle. Yoona was pleased, glad that he finally got it right. Of course he's been working here longer than you, it's just nice to know that he found out what kind of things you like. She scolded herself mentally, then sitting down and got herself ready for the camera.
While she was getting dolled up and got her hair fixed, Yoona recalled the lines that she was going to ask Mr. and Mrs. Lee. The middle-aged couple were well-known for being the owner of rich and dynamic companies, they were intriguing since they worked together for quiet a long time now and was still popoular with the crowd and media. Yoona was quiet excited and grateful that she was chosen to be the one to interview them.
After about ten minutes, she opened her eyes and Jaejoong signalled her that they were here. Yoona took a deep breath and tried to ignore her clammy hands and the rapid beating of her heart. She stood up and greeted the now-approaching couple; and Yoona was shocked to see that they were poised and had a warm air surrounding them.
"Hi, Mr. And Mrs. Lee. Thank you so much for giving us some of your time. Shall we start?" Yoona asked politely.
The elder man chuckled. "Kids these days really cut to the point, don't they?"
Yoona laughed nervously. "Yeah, I guess."
"Very well, let's start."
Yoona gave both of them a warm smile and lead them to the chairs fixed in front of the camera. When everything was prepared, Yoona started asking questions, about their business; how it all started. It seemed to be going fine since Yoona was a trained host and she had a light and lively personality that helped her boost her charisma. Mrs Lee knew that she was going to like this host, just by looking at her. When the interview was about to end, Yoona asked a question that was included in the list, "So, Mr. and Mrs. Lee, what's your secret in your marriage? I can tell that you two are just so inlove with each other."
Mrs Lee offered Yoona a kind smile, and it was true. Yoona could tell by the way that they answered the questions, how one would finish what the other started to say; she could tell by the way they'd been holding each others hand thoughout the interview, by the way they'd look at each other in the eye and laugh together, that they were still very much inlove.
"Yoona, dear. It's not that complicated, back then; in our time. When something was broken, we would find a way to fix it, not throw it away." Mrs. Lee smiled at her.
It struck a chord. If she wasn't professional, she would have cried then and there, but she maintained her posture throughout the whole interview. After the couple left to be photographed by the photographer Jaejoong picked, Yoona headed straight to her office and sat down on her chair.
If something was broken, we would find a way to fix it; not throw it away.
She would never really admit it to herself but she knew that those words struck home. That she was guilty as charged and she felt like those words cut through the veins in her heart, slicing them into clean pieces.
Throw it away, that's what she did. She threw away the magic and the beautiful feelings that Kai made her feel just because their relationship was going downhill. Yoona bit her lip, struggling to fight the tears that were threatening to spill out of her eyes. I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have done that. I should have tried to find a way to fix it and regain what we had before. We were so happy back then, weren't we? We used to be inseperable. Yoona and Kai, you couldn't mention one without the other. I loved him, I was wrong. I shouldn't have just walked right out of the door. But it's not like there's anything I can do now, is it? I bet he's already happy somewhere. Just take him as a lesson, Yoona. So you won't have to make the same mistake again.
Click. The sound of a shutter made Yoona's head snap up. Her eyes widened when she realized who it was beyond the lens. When Kai put the camera down, she remembered the first time they met; Yoona was nineteen again.
Nineteen and Happy.
It had also been like this the first time she saw him. She was dancing in the studio alone. There was no one else. Yuri and her friends already left because it was late but Yoona told them to go ahead. The truth was, Yoona liked to dance. It was the only thing she could do nicely.
So that was where she was, dancing her heart out in the middle of a dim studio when she heard the click of the camera. She stopped and turned her head towards the sound, and there he was. He looked a bit messy and unkept but it just added to his charm. He had those messy light brown hair and chocolate eyes. Kai. Yoona stopped in her tracks and just stared at him. It was just him and her.
"I'm Kai." He told her.
'I know.' Yoona said then thought "I know. I have a crush on you. I always look for you without you noticing it. I should know who you are. I liked you the first three seconds that I saw you. Your name is Kai and you have a younger sister whom you really love but pretend you don't. You always carry your camera with you wherever you go. You don't talk to people much but it doesn't look to me like it bothers you. I like you because it seems to me you're always happy."
He smiled and Yoona returned it, not knowing that it was the start of a miracle.
"There you go again." Kai clucked his tongue. "You have that faraway look in your eyes. What were you thinking of?"
Yoona stared at him. How could he be so casual at a time like this? How could he talk to her as if nothing happened and they were back to normal? Doesn't he know that my throat feels so dry right now? That I'm having difficulties breathing? But then again, it's probably just me who feels this way. It's just me who still loves him.
"The first time we saw each other. Now, why are you here?"
"I was the one assigned to photograph them, but they're still taking a break so I thought that I'd spend this time catching up with you. How are you?" He said casually as he leaned against the wall.
"I miss you, let's go back to square one." Yoona blurted. She was never the type to keep things in. It's difficult for her to keep a secret.
Kai
"Kai, it's about time you wake up." He could hear Luhan's voice coming closer and closer. Kai waved his hand lazily in a dismissive manner. He closed his eyes and sunked deeper into the soft and inviting warm bed. Just as he was about to go back into peaceful slumber, he felt a force pushing him out of the bed. Kai opened his eyes to find Luhan trying in vain to get him off the soft covers.
"Okay, okay. I'm getting up." Kai remarked and Luhan stopped because he knew that this time, Kai was serious and he wouldn't try and sleep again.
Kai groggily sat up and slowly opened his eyes while stretching his arms upward. Another day wasted. Ever since the day his everything told him that she was going to give up on them, Kai's life hasn't been the same.
Every morning he would get up and he would look at the empty space on his bed, thinking that this was were Yoona was supposed to be if they were still together. Then he would think of the hollow feeling and emptiness in him. Every day, he would go to work at his studio. Every evening, he would go home to his and Luhan's loft and they would salvage easy-to-cook ramen or sometimes have a drink or two. Every night, he would go back to bed and look at the cieling for hours, cursing himself, cursing Yoona, cursing the heavens and everything that could be a possible reason why she wasn't with him. Every night, he would close his eyes and try to sleep and ignore the doubts on his mind. Where did I go wrong? Why did she really leave? Was I not enough? I knew I was busy and everything but I loved her, God knows how much.
After he ate and got dressed, he drove his car towards the SMent Building, where he was supposed to photograph some cover photos. While driving, he glanced at the empty passenger seat in his car and he smiled to himself.
"Yoona, I'm serious. Get your feet off the dashboard." Nineteen year old Kai remarked. It was his first drive in his new car that he bought using the money he worked hard to get. Right after he signed the papers and the keys were placed in his hand, he didn't waste anymore time and called Yoona's number. He wanted his first drive to be memorable and he knew that every moment spent with her would be a wonderful memory.
That was how Yoona ended up in his passenger seat with her feet crossed and nesting comfortable against the dashboard.
"I don't want to, besides you bought this car for comfort, right?"
Kai nodded slowly, not getting Yoona's point.
"This, my love," She twirled her feet and grinned at him. "is comfort."
She smiled at him and shifted to a more comfortable position on the seat, completely unaware of the effect she had in Kai. Just one smile and he was hooked. Just her calling him 'love' and he would go through the deepest pits of hell for her. Up until now, he never knew that someone could affect your life in little ways.
Kai studied her postion and chuckled softly. "Comfort, huh. What else is 'comfort' for you?"
She tilted her head to her side, he always notice that she does that when she's deep in thought. "Comfort is when my whole body is inside the sheets, knowing that the monsters under the bed couldn't touch me anymore. Comfort is whenever I would call out on a stranger and give them a hug and I think, most importantly that comfort is for whenever I would lay on your chest and hear your heart beat. I think that's the best kind of comfort there is."
And she did that thing again where she would say something and it would result in his heart going overdrive.
Kai parked his car in an empty lot and made his way towards the building. He walked slowly inside and tightened his hold on his camera. When he finally reached Jaejoong's office, he shook his hand.
.
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.
.
.
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Click. Kai slowly watched from behind the lens as her head snapped up and her eyes widened when she realized that it was him. To be honest, he felt the same way too. He was torn whether to be formal and throw his camera and scoop her into his arms. He missed her so much it hurts. When he placed the camera down, he remembered the first time they met and for some reason he knew that Yoona was reminiscing that too. When he looked at her, he was nineteen again.
Nineteen and Happy.
It had also been like this the first time he took a picture of her. For some reason, she was dancing alone and there was something extremely graceful in her movements and judging by the look on her eyes and the way her body would move along the rythym perfectly, he could see and gather how passionate she is.
So that was where she was, dancing her heart out in the middle of a dim studio when she heard the click of the camera. She stopped and turned her head towards the sound, and there he was. He looked a bit messy and unkept but it just added to his charm. He had those messy light brown hair and chocolate eyes. Kai. Yoona stopped in her tracks and just stared at him. It was just him and her.
"I'm Kai." He told her. She didn't need to introduce herself as Kai already knew her. She was Miss Popular, everyone knew and liked her. Always smiling and bubbly, Kai would always watch in secret fascination as she does simple things. If he was going to be honest with himself, he had a little crush on her.
'I know.' Yoona told him, it was the first time he noticed the faraway look in her eyes. It was as if she was deep in thought.
He smiled, completely surprised and Yoona returned it, not knowing that it was the start of a miracle.
"There you go again." Kai clucked his tongue. "You have that faraway look in your eyes. What were you thinking of?"
Yoona stared at him.
Kai wondered how on earth someone as beautiful as her could exist.
"The first time we saw each other. Now, why are you here?"
"I was the one assigned to photograph them, but they're still taking a break so I thought that I'd spend this time catching up with you. How are you?" He said casually as he leaned against the wall.
"I miss you, let's go back to square one." Yoona blurted. He laughed because he knew that she was never the type to keep things in. It's difficult for her to keep a secret.
Kai smiled, this was one of the infinite things that he loved about her; her bluntness. "That's sudden but okay."
"Okay? Okay? You're not going to say 'I told you so' or I don't want you anymore?'" Yoona's eyes widened, but a huge part of her felt relieved, like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.
Kai smiled at her and Yoona felt nineteen all over again. Nineteen, happy, and hopelessly in love with Kai. "I could tell you those; but I won't. Because I've missed you too and I realized what we should have done. It's all in the past. Let's start anew. Back to square one."
He sprinted towards her and kissed her lips. Perfection at its finest. Yoona couldn't make sense of it all, she had to think about this. She needs to plan how to start again, 'Oh forgot it. Just go with the flow. Over thinking ruins you.'
"Back to square one." Yoona smiled.
You lifted me off my feet once more.
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