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Letter One

________

Just how long had it been? How long had it been since they last spoke?

Much too long.

The last time Dong Woo saw her was before he debuted with Infinite. They never spoke over the phone, not even through text.

But the thing that irritated him the most. She never left a return address on any of her letters to him. Not once. And how many letters had she sent him by now? Too many to keep count. He’d read all of them, kept them tucked away, read every single one of them at least three times.

He missed her; so much that it hurt.

Jung Jae Hwa was Jang Dong Woo’s best high school friend. They met on the first day of classes, having homeroom together. Dong Woo, having struggled through most of that first semester, couldn’t help but get close to Jae Hwa. She was intelligent, helpful, and sweet.  Dong Woo loved to be around her.

Throughout first semester of freshman year, they never left each other’s side, ever. They simply could not be dragged apart.

But the thing Dong Woo remembered most was written in the letter that was clenched in his hand. He read over it over and over again. After their mid-year break, Jae Hwa was constantly picked on. The guys and girls of the upper classes constantly called her a nerd, picked on her for being small, pushed her down and messed with her things.

On one particular day, Dong Woo was heading down the hall to go find her after one of his classes only to see an elder boy pinning her up against the locker, shoving her books out of her arms. She could hear Dong Woo coming. He walked heavily, his fists clenched at his sides. Jae Hwa could feel the weight of the elder man being pulled of her, Dong Woo’s hands weaving themselves in the elder boy’s shirt, pulling him abruptly away from the young female.

She watched her best friend push the male against the lockers across the hall, his forearm pinned up against the elder’s neck. Dong Woo scolded him, out loud, for picking on a freshman. Dong Woo easily matched the other male’s size. 

But even though it was just a memory, Dong Woo swallowed harshly, the letter shook in his hand. He gnawed at his thick bottom lip, almost too nervous to read it even though no one was around.  She was intimidated by him that day. Even though he protected her, his actions frightened her. She had never seen that side of Dong Woo, and she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to again.

Jang Dong Woo,

It’s been so many years since we’ve spoken, and I can’t apologize enough for how I ignored you that one time during freshman year. You saved me, and the only way I could thank you was by turning away.

I regret every second of it. I shouldn’t have turned away. I should have stood there and thanked you; I should have run to you. I should have thrown myself into your protective arms.

But I didn’t, and whenever you think of that, the hatred you hold for me probably builds even more. I could never thank you for that day. I was so afraid of you, of what you could do, of your abilities, the way you so easily tore that older boy away from me. I was scared of your strength, of your reactions, of who you were.

Dong Woo, I know I can never personally apologize enough for the things I did, the things I said, the things that upset you. I can’t express to you how much I love you, how much I miss you, how much I hate letting you go.

I’m sure you can imagine that I can’t even bare to write this.

I’m trying to make it as short as possible, and I think I got my point across.

The point of this letter… I just wanted to apologize.

There’s no return address, don’t try to find me, you never will.

Love,

Jung Jae Hwa

Dong Woo’s teeth clenched together as he looked away from the piece of parchment. He looked at the crumpled it had in it. He couldn’t count the times he’d balled it up and thrown it to the floor before throwing himself on the bed, trying so hard to contain his tears.

And even now, so many years later, he still was.

Twenty three years old, and he was on the verge of tears over a girl he once knew. The glorious high school years he shared with her were the most magnificent years of his life. Years he wouldn’t trade for anything.

The letter was crumpled into a ball again, laying on the floor at the foot of his bed as he lay face down on it. His fists clenched under the pillow he was shoving into his face. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. He wanted to ask her so many questions, but she was never there.

“Have any of you guys seen Dong Woo?” Sung Gyu asked.

“He’s…” Woo Hyun paused to look at the others, especially Hoya.

“Tending to some personal matters at the moment, it would be best if you didn’t disturb him,” Hoya covered. Sung Gyu turned to Dong Woo’s room before Hoya spoke up again. “Don’t, Sung Gyu. He’s ready to tear someone’s head off. I’m sure you’d appreciate it if it wasn’t you.”

As if on cue, there was a loud crash followed by the sound of something shattering, and a bang after that. Dong Woo stood in the middle of his room, window wide open, and the curtains fluttering in the soft breeze as he stood surrounded by pieces of shattered porcelain from the bedside lamp. Feathers cascaded to the floor, pillow torn apart. Blood trickled from Dong Woo’s hand, dripping onto the hardwood floor, the mirror shattered and in pieces on the dresser it hung over.

He was breathing heavily, his eyes clouded by tears. He slipped to his knees and soon his rear, gathering the letter in his hands to smooth it out again. The ink was fading, but he could still read it. The paper looked like it had endured months of being run over by cars.

With his lip quivering, he smoothed it out on the floor, getting it as straight as possible before huddling over it, holding the piece of paper against his chest. It felt like it was burning his chest, the scripture searing into his skin to mark him forever.

Dong Woo let out a choked sob as Sung Gyu opened the door, peering into the destroyed room.

“I hope you know! Letting you go was the hardest thing I ever did!” he yelled to the open window before finally letting himself break into tears. Weak sobs echoed through the small room as Sung Gyu crawled in, falling to the floor next to Dong Woo who turned to cry into his elder’s chest.

“Dong Woo,” Sung Gyu whispered, looking up to Hoya who stood in the doorway, shaking his head, signaling him to not ask what was wrong. Dong Woo was about to break completely. “Maybe you should head into bed for the night.”  Sung Gyu, with Hoya’s help, bandaged up Dong Woo’s bleeding hand.

Dong Woo didn’t even want to look outside. He knew it was the best for him right now. But even as he got up to crawl into bed, he didn’t notice it was still light outside, especially when Hoya moved over to pull the curtains closed after pulling in the window itself.  Dong Woo crawled under the covers of his bed, trying to calm his harsh breathing as he wiped his painful tears away on his sheets.

“You know why he’s like this, don’t you?” Hoya asked as Sung Gyu closed Dong Woo’s door.

“He got another letter from her today,” Sung Gyu simply replied, not even bothering to make eye contact with Hoya.

“She didn’t leave a return address,” Hoya commented.

“Figures,” Sung Gyu scoffed.  “He had the first one he ever got crumpled in his hand, a big fat one circled in the corner.”

“Do you think he keeps track of the numbers?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they told a story in chronological order, in which case she’d need to number them.” Sung Gyu personally didn’t want to know.  “I’m almost surprised he doesn’t hate her.”

“Why do you say that?” Hoya asked, “Because she sits around and teases him with these heartfelt letters and never leaves a return address? Because you think she’s purposefully making him feel like for leaving her? I’m pretty sure without the letters he already does,” Hoya practically barked. “I’m pretty sure he feels it every day. I’m pretty sure if she knew it wouldn’t tear him down completely, she’d leave an address. She’s giving him the opportunity to pursue his dream, that’s all she wants.”

Sung Gyu eyed the younger male in slight confusion. “How do you even know this?”

“I may have read a letter or two,” Hoya replied shamelessly.  

“You read her letters? Hoya! That’s Dong Woo’s private life!”

“Like it even matters! Dong Woo doesn’t care if I know. At one point in time, he told me to just throw the letters out if we got any more because he didn’t want to suffer the pain. Those are the letters I read, the ones he told me to throw out. They were going in the trash anyway, so why not? And when I finally told him what they said, he told me he wanted them. He was glad I read them, because if I didn’t, he wouldn’t know what was in those letters,” Hoya responded, looking over to Sung Gyu who had been glaring at him the entire time.

“It’s not like you even know anything about them,” Hoya added rudely.

“Then, Hoya, why don’t you enlighten me,” Sung Gyu challenged.

“To put it simply, he fell in love with her.”