Dearest Mother,

You are angry, I can just tell. You are going to blame yourself, just like you always do when something bad happens to one of your children. But none of this was your fault; meeting Soojung wasn’t your fault. And the fact that I fell in love with her, that wasn’t yours either. I know you’re angry with me for choosing her, because you are my family and therefore the automatic decision, in your perspective, was to choose you. But Soojung doesn’t have a family; her family treats her like , and you have always taught me the value of a family. I had to stay with her, because she was so alone and I was so in love. I now know why you decided to elope with appa, because your parents both disapproved. To be madly in love and build a home without the foundation of your parents… I admired that. I have always wanted that, besides from becoming successful in my job, I have always hoped to find someone that I would be desperate to do anything for. I found that in Soojung.

 We haven’t known each other for long, I admit. And perhaps I should have thought a lot more carefully about my decision. She actually hated me the first time we met, and that wasn’t long ago. She literally glared whenever I made an appearance, and it was funny for a while, because I always thought it was because she naturally had a y face. But then I started to think a lot more carefully, and realised that she’s also human. She hurts like us, and she may be hurt with the awful comments that people regularly throw at her. And so I got to know her, and as I knew her soul, I gradually gave her my heart. It was foolish, it was probably the worst mistake I have ever made. But it’s my favourite, and while she still hesitates when she shows her affection, I know she returns my love.

 Her family are a nasty piece of business. I looked into it, and from the things Soojung told me, I started to piece together what actually happened to her family. They were into pharmaceuticals; selling medicine to the hospitals and making billions every year. The eldest daughter was going to be married to some billionaire, until her health deteriorated by an incurable disease, and left Soojung the next in line for her hand in marriage. Which she is going to be, married I mean, in like thirty minutes. Which is why my handwriting is so bad because I’m writing this so quickly so I have to be there. I can’t let her marry into a loveless marriage. She deserves a house on a hill, with sunshine greeting her every morning and a smile on her face. I want that for her, for us even, if we ever get through the awkward first stage of a relationship. You’re probably thinking I’m the biggest moron for choosing a girl I barely knew, but she is so much more than that.

 To me, she is beautiful as a gentle flowing stream; she is quiet and flows like the water, but is as violent and has to be seen as a force of nature. She is erratic as well as calm, and she makes me feel alive. Despite the fact that her parents have attempted to restrain her, she is a fighter. But she’s been fighting for so long, and she’s just so tired, that I decided to step in and defend her. I don’t want her to face the world alone, and although she keeps pushing me away, I don’t want to leave. I’ve decided to dedicate my life to her, which is why the only way we can both be free is if we die together.

 I’ve seen the threats, the bribery and the attempted on Taeyeon noona and Yoona noona. I am angry that they have the power to do this to my family, and to their own, and I am going to end it. Dying… it’s not so bad. Of course I’m still alive while I write this, but we all end at some point. Don’t be sad for me mother; I at least get to choose my departure. And it’s beside the woman I love, who willingly married a man she does not want so that our family is left alone. No one has to go through that.

 I’ve made my decision. Please don’t be sad, don’t be angry, and don’t become bitter. Always know that I’ve lived my life to the best that I can, that I grew up happy and loved and that I have never had to suffer for anything. I wanted to return all the love and support you gave me over the years, and to let you know that I intended to give you the new extension on the house you’ve always wanted, but it looks like that’ll have to wait. If Luhan becomes successful as a lawyer, I’ve entrusted this to him. Make sure that Taeyeon and Yoona noonas date appropriate men and that Kris never has the chance reproduce. I love him and everything, but his children will be the bane of this earth. Make sure Baek and Chan can be distinguished at all times; Chanyeol is slightly taller, but don’t tell Baek that or he’ll cry. And Sehun… tell Sehun that I love him. He’s too young to understand what happened, and in time he’ll come to terms with it, but please let him know that as his big brother, I wanted to teach him everything and anything he wanted to know. I know he’s got four others, but Sehun has always been special to me. Maybe it’s because I’m the only one who knows he’s afraid of thunder, and that he likes to play with dolls, but please make sure he grows up loved. I love all my siblings and I will do anything to protect them, and this is my way of doing that. I want you all to survive, and to continue to live because that’s what we do best. Soojung loved our family, so much so that she told me she wanted to be a part of it. Didn’t you say you wanted another daughter? I would’ve married her mother, and given you the daughter you wanted. She would’ve been a perfect addition.

 But don’t mourn. I mean yeah, you can cry over me and stuff, but please don’t hate Soojung. All she’s known is hatred in her life, I just wanted to show her that she’s loved. Thank you mother, for guiding me through life. For always taking care of me, and for putting up with my when I was going through puberty. I mean, if I was anything like Yoona noona when she went through puberty… yikes. I’m sorry I had to do this, but I’m also not because it’s something I am sure of. If I get into heaven, I’ll make sure I’ll look after you all. Soojung will help me of course, so don’t feel too bad that you’re losing two children. You’re gaining two guardian angels; who could be mad at that?

 I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I LOVE YOU!!!!

- See you later,
Jonginnie 

For any questions, thoughts or general rants, please tweet me what you think @allonsysoleil or drop me a line below.
Thank you for reading, I hope you loved it.  ^ ^
- Sol ❤