"Why the he'll is she pushing me away?! Damn it!

“I thought this is what she wanted and I was giving it to her all this time and I find out she’s dating guys and belittling our relationship?! What the hell??" he said loudly to himself, slamming his recording studio's door, which coincidentally opened right after it shut.

"Ya! If you’re gonna wreck stuff don’t include my face! I’m ugly enough for other people as it is." Chaerin said as she stood by the door.

"YOU ARE NOT UGLY. Since when the hell did you think so anyway?" Jiyong said still sour about the conversation beforehand but lovingly enough for Chaerin to notice.

“Oh, I never thought I was. I was just repeating what netizens say over the internet.” She answered him with a smirk as she slowly walked to the couch Jiyong was sitting on and sat next to him; Chaerin had always been confident in herself. There wasn’t a time that Jiyong saw her sad or sulking, over silly things like being favorite member or prettiest member.

To her all of those things were superficial; it was all about the hard work & the artistry of this dream of hers. And Jiyong admired her for it, because she was just like him, she had so much talent & confidence in one hair follicle than anybody he knew.

“It’s not like I care about what they think, or what other people say for that matter,

“But it seems to me that you do.” At this point Chaerin, wearing her playful smile, her chin resting on her hand; was making fun of Jiyong again. She was jabbing at the fact that he got pissed for her & TOP’s banter at him.

“No. That’s not it.”

“I don’t care what other people say. They could think what they want..”

“I care about what you think about me. And you wanting to shove other women down my throat? It doesn’t sit well with me; that’s what pissed me off.” Jiyong said all of a sudden which ultimately caught Chaerin off guard.

“What? What do you mean?”

“You, Me. This. Us. Casual, I don’t want it anymore. I haven’t wanted it for a while with you; I’ve been wanting more, more than this. We owe it to ourselves to find out, if this thing between us is just or is it more.

She was set to stop him from saying anything else; “Jiyong-ah. Please stop.”

“No. I have to say this. Because..this..what we’re doing..It feels empty, hollow.” He said with a clear sadness in his eyes, in his voice, so much that Chaerin felt the unmistakable sadness from the man that up until a few moments ago she had a few choice words for.

“I like you Chaerin-ah, and I think.. I might even love you. But if you’re not willing to fill that void unlike I know I am with you; then I can’t do this. It’s too painful, much more painful than letting you go.”

Chaerin stared at Jiyong, who was looking down, for what seemed to be like forever, digesting what he had just told her. This wasn’t what she signed up for, what neither of them signed up; she thought.

“So you have to choose. Be with me for real & no one else or just be nothing..not even friends.

He then said looking straight into her eyes with both beseeching and longing affection for her. This was most heartbreaking to her because now she was staring at a beloved friend that she now feels she has broken.

“Cause that’s heartless..”

As an awkward silence began to seep through the cracks of the sound proof studio, Jiyong felt a familiar touch from Chaerin, she softly ruffled his hair behind his ears like she always did when she was comforting him but the words she next uttered were not at all soothing.

“Jingyo oppa..

“I don’t know how to say this, but I can’t be with you like that. I get it, really..I do. It’s just that I never thought this would lead to anything serious, I mean. I really..really..care about you. And you are a very important person in my life, but we can’t afford to lose what we have right now; our careers.

“This is our dream, your dream..and..I can’t have you give it up so easily, much less for me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” Chaerin was now feeling her stomach twist, seeing her Oppa like this was painful to her.

She could feel her heart being bound by an obstruction unknown to her, she found herself grasping for breath and struggling to do so. Was this guilt?

Again there was silence.

They remained quite still sitting next to each other, not knowing what next to do or say. Neither wanted to speak for fear of utterly breaking the other one’s heart, all Jiyong could do was to tousle irritably his hair & slump back down on the couch out of frustration. He bit his lower lip as he held back his tears.

He was frustrated at himself that he didn’t save himself the pain of falling for Chaerin in the first place, so mad that he let her swallow him whole just to be spit back out. How long would it take him to get back up on his feet?

He knew it all along.

He wasn’t stupid.

He just didn’t accept it; he wasn’t prepared for the reality that he could never have her, no matter what he says, or does. Maybe it was time to admit that he loves her and she doesn’t feel the same.

Chaerin stood up from the couch and spoke once more;

“Mianhae oppa..I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah I know. I’m sorry too.”

Jiyong answered. These were not the words Jiyong wanted to say, this was not the ending he wanted. But this was Chaerin’s choice, because he asked her to choose. And she did.

With each breath Chaerin felt her heart become heavier & heavier; she kissed Jiyong on the cheek to bid him farewell, bid them..Farewell, she thought she would definitely miss kissing him.

As the friendship, the relationship they built with each other was now in shambles, it was over; and she was now saying goodbye to him. Possibly forever.

And the thought of which was something that was deeply painful to her, she felt a pain deep inside her chest growing and it seems like it’s not going away anytime soon.

Chaerin made her way to the door with one piercing question in mind.

“Did I make the right choice?”

– End –

A/N: I wanted to see them end up together but this would be the first time I finished anything w/ a sad ending, so I wanted to see if I could do it. Besides I just didn’t know how to have them end up w/ each other w/o making it seem too forced. Let me know what you think.:)