Title: A Secret I Would Die For
Author: Ruwee
Reviewer: CoOkies

~ Firstly Moira, I’d like to say sorry for the lateness of this review! ‘eek. I’m still just getting use to this. But anyways Review as promised!

1. Appearance (Poster, BG, font etc.) : 10/10
The poster is lovely, one of my favourite so far. It has a tinge of mystery in the colours and very easy on the eyes. Not too large and not too small. I just hate it how sometimes Poster are so big on fanfics and I’d have to scroll down further just to read the updates. The quote also is very suited for the story and leads the readers to ponder the outcome.

2. Title: 5/5
The title is definitely fresh, and alluring. It makes the readers want to tune in just to discover what type of secret that can make a human being ‘die for’; did the author mean actually die or just a figurative speech. Any who everyone knows it’s not very easy to have original titles but this does catch my imaginative side.

3. Forewords (Introduction): 8/10
A very good start I must say. It has everything that a foreword needed. A personal insight into the protagonist’s life with great details. Also a short chapter to satisfy the reader’s interest. However I have deducted some marks for the summing up you have included here that maybe I didn’t think you needed:

Eg:
‘A sudden meeting with this particular man wasn’t something she expected, but then occurred. She married him – her manager, sooner than expected. Because – One, he got her pregnant. Two, she loves him. Three, he loved her back. Four, they love each other and five; no person or words could break them apart.’

It didn’t give a lot away but to me it gave some part of the ambiguity of her life and what will come about/ being pregnant? Getting Married? They are all important part of a story and will always surprise the readers, but maybe you did intend to feed the readers these. I’m not sure; it is different so I didn’t deduct too many marks from it.

4. Characters (Description): 8/10
There were some descriptions on the first few chapters but it tended to spread later on, which was fine but I think more description and background on the people of her life would have been good as well. There is lots of CE coupling in Winglin and to the fans reading it; they already knew some description of them so that is fair. However I do like how you have described Ella’s Emotional status when she was with Chun. She was filled with anger, shyness and of course curious at what Chun was playing at. Keep it up.

5. Creativity (The Plot): 13/15
I love the plot. It is indeed new to me. There aren’t many action/mystery/Secret Agent fanfic around that is half as interesting as what you have here. It’s upfront and personal. That is how I perceive Ella too. Winglin is jam packed with Romance story where girl meets boy or vice versa and there are obstacles and so on and so on. After a while it gets a bit predictable. But this, is very like a mini series. I also enjoy reading about all the ‘phobias’ that Ella has possessed throughout the story. It was humorous and I guess educational. I could also sense some unrequited love as well as jealousy and revenge. These are very strong sentiments that can all kill which relates to Ella’s secret. She seems to hide it very well or Chun is just too plain dumb to notice. Enough said kudos to you for stepping out of your comfort zone and writing something completely different from your other fanfics that I’ve read.

6. Writing Style: 13/15
Your writing style is fine, I enjoyed your writing style, especially the very sensual kiss in the hotel between Chun & Ella.

Eg:
‘My eye sight got blurry every minute and all I could see now is Chun. I looked down his face only to find his cherry red lips, which is all I wanted to kiss. Anyway, he would taste like the alcohol I just drank so it wouldn’t differ if I kissed him right now as to how the alcohol tasted. So, I didn’t think twice.’

I love how Ella compared Chun’s taste to the alcohol that she was already drinking. So she already knew how his kiss would taste, smell and how addictive it was. I thought those few scenes were beautifully written and I just wanted to praise you on that one. I’m glad you didn’t write in script form and most of the time, your writing was very enjoyable as you didn’t overly use some words and sometimes, you did describe things. Though, I think that there are room for improvement in I believe that you could further describe how the characters are thinking, feeling and their actions besides just the main character; Ella.

7. Flow: 12/15
The flow varied in some chapters. It was quick at first, the first few chapters were already jam packed with conflict and Chun & Ella’s meetings and her secret. Then towards the middle it got bit slower with some unnecessary chapters that dragged on. I know that everyone has a life outside of the net and updating your stories so your update will always be affected by your day. But don’t go down the way that many good author has. Which is just update a chapter for the sake of updating. I’m not saying that you have done this, but just as remember to keep the flow and content as great as it has been are essential to keep your readers hungrily at your tips - reading your next chapter.

8. Spelling/Grammar: 8/10
Your spelling is fine, nothing I can fault on which is good. However you do have to proof read your grammar. Many people just type away without re-reading their chapters which is bad as grammar is very important to get the plot across to your readers.

Eg:
‘I was facing my left side only to take in Chun’s sweet scent and only for me to realize that I was hugging him and that my legs were wrapped all around him.’

How it should be:
I faced my left side just to take in Chun’s sweet scent. Only for me to realize that I was still hugging him with my legs wrapped around his body.

However, I think you just need to proofread it again and again as that's the only way to "perfect" it. But hey! nobody's perfect lol

9. Overall Story/Enjoyment: 9/10
As I said before, I like the fact that is refreshing. Easy to read, an interesting plot with a good cast. The beginning and the end balances out even if it's a tragedy. The gradual change of atmosphere was done smoothly and the secret entwined in the already tragic relationship got me keep pushing the ‘NEXT’ button of your fanfic. I enjoyed all the aspect it brought and I hope you will keep up the good work. Just watch your flow and grammar of your story in the future for more THUMBS UP! I anticipate more innovative stories from you soon.

Total Score: 86/ 100

Thanks for requesting myself as your reviewer and Fanfic Addicts for you’re One stop Review Destination!

To read this fanfiction: www.winglin.net/fanfic/mengruifan5

--

Thanks Mya jie! Hahaha. Yeah, this was late for a bit, but I don`t mind anyway. Yeah, you`re right! My grammar... I don`t proofread kasi. Sometimes I just type out whatever comes to mind first for I`m afraid to lose all the ideas, LOL. Anyway, super thanks again!