I'm not sure how much different my life would be had I not met you that day. I wouldn’t have experienced all of the pain and sadness and memories filled with tears. Then again I wouldn’t have experienced all of the joy and excitement, and the memories filled with tears. But If I had not met you that day I wouldn’t have experienced that joy, excitement, preciousness, happiness, and most of all the feeling of TRUE happiness. How are you now?

    Much time has passed, season after season is still cold, and I try to move on. But, there’s Something, Something  within me that is constantly reminding me of what we once had. I try so hard to move on, but I often just find myself reminiscing on all of the good times we shared together. I remember all the days we spend after school together, I was in my 3rd year and you your 2ed. Everyday my heart would melt at the sight of your smile, your amazing hugs that I wish would last an eternity if possible, I knew that everyday would be good as long as I had the chance to see you.

    Do you remember when we went to the beach? Or how about all of the times that we ran to Quickly’s simply because you where craving a Green Apple Snow, and I couldn’t resist your smile? How about the countless amount of time we would spend together at your home? Countless time, countless smiles, countless tears, and countless reasons why. Why? They say that everything happens for a reason, But I feel as if our reason was lost. And now everyday I am still cold, longing for that smile once again to bring the ambient warmth back into my life.

    We would call each other "best friend" but is that what we really meant? Did we only say that because we where afraid to tell each other how we truly felt? Why where we so afraid? I have no idea what hurts more now, not expressing my feelings for you because I was afraid of rejection, or holding in those same feelings because I waited for you to express them. Where you afraid of rejection? “Best friend” as we would call it. Is it because we where to afraid to call each other more than just “best friends“?  

    And now I sit and think, I have realized how much you have changed my life. I realized that if I had not met you then I probably wouldn’t have met the friends I have now. Your the reason; I wouldn’t have met them otherwise. The things that we have done together changed and shaped my life. There isn’t a day that I do something that has a thick relation to what we used to do together. Do you realize now how much you really meant to me? How much I longed for you to just tell me that simple two word phrase. “Be mines.”  I thought I would’ve been able to forget everything about you once you moved, moved on, but my feelings where just too strong. I just want to know if you ever think of me too? I’m tired, and I’m finally finding the strength from within to move on, just trying to cut the loose thread that I am holding onto for dear life.     .    .   .  …..

What Never Was.