Hyukjae blinked several time to adjust his eye. Then he smiled after remembering about his dream with hae just now. Hae was taking him everywhere. Doing things together. Things that almost impossible to do in real life without disguise, without getting screamed at, pulled around and scratched by.

They were talking about many things, doing lots of things. Donghae said in a dream they can be wherever they wanted to be. So they both ended up everywhere as far as their memories can take them. They even tried to see the Pyramid but of course they couldn't since they've never been there in real life. They ended up laughing their hearts out for trying.

Life would have been easier since one can turned chocolate milk into strawberry one by just thinking about it. Or changing the season from summer to winter so one can skate upon a lake just like Hyukjae and Donghae did. Yes, it would be easier and happier. Even hyukjae wanted to take it back in his real life.

Hyukjae rolled himself lazily on his bed. He saw an empty space there. Donghae used to slept there whenever he wanted it. Sometimes Hyukjae just stared at him while hae was sleeping. Donghae was so perfect. His eyes, his nose, his lips, his skin, everything were perfect.

Then suddenly Hyukjae's heart ached, remembering what donghae said when he asked him why can't he go back to the real life. He said his body was to weak. He had no clue of what happened. He was also confused why he could appeared on his dream. It was all weird also for him as much as for hyukjae.

Donghae also told him that he didn't know how long he could come to Hyukjae's dream since it was getting harder and harder each day to find him. That was why Donghae was so happy today that he could find Hyukjae and insisted to do everything and having a lot of fun.

What does that mean, Hae? Am I losing you? Hyukjae sighed. His body shivered and his head refused to think about it. But what if....

Hyukjae shook his head and got up the bed real quick. He had to go and see Donghae. They were leaving for Shanghai in two days and Hyukjae needed to see him. So after a quick shower and tasting a little breakfast made ​​by Ryeowook, he went straight to the hospital.

That beeping sounds never failed to greet him as he walked in.

"Morning, Hae." He said as he came closer to donghae's bed. He kissed Donghae's forehead and then sat down. Hyukjae adjusting donghae's pillow carefully.

"Hae-ah, We are leaving for Shanghai day after tomorrow." Said Hyukjae as he stared at donghae's face. Nothing happened. Still lifeless. Only the beeping sound of the life support machine that answered. "But I promise I'll be back soon as everything done. You know i can't leave you for long, right?"

"Your hair grew longer...." Hyukjae touched the hair that fell on donghae's forehead and brushed them aside with his finger. "You've been here too long now. Everyone misses you. Our ELF missing you. Can you please wake up?"

Hyukjae's voice chocked at that. He tried so hard not to cry. But he missed his Hae so so badly. So he just sat there and cry, holding his hand.

"Hyuk.."

Hyukjae wiped his tears as he realized someone was there. It was Siwon.

"Hi wonnie." He forced a smile. "I didn't hear you coming."

"Are you ok?" Siwon asked as he sat down on donghae's bed, facing hyukjae. "Any progress?"

Hyukjae shook his head. Siwon hugged him and made a circle movement on hyukjae's back to comfort him. Hyukjae wished it was donghae who hugged him.

" Wonnie, He came to my dreams lately. Donghae." Hyukjae started after a long pause. " I know it sounds crazy but I think he's trying to say something."

"Are you saying that Donghae really came to you in your dream and communicate? is that possible?"

"Like I said, it sounds crazy. I Know. But really Wonnie, he was so real. I can feel him. He was there."

Siwon nodded as he bit his lower lips, trying to process everything Hyukjae had told him. "Maybe it was because you were missing him so much, Hyuk."

"You think I'm crazy, right?" Hyukjae breathed heavily. "I heard things back at the dorm last time, now I communicate with Hae in my dream. I'm a mess.."

Siwon shook his head so fast. "I didn't say that, Hyuk. Never!"

"It's ok, you can say it. i don't care. I am a mess. I made my best friend like this.. "Hyukjae gestured to Donghae's body. "I made this.. "

"Don't you dare blamming yourself, Hyuk. It's not your fault."

"But it is wonnie." Hyukjae let go a small sob out of his chest. "He was driving and I kept calling him just because he was late picking us up. He told me he was driving and I kept nagging. I made him like this.."

Siwon got up and hugged hyukjae again. "Donghae would be sad if you are like this. So please don't blame yourself becasue it really was not your fault."

It wasn't your fault, Hyuk. Don't blame yourself, you're making this harder for me...

That was what donghae said in his dream last time as he tried to appologize. If it wasn't his fault, then why does it feel so bad??

-----------------

Hyukjae took a deep breath and let it go slowly. He was next to perform Oppa has risen, his duet with Donghae. Only this time he wouldn't sing it with Donghae, but with Sungmin hyung. They've been practice for this performance and it was perfect. But something bothering him. He wasn't worry about the performance. Sungmin hyung would do great. Something else was on his mind. It was because he didn't dream of Donghae last night. He wanted to talk to Hae before the concert but he could find him in his dream last night.

Sungmin tapped his shoulder and smiled. The costume fits perfectly on him. As always, the multi talented Sungmin hyung never failed to impress everyone. He was always perfect, except for one.

He was not Donghae...

"You ok?" Sungmin hyung asked. "Let's do this for Hae."

Hyukjae just nodded, and they were up on the stage. Both given all their best. The Elf just went wild when Sungmin hyung introduced himself as Donghae. He didn't change the lyric, not even a bit. The ELF lift up handbanner to show their support for Donghae. Hyukjae cried in the end and took a long bow in front of them.

"You did great hyung. Thank you." Hyukjae compliment Sungmin once they were on back stage. Sungmin nodded and tapped his shoulder. "let's just finish this so we can go home."

So Super Junior given their best performance like they always had. They were all crying in the end, knowing that they were loved by the fans. But they couldn't stay. That night, they headed back to seoul on last flight.

"How was shanghai?"

Hyukjae jerked as he heard that voice. "Donghae?"

"No, Michael Jackson."

Hyukjae chuckled and pulled Donghae's nose. "Yaah! pabo!"

"So I'm dreaming now?" Hyukjae continued.

"You are, cause I'm here. So tell me, how was shanghai?"

"It was ok. Crazy like always. But it was not the same without you." Said Hyukjae excited. "Where have you been?"

"Around. How was sungmin hyung doing with our song?"

"He was great as always. You know him."

Donghae smiled happily. Hyukjae just stared at him lovingly.

"Yaaa! don't stare at me like that, you'll make a hole on my face."

Hyukjae laughed. "No, I really miss you."

Donghae blushed. He bit his own lips prefenting a smile to escape. "Nado.."

"So where have you been?"

Instead of answering, donghae muttered "I saw my dad."

Hyukjae's smile suddenly dissapeared. "But your dad.."

Donghae looked at him with his sad eyes. Am I also not on the verge of death?

"Donghae, Don't!" Hyukjae suddenly became so scare. "What are you doing? what are you saying?"

"You know I missed him all my life, Hyuk." Donghae said, holding back the tears that already formed in his eyes. "I'd do anything to be with him."

"Hae, please you scare me."

"I'm happy I saw him today. He was waving at me. But I can't touch him. I can't even go near him." He said as his tears began falling. "I wanted so much to be with him."

"Shut up Hae! please don't say that!" Hyukjae raised his voice in frustration. "What the hell are you talking about? what are you thinking, Hae?"

Donghae wiped his tears away and said, "I wanna be with my father.."

He just want to be with his father...

Hyukjae's heart slamming to his chest harder than before.

"I'm sorry, Hyuk."

"No.."

"I love you, Lee Hyukjae.."

"No!" Hyukjae covered his ear with his hands. He didn't want to hear anything else. This wasn't the dream he was looking for. This was a nightmare. "How can you be so selfish? what about your mom? what about all the members? what about me, Hae? What about me?"

Donghae was about to say something but suddenly he just faded away.

"We're not done talking! please..."

Donghae was gone.. and Hyukjae woke up gasping. He searched around but all he could see was everybody were sleeping soundly aboard the plane. He wanted so bad to turn on his mobile phone and call the hospital and have someone to check up on Donghae. But he couldn't. They have been on the air for almost an hour and a half now, so less than 30 they would reach Incheon airport. That 30 minutes was truely felt like hell.