Hyukjae's eyes fluttered open. Donghae's innocent face was the first thing he saw that morning. He frowned at first, wondering why Donghae was sleeping in his room, on his bed. But then he remember what happen last night. It was him who asked donghae to stay because he didn't want to be alone after what he had remember.

Hyukjae's trailed his finger on Donghae's face. Brushing his fringe away from his forehead. He looked so innocent. So peaceful. So... Beautiful.

And he almost killed him..

That was the thought that hunted him last night since he remember about it. He wanted so bad to not thinking about it. But he couldn't. It haunted him.

It was him who called hae and asked him too picked him up at Sukira that day. Hae didn't want to go but Hyukjae insisted. And when Hae didn't show up on time he kept calling him. He knew how terrible donghae's driving skill was. He shouldn't ask him to picked them up that day. He shouldn't!

Hyukjae closed his eyes again. Those thoughts really linger and didn't have any intention to go away. He could hear Donghae's voice screaming on the phone inside his head as if there were just happen yesterday. His heart ached seeing him lifeless on the side of the road. Hyukjae closed his eyes even tighter. He was breathing uneven. The images kept on flashing inside his head. He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to scream. As loud as he could. He was about to open his eyes when suddenly soft fingers run through his forehead.

"Shhh.. You're having nightmares again.."

Donghae's voice. He awake. Donghae must be awaken because Hyukjae moved so much.

Hyukjae shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to see him. Not wanting to see his eyes, not wanting to cry. So he pretended to still asleep. Donghae's fingers still linger on his forehead.

"I hope that nightmare wasn't about me. "Donghae said softly. "I wish you didn't remember about it because I knew you will blame yourself all over again on something that was not your fault."

At that point Hyukjae really wanted to cry. But he suppressed it. Donghae was really an angel. Everything he did, everything he said always show kindness.

Donghae moved his finger away from his forehead, traveled down to his nose, then rubbed his cheek softly and linger on his plump lips. Hyukjae felt his skin that was traced by his fingers was burning. His heart pounding rapidly.

That touch...
 

Why he wanted Hae so much? Why does it feel so right under his touch? Hyukjae wanted more. But yet disappointment struck when those fingers no longer touching him, forcing Hyukjae to open his eyes and wonder where did those fingers go.

"Oh did.. did.. I-I .. Wake you.."Donghae stammered, like a kid got caught while stealing candy. His cheek turned red.

He was so perfectly beautiful. Hyukjae smiled, and shook his head.

"You had nightmares.." He said as he got up.

No.. No Hae please stay...

"What was it?" Donghae said as he sat at the edge of the bed. "Is it bad? I will have a hard time leaving you if you keep having nightmare like that. Should you stay at the dorm?"

Hyukjae frowned. "Leaving? What do you mean?"

Donghae turned to face him. "I'm leaving to Japan today. Long stay, for the movie."

"What?" Hyukjae lifted his body up and support them with his elbow. "You never say anything about this. How long?"

"I just knew yesterday. Manager hyung told me. I'm not sure how long." Donghae said. "I don't wanna go. I mean this is tiring. Last night was the longest sleep I had this week. And now I have to go for God knows how long."

"Don't go.."

Donghae turned to see Hyukjae and laughed, while the other trying hard to look normaly.

"Yeah right! Come on get up. You have appointment with Yong Ko at 12. I need to be at the airport at 1. " Donghae got up and started to panic when he saw what time it was.

"It's 10!! I'm late!! I haven't pack up yet.. Oh my God!!!" Donghae flew toward the door but stumbled on a bulk of blanket and fell. He got up quickly and started to run again.

Hyukjae chuckled. That look on his face, that was really cute.

"Hae!" Hyukjae shouted.
"Not now! I'm packing!!" Donghae shouted from his room.
"Go get some shower. I'll help you pack!"

No respond. Hyukjae got up and went to the door to go out. He bumped into Donghae who was running toward the bathroom with towel on his shoulder. Again, with panic expression.

"Just put anything on my suitcase. Underwear, socks, pants, shirts ..."
"I got it! Trust me! Go get some shower!"
" Ow and if Hyung call, tell him I'm already on my way to the dorm!"
"I said I'll help you pack, and not going to lie for you!"
"Thanks!!!"

Hyukjae chuckled and went into Donghae's room. The suitcase was already on the bed. Hyukjae went to the closet and pulled out some of Donghae's clothes. They did this million times already. So he knew exactly what to bring, how many and so on. Hyukjae picked all the clothes that he thought they would look great on Hae.

"You need to go shopping for more clothes! Everything in this closet is kinda old!" Hyukjae shouted as he stormed the closet up and down. Donghae didn't answered. He probably didn't heard anything.

Hyukjae pulled the drawer to get some sweaters. Donghae would look great in that blue sky colour sweater. Suddenly he saw something there. A small velvet box. Hyukjae's heart stop beating for a moment, before it went crazy. He took the box out and opened them.

"Rings.." Hyukjae mumbled to himself.

There were a set of Silver rings inside the box. The design was simple, yet elegant.  Hyukjae took out one of them to take a closer look. There was engraving  inside the ring.

" Yours Forever - Lee Donghae.."

Hyukjae almost drop the ring. He put them away back into the drawer. There were two of them. Was Hae seeing someone? Those were obviously a couple rings. Or were they a wedding rings? Hyukjae closed the drawer slowly and still tried process everything. Who was she?

Hyukjae tried so hard to remember if Hae ever seeing someone. But there was none. The only thing that could answer was the other ring. So he pulled out the drawer again. But then he changed his mind because as soon as he saw that tiny black velvet box his heart started to ache.

"This is crazy!" Hyukjae thought. "Why am I like this? He's my best friend. But why do I feel like this? Those rings... Clearly Hae wanted to give that to the one he love. I should be happy, right? But why  do I feel so sad?"

"I don't want him to have somebody special in his life. He's mine!" Hyukjae's mind went wild. "I mean he's my best friend. I don't want to lose him."

"When did he even go on a date? What were they doing on those date?" Hyukjae leaned himself againts the closet door. "No! No! Why Am I like this? This is impossible! It sounds like I'm jealous. I'm not! I really am not!"

"Hyuk? Are you ok?"

Hyukjae startled and gasped for air. Donghae stood in front of him. He was all wet. Waters dripping from his hair into his bare shoulder and went down too his chest. There was only towel wrapping his weist. It's been a long time since Hyukjae saw Donghae half . His upper body was leaner now. Muscle built nicely on his arm. That six pack tummy really distrated him. Blocking his mind from thinking anything. That was so beautiful. Hae was beautiful.

"You're not sick, are you?" Donghae reach out and put his hand on Hyukjae's forehead, which shoved away quickly.

"Get dress quickly!" Hyukjae ordered him as he put down that blue sweater into the suitcase and zip it. "You're late! Come on! I'll make something for you to eat."

"Oke.." Donghae said as he watched Hyukjae leaving his room.

Donghae noticed that the drawer was slightly open. Donghae pulled the drawer open and that black velvet box was the first thing he saw.

"Did Hyukjae see these?" Donghae thought. "I hope not. So clumsy! What if he saw these and freakout? What if he doesn't like the fact that we were couple? I will lose him forever!"

Donghae took the box and put them into the suitcase. He was taking them with him.

He went straight to the kitchen to find Hyuk after he dressed up, dragging his suitcase behind him.

"Here, have some bites." Hyukjae shoved a plate of sandwich.

"Cannot. Gotta go now." Donghae said as he run toward Hyukjae and hug him. "I'll miss you. Call me?"

Hyukjae froze. He wanted to hug him back, but Donghae already flew to the living room, snacthed his shoe from the rack on the way.

"Hyuk-ah, see my car key?"

"What?" Hyukjae looked at Donghae in horror. " You're driving? No! You're not going to drive any car for the rest of your life!"

Donghae pouted. Here we go again...

"Ah Hyuk-ah!! I'm late!"

Hyukjae grabbed the car keys on the table and held him behind his back.

"Give me that.." Donghae said as he walked toward Hyukjae.

"I told you no! You're not driving!" Hyukjae said with a stern voice. "Over my dead body! You're not driving as long as I'm still alive."

"Hyuk-ah, if this is about the accident..."

"Do you really want to argue with me right now? I thought you said you are late? I'm driving. Let's go!" Hyukjae said as he walked to the door. " Tick tock tick tock...."

Donghae looked at his watch and really it was a bad timing to start a fight with Hyukjae. His phone has been ringing non stop since he got out of the shower. Must be manager hyung, freaking out. So taking Hyukjae's offer was the best option at that moment. So he just took all his stuffs, grabbed the sandwich on the table and followed Hyukjae out.

They both sat quietly as the car went off the high way. Donghae was busy cewing the sandwich hyukjae made for him before he left, while Hyukjae carefully drove. 

"How long will you stay in Japan?" Hyukjae broke the silent.

"I told you, I don't know. Why?"

"Nothing." Hyukjae said. His left hand were rubbing his temple intensly.

"Hae.."

"hm??"

"Do you see anybody lately?" Hyukjae asked. He surprised at how that question slipped from his lips easily. He waited Donghae to answered the question and It felt like forever.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh Hae, Do I have to say it loud and clear? why do you have to ask like that?" Hyukjae grunted inside. But he smiled and took a glanced to see him.

"I mean, are you in relationship with someone?"

Donghae stop cewing, and suddenly sallowed what was inside his mouth althought it hadn't cewed properly. He stared at Hyukjae with his lovingly eyes.

"I am." Donghae said.

I'm in relationship with you, Lee Hyukjae... it's you...

Hyukjae's heart stopped beating. At that moment he wanted so bad to just stopped, got out of the car and just ditched. He should be happy hearing that, shound't he? but why did it hurt so bad?

"Someone I know?"

It's you, Lee Hyukjae.... it's you....

"You could say that.."

"I don't remember." Hyukjae said as he let go a big sigh, as if he wanted to expelled all the heartache from his chest out. But it linger, and he hated it. "This amnesia is really get me on my nerve now."

"You will remember someday." Donghae said softly. "I really want you to remember."

"I'm happy for you." Hyukjae said. Smiling brigthly like the sun. No one knew that there was a massive thunder storm inside. Hammering, crushing everything. "I was not against this relationship of yours in the past, right?

"Hmm.."

"Hmm?" Hyukjae took a quick look at Donghae. " Why is that? Aren't you happy?"

"I'm happy." Donghae smiled as he said that. "The best gift God ever sent me. We're perfect together. We're matched in everything. "

Hyukjae bit his lower lips and nodded.

"Good to know, Hae. Congratulation." Hyukjae finally said. "I hope someday I can meet this love of yours, and I do hope we can get along too as friends."

"You will.." Donghae said as he tapped Hyukjae's shoulder. "Someday you will. I hope it will be the happiest day of our lives."

"I'm sure it will. " Hyukjae said as he nodded, trying to look sincered. "By the way, I know you will be very busy. But try to call me, can you?"

"Sure. I'll call."

"Eat and sleep properly. Don't forget your vitamin."

"Yes mom."

Hyukjae chuckled. 

"Should I go to the airport with you?"

"Don't. You have appointment with Yong Ko today, remember? You need your medical check up. I do hope the result will come out good. Sorry I can't be there with you. You were feeling alright lately, right? no headache? no cloudy vision?"

"No. Everything's fine. Thanks for asking." Hyukjae said. "Thanks for caring about me, Hae."

After that, there were nothing but silence between the two. Awkward one as both of them caught up with their own thoughts.  

---------------

Here he was again. Back to this same room, wearing this ugly hospital outfit again. Hyukjae really hate hospital. The smell of it. But he had to be here for his monthly check up. Ever since that major operation, coming to the hospital became frequent. Hyukjae laid down and looked out side the window. Hae must be at the airport by now. He wanted to call Hae, but what would he say? That would sound weird. He hasn't left yet, but he already miss him.

"Day dreaming?"

Yong Ko's voice startled him.

"Sorry." Yong Ko chuckled. 

"Tumor might not kill me but heart attack will if you keep doing that!" Hyukjae pouted. Yong Ko just smirked. 

"So how's my head?"

"It's fine. No sign of any growing tumor."

"So I'm off the hook?" Hyukjae said happily. " No need to come here anymore? I hate this place."

"I know you do." Yong Ko said as he read some of the result paper on his hands. " That's why I'm scheduling you to have another check up within 6 months."

Hyukjae groaned at that. Yong Ko just smirked. Hyukjae grabbed his clothes and pulled the curtain so he could change his clothes. 

"So how are you by the way?" Yong Ko asked. "How's life?"

"Fine.."

"Celebrity life?"

"Fine.."

"Love life?"

Hyukjae laughed. "Screwed with love life."

"How's Donghae?" Yong Ko asked

"He's fine." Hyukjae said as he put on his pants. "Busy as a bee. He's on his way to Japan as we speak."

"So how do you two get along?"

Hyukjae frowned at the question. Why would Yong Ko interested on Donghae and him all of sudden. But Hyukjae answered the question anyway. 

"We're fine." Hyukjae said. "You know what? I just found out that he has someone special in his life. A lover."

"Who? Donghae? really?" Yong Ko frowned. " When did you find out?"

"Just today." 

"Well, that was !" Yong Ko said in disbelieved. " He looked like a great guy. So loving and loyal. What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened? That's what happened!"

"Really sorry to hear that." Yong Ko said. "Are you ok?"

"Sure. I'm fine." Hyukjae said as he put on his shirt.

"So are you breaking up with him?"

Hyukjae stopped buttoning his shirt. What???? breaking up?? 

"I mean, you can't stay with someone like that, can you?" Yong Ko kept on talking. "Man, he looked so sincere back then. He said he loved you and I believed him. I caught him kissing you once when you were still unconcious after the operation."

Hyukjae shoved the curtain harshly and face Yong Ko. His eyes widen. His expression startled Yong Ko a little bit.

"I'm sorry, what??" Hyukjae walked toward Yong Ko slowly. "What are you saying?"

"What am I saying?"

"Stop puzzling!" Hyukjae shouted. "What was Donghae to me?"

Yong Ko stared at Hyukjae in horror. "What do you mean? He's your boy friend."

Hyukjae's heart pounding so rapidly, slamming his chest over and over. My boy friend?

"He's my what?" Hyukjae asked in disbelieved. His expression became blank.

"Your boy friend." Yong Ko said once again. He observed Hyukjae's behavior and suddenly he really want to hit himself. " Oh My God... you don't remember that he is your boy friend, do you Hyuk?"

Hyukjae didn't answered that question. He forced himself to speak but he couldn't.

Donghae is my boy friend...

That would explained everything, wouldn't it? all the feeling he had toward Donghae, the affections, the longing, the tendency to be with him all the time, to own him. This was the answer he had been looking all along. Everything made sense now that he knew.

But....

Why did Donghae never talk about this? Why would Donghae kept him in the dark all this time? How come he never told him that they were lovers? unless .....

Hyukjae's mind flew to the last concert in Japan. When Donghae was drunk, he said he was going to leave Hyukjae. He said he was tired, he said no more trying, no more heartache. Everything made sense now.

When Hyukjae asked him if he was in relationship with someone, Donghae didn't deny it. He said he was happy. He was really happy!

"So this was the big puzzle? Donghae could stand to be with me anymore because I couldn't remember anything about  us? about our relationship? That he got tired of trying? and ... so he left me for someone else? How can you be this cruel to me, hae?" Hyukjae thoughts runing through his head. His heart shattered into million pieces. "He never told me anything... Oh My God.. this is so cruel, Hae! I didn't remember anything and you took advantage of it... and the rings.. Oh my God!!

"Hyukjae.. " Yong Ko shook his shoulder. "Are you ok?"

Hyukjae looked at Yong Ko with blank expression. He got up suddenly and left Yong Ko wondered. Hyukjae just ran, storming out the room. He couldn't think of anything, he couldn't hear anything. The last thing he knew he was already at the parking lot. He tried to breathe normally and reached for his mobile phone. His hands were trembling when dialing. His expression changed. hatred was painted on every inch of his beautiful face. 

"Siwon-ah!!"

-------------------------------------------------