Hyukjae carefully laid donghae down on the bed. It was 5 in the morning. They spent most of the night at the bathroom since Donghae kept on vomiting. Guess alcohol and Donghae really couldn't get along well. Donghae should've known better by now, nothing good about it.

Hyukjae fetched a clean towel and moisten it with warm water. Carefully he removed Donghae's shirt. He stopped each time donghae moved. He didn't want to wake him up. He looked so exhausted. But Hyukjae couldn't stand the smell. Donghae really stink. That was why he tried to clean him up, even just a bit.

"What happen to you, Hae?" He talked to himself as he wiped Donghae's body gently. "This isn't you. I mean I started to think that I cause all this. I mean, you've been distancing yourself from me lately, and now this.. Mess!"

Hyukjae brushed donghae's fringe aside. He looked beautiful. When was the last time he looked deeply into his face like this? It has been so long. Even when in total mess like that. He looked beautiful. In fact, he look y.

Hyukjae wiped Donghae's face gently while admiring his perfect complexion, his nose, eyes, and that pink lips that were slightly open.

He stopped at his lips. Gently he wiped his lips. Over and over.. Eventhough there no trace of anything dirty there. But hyukjae kept linger upon donghae's lips.  His heart suddenly went wild. Even he could hear his own heartbeat.

"What the hell am I thinking?" Hyukjae mentally smacked himself. "What the hell was that? Why would I have that urge to ... Oh My God!!! What happen with me?"

Hyukjae stood up instantly and look at donghae in horror. He quickly covered donghae's body with blanket and went to the other room to get something to drink. There was only strawberry milk in the fridge. He finished the whole cartoon in one go. He walked back and fort, he needed to calm himself. But his heart still beating so franticly.

"Damn you hyukjae! What's wrong with you?" Hyukjae talk to himself as he sat on the couch and closed his eyes.. He leaned his head back and tried to breathe normally. He stayed like that for a moment and tried to think. Why would he felt like that everytime he was with Donghae? How come his heart always racing and his mind would go blank.

"Hyukjae, don't hate me.."

Hyukjae jerked his head to the back. His head suddenly spinning and hurt like hell. But he tried to stay calm. He just saw Donghae in his head. He was crying and kept saying not to hate him. Then another pictures flashing inside his head. He saw Donghae lying on the street, covered with blood. Just before he could realized what happened, another flash of pictures invading his head. All random. All about Donghae. The fightings, the crying, the laughing, the hugs, their moments on their concerts, everything. But nothing, not a single thing made him understand what's going on. All happened so fast..

"Lee hyukjae.. I love you.."

Hyukjae's eyes shut open. What was that? Were they the pieces of memory that were lost? Were they coming back?

"Why did you say not to hate you? was there something happened on the past that I don't remember? What have you done that would make me hate you, Hae?" Hyukjae asked himself. His eyes wondering off. "We oftenly said Saranghaeyo to each other oftenly, but the one I saw just now.. why it felt so different? what's going on?" 

Hyukjae let go a big sigh and closed his eyes again. "I'll find out somehow... I know I will..."

---------------

Hyukjae yawned and stretched his body. He looked at his watched. It was almost 11 am. He then remembered about Donghae. He got up and walked to the bedroom to find him. he wanted to make sure that Donghae was alright. He was in such a bad condition last night.

"Hae?" He called out when he couldn't find Donghae there. He checked the bathroom. He couldn't find him there either.

"Hmm, he must be up while I was sleeping." He said to himself. He then  grabbed a clean towel and took a nice and long shower.

Once he finished, he stood in front of the mirror and look at his reflection. He touched his chest as he remembered how he felt when Donghae was in his arm last night. His heart suddenly pounding so fast as he remembered how Donghae rest his head against his chest and fell asleep.

Why would he feel this way about his own best friend? How can his face kept running around inside his head like this? There were always warm feeling everytime he saw him. A nice and great comfort. The past few weeks were the worse. He just wanted to be with Hae all the time. He would become restless if he didn't see donghae for a day due to their schedule.

If only hyukjae showed it... Maybe donghae wouldn't give up. Maybe Donghae would still trying to bring back all the lost memories, all those precious feelings, those love they were sharing. Maybe Donghae would still have the power to survive, to holding on.

Hyukjae were just restless ever since Donghae distanced himself from him.  He kept wondering what have he done wrong. Donghae started to hang out a lot with Siwon or the rest of the members. But Hyukjae seriously didn't like it when He spent the time with Siwon. And last night was the worse!

Hyukjae still couldn't believe that donghae could broke his promise like that. He was planning to talk to Hae about it. But when he saw Donghae with Siwon at the gym just then, Hyukjae changed his mind. He was mad. He hated the fact that Donghae and Siwon were ... Happy with each other company.

So they didn't talk to each other that day. Even during rehearsal, donghae was never near Hyukjae. Instead he stick with siwon most of the time. Hyukjae noticed that. He was annoyed by that. Every time he turned his head around he would find them together. Either chatting or laughing. Hyukjae didn't really like with what he saw.

Donghae was his best friends. It was supposed to be him with donghae right now, fooling around, laughing, chatting, having a good time, enjoying everything together,  not Siwon. Clearly donghae was cutting him off. But the worse thing was hyukjae didn't even know why. And It made him angry.

"Hae, you oke? Your legs oke?" Siwon asked as he sit next to Donghae right after the rehearsal break.

"Yeah don't worry. Just hurt a little bit." Donghae answered as he massage his own legs.

"Here, let me." Siwon said. He sat in front of donghae and massage his legs. "You just relax. It always happened when you've worked too hard. I notice that from time to time. "

"It's oke. The pain is bearable now. Much much bearable. Not like before."

"It's been so long, it's still hurt?"

"Yeah well .. Just once in awhile if I used them excessively. Don't worry about it. It'll be gone soon." Donghae said as he smiled.

Siwon looked at him and smiled too, but still worried.

"From scale 1 to 10.."
Donghae started to chuckled. Siwon was not planning to let it go, apparently.

"Hmm.. It's on 6. "Donghae answered. "It's just a light pain. You're worry too much. Keep it like that you will sound like Hyukjae. He always worry too much."

Siwon stopped massaging Donghae's legs and looked at his face. Donghae tried to smile but Siwon could tell that donghae was hiding his true feeling inside. Siwon could understand how he felt. His lips might be smiling, but his eyes told otherwise. Siwon knew how Donghae missed Hyukjae so much from last night when Donghae was drunk and blubbered  about it. The one he loved was just a heartbeat away but there was nothing he could do about it since the other couldn't even remember.

"Can we practice the dance one more time, please?" Hyukjae suddenly shouted across the floor.

"Ah hyung jebal.. " Kyuhyun slumped to the floor, trying to catch his breath. "I'm beat! We've been doing it like ... Forever! I need a break."

"Yeah me too,  Hyung.. " Ryeowook said. " Beside I think we're doing oke, right?"

"I don't think so." Hyukjae said as he looked at Donghae coldly. "Someone is always out of sync."

Donghae looked at Hyukjae but then lowered his head. He knew hyukjae was talking about him. He admitted that he was messing the choreo few times.

"Mianhae, I will try my best. I'm sorry guys, I was just tired.."

"You won't be if you hadn't stay out too long last night." Hyukjae smirked. "Looked like somebody was having a great time."

Donghae looked up and found Hyukjae's blazing eyes.

"I'm sorry hyuk, let's just do the choreo once again. I'll work hard." Donghae said. He tried to stand up, but his legs gave in. He almost fell but Siwon was quick. He held Donghae in his arm and help him up.

"You can't even stand up straight, Hae! How can you even work harder?" Hyukjae said coldly. He stared at Siwon who was supporting Donghae. His heart hurt. He didn't know why but he hated the way Siwon care about Donghae like that.

"I said I will work hard, Hyuk. I'm sorry. Let's just practice again. Stop firing at me.." Donghae said as he let himself go from Siwon and stand up by his own.

"Don't bother. Go get some rest with Siwon and have a few drinks maybe. But please Just try not to get drunk, he have our final concert in less than 3 hours." Hyukjae said, with a mocking tone.

"Yaaa! What are you saying?! "Siwon approached Hyukjae. He greeted his teeth to suppress his anger. " Appologize!"

Everyone alerted soon as they heard Siwon shouted. Donghae suddenly moved between Siwon and Hyukjae. He embraced Siwon and pushed him away from Hyukjae. Seeing that made hyukjae's blood boiled.

"Wonnie please don't.." Donghae pleaded.

"But he just .... "

"No, wonnie it's not his fault. He didn't remember, can't you understand? He didn't remember about my condition. If he did, he wouldn't say such things to me. "

"Why are you wishpering? Are you mocking me?" Hyukjae glared.

"No, Hyukkie... Please end this! End this!."

Donghae looked at Hyukjae's eyes, pleading. But he was so angry he had his eyes locked on Siwon.

"Siwon, please .. " Donghae turned to Siwon, again pleading. Siwon turned to see Donghae and gave in. Donghae could feel Siwon lowered his guard and became more relax under his embraced. So slowly Donghae let him go.

"What's going on? " Leeteuk asked soon as he saw the tense between his dongsaengs. " I just gone for 10 minutes and both of you shouting at each other. What's going on?"

"Nothing Hyung, it's my fault. I mess up the choreo and Hyukjae just wants me to do better." Donghae answered. "Can we practice again?"

"What? Hae, he was mock..."

"Siwon please.. " Donghae pleaded with his eyes. "Don't. I'm fine. Let's just practice again and forget about all this. I hate to see any of us angry to each other."

Donghae turned to Hyukjae. He was shocked to see his burning eyes. But donghae remain calm.

"Hyukkie..."

"Forget it!"

"Hyukjae.." Leeteuk called out.

"I'll be in dressing room."

Hyukjae walked away. Everybody stared at him but couldn't say anything.

"Why is he like that?" Kyuhyun asked. "What did he have for lunch that made him like that? He's so cranky.."

"Hey, don't say such things to your Hyung." Donghae said. "He has been working hard. He probably just tired."

"You always defend him, hyung." Kyuhyun said. "Right or wrong."

"Alright we will talk about this after the concert. Let's freshen up. We have exactly three hours before the concert start. Let's go!" Leeteuk said as he walked himself backstage. Everyone followed him.

"Hae, can we talk?" Siwon catch donghae and walked by his side.

Donghae nodded. He kept walking.

"How can you just take his words like that?"

"I don't want to start a fight with Hyukjae. He didn't even remember about the accident and what happen to my legs so let's not blame him."

"So why don't you tell him? I hate to see you being mocked!"

Donghae shook his head. "I don't mind. If he remember, he wouldn't do that. So it's not his fault."

"You really love him, don't you Hae?"

"He's my best friend, of course I love him."

"But that's not what I heard last night.."

Donghae stopped moving, then he looked at Siwon, anticipating. His eyes exploring Siwon's eyes and wondering.

"You are in love with Hyukjae. You guys are together before everything happen.."

Donghae cringed. How did he know?

"You were so drunk last night. You told me everything."

Donghae let go a big sigh and leaned to the wall behind him to support himself. Siwon knew! What will happen now? Donghae hide his face with his palms and slowly he slumped  to the floor.

"Hae.. it's ok." Siwon said as he sat beside him. "Don't worry."

Donghae lifted his head and looked at Siwon. "You're not against it?"

"Are you happy?"

Donghae smiled bitterly, and then slowly he nodded. Being with Hyukjae was something that he really wanted. It was something that made him complete. It was beyond happiness. Until now ...

"Then I'm happy for you both. " Siwon said sincerely. "Seeing you happy was all I need."

"You mean that?" Donghae asked. "Siwon, please don't make me cry.."

Siwon chuckled. But then he nodded.

"But I don't know... " Donghae shook his head. "He didn't even remember that we were together. I tried to make him remember but ... "

"It's his head that doesn't remember, but in his heart, I'm sure he could feel it. Don't give up and fight for it."

"I'm trying, Siwon. But it's getting hard ech time." Donghae said.

"Can't tell him, huh?"

"How am I supposed to tell him? Hey Hyuk, we're couple.. you and I are in love, we're... we're gay?" Donghae said, smirked. "Yeah right, I don't think so!"

Siwon nodded. " I got what you mean. You were just afraid of losing him. Best thing is just let Hyukjae remember all by himself."

"Can't force love, remember? So I'm really stuck, you know? He was right there, but he was a different person."

Siwon tapped his shoulder and tried to comfort him.

"I'll be here if you need my help." Siwon said sincerely. "What are you gonna do now?"

Donghae lifted his shoulder and let go a big sigh. "I really don't know. I've tried to make him remember. But up to now, there's no avail. So I'm gonna let everything just go with the flow. If he's mine, he will come back for me, right?"

Siwon nodded. "Have faith is good.."

"Yeah, let the faith guided me. and let's just hope I will be strong enough to face everything." Donghae said softly. "I really do miss him, Siwon."

"I know, Hae. I'm sorry everything seemed so hard on you." Siwon said. "Just be strong. I'm here anytime you need my help. But please remember one thing, Hae. Don't let anyone disrespect you. That's go for Hyukjae also. you don't have to endure everything that he did or say that offended you like few minutes ago. Either he remember or not he has to respect you."

Donghae nodded and hug Siwon. "Thanks wonnie. You don't know how glad I am that I finally have someone to talk to."

"You're welcome ... "

Right after that a loud bang was heard. Donghae and Siwon looked and found Hyukjae walked out from the dressing room. He walked passed them but not saying a word.

"It's going to be a long long night." Donghae said softly as he let go a big sigh. His eyes were following Hyukjae until he turned at the corner and gone.

And he was right.  it was indeed the longest night for Donghae. Hyuk was ignoring him on the stage that night. There was hardly any eunhae moments. How could there be if everytime Donghae made a move toward Hyukjae, the other would just running to other direction. 

The worse was when they performed Oppa oppa. Donghae tried to smiled and be as playfull as he always do on every performance but Hyukjae was really not in the mood. There were usually lots and lots of eunhae moments. Even when Donghae hug him, he didn't hug him back. Donghae almost cried but he managed to finished the performance.

"Hyukjae, can we talk?" Donghae asked soon as they were back to the backstage. "What did I do wrong? tell me please!"

"Not now."

"Now!" Donghae raised his voice. He was surprised himself by his own tone, but he kept going. " KRY is performing next so we have time to talk. Please.. let's talk."

Hyukjae stood in front of Donghae. anticipting.

"What did I do wrong? That was not Eunhae out there just now." Donghae said, "Have I done something's wrong?"

"How can you even asked that?" Hyukjae glared at him. "You were the one who has been avoiding me, remember? and why was that?"

Donghae opened his mouth but there was nothing coming from his mouth.

"Why? tell me! you can't even answer that question, can you?!' Hyukjae stared at Donghae furiously.

"How can I answered that Hyukjae? I distance myself from you because it was too painfull to be around you without being able to hold you! Because I love you and it's not easy being around you because despite what had happen to us few months ago you didn't remember a damn thing about it and it hurts me! I distance myself from you because I fail to make you remember about us. I fail to remind you about our love and I don't know what else to do!"

"You promise me once you will never touch alcohol. What happen now?" Hyukjae asked. Donghae snapped out from his thoughts. "I took seriously every promise that I take, and I thought you are too. But see what happen now.."

"I'm sorry, Hyukjae. I really am! last night was a mistake, I'm so sorry."

"That's not you, Hae." Hyukjae said. "There must be something that has been bothering you. I wish you'd just tell me. Can you tell me what happen?"

Again, Donghae opened his mouth but nothing came out. He just looked at hyukjae desperately.

"Exactly.. "Hyukjae said softly. "You can't tell me. Because I'm no longer your best friend, right?"

"Hyukjae please..."

"I get it, Hae." Hyukjae said. "Let's start keeping secret from each other from now on, shall we!"

"No, Hyukjae how can you think such things?"

"what am I supposed to think, Hae? you tell me!" He said as he hit the wall behind Donghae with full force. It was loud enough that cordi noona crane her head and peaked through the door that was slightly open. Hyukjae and Donghae bowed at her instantly. She bowed back and get back to what she was doing.

"You ok?" Donghae asked softly. "Your hand.."

"This is nothing compare to what I felt." Hyukjae said.

Donghae bit his lower lips and looked at Hyukjae desperately. He couldn't say a word. So He just stood there as he watched Hyukjae turned around and leave.

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