What's the point of living?

You're born. Go through life's . Then you die.

Sleep. Eat. Walk around like a zombie. That's all I do these days.

I used to have a life. A happy one. Until the incident two years ago.

I was crushed. Half dead. But it didn't end there. Three months after that, mum killed herself.

I am alone. I have nothing to live for. So why am I still here?

Well, I plan to fix that problem today.

There are no tourists in the Grand Canyon skywalk. Which is unusual, but good. There would be less complications that way.

I picked myself up from the bench and made my way to the skywalk.

I've seen this moment inside my head for hundreds of times. I go to the skywalk, check if anybody's there, sit on the rails, then fall to my death.

I imagined it would be painful and gruesome. But this is where I want it to end.

I got to the rails. I had a leg over it. I was about to sit, but something pulled at my jacket.

I looked back. No one. I looked down. There was a girl. She was pale, her cheeks sunburned.

'That's dangerous', she said. I frowned at her. 'I know.' I answered. She didn't let go.

I told her to go find someone else to bother. She didn't answer.

I ask if she was lost. She just shrugged. What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?

I wanted her to go away. But I can't exactly say 'Sod off so I can kill myself'

She just stared at me with huge blue eyes. They look familiar, somehow.

I swing my leg back. The girl got hold of the belt loops of my pants –not enough to stop me if I really jumped, but just enough to make me stop.. It seems like I'm stuck with her until she gets tired of me.

'What's your name?' I ask. She said, 'I'm hungry'. Fine. I give up asking questions.

I went back inside, the girl beside me. We entered a small fast food restaurant. I looked at the girl to ask what she wants to eat. She stood on her toes, leaning on the counter.

I pulled her closer and pointed at the menu. The guy behind the counter raised an eyebrow. It's because of my torn outfit and wildly coloured hair, I'm sure. I raised mine too, daring him to say something. He didn't.

'Burger' said the girl suddenly. 'What else?' I ask. She my ear piercing then said, 'coke'.

Luckily, I had a fifty in my pocket. I paid for the food then took a seat.

'Wow! I forgot what it tastes like!' The girl exclaimed. She looks like she's high. At least she's happy.

She's got big bites for a fifteen-year-old girl. I wasn’t sure if that was her real age though. But she surely looks it.

Two minutes. That's long it took for her to finish the whole thing.

She was sipping her drink when I jokingly asked if her parents feed her anything at all. She acted like she didn't hear a thing. But I know she did. Her eyes looks sad after I asked her that.

'What's your name?' she  asks. I rest my chin on my palm. 'Taemin.'

The girl smiled. It was big and…warm. 'That's my favourite oppa’s name' she said and laughed.

'Oh yeah? Are you here with him?' I ask. But like my previous questions, she didn't answer it. She pressed her face against the glass divider and stared at a man with balloons.

'Can I have balloons?' she asks. I shrug. 'Whatever you want, Snow White.'

She jumps from his chair and runs off.

She's at the balloon stall when I got to her. 'Hey, Taemin! I got you one!' she hands me a green balloon. 'It's like your eyes!'

I didn't mention that I'm the one buying the balloons, that she really didn't give me anything. But, I guess it's the thought that counts.

'That's sweet of you. And yours looks like your eyes'

She laughs and says, 'It does, doesn't it!'

She laughs again and hums and twirls around as I pay for the balloons. she seems to be enjoying himself. Even if she got separated from her oppa, or whoever it was she came with. She must be a strong kid to able to do that. Stronger than I am.

We went around the tiny shops inside the building. The girl held my hand all the way. Her hand was small, soft and warm. I feel like I've touched those hands before.

When we entered shops, she would run ahead of me. Sometimes hopping and twirling. She never stopped smiling. She also giggles. I often laugh with her. I didn't mean to. I just get carried away by her whole personality.

She's my exact opposite. I'm dead inside, miserable and pathetic. But this girl. She's happy and carefree. She's full of life!

Without thinking about it, I picked her up and carried her piggyback.

'Whoa! This is cool!' She reached out to get a stuffed toy from one of the shelves. She buried it to my face and bumped it against my nose.

'What was that all about?'

'It's a kiss!' She answered and giggled like a madman.

I chuckled.

When my shoulders were aching, I sat down on the bench where I sat hours ago, planning my death. I almost forgot about that. I guess it's because I am having so much fun with this girl. She's like a reminder of how beautiful life could be.

I looked at her. She was sitting beside me, watching his balloon bob in the air.

I wondered when the girl goes home with her brother, will she still be thinking about the fun time we had? Did she enjoy hanging out with me as much as I did hanging out with her? Will we meet again someday? And if we do, will she still remember me? For some reason, my eyes stung.

'Hey, Taemin?'

'Yeah?'

'I'm sleepy'

I smiled. I let her use my shoulder as a pillow. She pulled at the threads on the ripped holes in my pants. All the while, I her raven hair.

'Do you want me to sing to you?'

She giggled. ‘I wish you would.’

That hurt a bit. Mostly because I’ve never sang in a long time. 'Oh yeah? Did you really think I could sing?'

'I just know.'

She straightened up, smiled and placed a kiss on my cheek.

'Thanks for today, Taem(te-im). I'm happy to be with you' she said. Then she laid back down and slept.

Did he just call me 'Taem'? No one called me 'Taem' except…

My throat burned and my eyes stung. ing hell. There's no way I'm gonna cry! I mean, why would I?

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

I must've fallen asleep.

My eyes felt heavy.

I stood up and stretched. How long was I out? I wonder if the girl is still asleep.

Wait a sec.

Where's the girl?

I looked around. Only tourists. No girl.

On the bench, only a green balloon was tied to it.

Did her oppa pick her up already? Without saying goodbye? No way.

I went back to the fast-food restaurant. Maybe the girl got hungry again.

I stepped inside and looked around. No girl.

'Hey, have you seen the girl I was with earlier?' I asked the same middle-aged guy behind the counter.

'Lost her, huh? Just what is expected from people like you'

I grabbed his collar and jerked him towards me. 'Have you seen her? Or not?'

He shook his head rapidly. I was out the door before he could say anything else.

I ran to the toy store next. Then to every store we went to. I asked the same question. They had the same answer.

They offered to call security to help me look for the girl. I nodded my thanks then continued my search.

ing hell! Where could she go?

I asked some tourist if they had seen a fifteen-year old girl with raven hair and sky-blue eyes.

Not one of them saw her.

Are they ing blind? How could they not have seen her? She was loud and all over the place!

. What if she got kidnapped or something? . . . . This is all my fault. It's cause I bloody fell asleep!

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Panicking is pointless. Okay, Taemin, think. Where haven't you checked yet?

I dashed to the sky-walk.

This feels like it happened before.

Me, running, shirt stinking to my back with sweat. Feeling beyond nervous. There's that hole in my stomach when something bad happens.

Like that time, two years ago.

Oh, God, please no. Not again! I went through this before. And it destroyed me.

What will happen to me if I go through this for the second time?

I ran past the trickle of people, not bothering to apologize.

There was no one on the sky walk.

The horrible image of my beautiful cousin, dangling over the rails, eyes wide open as her fingers slipped through mine, popped inside my head.

Please, not this girl too.

I ran to the bend of the walkway and leaned over. Of course, I saw nothing thousands of meters below. But there was something floating upwards.

A blue balloon.

Oh, God!

I grabbed at the balloon as soon as I could reach it. There was something scrawled on it.

I took the balloon in my hands.

'Dear Taem, please don't kill yourself. I won't be happy if you did that. You know everyone else won't be either. Try to enjoy life! We had so much fun today, right? The burger was yummy! I wish I could be with you forever. But that can wait. Taem, remember when you promised you would be a superstar and you and I would travel around the world? Why don't you do that? We have saved enough money for it, right? Please go. It'll make you happy! You always told me that was your dream! Well, you won't see me with you, but wherever you are, I'll be there. So it's like travelling with me, innit? Taem, please keep on fighting. If not for yourself, then do it for me. I love you, big brother! Your favorite yeojasaeng -Taeyon'

Oh, God! Was that her ghost? Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! Is this for real? Or am I going mental?

Oh, God!

But those eyes! They were so much like Tae's. And the feeling of her hand! So it was her all along! It was Taeyon!

Taeyon! Only two years older!

My, God. If she had lived.…

I cried. I laughed. I wasn't sure which one. Maybe both.

All I knew was, until the security found me, I was on the ground, hugging the blue balloon like it was the most important thing in my life. Which it was. It was from Taeyon. It's the most precious thing I have.

The graveyard was silent. The only thing heard was the light wind blowing against the trees. A boy with fire-colored hair and brown eyes stood in front of a stone grave. On his hand was a wrinkly old blue balloon and a picture of the Grand Canyon- the only photograph he treasured. The other hundred photos he took during his long world tour, from his worldwide fame were framed and hung on every wall in their house.

There were plenty of picture of castles covered in ice, lush green mountains and clear blue seas. There were pictures of huge crowds and darkened stadiums lit up only by thousands of light sticks. But his favourites, as well as his friends’, were those photos of him drinking with a lot of interesting people- a blond man with striking blue eyes, a purple-eyed albino, a sour looking man, and a finely dressed aristocrat. They all had mugs raised and looked- excuse the language- faced. It was clear that they were having a very good time. There was also a huge photograph of a tomato ranch. Five boys stood under the sun, each holding a basket of tomatoes. The tallest had a surly pout on his face. The feminine-looking one, on the other hand, had a stupid grin on his face as he waved at the camera and the other three were tangled with each other, their baskets abandoned. And then, there was a portrait of the five of them, posing at the Statue of Liberty, smiling widely. The statue itself stood behind them.

Remembering those photos, Taemin realized that he’d had made many good friends during his travel. In fact, some of those friends were still with him. His best friends, the four other boys he was always horsing around with, three. Onew, Minho and Jonghyun, were standing some paces away, looking vaguely uncomfortable, but Key was standing with him, looking down solemnly at the grave.

‘Taemin? Key’ he heard the oldest of them –Onew call.

Taemin shared a look with Key.

Taemin was supposed to place the objects in their hands on top of Taeyon's casket, and Key insisted he wanted to give the things he had collected- the balloon and picture in Taemin's and a bundle of purple and pink wildflowers, Taeyon’s favourite in Key’s. Taemin stared at the flowers as Key lowered it, a smile slowly creeping on his face. He thought about how happy Taeyon would be. She always loved receiving those flowers since they were so rare where she lived. 'They're really worth living for' she had always said.

It was Taemin's turn. She looked at Taeyon’s balloon one last time. He had finally managed to read the faded note written on the blue rubber again. He now understood why it was so important to give it back. he might not have understood every word that uncle Taeyon had written, but he knew something magical had happened.

'You had a good life, Taeyon' Taemin whispered, then turned his eyes to the tomb. 'But I bet you're in your happiest now. Say hi to everyone there for me.'

Taemin kissed two fingers and touched it on the stone. Tears streaming down his cheeks.

The wind blew, and Taemin closed her eyes. The wind's touch felt warm and tender. Very much like Taeyon’s.

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