He couldn’t lay a finger on what’s going on. Air shooting past him, cold breeze hit his face until it sting. He tried relaxing, just to find his limbs getting numb, as if they were controlled, not by him, but some rather foreign force. The air wheezed besides his ears, and those eyes fluttered, in exchange to a loud cry.

 

Hyukjae was floating in the air, but he could feel pressure pulling him up or down, he didn’t quite understand, somehow it was gravity that was pulling him down in a dark tunnel. He thought he was by the evil force of darkness, engulfing him into ashes perhaps, but suddenly, blinding white surrounded him, green and blue flashing around him, a heavy ticking sound of metal, chains turning, black tires with many red numbers on it. Hyukjae turned, more numbers.

 

And there he went falling as if there’s no end, the black tires around him rotate, the red numbers changing every millisecond. Screaming with the top of his lung, he felt the force pulling him tensed as he free-fell deeper,

 

“NO!!!”

 

Then something hit him hard. 


**

 

“Nonononono…”Hyukjae mumbled, letting the pain slithered over each part of his body.

 

“You haven’t seen Han River?!”

 

“What?” This sounds awkwardly familiar. Raising his head, Hyukjae found that he’s on the ground, pressing his head while kneeling. He stared at the pair shoes in front of him, and shot up to see Donghae, all fine and awake.

 

“You really haven’t seen Han River? In your time?” Donghae repeated, frowning all the while and pulled Hyukjae up. “And how did you end up on the ground? You were stand alright just a second ago.” Watching Hyukjae all confused, he laughed, ruffling the brunette’s hair. “You got paint of your face.” Using his forefinger, he traced the stains on Hyukjae’s cheek, and the other froze. This scene is just more than familiar. He has experienced it before. The sky, the place, their clothes, it’s all the same timing, it’s something more than a coincident.

 

“Donghae,” prying off the hand and rubbed his cheeks carelessly, he eyed the said boy in curiosity, “why are you bringing me to Han River again?”

 

“Again?” Donghae tilted his head, the other nodding furiously. “Again?”

 

“You just brought me there…yesterday.”

 

He received a deep frown in return, Hyukjae’s breath hitched, fearing something unknown coming up-

 

“But you just came yesterday, Hyuk. You ‘time-traveled’ to my time.” As if reminding the confused boy, Donghae made an air quotation, stressing the main point and watched Hyukjae gulped. The boy rubbed his temple, had he had any serious collision that made him lose his memory? Or it’s Donghae playing tricks on him? But everything seems so identical, as if he went back to the time when Donghae brought him to the river- mouth agape, eyes in daze, Hyukjae stuttered, unable to form a coherent phrase, those words of befuddlement choked up in his upper throat and was soon swallowed down when Donghae gleefully dragged him out the streets.

 

 

**

 

Everything was a complete scene of déjà-vu.

 

“They say its most beautiful moment is during sunset.” Drawing a horizontal line with his hand, Donghae brought his palm into the horizon, until his hand was covering half of the sun, grasping the thin air like the way he’s trying to grasp the last bit of sun rays.

 

Everything looks completely wrong. Hyukjae was sure what Donghae was going to say next.

 

He watched Donghae winced his eyes, grasping the air again and brought it to his lap. “Han River.”Releasing his palm, Donghae smiled lightly, slanting a fast glance at Hyukjae and all Hyukjae could see was the dark brown hair that seems to glitter under the sunset, and those dark eyes under the shadows of the sunrays.

He was sure he’d seen such scene before.

 

Of things are going to happen in the way Hyukjae remembered, Donghae would be looking all sad later, and they would be walking back home with bags of groceries, and Choco- Hyukjae bounced up, looking around but couldn’t see his dog. Stand up abruptly, oblivious that he had scared Donghae all of a sudden, he ran over the slope, searching for his dog-it had happened once, he didn’t want to lose Choco once more time.

 

“Hyukjae!” Seeing the older boy rushing up, Donghae chased behind, in awe of Hyukjae’s speed and the suddenness of running. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

The boy turned back, waving his arm quickly and went up the slope, taking in the wide view of the roads near Han River, it used to be a highway in his time, but now it’s just an empty road and Hyukjae was trying to figure out which way the cars go when he caught a glimpse at a ball of hazel fur across the road.

 

“Choco!” Yelling, he watched the dog running further, out of anxiety, the boy climbed over the fence, the zipper of the jacket caught between the cracks of the fence. “Damn!” He cursed loudly, checking out his dog which is nearly getting out of sight. He heard Donghae calling him behind, but the first thing that he had to do now is get the zipper out, run across the road, and chase after Choco. He was too busy pulling out the trapped zipper that he didn’t even notice a truck coming in another way.

 

“Hyukjae-”Donghae heard the rattling sound of metals, the ground shaking a bit as the car drove closer, yet Hyukjae was struggling on top of the fence. “Get down!” The boy screamed, Hyukjae finally getting the zipper out from the fence-

 

He jumped.

 

The headlights of the truck flashing on him, too blinding that he thought he was in another world, the heavy honking sound thundering next to his ears, the deadly screeching sound of rubber tires against rough cement and the roaring crash of steels and metals-he felt like being flipped over, something crawling up his body he didn’t know whether it’s coldness or pain, he heard a beep in his mind-

 

And the time stopped.

 

 

**

 

 

The same old feeling. The wind, the ticking sounds. Hyukjae opened his eyes, getting soaked in a globe of whiteness, a series of numbers getting further and further away from him, and there he rolled in the opposite direction, crashing another black tire of numbers-

 

 

**

 

 

“Ouch!” He felt like stumbling across a wooden platform, his spine hitting against something thin and hard that shaped something like a plank of wood. “Why am I falling everywhere today?!” he complained once he stopped in motion, rubbing his head face scrunched in pain or misery no one really knows.

 

“Mom, have you see-WHO ARE YOU?” A boy ran down the stairs, point at Hyukjae when he saw him lying on the floor, this is when he finally took a good look at the room he’s located now. Glass spiral staircase, white cupboards, high-tech computers and screens, and he’s sure he wasn’t dreaming when the boy simple draws a rectangle in the air to cast a virtual net over him.

 

A woman, upon such commotion, came out, Hyukjae assuming her as the boy’s mother, held back when she saw the reason why her son shouted.

 

“Who-how-”The woman stepped towards Hyukjae, head tilted to one side, he long hair falling to the side, lips opening and shutting trying to form a question between her constant stutter.

 

“Hi…?” Hyukjae mouthed, grinning lightly and stood up, dusting himself while the boy ran behind his mother’s leg, gripping onto the lady’s waist tightly with a frown knitted above his brown eyes.

 

“So you said you fell into some sort of time globe and came from 1990.” The lady sat down, “Coffee or tea?” Hyukjae stiffened up, watching a cup slipping into his view as he chose the latter. He saw the woman pressing a button on the well-designed pot before he smelt the scent of earl grey.

 

“I think…it’s this suppose to be parallel universe?” Taking a sip from the drink, he heard the woman chuckled lightly, her cup clanking when she placed it onto the table and sat down as well.

 

“There’s no parallel universe.” She smiled, eyeing Hyukjae in funny manner that he wanted to gobble himself up in embarrassment. “In the past, people believed it, done researches about it, but then, the theory was refuted decades ago.”

 

Seeing Hyukjae baffled, she continued, “It’s 2117 here dear. You’ve just gone to the future, I suppose.”

 

“So…there isn’t anything called parallel universe? Then…” He words were trailed off, remembering what he was taught since small, the effort of him going through books and researches of his grandfather’s when the kids of the same age were still playing duck-duck-goose. His grandfather couldn’t be wrong. If there isn’t parallel universe, how could his journey at the beginning be explained?

 

“What you experienced is a time leap.” Taking the cup to the sink, the woman returned with a tray of snacks, offering Hyukjae to eat but the boy was beyond astonished to do anything.

 

“Time leap…?”

 

“You see, time can never be reversed, so it was you who went back in time.” Pausing a while, the woman let the unfamiliar concept sink in Hyukjae’s mind. “You’re just going through time.” She drew a square in the air, a visible screen popped up and drew some more lines. Time lines, Hyukjae recognized them as, matching the time and years when the woman turned and looked at him with a smile.

 

“People travel back and fro in time,” drawing lines that were flying over the timeline, the woman pointed at the starting point, “You said you were from 1990?” Hyukjae nodded, “Odd. The first time machine was invented years later.”

 

“I’m actually from 2005.”

 

He saw the woman pursed her lips, not frowning to be exact, but something unpleasant must be crossing her mind. “The only reason why the time machine was replaced because it allows two individuals of the same identity exist in the same time. For example, two a person using the time machine to revisit the time a week ago, given that the person was still alive a week ago, so this person is existing in two individuals.”

 

“Uh. I think I got it.” Biting on his fingers, Hyukjae rephrased the woman’s word silently in her mind, making it easier to understand, “So, what’s the problem with it?”

 

The woman dropped her arms, brows crossing, hands gripping onto her other wrist and Hyukjae waited for a decent answer. “One of the individual…will just disappear.”

 

Disappear.

 

Into ash perhaps? Like how mermaid vanished into bubbles after the spell. Pain, he remembered, the intrinsic feeling he got after he used the time machine, yet he felt completely normal now. An idea crossed his mind, his heart flinched.

 

“It’s nice to talk with people in the past, but I think it’s time for you to get back in time now.” The woman smiled, heading closer to Hyukjae, and before Hyukjae could ask anything, he felt a tilt on his chair, his body crashing down once again…

 

And leapt through time.

 

He sighed against the same feeling of rolling on the ground, hands held up high and stopped himself. He had no idea how to control the time leaping time, so he wasn’t sure where he traveled to when he recognize the dark room. There was a light jingle, the boy turning a sharp angle and glared at the corner when he saw a dog running towards him. Exhaling deeply, he couldn’t quite find a word to describe his feeling, tired, exhausted, wounded, confused, but part of him was greatly relieved that he has finally returned to his house-

 

“What are you doing on the floor?!”

 

Or Donghae’s house, to be exact.

 

It took minutes for him to realize the situation; he is back to normal, at least in the matter of time, back to when things haven’t started to get into a mess, when Donghae was heading out to ask neighbours for medicine. He found one lame reason to excuse his disgracefulness on the floor, saying that he had happened to tripped onto the pile of clothes that dropped out from Donghae’s closet and went to the toilet. In the meanwhile when he was washing his hands, the boy flipped his sleeves, surprised to see the digits-

 

02.

 

Three times of time leaps, five chances in total. All this made sense to a boy who knew only things about the refuted parallel universe, a boy who leapt through time.

 

 

**

 

 

They walked to the farmer’s market a few streets over from Donghae’s house, arriving just after the market has opened. It wasn’t crowded yet, and it’s early enough that the day’s still cool, although the promise of heat hangs in the air.

 

Blue prints. Turning the other way round, it reads an inverted 02. If he had any slightest idea of how he managed to do the time leap again, he wouldn’t have been staying in this time anymore.

 

“-you want some?” Hyukjae was startled by the overly cheerful voice of Donghae, raising his eyes from his hand and forced a thin smile on his face while pulling his sleeves to cover the print. His eyes landed on the bag of berries in the boy’s hand; they got up early that morning, both trying to seek some warmth under the morning sun in the spring coolness.

 

“Oh.” Hyukjae mumbles, reaching over into the paper bag but Donghae swatted it away. Watching him with a smirk.

 

“Open your mouth.” And he did what he was told to, waiting the other to pop a berry in between his lips when someone just accidentally bumped into him. The man couldn’t be blamed, since roads were narrow and the boys were standing in the middle of the street, Donghae brushed it off, pulling Hyukjae back in position but the latter was in total gaze. Eyes stretched, mouth agape, gaze following the man who just knocked him.

 

Before the younger could even register what was going on, Hyukjae pried off his arm on his shoulder, turning his heels acutely and traced the same track the man has just walked. It couldn’t be-Hyukjae whispered, vague pieces of broken memories flashing across his mind, heart beating faster with every teetering step he took-it couldn’t be.

 

Through dark corners and broken alleys, everything seems so familiar yet not, and this is when Hyukjae stopped, leaving the gap between him and the man growing wider, wider, and wider, until the man in brown coat walks up the pavement and into the wooden gates.

 

The white house, those large windows, broken staircase, pieces of memories joining together to create a feeling too overwhelming for Hyukjae to handle.

 

“What happened?” Donghae looked at him expectantly, eyes constantly traveling between the house and Hyukjae’s face, just to see the latter muted, feet grounded to the soil. He rubbed his palm, stuffing them under his arms and decided to follow Hyukjae in the silent watching, observing the house through the large window next to the door, but then a woman came up, stopping when she saw the boys outside, a mere second, before pulling the blinds until nothing was seem. All shut and closed.

 

“Was there ever a place," he asked, "when you were a kid, where you'd go just to get away?”

 

Donghae raised his eyebrows, recognizing the words, and looked in front of them at the crumbly little house, picturing a little boy running out the door with a little pout, tears in his eyes, heading for the only sanctuary that exists in his life. And sooner or later, there was a sudden crash inside the house, a loud booming voice and a muffled cry, followed by a long moment of silence. Donghae’s eyes widened in shock, and there was a light click, the door turning, a raging adult expected to be running out but instead-

 

A little boy pushed open the door which seems to be a little too heavy for him, hugging a puppy in his arms and walked down the porch silently towards the gates.

 

Donghae was caught clueless, hand crawling up his nape and weaves his fingers between those brown locks, watching the child striving out the house with stern yet vulnerable steps, hand patting the dog slowly, lips trembling whispering. The boy couldn’t quite get what the boy was saying, not until the kid came closer and closer, eyes never leaving the ground once.

 

“We’ll go find grandpa, Choco, everything’s alright...just alright.”

 

This is when the truth hit Donghae, who quickly snapped around just to see the tears in Hyukjae’s eyes threatening to fall.

 

**

 

Donghae looked up to the closest branch and hauled himself up the tree, sitting in midair while resting his hands on the trunk to balance himself. Below him, Hyukjae picked up a broken twig and fiddles it mindlessly, drawing aimless sketches on the soil and stopped somewhere between a triangle as if finding a good spot to dig.

 

"So this is your old house?" the young one asked, gaze falling on the still locked windows and shut blinds.

 

Hyukjae said something between his sigh, wrist doing circular motion as if trying to stab the twig deeper into the earth, to dig a hole, large enough to contain all those unsaid and cover them up. What?Donghae couldn’t quite catch the answer, asked again, peering down for a second before looking back towards the house.

 

"More like my parent’s house.” Parents who were yelling at him when they weren’t too busy yelling at each other, a father who no longer wanted to be a father anymore, and a mother who kept playing revenge games with her husband.“I don’t know where they are now.” he breathes in wonder, looking around at his decaying childhood rotting on the wet soil of the backyard.

 

Donghae didn’t know what to do but to let the silence continue its job.

 

"So…" the boy scratched his head, shifting uncomfortably on the trunk and decided it’s best to go back down, finding a proper position not too close, yet not too far from Hyukjae. Trying to piece everything together in his head, he tilted his head to the side, seeing Hyukjae freezing all of a sudden with a stiff shoulder and pale face as grey as ashes.

 

They sat on the ground for after another minute when Donghae turned to the other and asked him if he wants to go to see his parents. Hyukjae couldn’t quite look at him in the eyes. "N-nah, what’s the point anyways? What’s happened, happened.”

 

Donghae nodded, lips forming a little contemplating pout as if understanding, but his words are anything but that."You’re lying sack of ." Donghae grabbed Hyukjae’s hand and stopped him, lifting his chin and forced him to look up from the hole, glaring sharply, “You’re scared.” The words hit him like thunder, he wanted to scoot away, or maybe hide himself in the hole he had kept digging, the force of Donghae too big as if engulfing him inside out. He breathed. Slapped away Donghae’s hand and looked away.

 

Are you scared? Donghae asked, a softer tone this time, his hand reaching to hold Hyukjae’s when the latter simply rests his hand on the twig.

 

“...You know what it's like to have broken relationship, right?” Hyukjae whispers, hands gripping around the wood but Donghae took it anyways, the other hand laying on his shoulder and pulls him close, I have lived up to a point I thought I was a tool for them to vent anger on rather than their son, all the bad grades and disobedience, perhaps they were merely excuses for a man and woman to vent their rages on. Maybe he is scared and he didn’t want to admit but then…all those childhood years, torn and decayed, weathering in noisy nights and empty house, Hyukjae simply couldn’t lay a finger on whose fault are these, is there a reason why he should be blamed for all the wrong doings?

 

“Maybe you’re right.” Hyukjae breathed out after a long while, feeling Donghae’s hand kneading his shoulder and hauls him closer, pulling him to his arm, “I’m scared. They’re scary…I can’t handle if I…”

 

“We’re human after all, it’s okay to be afraid.” Donghae hushed him, thumb drawing soothing circles on Hyukjae’s back. “But you miss them right?” The boy nodded slightly, only to make him look even more wrecking at this moment, Donghae pulling him into a big warm hug, rocking him back and forth slowly.

 

Maybe a hole for burying the ugly wasn’t what Hyukjae need, but a warm hug that accepts those imperfect flaws.

 

 

**

 

 

“You’re an ,” Scoffing, Hyukjae hit Donghae’s arm harshly. “Why am I even living with such an ?” The insult is weak and thus made the  chuckled, pushing Hyukjae towards another lamp post-the third time of the day; the first time succeeded in making Hyukjae bumping against the metal, the second time failing but made the boy tripping over his foot and the third time-well, let’s just say Hyukjae had enough experience to avoid accidents happening.

 

After a long while of teasing, they finally made up to an apartment far away from Donghae’s house, both standing still and examining the little house before them.

 

“Are you sure it’s this one?” Asking anxiously, Donghae followed Hyukjae who was striding his way towards the door.

 

“The streets have changed, but I’m quite sure this is the right place.” Scanning around the neighbourhood, Hyukjae led out a contented sigh and crossed his arms. “Aren’t you going to enter?” He shot a questioned look at Donghae, looking genuinely confused, but got what the other meant, mouth dropping wide and hands waving before his chest to stop the younger but it was too late-Donghae had already ran to the door and knocked it.

 

“Run!” He hissed, yanking Donghae by his sleeves in great reflex but god damn it why did Donghae seem to be nailed to the porch? What? You came all the way here just to hide?, mocking him, Donghae knocked again, waiting for the owner to open up the front door.

 

“For crying out loud could you just stay still and wait for your grandpa-” The brunette shouted, grabbing Hyukjae behind his collar and threw his arm around the slender frame, locking him in place as the door slowly creaked open, an old man around his late fifties smiled warmly at them, the same smile that Hyukjae inherited, the exact same smile that made Donghae fell in love with.

 

 

**

 

 

“You know about time travelling?”

 

“…Yeah, some, if not entirely.”

 

He fidgeted in his seat, unfolding and folding his legs repeatedly and threw a lazy glance at the clock, then back Hyukjae who was staring at the cup of tea in front of him as if he could burst the glass with his intense gaze. For a whole hour, these two men still haven’t gotten things straight, or rather; Hyukjae wasn’t willing to open up. Just tell him that you’re his grandson for god damn sake-Donghae leaned closer to hiss lightly while the elder turned around to feed his parrot. That parrot, that creepy parrot, that had been staring Donghae ever since he had set foot in this house.

 

Hyukjae pushed him away when the man turned back just to walk over to a wooden shelves behind the it.

 

“I can’t!” Hissed the boy, faking a cough when his supposed-to-be grandfather interrupted them, with a thick book in his arm with pages sticking out at the corners.

 

 

“Such a young age to acquire so much knowledge, I must say you’re a smart boy ain’t you? Tell me, who taught you about time travelling?”

 

 

The man smiled, walking over to the boys and pulled a wooden chair to sit opposite to them, eyes peering over those eyeglasses with an intriguing gaze set on Hyukjae. The latter froze, jaws clenched and lips tight-what should I say? And threw a helping look at Donghae who quickly got it and sighed dreadfully.

 

 

“He’s kinda…uh…figure it out himself. A hyung of ours tell him to find you so he pulled me along as well, you know, discussion and stuff.”

 

 

Now that the man seems convinced, Hyukjae finally looked up from his feet which he thought he would be staring till the moment he leave, flashing a dashing gummy smile at his grandpa trying to look as innocent as possible. The elder pondered for a while, chuckling when he saw Donghae slapping the gross smile on Hyukjae’s face lightly and crosses his legs.

 

“Very well then, what do you what to discuss? Assumptions and theories? Or the practical mechanisms?”

 

“Uhh,” Hyukjae stuttered a bit, biting his tongue for being so overly nervous at that moment of time and continued, “Do you happen to know what will happen…if two masses of same identity coincides each other in the same universe?”

 

He thought he had made the whole thing too complicated, the man not understanding what he was saying, but when he saw the elder’s frown deepened, a sign of deep pondering, Hyukjae silenced himself, preparing himself for the worst.

 

It seems like decade when the man looked up, the frown never easing a bit and Hyukjae thought he had started to frown as well, emotions are contagious, well, he understood now. He heard the elder took a deep breath, taking a sip from his drink and sat back.

 

“Well son, the result is ambiguous. No one ever tried it before, no one knows what’s in the parallel universe-” Hyukjae tensed up when the man shifted closer, back crouching, seriousness etched in his voice, “but if it is the case…one of them, one of the mass…”

 

“It pooofs, vanishes, disappearing into particles that you can’t even see, because even a single piece of ash of that redundant mass is not allowed.”

 

“All in all, it dies.”

 

 

**

 

 

Hyukjae woke up at midnight, his bladder pushing for some release. Fumbling with the blankets, he silently crept down the bed and ran to the bathroom. Right when he came out from the toilet all relieved and was ready to head back to the bed, he saw a shadow behind the table, curled up.

 

"Why are you awake?" he asked. It was a stupid question, he later told himself, but he couldn't help to find it awkward.

 

He shuffled his steps towards the table and sat down next to Donghae, the boy quietly shifted in his chair, his hand grasping a glass of drink, perhaps chocolate, Donghae once said he never liked drinking plain water.

 

"I couldn't sleep." He murmured, and Hyukjae noticed his face lost its smile, its cheerfulness, its liveliness.

 

Now that they both sat quietly, Hyukjae’s eyes subtly skimmed through the other boy's face. During daylights when shadow doesn’t cease to exist, there was always a tinge of bliss on Donghae’s face, perhaps the slight tug on the corner of his lips, or the sparks twinkling in those deep eyes. But now, they were all gone, casted over in the silent darkness, still lashes fanning his pale cheek, a thin line drawn on his lips.

 

"What's wrong?" he asked. Donghae had been quiet during their journey back home after the visit at his grandpa. They arrived at 11, and he assumed Donghae to be drained after walking for one hour straight. He seemed normal at other times though, before the visit, the day before, the weeks before, but he had a very lone look on his face that panged his chest, stirring an over familiar emotion of worry.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

"Do I have to be okay?" It was so low he would have missed it, but he managed to catch it, throwing a confused look at Donghae while mind processing the question, or rather, a statement. There was a long moment of silence, and Donghae seemed to appreciate it.

 

"No," He finally uttered, “It’s just…weird to see you like this.” Donghae turned his head resting on his crossed arms on top of the dining table. That look of loneliness and fear in his liquid dark eyes coming out from the dark under the subtle moonlight.

 

“How about you?” Donghae whispered the other catching off guard and almost got lost in the question, but still maintain his composure, bringing his hand up his hair and weaves his fingers through it. 

 

“I’m…fine?”

 

“How could you be fine?” He cocked his brows, looking genuinely confused at the troubled teenager in front of him, who was raising his chin from the table and sat up, shoulders still slumped heavily.

 

“You heard it just now. If you don’t get back soon, you’ll-” Donghae couldn’t seem to be able to say that word, like a taboo, teeth grazing into his lips, breath held back with great difficulty before shaking his head. As if understanding what Donghae meant, Hyukjae hauled closer, bringing his arm around the shoulder and patted it lightly, “That’s why I’m trying to figure things out. I won’t die.”, he said, trying his best to pull an encouraging smile up his face, and Donghae smiled, too, but the cringe between those brows was bitter.

 

“The machine is almost fixed and maybe I can leave just on time. Back to my time, the green peas and carrots in every single mean that bugs me every day; the without the wolves that always howl in midnight; without the grumpy old man next door annoying us-”

 

“Us?”

 

Hyukjae halted, arms falling back to his lap and stared at Donghae.

 

“I’m not going with you Hyukjae, I belong here.” The crest of Donghae’s eyes have fallen, bangs falling into his eyes and he looked at the muted boy next to him. “I’m not.” He whispered, shifting a little bit to his left so as to face Hyukjae, hand bringing up to those cheeks and touched them gently.

 

Even if he tried to come up with something happy, the sudden drop in mood made him incapable. He never noticed-he almost forgot Donghae was from the past, they were always together, eating, shopping, playing, sleeping-he had gotten used that Donghae was part of his life, and now, to leave the time means leaving everything behind, and everything includes Donghae.

 

The hollowness he felt was suddenly to huge. Those laughter when Donghae , the hugs he gave when they curled in one little corner of the bed, the touches those fingers had on his cheeks just like now- “I’m sorry.” He managed to choke out, curses when he felt the burning sensation up his nose and his eyes, when his heart clenched tight. Again.

 

“Silly, it’s not your fault.”

 

And again.

 

“Donghae, I-” Without even finishing his word, he fell to the floor and everything, including Donghae, out.

 

It was when Hyukjae returned from the abyss of darkness did it happened. He never had imagined things to be any worse, his head was banging, his steps were floating as if he didn’t have any weight at all, he thought it was merely the side effect of waking up after sleeping for three days (as what Donghae told him), but then things really could be worse.

 

The boy slid down from the bed, searching for a cup of water for his parched throat when he saw Donghae kneeling beside the table, back against him.

 

“Donghae?” He called, the said boy jolted in surprised and slowly turning around to Hyukjae with an unreadable expression. Silence.

 

“Did anything…happen?”

 

Donghae uttered something broken, stuttering was never a thing to the boy, and Hyukjae knew something terrible must have happened. He strode towards Donghae with each weak step.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

That was the last thing Hyukjae heard before his steps faltered, bring to a silent halt. Before Choco was a little lump of grey fur, those used to be fluffy brown hair now growing as grey as ashes, the collar around Choco’s neck now dangling loosely around the lifeless dog.

 

“Cho-co…? You’re not…” He didn’t notice his voice was hoarse, perhaps his dry throat or the blood suddenly draining away from his pulses. Falling down, Hyukjae took the dog to his hand, trembling fingers weaving through grey furs, noticing the fallen hair turning into darker ashes leaving haunting trails on the ground.

 

“When I woke up Choco’s already…” Hyukjae shook his head, silencing Donghae or whatever that’s disrupting his thoughts. This couldn’t be. He promised to bring Choco back to their time the very last time Hyukjae patted the little head, it was three days ago when Choco last jumped up to his lap and him, but now-chest going up and down with shallow breathing, Choco even needed to gap in order to take in more air, she was in pain, but Hyukjae couldn’t do anything to help her. Because no living creatures, could ever win against time.

 

And for the last minute, when all of a sudden Choco stretched her body, limbs kicking out as if suffocating, her breathing stopped. Warmth lost. Furs falling into piles of ashes in Hyukjae’s arm. There was a strangled cry, and before he knew, Hyukjae broke into tears, hugging the dust and collapsed to the ground.

 

“Don’t.” Donghae managed to choke out, he’s in the verge of weeping, because even though Choco was always hiding his boxers or chewing his pants but it hurts seeing Choco leave. It hurts seeing Hyukjae heartbroken. He pulled the boy up, flinging him around and hugged him tight. It’s all my fault, the boy, sinking his teeth into Donghae’s shoulder, muttering words of guilt, only to make Donghae felt even sadder.

 

“Hyukjae, you have to leave.” He heard Donghae mumbled between his light weep, a firm on his back.

 

“I don’t want to see you die.”

 

**

 

A/N: Another thing that I don't like updating on AFF is because there seems to be less response here. There are just too many stories updating every day, every hour, every second. FML.