key POV

“Do you hate us that much, Jonghyun to the point that you want Shinee to be disband? Why can’t you spare a thought for us before you date Shin Se Kyung? Is she more important than us? I spat, staring at Jonghyun fiercely.

“No” he whispered softly with his head hanging low and tears of regret swelling in his eyes.

The look on his face made my blood boil, knowing that he is accepting all my anger for the sake of that girl made me even angrier.

“Why are you so stupid? Have you even considered your future once the whole world knows that you have a girlfriend? You will get alot of anti-fans and get condemned for life". I shouted, hearing those harsh words echoing in my head reminding me that I shouldn’t have said that to him.

He is the one I longed for deep in my heart

Tears started rolling down my face blurring the vision of him, making it harder for me to forget the pain piercing my heart at this very moment, knowing that he will never be mine. I can’t bear staying in the same room as him, smelling the familiar cologne radiating from him.

I turned and stomped out of the room not wanting to let him see the tears I am shedding furiously.  I quickly went to the kitchen and started peeling the onions I bought earlier for the curry I promised to cook tonight. This was the only way I could mask my tears. I was trying my best to focus on making dinner; to divert all my thoughts of him.

Then, I heard footsteps coming closer to me and my heart was pumping vigorously, knowing it was none other than Jonghyun, as the other members were not at home. I didn’t want him to see me in this state, crying over him, exposing my weakness in front of him.

Jonghyun POV

I was shocked when Key dashed out of my room, I didn’t know how to react; should I go after him or let him cool down alone.

It didn’t took me too long to decide that I want to go after him, to make sure that he is fine. It breaks my heart seeing him like this but there is nothing I can do to help him, to lessen his pain.

Key, I am so sorry for hurting you, I understand your feelings for me but I can’t return them. I don’t want to be gay. I can’t be........you are my best friend that all.

These words were whirling in my mind, telling me, reminding me that I am straight and that I would never walk down the same path my father took.

I will never hurt my mother’s heart just like my father did when he told her that he was always in love with his bestfriend and that he is leaving us to be with him because he can’t continue to act like a good husband, a good father anymore, knowing the love of his life was suffering silently, waiting for him.

I hate my father for being gay

I will never want to be like him.

I walked into the kitchen, staring at the lonely backview of Key. I really long to go over, wrap my arms around his waist, feeling him close to me, sharing my warmth with him but I know I could never do that again knowing how he feels for me. It will be too cruel to give him any hope of being with me.

As I walk closer to key, I notice tears rolling down his face.

“Key, are you crying”, I asked with uncertainty. The Key I knows doesn’t tear easily even in the toughest situation. Why would he be crying now, is it because of me?

I was in a loss of words; I didn’t know what I should do; to back out or to console him.

“I....I’m not crying, the onion is making me tear.............it’s nothing” he quickly answered but I notice his voice was trembling; he was trying so hard to hide the fact that he cried. It was too obvious but since he doesn’t want to admit it, I rather not expose him.

 “Ah...........I thought you were crying and it almost freaked me out”, I replied, His tensed face relaxed after hearing what I said. I guess I made the right choice to keep quiet.

“...............Key, I...I’m sorry...............really sorry, my friend”

Sorry for being unable to love you. Sorry for making you cry. Sorry for wanting to be more than just your friend.........When I know that I  can’t.

“Se kyung, is the first girl I ever fall for"

But key, you are the first person that stole my heart and soul.

"I need your blessing, key............"

To carry on this, a life without you.

“.................I’m sorry too for lashing out at you just now, stay happy with her ok........ it’s actually very brave of you to have the courage to be with the one you love, I wished that had the courage too”  he said with a sad smile across his face.

“Thanks for everything, key” 

“I'm having a date with Se Kyung later, I better go now, bye.” I replied. I need to leave this place now to get some fresh air. What key said was still bugging me.

I’m courageous to love the one I like, he must be kidding, I don’t even dare to love him.

Ah....what am I?

A big, selfish wimp that don’t dare to admit he is gay, to fight for L.O.V.E because he is not brave enough to face his family and the criticisms in the society.

Maybe, maybe I just don’t love key enough to sacrifice everything including my family for him.

No.........I just plain selfish, I rather not lose my mother’s love and trust so I sacrificed key rather than to  to accept the fact that I love him, knowing that he will wait for me silently, waiting for a day that I will turn back and look at him.

Key, key......why would a person so perfect [handsome, intelligent, fashionable, cute and loveable] fall for me, someone that, that...........?

key POV

“Se kyung, is the first girl I ever fall for, I need your blessing, key” he commented in a low, monotonous voice.

I felt my heart bleeding; every single word escaping his lips was piercing through my heart, leaving me with nothing.

I stared into his pleading eyes; I can’t help but to give in, I love him so much that I willing to let him go if Se Kyung noona can give him the happiness he wants, I will give them my blessing.

“.................I’m sorry too for lashing out at you just now, stay happy with her ok"

I will always be here for you, no matter what

"........ it’s actually very brave of you to have the courage to be with the one you love, I wished that had the courage too........"

To tell you how much I love you, Jonghyun

If I really have the courage to confess my love for you, will I even stand a chance to make you mine; I guess I will never know the truth now since I lost the battle before it even started. How pathetic is that?

“Thanks for everything, key”. “I'm having a date with Se Kyung later, I better go now, bye.” Jonghyun replied as he made his way to the door.

“Goodbye, my love” I whispered as I see him disappear from my sight.  

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Vagel91:

If Jonghyun have the courage to love or Key have the courage to confess, will the ending of this story be different. Who knows? Life is full of possibilities; if you meet someone you like don’t lose the courage to confess because a chance is probably what you need to make him/her yours. Don’t live with regrets.