I jumped when I got hugged from behind by some manly arms. The grip tightened and it lifted me in the air. Somebody swung me around for almost half a minute. People started to stare at us. I knew perfectly well who it was, but I really loved teasing him.

‘’Ya! Put me down! You !’’ I started to scream really loudly and hit him in the stomach really hard with my elbows. He dropped me and held his belly. I guess I hit him pretty hard. KEY whined in pain crouching down and looked at me with wide eyes. I patted his back and apologized, but that’s what he got for swinging me around. He straightened himself, turned around and started to walk away. My facial expression changed and I ran to him. It was my turn to hug him.

‘’Sorry, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hit you that hard.’’ 

Kibum turned around and looked at me in the eyes. I swear I thought he saw through my soul. He hugged me. Again. My stomach had butterflies and I could feel my heart start racing like crazy. 

‘’It’s okay. I forgive you.’’ He said. He let me go and started to walk away again. I didn’t want him to go.  It felt so good having his arms wrapped around me.

‘’I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, okay, best friend?’’ I nodded and waved at him. You heard him. He’s just my best friend. It’s been forever and he still doesn’t know about my feelings. I looked at him walk away with another girl. His arm was around her shoulder. They were laughing really loudly and clearly having a lot of fun. When he told me he liked that girl, tears filled my eyes and a knot came to my throat. When Key asked me what was wrong, the only thing I could say was ‘’My best friend is growing up so fast!’’ He made me laugh when he told me how much I cared about him just like a mother. It’s been a few weeks since they got together and they were already glued to each other. I have to admit they kind of make a cute couple, but she is not the one for him.

How many times did he call me in the middle of the night because his girl threw a tantrum at him? How many times did she get jealous because a girl asked Key help for her homework since he’s so smart? Since they started dating, he hasn't had any time at all to see his friends. His friends and I all agreed that they shouldn’t be together, but I guess she had something I couldn’t give him. He probably didn’t get that you should seek for something you can’t live without, not something you can live with. Key can clearly live without her. 

They don’t belong together. I don’t like her and I know she will only hurt him after she’s done playing with his heart. I’m not saying I should be with him, because he can also obviously live without me too. He can stay with her, but I just think it’s wrong. Even though I can’t live without him, as long as he’s happy, I am too. I’m going to stay by his side all his life: help him find happiness and, at the same time, seek my own. You might think it’s not healthy and that I should probably move on, but it’s not like I haven’t tried before. I tried really hard, but there is a point in love when you can’t just give up. At the point, seeing the other in love is enough to make you happy, where just seeing their smile makes you crazy and where getting hurt is by them less important than seeing the other get hurt. I’m there. My life is about him and is nothing without him. I live, because he does and nothing else. I don’t have good grades and barely any talent in art: something I love. Key is definitely the only guy I need. I just can’t believe he’s hers. These thoughts ran through my mind as I walked to my next class.

After class, my feet dragged me to my locker. Slowly, I turned the locks and opened the door to find my stuff the way I left it this morning.  A loud fist punched my locker’s door. You can probably guess who it is. She is always threatened me whenever I’m near her boyfriend during the day. She never had the nerves to do so though.

‘’Hey, .

-Nice to see you too.’’ I said not even looking at her. I was now circled by her friends and her when she started pushing me around. I was used to it. I mean it’s not the first time. In the hall, it’s the same story, no one really respects me except KEY and his friends. Except this time, somebody made me trip, drop my stuff and I fell on the floor face first. I guess this just wasn’t my day. I got kicked here and there: ribs, face and belly. She was really mad and those are going to leave marks on my body. I probably won’t be able to hide it this time.

When they left, I just didn’t have the courage to get up on my feet. I stayed there, crying all the tears of my body, curled up on myself. Enough crying, I couldn’t just stay there the rest of the day. I stood up with all my strength, picked up my stuff and started walking home. People gave me weird stares, because my uniform was all messed up from the fight earlier. I passed next to Key, but he was with her, so I just ignored them. 

‘’Hey! You’re not saying hi anymore?!’’ I didn’t turn around; I just couldn’t. What if he saw me like this? So I just kept on walking without a look. 

‘’Hey, babe, do you know what’s wrong with her? She’s all…messed up.’’ He asked her. 

‘’How would I know? Anyway, are you coming? The driver is waiting!’’ She dragged him inside the car for another Friday night at the club.

I arrived home and got some ice out of the fridge to put it on my wounds. It wasn’t really bad and I’d survive. I put some make up on the bruise I had on my face; hopefully no one would notice when I go out. My lip was a little sore, but I put some medicine on it and it was fine. I opened my closet’s door to pick an outfit. I picked a white short dress and a black belt with a flower and feathers attached to it. I really needed to change my mind that night. I untied my hair and put a cute clip in it. I covered my face lightly with makeup, wore my favorite heels and headed to the door when my phone rang. 

‘’Yes?

-Hey

-Hey…who is this?

-It’s Kibum.

-What do you want? I’m in a hurry.

-Should I go with her to the club tonight? I don’t know if I should go…

-You’re actually asking me? I don’t care. Go. You always go anyway.’’

I hung up on him. Why would I care? It’s Friday night, he can do whatever he want to. It’s not like he actually cared about my opinion. I looked at myself in the mirror; not bad, the bruise is actually fully covered. I walked out and locked the door. The night was pretty hot and there were a lot of stars in the sky for once. I passed by a lot couples, each time hoping I’d be like them someday. I walked into a bar, sat and ordered my favorite drink. Hopefully, that night, I’d be able to drown all my worries, but I knew that wouldn’t happen and that it would only be worse once I’m drunk. The music was really loud and it was one of my favorite songs, but I just didn’t feel like dancing at all. I leaned against the bar and watched people dancing hoping to feel something with someone.

All the guys were dressed up; all the girls wore too much makeup; both genders having sweat coming out of their body. Suddenly, a similar figure came in along with a feminine other one. What a chance! I had to choose the same bar as them! I turned around hoping they wouldn’t recognize me. Thank God they didn’t. I just decided to pick another bar and leave. I stumbled a little before being able to walk out the door. Time was passing too fast and I was walking very slowly on the sidewalk. Clearly drunk, I sat on a bench waiting for a taxi to pass by. I raised my hand a few times to catch their attention. When I got one that stopped on the other side of the road, I stood up from where I was sitting. I walked across the street. Then, I heard honking cars, really loud, really near. I saw two lights, crossed my arms in front of my face to protect me from the bright light and stopped walking. The car barely stopped and it hit me really hard. My body rolled on the road a few meters further. I heard women screaming and some other people talking really loudly then nothing.

I promised I’d stay by his side forever and this is what I’m doing. I’m not leaving this Earth, not now, not yet. I’m still with him. When Key heard the new, he couldn’t just believe it. He fell on his knees and took his head in his arms crying. I just wanted to hug him and say ‘’It’s going to be okay. I’m in a better place now.’’, but I couldn’t. Instead, I just watched him cry and scream my name. Kibum, please don’t cry. His girl tried to comfort him, but he kept pushing her away making her give up. She just left and never came back like I said she would. I’m not like her I will stay with him. At my funeral, there weren’t a lot of people. Some student from school I barely knew and no one of my family. Of course, there was him. He was there and stayed the whole process. When my coffin was buried, Key sat next to it and talked. I couldn’t hear all the things he said. I was being dragged on the other side. The clock was ticking, but I stayed a little longer for him. 

‘’Hi, it’s been a while since we talked. Don’t you think?’’ he smiled. ‘’ I’m sorry. I broke up with her. I didn’t love her. I couldn’t love her when I had you. You meant so much to me. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I was a coward. Forgive me. Now that it’s too late, I see it. I see how much you cared and how blind I was to your love for me. Forgive me. I love you so much. I can’t believe you’re not of this world anymore. I’m not going to do anything stupid and come with you, because I’m scared you might just never forgive me. I will live this life and hope that we will meet someday. I won’t forget about you; I’ll wait until we meet again. I just know we will. I love you, just don’t forget that.’’

He held the grave and laid the flowers on the ground. Key, I know you don’t hear me, but I forgive you. I love you so much you just don’t know how. I’ll wait for you too. I’ll wait for you on the other side so we can be together at last. Just live to the fullest. When we meet, you can show me what I was never able to live.