Imagine...the love of your life leaving you. Imagine them saying they had to break up with you, not because of their own free will, but instead something to do with their career. They turn around and tell you, that the two of you as a couple, could no longer continue.

 

That was what happened to me.

 

~

 

The memory of their first date was etched within his mind, as if a carving on a tree bark.

 

He stood waiting at the fair, hands in his pockets and looking left to right and all around. He sniffed himself several times, checking to see whether his deodarant had worn off. Flipping through his trouser pockets, making sure his money and the tickets were where they were supposed to be, and of course that he had enough.

 

He heard the sound of clacking heels on the pavement as she neared towards him. She had a hangbag around her shoulder, she wore a slim grey top and white pants beneath. Her long hair was brushed back with a headband, and on her face a shy smile was painted. Not being able to take his eyes off of her, he took out his mobile, pretending to check the time. The way his eyes had roamed over her body was the last thing he wanted her to imprint on her memory.

 

''Sorry for keeping you waiting.'' she bowed, fixing her handbag on her shoulder again, and pulling her top down as it creased around her waist. He nodded his head, ''no problem. I just got here myself, anyway.'' The two exchanged shy glances towards one another.

 

 

~

 

''so what do you want to do first?'' he turned towards her, spinning on his heel. He saw she was looking around at all the other rides and booths in the vicinity. Crowds of children and their parents, high-schoolers, couples and even foreigners walked about. The sounds they heard the most were ''I wanna go on that one!'', ''appa, ice-cream.'' ,''wow!'', ''how much money we got left?', 'what time is the park closing'.

Simple sounds at a fun place. ''Let's just walk around and see what they've got.'' was her response.

''Sure.''

 

They got in line for a carousel ride, since it was the slowest and they didn't want to ride on the big ones just yet. She tried to climb onto the horse by herself and after several failed attempts he grabbed hold of her by her waist and pulled her upward. She found herself secured tight on the golden mechanical horse, and proceeded to thank him for helping. Instead she looked down to find a blushing young man who was hiding his face with his hands. ''Are you coming on aswell? you gonna ride too?'' 

that was exactly what he had feared most of all, of having to ride with her. He could have easily taken a horse for himself but then he saw a little girl running in his direction, her eyes fixed on the horse he was going to take. He stepped out of the way to let her go instead, and her umma and appa bowed in gratefulness towards him. She saw his genoristy and was in awe, ''you're so kind. That was really sweet.'' she said in a low pretty voice. He shrugged his shoulders which only made her gush more. He climbed onto the horse behind her as she didn't want to go on the ride by herself, according to Se Kyung, it was ''embarassing''.

He s his arms around her waist as politely as can be, not wanting to grab a large hold of her, and then the other he held onto the twisting stick in the middle. The ride platform slowly moved, and the horses gradually went up and down with their passengers seated. He could hear from behind the little girl from earlier cooing with her parents and gasping out loud. On the sides he saw people smiling, waving at their children who were boarded, taking pictures, filming or simply just waiting their turn. Perhaps because he was uncomfortable in the position he was in that it made him notice the little things around, such as her perfume. It was a beautiful scent but being the typical guy who could not place what ingrediants made it up. Her hair was freshly washed, her shampoo was definitely watermelon. Around her neck was a silver necklace that slinked left to right whenever she moved her head or fixed her hair.

 

It was a long queue to wait for, with teenagers all over standing around with their groups of friends and such, while they watched the early birds have their turn. While standing in the line, she turned to him, ''have you been on a ride this big before?''

''yeah, once, with my friends.''

''Is it scary?''

he shook his head, wrinkling his nose while looking over her head at the people in front. He was nervous, so nervous that he couldn't look at her in the eyes. ''Are you sure?'' she teased, lightly poking his chest with a finger. He felt awkward and nodded his head, his face flushed. He could still feel the poke of her fingernail on his abdomen, it had been a sharp sting due to her nails being long.

 

They sat down side by side and clipped their safety belts on. ''Let's make a bet...whoever screams the loudest has to buy food for the other.''

He smirked, ''sure...and let the other one go hungry?''

''maybe...'' she trailed off as she held onto the safety bar in front of them, ''I'll look forward to the end of this ride.'' she had a mischievious look on her face which made him laugh a little. While here he was painfully shy, she was treating him like a good friend. They had only talked twice before this day, once when they were paired up for partners in a science project, and then the other while walking down the hall Se Kyung had waved at him cheerily going 'hello you~''

 

''haha you have to pay up now! I'm going to pick bunches and bunches of stuff to eat!'' she announced as she twirled on the spot and her handbag fell limply to her wrist. He couldn't help but laugh at her behaviour. Yes, he had screamed in the end, but so had she and apparently he'd screamed louder than her. ''Yah! don't get ahead of yourself, girl!'' he shouted towards her with a smirk, ''I can only buy as much as my pockets can hold, you know?''

''how much do you have exactly?'' she wondered, and he showed her some cash notes.

''That's perfectly enough.'' she beamed, ''come on, we don't want to wait in another line, do we?''

 

They sat together in a small cafe, drinks on the table and crates of various traditional korean food. One thing he remembered noticing was the way she had pulled her hair back behind her shoulders so it wouldn't dip into the food she was eating. For some reason he liked that habit she had of pulling her hair back, and he also liked it when she kept one trail of hair on a shoulder and the other left bare.

He sat with his arms folded watching her eat, and then all of a sudden she pushed a chopstick to his mouth, ''yah...you should eat too. I was joking, you need to eat aswell. Here.'' she was offering her own chopstick which she had cleaned with a tissue. She wanted to feed him, ''don't be shy...'' she joked, ''you've been shy long enough with me, arasso?''

in a long day of embarassing ordeals, he still found himself moving forward and clamping his mouth around the chopstick, eating up the tiny portion of food on top of it.

''Indirect kiss?'' he whispered to himself.

''Don't get ahead of yourself, boy.'' he heard her say loudly, and realised she had copied his words from before. The two sat together, afterwards, drinking from their plastic cups of soda.

 

The day ended quite sweetly as he drove her all the way back home. She had kissed him lightly on the cheek and wished him well, ''hopefully we will be able to do this again..'' 

and he couldn't help but smile for the rest of the night.

 

 

~

 

He celebrated her birthday with her aswell...another beautiful memory together. He knew she liked chocolate cake the best, but the store he went to only held plain, whipped cream amongst others. ''Are you sure you don't have chocolate cake?''

the baker nodded his head, ''I already told you there's no chocolate here. Go look elsewhere.'' obviously he was getting annoyed with some high school student bothering him like this so early in the day.

 

He looked everywhere for the perfect chocolate cake to surprise her with, and when he finally found the right one he rushed home with it. He placed it in the back of his car.

 

Her eyes were closed with the palms of his hands, ''ok...this way, this way..'' she giggled as he lead her around the house. She questioned whether this was going to be a step higher for their relationship, that they were going to take the next level and she had been nervously anticipating it. However, being the sort of shy guy he was he showed her a chocolate cake placed in the middle of a table decorated with candles around it, ''happy 19th birthday, Se Kyung.''

 

She blew out the candles one by one, making a wish all the while. He was still curious to this day one what she had wished for, but never had the opportunity to ask...and besides, he had the feeling she wouldn't tell him anyway.

 

The two sat down together eating the cake and he could see how happy she was. She wanted to feed him again like on their first date. ''Yah! I should be feeding you, the birthday girl!'' he pointed out, and this time he had the pleasure of feeding her a slice of chocolate cake. The night ended with them drinking from a beer of bottle each and wishing luck for a good day like this tomorrow aswell. Secretly, as he clanked his bottle with hers, he wished for something of his own.

 

I wish our relationship continues to develop, and we remain happy together.

 

They had only been together for roughly 4 weeks, and he was sure, well, not completely sure..but he had a feeling that he might just possibly be in love with Shin Se Kyung.

 

~

 

One of his worst memories...''I got a movie deal...and there's gonna be a scene in there..'' she began, looking to the side, ''well...it's a..''

'' scene?''

''yeah...'' she answered. She swallowed loudly and held the side of her arm.

''It's just make-believe.'' he answered, ''do what you want, as long as you come home to me I don't mind..'' despite being positive he was nervous. The moment he had time by himself he googled the actor, checking out how old he was and what he looked like. He was handsome like all showbiz actors were and he couldn't help but feel anxious about this 'bed scene'. He didn't want to upset her and say 'please don't do it' because it was her life, and he wanted to be a supportive boyfriend. So he sat aside, and he promised himself that he would not watch the actual filming nor the finished product. Rather he will acknowledge she had done a bed scene with some handsome actor, but he would be blind to the evidence. It was better than getting jealous of some guy with a ripped body, abs and arm muscles, held his girl and kissed her passionately on screen.

She was very happy, super excited to film. It would be one of her break-throughs, the two of them knew. She also told plenty of media-related people about her very supportive boyfriend who hadn't minded the filming. Se Kyung released pictures of the two together, and plenty of netizens commented saying he was like a handsome celebrity. He found it odd for them to call him that, he was thinking that they would call him ugly or saying he was not a good match to Se Kyung. After all, she was a natural korean beauty, almost like a doll...and he was just average, your run-of-the-mill korean guy who you'd pass by on the street.

 

''It's all done.'' she had fallen onto the couch after a long day of filming, ''thank God....I thought it would never be over.'' He walked over and s an arm around her shoulders, ''me too..'' he muttered. She looked at him, ''I thought you said you were ok..?''

''I mean...we couldn't find time together like this?'' he pulled her onto his chest and her hair, ''missed you so damn much~you naughty girl'' she laughed.

 

The two shared kisses in between their short conversations. He liked the taste of her lips, and like she had promised...she came home to him, and not some showbiz actor. She chose him of all people. He sometimes did feel like the luckiest man alive. ''Go make me some tea, then, make yourself useful.'' she ordered in a joking manner. He chuckled, ''yah! you just got back and already are bossing me about??''

 

~

 

He knew something was wrong when she called round one afternoon. Something didn't seem right about her as she breathed through the line.

''Se Kyung?'' he questioned, despite already knowing it was her.

''There's something I need to tell you about...we need to talk about something.'' her voice was hollow, and not like her usual cheery, overly-friendly self.

''What is it?''

''we need to break up. I'm sorry.'' He felt it almost instantly, the stabbing pain in his heart. His chest ached and his stomache twisted into knots.

''Why?'' was all he could muster, after a long dead silence on both lines, ''what...happened?''

''there's a deal being made...I have to, for appearances' sake, be with someone else.''

Instantly the showbiz actor who filmed the bed scene with her, came to mind.

''It's not who you think it is, though...it's actually, remember that group? there was a boy in there who kept saying I was his ideal type?'' he remembered. SHINee - the lead vocals, Jonghyun, had expressed countless times that she was his ideal type. Se Kyung had humoured the young boy by mentioning that she liked him aswell, but that had just been as some harmless teasing, right?

''yeah...what about him?''

''for appearances' sake...is all.'' she replied with desperation, ''don't take it personally...''

''how long is this going to be?'' he knew what the idol world was like, how fickle it was when it came to pretend relationships.

''At the moment...I don't know. Probably for a few months? half a year or something, I don't know, but it's already announced that we have broken up.'' He felt his heart plummet,

''....we have?''

''I'm sorry. They wouldn't let me call you earlier to say anything...they announced it before I had a chance, and before you heard the news I wanted to let you know. I was afraid you would-'' she was talking really fast, as if she had a limited time to speak with him. Her words rushed right by him, but all he could catch, the only thing that stuck with him throughout their phone call exchange was this;

that they were no more. Not because she didn't love him anymore, but because of some deal with her company and this Jonghyun's.

''Is...can we still contact each other?''

''no.'' he knew how hard it was for her to simply say 'no' like that. She didn't sound like herself over the phone, not at all like her usual self.

''Well....good luck, I wish you well with him.''

''I'm sorry...I-''

''It's ok, Se Kyung. As long as you're happy, then I'm fine.''

''I-i...how can you assume like that? how can you act like this?''

''act like what?''

''as if...I don't know, so casually. You're taking this so casually.''

''Well...what else can I do?''

he knew she was disappointed in his response. He probably sounded like he wasn't serious, that he was just in the relationship to be in a relationship.

''If he makes you cry...'' he gritted his teeth, ''he'll have me to answer to...how about that?'' those were his honest thoughts on the matter, but she was still dissatisfied.

''Ok...I'm going to go now.'' those were the last words he heard before she seemed to disappear from his life and enter another man's.

 

~

 

If he was honest, he had shed some tears, but he pushed himself forward, telling himself to move on.

He saw the papers with her face and his plastered all over. This young man with his arm around her shoulders, smiling. Holding her purse, opening a taxi car door for her to step inside. Walking down the streets of Seoul, hand in hand with flickering lamp-posts left to right.

 

Those pictures were everywhere he turned, he couldn't avoid them. They were not only on the papers, but on the radio, and on the television and people were gossiping about it everywhere. His close friends phoned him up, ''man, what happened? I thought you two were an item.''

He didn't tell them that it was all publicity or the phone call exchange, he just told them that they had drifted apart on their own terms.

 

Even now, he couldn't forget, and his heart hurt when he found how SHINee's fans had abused her. Hate sites for a person they did not know, they did not know Shin Se Kyung like he did. She was a sweet person, he knew that...he wished he could tell them to back off and leave his ex-girlfriend alone.

 

There was little doubt in his mind though, that no matter what happened..he knew this for sure,

 

he had been in love with her. She had been his first love, his first girlfriend and his bestfriend...and he missed her, every single day and would continue to do so until she would be back in his arms again.

 

Saranghae, Se Kyung.