I walked on the unfamiliar streets of Seoul, my heart stirring and butterflies entering my stomach. This was my first time travelling to a different country all alone and I couldn't have done it if not for him. He was the only reason I wanted to go South Korea. It might be a stupid reason, but for me, the reason alone is enough. I look at the map in my hands and sigh as I try to figure out where to go with a heavy heart in my chest.

They were having a fanmeeting and I was just lucky to have joined the event. My hands tremble as I try to hold the album near the chest. I heard several fangirls screaming, laughing and spazzing, but why did I want to cry? I sigh and look down at the picture I had of him on my phone. I had saved him as my wallpaper and deceived several non-kpop lovers that he was my boyfriend. It was fun to pretend sometimes.

The fans continue to stay in their places until someone screamed that they had finally arrived at the venue. My heart stirs once again. I look down and try to catch my breath as my heart had started to pound hard. The fans start screaming as the boys take their place and sit down. I try my best not to catch sight of his face. I ready myself as the line starts to move.

I reach their table and the leader of their group greets me. I greet him as my face tries to twitch into a smile. If I had a hard time trying to keep my cool now, how on earth will I be able to keep it together when I face him? I tell the leader my name and he writes it down with a grin on his face. He makes small talk with me and smiles as he does. The same thing happens with the other members and others even attempt aegyo. They made me laugh and I was not quite sure if I wanted to leave at that moment. I was able to keep it together.

And that was when I reached the end of the table and saw him. His face was even more beautiful in personal. The way his eyes curved and the way his teeth bared when he smiled. The way he his lips and the way he laughed. "Annyeong haseyo," He introduced himself and my hands started to tremble. I stutter as I introduced myself and my heart skipped a beat when he repeated my name. Even my name sounded beautiful when he said it.

My heart was beating fast when I handed him my album. I try to open it to his page but as my hands were trembling, I couldn't even tell if I was flipping the pages right. He proceeds to help me and when he does, our hands slightly brush against each other. I quickly pull my hand back and look down, my face starting to flush red. "No, you can't fall for him even more..." I whisper to myself.

My eyes started to tear up and I don't even dare look up until he calls my attention and says my name for the 2nd time. "That's your name, right?" He says with his eyes lit up. "Y-yes." I manage to croak out and he proceeds to write my name with his signature. He closes the album and hands it back to me. I take it and a tear slides down my cheek. He holds out his hand for me to shake and I reluctantly shake it. His touch sends a shiver down my spine and it makes my heart jolt.

I hold his hand a bit longer than normal and I let go when I realize he was smiling at me. "Wait, I just wanted to tell you something... this might sound weird but... I love you." I look into his eyes as I say this and I thought he was actually just going to send me off, which would have been better. But instead, his next words give me a shock, "I love you too." And that was when the guard sent me off.

I cried when I got out the venue and sat on a bench on the sidewalk. My heart started to ache and I grasped it, wanting for it to stop. I got what I wanted, didn't I? I told him I loved him. But my heart was hurting because although he said I love you too, it didn't have the exact meaning as what I said. It was meaningless. He just loved me as a fan while I loved him with all my heart. I guess what hurts the most is that, he'll never be mine and I'll always be a fangirl.