“Cheer for me alright?” he spoke quickly as he double checked his microphone.

“Seunghyun fighting” I lightly punched his arm and smiled at him. A small grin emerged on his face as he bid me farewell.

I watched his tall form disappear behind the stage. Turning towards the stage I walked towards Jiyong who was hidden behind a large curtain watching the dim stage.

“What song is he singing?” I asked casually placing myself beside him.

“Act like nothing’s wrong” he responded lazily. The name was familiar, however not in a good way. And then I remembered; I felt my heart pause and my breath hitch. The lyrics welcomed themselves into my mind and reminded me just how emotional the song was. The song he wrote about his ex-girlfriend.

“Oh” was the only thing I could muster up to say without my voice betraying me. I saw from my peripheral Jiyong analyzing the side of my face. I turned to reassure him with a smile, but I couldn’t do it.

“SooYun...” he started, his concerned eyes caught mine.

“Shh, it’s s-starting...” Bringing my finger to my lips I silenced him, I had no intentions in hearing what Jiyong had to say. Turning back to the stage the lights brightened up showcasing the man of the hour, Seunghyun.

I thought I could handle it, but every single lyric was stabbing and tearing me apart. As he rapped his stone cool mask was wearing thin, and I could see right through him. And I didn’t like it, not one bit. I could feel my ears growing hot, and senses dimming. I was losing to my emotions, as he continued his performance. There was no reassuring voice in my mind to calm me down; only doubtful thoughts and his lyrics occupied my head. His voice was still vibrating through my head as he finished the last line.

Jiyong placed a comforting hand on my shoulder before he left in order to get to his position for the next song. I felt raw, and clammy. I had subconsciously wrapped my arms around myself throughout the performance as if I could hide myself from everyone around me. I was going to break down any minute, and being in the middle of their show was nowhere close to where it was going to happen. I spun around quickly only to lock eyes with him. He was surrounded by stylists, who were furiously busy tidying him up for the song that had just started. His jacket was different, more brightly coloured and his face was smiling at mine.

I was rooted to the floor, I couldn’t stop looking at him and thankfully the poor lighting hid my tear b eyes. He was still smiling at me.

I smiled what I thought would pass as a smile.

And his face changed. Suddenly his smile dropped and his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

He was seeing right through me.

He knew that something was wrong.

Move. Move your legs SooYun. My body wasn’t responding to any of my brains commands. He was done his prep for the next performance and he was headed straight towards me. I panicked, and ran. I heard him call out my name lightly, but I knew he couldn’t chase me.

I felt cold. I was breaking. My heart was pounding through my chest as I ran towards their dressing room. I need to get out of the venue, fast. I could feel the tears dripping off my face, and hurried towards the nearest bathroom. Opening the door I found not a soul; quickly I walked to the sink to stare at my dishevelled face. My makeup had run; smears of mascara and eyeliner were running down my cheeks alongside my tears.

As if nothing’s wrong

 Ripping a piece of napkin from the dispenser I washed off all signs of my distress. I stared back at my bare and plain face. My eyes were dull and red, personally I thought I looked like I had been hit by a truck, I at least felt like I had.

 As if nothing’s going on...

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, and calmly walked into the dressing room. The makeup artists were busy packing their set up to notice my presence however someone else did.

“Ah! SooYun! Omo, what happened to your eyes?” the boys’ stylist came up to me in concern. I shrugged off her question and told her I was having an allergic reaction.

“Oh, are you okay then? Do you want me to get someone?” She was too nice, and I was merely brushing her off with a lie. I denied her offer and told her that someone else was already on their way. She nodded and gave me a hug telling me to feel better. I almost started crying right there.

 I rushed to the couch and snatched up my bag. Picking up my jacket, I stared at the pack of cigarettes peeking out of the top of Seunghyuns bag. Quickly I snatched up the pack and his lighter and waved goodbye to all the staff and left. I was almost out the building when I heard sounds of loud cheers and clapping. The show was over.

Memories of you I once tried to erase...

Here I was, sitting on the curb at the back of the venue looking like a train wreck. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes and fiddled with the flap. I could vividly remember me scolding him and listing off all the harmful things smoking does. But low and behold. I opened up the pack and eyed the half smoked cigarette placed in the middle.  I toyed with the cancer stick between my index and middle finger. Pulling the lighter from my pocket I light it up and stared at the smoke trailing towards the sky.

The first puff had been the most torturous thing I had done to my lungs, but it was distracting me from reality. It was oddly rejuvenating.  The next drag pulled me even further away from my concerns and worries.

I was losing myself to the nicotine; I seem to be losing often these days.

I blew out another drag savouring the foul taste in my mouth. I reached for my phone and noticed I had already received a message.

Are you alright? I'm worried, you looked upset SooYun, you can always talk to me alright?

 I ignored my phone, and took in another long drag. But this time it didn’t take away his image. I sighed out the cloud of death and finished the bud. I threw away the pack as its glorious effects couldn’t completely numb me.  My thoughts were getting the better of me and I couldn’t stop them I was too tired.

“SooYun,” I looked up to see Seunghyun standing at the back door. My eyes grew wide as his eyes drifted to his deserted pack of smokes and the one dying off in front of me. “Are... you smoking?” I leaned my head back onto the wall and ignored his question.  Suddenly I was being pulled back into the venue. His hand had a tight grip on mine forbidding me from escaping, it was warm.

“Look at me, please” His voice brought me back to reality. I was so focused on his hand around mine that I hadn’t realized we’d stop moving. I looked around to see we were in a far deserted wing of the venue.

“At me SooYun...” His voice was unreadable; hesitantly I raised my heavy head and locked eyes.

His eyes were stern, almost angry with flickers of concern flashing across them. But in a blink it was gone, and the stone hard stare was back.

“Why were you smoking?” His voice was steady, and deep.

I gulped down the lump that had formed again in my mouth. I didn’t want to tell him that I was upset over the fact that he looked as if he wasn’t over his past relationship.  I didn’t want to tell him that no matter what I was still completely and utterly in love with him. I didn’t want look pathetic in front of him.

Time seemed to move slower as he placed his free hand on my cheek, his other still gripping onto mine. His thumb grazed my temple as I lightly leaned into his touch.

“You were crying.” His voice was low, almost a whisper as he brought me closer to his body. “... SooYun” I could feel my heart beat rapidly as he gently wrapped his arms around me. His chin rested on top of my head as he mumbled words of comfort.

“Tell me what happened...” he finally asked, pulling me out of the embrace to stare at me again.

I heaved a sigh, “I.. I d-don’t know if you want to hear it...” my hands twisted with nervousness.

“Anything from you is worth hearing” he wore a sincere smile as he brushed strands of my hair behind my ear.

“Are you... over your ex?” his eyes narrowed at my question, I shifted my gaze to the side as silence enveloped around us.

Maybe he still wasn’t...

“Yeah” my eyes snapped to meet his again, “I’m over her SooYun... Is this what you’re upset about?” he released a small smile.

I blushed, “It’s just...”

He cut me off when his lips brushed against mine.

“It’s just what?” he whispered, his lips hovering over my lips.

“I couldn’t act like nothing was wrong” I whispered hoarsely, pulling myself closer to him bringing our lips together once again. I felt his hands tighten around my waist. I felt warm again.

After what seemed like hours, he pulled away regaining his breath. Dropping my face into his chest, I felt the blush creep hotly onto my face. His arms were still wrapped around my frame as we stood there in a comfortable silence.

“I... “His voice was shaky and from what I could hear, his heart was too.

I stared up at him noticing his eyes were focused on the ceiling, lost in concentration.  He inhaled and released a huge sigh. He was nervous.

I smiled, reaching to touch the sides of his face with my palms switching his focus back to me.

“I love you so much” I finally said it. I felt the heavy weight of those words lift off my shoulders as he smiled back at me.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself”

kyaaaaaaa all done 
comments are appreciated I love feedback!
thank you for reading :)

-treehouse