“Lucy!” I heard Carol say to me even before I could finish saying “Hello” on the phone. “Lucy, I have news!” Carol gushed. I sat down on my couch and with a smile Carol could not see but I made sure she heard I replied “Oh really?”

“Remember that blonde girl I told you about? The one from that competition?” Carol asked excitedly. I inwardly gulped. I knew that Carol liked this girl, Chiao.

“Yeah, what about her?” I asked. I could feel my cell phone charms cut into my palm as I gripped my iphone harder.

“Well, I was asked to be in the band that she’s going to be in because of that competition. Misster is what I think they’re gonna call it,” Carol slightly squealed, and I couldn’t help but slightly laugh at how girly she was being despite the hurt in my heart. “Do you know what this means? Her and me will be able to spend so much time together!” There was that squeal again.

“Great,” I said half hoping that Carol would hear the sarcasm in my voice.

If she did, she ignored it, because then she continued “Oh, and Lucy think about it! We all have to sleep in a dorm together. What if me and her could share a room…” and there started the long rant of Chiao by my sister.

If anyone ever asked me, “how does it feel to like your own sister?” I would reply “it’s probably the most hear wrenching thing anyone could ever experience. Sitting there, knowing you know then better than anyone else; knowing you could love them better than anyone else, and yet you can’t because god decided to put you in the same family.”

In short, I knew my crush was wrong, but that was not where all of my pain came from.  Most of the pain came from little conversations like this.  They came from knowing that Carol would never like me back in the same way I liked her, and she would probably end up getting into an intense relationship. Maybe it would be an intense relationship with this blonde girl, Chiao.