I looked over at my sister and she shot me back a curious glance. She knew something was up, but she waited patiently as I sat there awkwardly building up the courage to tell her. I opened my mouth to speak and looked down; the millions of ways I could open up this conversation flying through my head at top speed. I knew that this conversation would change the way Carol looked at me forever. I shut my mouth again, embarrassed, and rested my head on my hand on the table still looking down. I raised my eyes to look into hers again, and there it was. That same questioning look that said more about her curiosity than words could ever express.

“I-“ I started. I slumped back in my chair with a sigh. “Carol,” I said looking away from her again, “how does it feel to be a lesbian?” My voice came out as a squeak, but I was relieved when a look of shock suddenly graced Carol’s features. This meant that she had heard me, and I would not have to repeat myself.

Carol and I never really talked about her gayness. There was just a common understanding between us that Carol liked women, and I never really asked her about it. When Carol came out, I was shocked, of course. I was the first person she had told.

“Why?” Carol asked. The initial shock had passed, and Carol looked at me with a small smirk and her eyebrows raised.

“Cause,” I said sitting back up in my chair again. I studied the fruit on our kitchen table; I would look anywhere but at Carol when I said this, “I might like someone.”

The smirk grew on her face. Carol’s eyes shimmered with what I registered to be amusement. “Who?” Carol said and could not help but smile afterwards. This one simple question was one that I wanted to avoid.  In all honesty, I wasn’t actually questioning my uality. I had known for a while that I was gay, but when Carol came out and I saw the grief on my parents’ faces I knew I could never actually come out myself.

And, in all honesty, I had known who I liked for quite a while now. That person just happened to be sitting across from me at our kitchen table. Coincidentally, that person was also the only one who knew a little bit about the truth of my uality.

My blush was evident, I knew it was, when I answered. I said “T-that’s a secret,” like the coward I was. I had decided, though, that I had let out enough shocking news to Carol for today. The amount of shock would almost be too much if you found your sister was gay AND she had loved you for god knows how long all in one day.

Carol sighed, and slumped back in her chair. “You know you can talk to me about it, alright?” she said. “I know you’re the older sister, but in this field I think I have more knowledge than you.” She winked at me and smiled-god she was beautiful. 

“Of course.” I replied. I would muster up the courage one day to tell Carol how I felt. Hopefully, I wouldn’t wait too long or her reaction would be too bad. Maybe, I will just keep it a secret forever.