Chapter 1

*Note: the dark green blue means a flashback*

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

 

I sighed as I put up the last copy of Paper Towns by John Green on the shelf. Running my finger along the spine of the book, I thought about my favourite line from the book. “The town was paper, but the memories were not.” I whispered. Thinking about it now, I laugh, realizing the irony. “Oh come on, Park Hyo Jin. You’ve done enough self-wallowing to last you a life time. Not everyone can relate to a simple quote. Don’t go all dramatic.” I bumped my head against the shelf twice to forget the depressing thought.

As I climbed down the 3 ft. tall stool to grab more copies of John Green’s books, I checked my phone for the time and realized it was already 4:32 pm. I looked around the bookstore and saw only a few customers. Since I’ve been working here for almost a year and a half, I’ve learned to take a deep breath and look at my surroundings and try to memorize it.

When I was 12 years old, I woke up on a hospital bed alone and scared and unable to remember anything from my past. My doctors told me that someone found me outside an old dance studio. I was laying there unconscious in the cold for a long time until a passerby found me and brought me to the hospital.

*Flashback*

“Miss….miss….” someone said.

Someone was shaking my shoulder. I could hear her but my eyelids felt so heavy so I was having a hard time trying to open my eyes. Instead of answering the voice, I tried to remember what happened. Blank. Nothing was coming to mind. I started to feel panic and anxiety. My head started to hurt once I tried remembering my name. I forced my eyes open and sat up only to find myself on a hospital bed. I looked around for the voice that tried to wake me up earlier. It was a nurse. She was preparing a meal, which I assumed was mine, beside my table.

“Miss, your meal is ready. I have already changed your IV bag. The doctor will be in at any moment to answer any of your questions.” The nurse said calmly. I guess she noticed the terrified expression on my face. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Have faith.” She smiled but her eyes looked sad. It was like she knew something I didn’t. The pager in her front pocket beeped. She checked it and excused herself from the room.

When the nurse left, I took a deep breath and concentrated. Nothing. There were holes in my memory. I looked around. “I know what a cup is. I know what a television is but why don’t I know my name or where I live or what age I am.” I said out loud in frustration. I pulled in my legs and wrapped my arms around them. Tears were forming in my eyes so I dropped my head and cried against my knees. After what seemed like 5 minutes, I calmed down.

I looked around the room again and saw a sports bag. I jumped off the bed and ran to it. I grabbed it and ran back to the bed. I dumped all of the things out of the bag and looked through them. There was an iPod, earphones, a pen, a brush, a wallet, and a small towel. No phone. The first thing I checked was the wallet. There was cash, a lot of cash, but only one identification card, just an old membership card to a dance academy. All it had were my name, my birthday and the address of the dance studio on it.

“Park Hyo Jin….” As I said my name out loud, a picture of a boy flashed into my head. He was smiling brightly and calling out my name.

“Jinnie-ah!” he said. Suddenly a migraine had burst into my head. I grabbed hold of my head and cried in pain.

I took deep breathes to calm myself down. I sighed deeply. As I looked at the belongings that were sprawled out on the hospital bed, an idea flashed through my head. I quickly shoved my hands into my pockets and emptied them. I found some change and a crumpled note that looked like it had been read countless time.

I opened the note and read it carefully.

“HEY! I’m guessing you’re confused and you don’t know who or where you are. Gosh, I hope you’re not alone in a ditch somewhere. We would be in big trouble if you were. Well, calm down. I can explain everything…I hope. Well I can’t tell you where you are obviously but I can tell you who you are. Your name is Park Hyo Jin and you suffer from a mental disorder called dissociative amnesia. It’s a type of amnesia that causes you to forget memories. It’s different each time. Usually you’ll remember bits of information like where you live. Your condition has never really gotten worse than forgetting your name. But if you do forget, just call anybody on your cell or go home. The address is 412 Yoksam-dong Gangnam-gu Seoul, Seoul, 135-080 South Korea. Usually your memories do come back. Don’t worry. Just take a deep breath.

J ”

As I read the note, millions of questions popped into my head but just after I finished reading the note there was a knock at the door.

“Co…Come in...” I called out. An elderly doctor walked in.

“Hyo Jin-ah…” His face was filled with concern. I was almost certain this man knew me more than I knew myself right then.

“You know who I am?” I asked, hoping to find at least one answer to the questions running through my head.

He smiled at me sincerely and nodded.

“You’ve been stopping by this hospital since you were 10. You came for many reasons like minor injuries and your mental condition but most of the time you came to keep the patients company. Your dance studio is nearby so you would stop by as much as possible. You loved to dance. You would always talk about it.”

I was taking all this information in and smiled sadly. I looked up at him and asked the biggest question in my mind.

 “So…What’s wrong with me?” I said with as much courage as I possibly could. The elderly doctor’s face quickly went from an understanding smile to a saddened pout. I wanted to smile at that reaction. It seems this man really does know me well.

"Hyo Jin-ah...when you were 10, you were diagnosed with Dissociative amnesia. It is a type of amnesia that causes you to forget bits of you memories because of psychological stress . Usually, your memories came back after a few hours but right now that is not the case. It seems your condition has worsened. Now, this has never happened before. Your amnesia has developed into the Fugue state. This explains why you cannot remember anything. Fearing the worst, when somebody dropped you off this morning, I quickly sent you off to get an MRI. The results just came in."

As he said each word, I tried my best to process it all but I couldn't restrain the tears in my eyes. They just fell. Not being able to stop them made me feel even more helpless.

"Do you know where my parents are?" I asked the doctor.

"I'm so sorry, Hyojin-ah. When you came for visits, you always told me that you didn't want your mom to find out. So as a favor, I would always patch up your wounds in my office. I have tried calling the number registered under your emergency contact but no one answered. I know you must be feeling so alone. Why don’t you tell me what you can remember and then we’ll work from there.”

“Nothing. I mean I don’t even know anything about myself, not even my age.”

“I do know that you are now 12. Your parents were away so you came here to celebrate." he said with a gentle smile. I smiled back as best as I could.

"I have this note. I think I wrote it to myself in case I had an episode. Do you mind checking the address on it? Please?" I handed him the note

"Of Course. Don’t worry. I’ll handle it. In the meantime, I have asked the hospital to take you in for awhile so you can participate in a clinical trial. Your case is the first of its kind so the hospital would like to study you in hopes to find a cure. If you don't mind staying here until we can contact your parents, then I can inform them of your participation. I know it seems a bit too desperate but at least you'll have a roof over your head and there will be a possibility of getting your memories back." He said.

As I wiped away my tears, I weighed my options.

"Okay, sure" I said.

"Don't worry, Hyojin-ah. I will help you through this. My name is Shin Chang Sun but you may call me Changsun-Saem or Uncle. You always have anyway. Now, I have to go and inform the office. Go ahead and rest first. I'll be back.“ he said as he left the room.

One hour after he left, Uncle came back and told me my parents had died in a car crash the day before I was found. It was like someone had stolen the one lifeline I had left. Uncle also said that their deaths might have caused my episode. Three days later, my parents’ lawyer visited me in the hospital. He introduced himself as Yoon Chanhee and said that he’d been working for my father since before I was born. He said the company had been looking for me since my parents’ accident. Apparently, I inherited everything they owned, including their multi-million dollar company.

“Hyojin-ah, because of your circumstance, you need to mature faster.” Uncle put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it to reassure me. “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll be here to help you.” I stared back at Uncle with tear-filled eyes and whispered a thank you.

What was a twelve year old girl going to do with a company? I want my parents, not this. I thought. I had no idea what he was talking about but he gave me reasonable options and Uncle was there to help me decide. In the end, I left the company in the hands of its board of trustees and kept majority of the shares. There were other things that needed handling but I left that to my parents’ lawyer. Oh, I guess he’s my lawyer now. Whatever money I made out of it would go to my account anyway.

The hospital

After months of meetings with neurologists and psychologists and getting electroencephalograms and blood tests, I was strolling around the hospital to check on some of the patients I had gotten to know. They were so sweet to me. They were like my family.

“Halmeoni!!!” I said as I ran into one of the rooms.

“Hyojin-ah! Where have you been?! Halmeoni has been so lonely.” She said with a pout.

“Mianhe, Halmeoni. I was running away from Changsun-saem. Hehe.” I said with a big smile. “It looks like he has something to tell me. I know there’s been no progress in the treatments so I’m sure he’s going to tell me I have another blood test today.” I said with a sigh.

“Now how can you be so sure of that? HMMM…” I heard a voice coming from the door. I whipped my head back and tried to make a break for it but he was already blocking the entrance. So I stood there frozen.

“There is no way you are leaving this room without hearing what I have to say first.” He said.

I pouted and nodded. I went to the chair beside Halmeoni’s bed and sat there. I felt her hand hold mine and I looked at her. She gave me a reassuring smile and I smiled back.

“Hyojin-ah, I know the treatments haven’t done anything for you so I asked the hospital if you could continue your treatments at home!” He said excitedly. Why was he excited that I was leaving? I felt tears in my eyes. Halmeoni tightened her grip on my hand.

“But I have nowhere else to go.” I said with a whisper. My eyes were staring at the floor unable to look at Uncle in the eye.

“Hmmm. That’s why you’ll be living with me and Auntie. You’d think I’d throw you out on the streets? No way. You’re coming to live us. And don’t worry. The hospital still requests that you come every Saturday for a check-up, though. Honey, your Auntie and I have been thinking. Maybe it’s time to bring into our family. If it’s okay with you, we’d like to adopt you Hyojin-ah.”

“Are you serious?!!?!” I stared at him with disbelief and excitement. I looked back a Halmoeni and she gave me an encouraging smile. She let go of my hand and nodded towards Uncle. I smiled at her and ran to Uncle for a hug. He laughed and hugged me back tightly.

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“Hyo Jin-ah, you go ahead into the house and I will unload your things from the car. I’m sure your Auntie can’t wait any longer. She’s been waiting for a daughter like you for so long.” Uncle said with an encouraging smile.

I stared back at the house in amazement. It was amazing. I mean I knew Uncle and Auntie were rich but they always seemed so down to earth and simple.

The house

I ran up the steps and into the house. “Hello!? Auntie?!”

“Hyo Jin-ah! Come on up!” I heard her voice calling from a room on the second floor. I ran up and followed her voice. I walked in a room. I was beautiful. I loved it. It was perfect for me.

My room

“I’m in the closet, dear!” I heard Auntie call out.

The closet

“Dear, I didn’t know what kind of style you liked so I bought you a few clothes you could wear. We’ll have to go shopping soon.” She was on the floor taking clothes out of shopping bags. I was speechless. These people were so kind to me. Tears rolled down my face. I walked to her slowly and hugged her.

“I love it. Thank you.” I whispered “My room is perfect. It’s like it was made for me.”

“Made for you? Of course it was made for you, dear. Since the moment we met you, we had hoped for this day. Your Uncle and I had this room prepared while thinking of you. Everything, from the color to the design, was inspired by your likes and personality.” she smiled brightly. Auntie was so proud of her work and glad that I loved it. But seriously, with a family like this, I could live under a staircase and I wouldn’t care.

“Oh, dear. You’re crying. It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” She said as she my head. I was so happy to have people like this in my life.

*Flashback ends*

I smiled as thought about my family now. Looking back on things, who would think that the poor little girl with amnesia could have a second chance at life. How could I have been so lucky? Now I work at the bookstore my mother used to own, A Quick Read. The bookstore was one of her small projects, one of the many things I had inherited from my parents. As a kid, it was one of my mom’s dreams to own a bookstore when she grew older. My father gave it to her as gift on their 3^rd anniversary, when I was 2 years old.

I learned a lot about my parents from Chanhee-oppa, my lawyer. He was an intern for my father’s company since before I was born. After years of loyalty, he became my parents’ closest confidant. Every time he could, he would visit me and give me updates on Remedex Pharmaceuticals, my parent’s company. After my parents died, I gave Chanhee-oppa my seat in the board of trustees. He now handles everything I can’t. The updates on the company weren’t what got me excited about Oppa’s visits though. It was the stories Chanhee-oppa would tell me about my parents.

Anyway, the bookstore is the one thing that I kept for myself, well the bookstore and our mansion really but I couldn’t let go of my home. It was the one thing tying me to my past. What if I remember everything but already sold everything that was precious to me? The house and the bookstore were my new found lifelines.

I guess I shared my mom’s love for books as well. Books calmed me down and slowed down life’s pace. It’s amazing when you take a step out of your own life and read about another person’s adventures. The bookstore was located in the middle of Seoul, close to the hospital. It’s pretty quiet but I still love it.

I climbed back up my stool to add more books to the shelf. I smiled brightly as I heard the bell on the door rang and a customer came in. I my stool to look at the customer. Even though he wasn’t looking at me I bowed slightly, trying to keep my balance while showing respect. The customer was looking over his shoulder, and not at where he was going.

Hmmmm… it’s that boy that’s been coming here regularly for the past few days. I’ve never actually seen his face. He keeps his hood up every time he comes into the store. The only reason why I recognized him was his hoodie. It was dark blue with white stars on it. I really wanted it. Maybe I’ll ask him where he bought it later. I turned back to the shelf and continued working. I wonder if he’ll ever find that book he’s looking for.

What I didn’t realize was that he was walking right towards me. His shoulder hit the back of my knees and I knocked me off of what little balance I already had on the small stool. I reached out to hold on to the bookshelf but missed. Curse these short arms! I shut my eyes as I fell right into hoodie guy’s arms.

Neither of us let out a breath for a second. Oh god. I’m being carried by a stranger. A stranger!

“Why would you use a stool when there’s a ladder right over there?” Hoodie guy sounded worried and a little angry.

“Um. I thought the chances of falling off a ladder were higher plus the ladder was heavy so… Are you mad at me?” I looked up at him a little surprised. So pretty… His bangs were covering his eyes but I saw a blush appear on his cheeks when I realized I said that out loud.

“Ah. No. Not mad. Just…well. You could’ve been hurt.” He said nervously.

“Oh. Well, you can just set me down anywhere.”

He smiled slightly. “Right.”

Suddenly, before hoodie guy could put me down, the bell on the door rang louder. It seems the door was pushed hurriedly. I turned back and saw a guy. He looked annoyed but not only that. He looked really pretty. Too pretty. 

“YAH! Lee Taemin! Why do you keep coming back to this store?! We were supposed to have practice at 4:30 sharp!”

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The new and improved Chapter one is up. It's pretty long because I combined the old chapter one and two. Enjoy!

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