Jonghyun's POV

I lie awake staring at the ceiling of my bedroom.These are one of the nights that all I can thinnk about is her.Sure I have tons of girls I always flirted with but it’s her…She’s that one girl I will always want , the girl I can’t never let go.

‘I don’t want to lose you ______ but I can’t really keep you ‘I thought as her face fills my head

It’s been months since I broke up with her,well it be a year soon,but I still love her.I know I am such a jerk,letting her experience pain.I feel so ed up..I had her already but because I can’t stop flirting I broke her heart.

[Flashback]

I took my phone out and texted her

“hey”

After texting her she immediately called me

Hey” she greeted me with a tired voice

“Tired?” I asked her

“yeah…I am still here in school” she informed me

“what?!it’s already 7 P.M!why are you still there?!Wait practice again?”

“Yeah..God I just want this competition to be ing over”

That night she sound so tired like the previous nights.I really don’t know what got into me that night but that night I decided to break up her.

“_______ I’m tired with us…I…I can’t handle our long distance relationship anymore…for the past weeks you so busy…we can’t seem to have time for each other”I told her with a flat tone

“so what do you want to do…what would you like to happen now?” she asked me emotionless

“split up…”I muttered

“okay” that’s what she all said

“right..okay..Bye-ee” I told her before ending the call.

After we broke up I was hella fine,enjoying my friends’ company and Girls came to me…so you see I am quite preoccupied with them.While I haven’t heard anything from ______

After months without any connection with ______ I decided to approach her again.

One night…I saw her online…So I decided to PM-ed her,it took awhile before she replied an emotionless reply.I totally understand that…What am I expecting a warm welcome after breaking her heart? Course not.

So I started our conversation with the usual how have you been…how life…how are you conversation blahs.We wee so awkwad that time.

Everyday,I would go online and leave her offline messages.I know I am such a jerk, breaking up with her and here I am again trying to make a conversation. I can’t help it I miss her...I miss us.

Everyday,I would always try to make a conversation with her.And as the days go by our conversation started to be more longer…finally we are becaming friends again..well I guess.Then one night I decided to ask her a question that has been bothering me for awhile.

“How you found someone new?”I playfully asked her

“yes” She told me boldly

‘yes’ that simple answer shook me...who is that person? I was so bothered so I asked her who is the person

“Oh I see..so who is he?”

“secret ^^”

“come one tell me….your classmate?”

“No hahaha”

I kept on pestering her..hoping she would tell me but everytime I would ask her she won’t just tell me.!why won’t she tell me!

Even though I found out she likes someone now,I still kept leaving her messages…But as I am trying to be okay with her again I am also flirting with a lot of girls.Open my facebook and you’ll see there our convos.

I’m such a jerk right? I suddenly contacted my ex…making her feel I miss her and all…That I still love her but here I am flirting with girls.I can’t help it…I love her but I can’t just give up this ego.

Everynight I continue talking to her.Some nights she would be too busy to talk to me doing some for their research paper.Poor _______ having a lot of burden because she’s the leader.Ah,but I know she can handle it.

Around the month of decemeber she invited me along with our common friends. It’s her 17^th birthday and it will be held at a kiddie fastfood chain.

“you’ll come right?” our friend asked me

“Should I”I asked him teasing him abit

“DUH?!you were invited!you are such a jerk if you don’t”

“Chill man… course I am”I assured our friend

“Good…later” he told me before leaving with his girl

That night I PM-ed her again

“Psst”

“Hi” she replied

“I’ll attend your birthday but you got to promise me that you’ll show me whoever is your new special someone” I told her

“whut?!nooooooo kekeke”

“pleaseeeee…I am really curioussss” I pleaded her

The eff I am dying to know who the guy is.

“nooooo”

“Pleseee pleaseee...hey got to go Dinner” I told her before shutting the computer

Damn!It is so frustrating!why won’t she tell me…Ugh is the guy hotter than me…cuter than me.. this

“Bro!hey” My brother called me while we were eating

“hey..sorry I was thinking of stuffs”

“You know and I know you love her…Why not just get back together?You obviously miss her”My brother told me in a tone that is full of understanding and concern

“I love her yes but I don’t want to hurt her again so No we can’t get back together” I told him while we started cleaning the table.

If you don’t really know me like how my brother does you’ll probably think that’ wow such a jerk’,’ing gow up’,’do you really love her huh?’ But of course my brother know me well so he just told me a lot of wisdom words

“You know what in a relationship there will always come a time where you’ll hurt the person you love…whether or not you didn’t mean too.you know what _____ is the right girl from you because she understand you and love you.As you brother I want you to be happy and I tell you this if you decided to love her again with all your heart.No flirting with es you sure will be happy” my brother told me

“Your and hana’s relationship is different from Hyung” I tod my brother

“Love is always the same and different in ways…I chose to be faithful to Hana while you chose to broke ______-ah’s heart that’s the difference of our relationship.Think about it bro” That was the last words of my brother before he disappeared inside his bedroom

“But I might hurt her again…I don’t want that” I whispered to myself before going outside to meet some friends

Atlast it was her birthday,I and my brother brought _______ a gift it was a mirror and it looks like a chocolate.As We entered she welcomed us…The party haven’t started yet which was good.As she welcomed me she told me to take a seat first as she gestured me to the seats.I smiled at her and gave her my famous puppy eyes…I know she can’t resist that.She just gave me her famous pokerface before excusing herself.Someone approached her,I think it’s her classmate and I saw them go to the comfort room.

As she disappeared inside the bathroom I approached my brother,he was sitting with our friends.

“hey…what did you told her” My brother asked me as I took a seat beside him

“Happy birthday of course”I told him casually

“Aside from that you idiot!”He told me while giving ma a aish-this-kid face

“nothing…she went to the comfort room with her friend”

“oh okay” he told me before chatting with our friends again

______’s birthday went smoothly.There is a photobooth and it’s unlimited so I and my friends kept on going. Before I party ended our friends and my brother kept on bugging us to take a picture.At first I didn’t want to,yes that’s how thick my face is but my brother was able to convince me so I agreed

While we were posing for the camera,Our friends were teasing us.I kept glancing at her trying to see a reaction,hhmmshe has her whatever-I’ll-just-smile-for-the-camera face.

After the party we,I ,the birthday girl and our friends, decided to stroll and bond at the mall.I don’t know why but I was so happy to be with her that night.I felt like we were together again.I kept on teasing her,just like the oldies.I would ask her if she’s cold and stuff,So boyfriend ish right?

For months our relationship was like that,always talking,teasing her,telling her how was my day,asking her about her day no string attached no demands but we have a mutual understanding…. until last week our circle of friends decided to swim at my cousin’s condo.The two of us were talking casually

“hey let’s play tap tap!” she told me

“sureeee!let’s go for extreme and let me show you how awesome I am” I told her before giving her a smug face.

“you wish!”she told me before laughing

She pressed the play button and we started playing.Damn it’s hard!I kept on missing the it while _____ s just playing cooly

“I give up!I give up!”I told her while putting my hands up surrendering to her

“hahahaha loserrrrr” She beamed at me

“rightyyy~”

I was happy because we were fine and playing in the water until our friends told me my cousin who used to like _______ kept on looking at her.Man my blood started to boil because of that.I got so annoyed for the rest of the day.

That night I texted her using my brother’s phone

“_______-ah it’s jonggg”

I waited and waited for her reply but she never did.

“just ing call her!come on!”my brother said while shoving his phone in me

“don’t want!”I whined like a 5-year-old

Yes I know I always act like a kiddo whenever I am with my brother.

“Aigooo!CALL HER NOWWWWWWWW!”

“fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

I dialed ______’s number .It took a few ring before she answered

“hey ______...it’s me….well uhh..I have something to tell you tonight…”I awkwardly told her

“okay then”

“okay bye”

how I am supposed to tell her?!Fuccckkkkkk

That night I PM-ed her again

“hey”

“hey…what is it that you will tell me?”

“well hmmmmmm…”

I dunno know where to start! was all I can think that time.While chatting with her I decided to put up a status.

‘how should I start it…aigoo’

Suddenly my brother liked it and commented

“_______ can I court you?just like that bro ;)”

OH ?!this brother of mine!ugh how I am supposed to ing talk to her now?!I saw that _______ commented

“huh :O “

“Jong ;) Hoho” was all my brother said

‘ugh so much for being a brother…way to go bro!’  I though

Suddeny I saw Hana,my brother’s girl, commented

“spoiler!!!!!” I laughed at that

You see hana is ______’s bestest bestfriend

Suddenly my brother and hana started fighting because my brother spoiled my secret.While _______ and I had a awkward moment so I decided to bid her goodbye and told her I am sleepy.

[End of flashback]

I heave a sigh,I really don’t know what to do.i love her so much.I don’t want to lose her so I am giving it a shot again.But she is so guarded with her feelings,I can’t blame her…I know she don’t want to get broken again.

I know that the excuse ‘ I am a guy I can’t help it’ is way over used.But it is true you know,for use boys who’s in their teenage days we love to collect and collect girls,why?, it boosts our ego that is why.yes I know us boys and our egos.

‘_______ I really love you I do but I don’t know if I can keep you.I would like to but I know you’ll get hurt if I did but I can’t let you go either’ I bitterly thought as I stood up and headed for the door and went outside to take a stroll trying to clear my mind.

The End

Hi~

did you like it?

I know the ending was quite so-so

but even though it's a so-so  hoped you liked it ♥

To my bestfriend:

hi lalo ♥

I tried summarizing it but I sort of fail...I guess hihi

but I hope you liked it :*

I love youuuu ♥