Yoochun slips into the apartment, shocked enough by how quiet it is that he checks the time quickly – almost thinking he’d once again lost track of him at the studio.  He realizes that it’s just quiet because everyone else is caught up in their own world currently.  Junsu and Changmin are in the midst of a very heated game of some sort; hands furiously moving over controls, legs and feet kicking at each other playfully, a soft chuckle escaping every once and a while.  Yunho is curled up in the chair book on his lap; he is focused and concentrated on the book entirely a look that Yoochun likes to admire on the elder’s face, his long legs are folded up underneath him and he’s got his glasses on.  Yoochun leans against the doorway to the kitchen admiring Jaejoong for a minute as he seems to be baking something; he’s hunched over a recipe book muttering to himself, his tongue peeks out from the corner of his mouth every once in a while and Yoochun smiles. 

It feels surreal to see them all so normal; they seem just like normal boys enjoying their everyday life.  But Yoochun knows come morning that image will be instantly crushed and broken by vocal lessons, dance practices, interviews and meetings, salons and endless clothes changes.  It’s in these moments that he loves them all so much it almost hurts; an ache that settles into his chest.  He smiles to himself for a moment, before slipping out to the balcony enjoying the breeze as it blows against his skin.  He tilts his head back and looks up at the quickly darkening sky; wondering what life would have been like for all of them if it wasn’t this.

He can’t image Junsu or Jaejoong being anywhere else but the stage; they were built and made for singing.  No matter what or how; they would have ended up singing their songs on stage somehow, somewhere.  He figures that Changmin may have had a normal childhood and grown up to be something amazing, something talented outside of the entertainment industry.  He had the potential, he has the intelligence; but his heart is so caught up in the songs now, that there are moments that Yoochun thinks it would have been just a sad thing if Changmin had never discovered his passion for singing, for being on the stage as well.  Yunho may have lived a normal life as well, but he worked hard to be where he is; and the light on his face, the smile and the laughter that being on stage brings him – the way that he grows and glows under the love of the fans; it makes Yoochun glad that Yunho has this life.

But there are moments; when they are so exhausted, so tired, so frustrated and beaten down by this life that he secretly wishes that none of them had fallen into this life.  He wishes that they didn’t have the talent, or the looks, or the abilities to make it in this business.  He wishes for a few moments that they weren’t so famous, weren’t so loved, weren’t so watched over and kept on such a tight leash.  Because sometimes it’s suffocating and overwhelming; and there are moments he wishes so badly to just fade away, run away, disappear into the night and never look back.  He sighs, shaking his head at himself – he knows deep down, that he should be nothing less than grateful for the chances he’s been giving, for the talent he’s been granted, for the life he’s leading.

He leans over the balcony, resting his chin against his arms and looks down at the slowly moving street below.  He’s thankful that the fans haven’t found them yet; glad that he can still enjoy the balcony without worry of being watched.  He sighs again, wondering how his mood has slipped into something so close to depressed that he’s worried for a moment.  He thinks about calling his brother, maybe his mother; but then the thought that they’d just realize something was bothering him erases that thought almost immediately.

He’s about to turn to go inside, when an arm slips over his shoulder and warmth is pressed against the entire length of his back.  He isn’t sure who it is, because sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart, and in this moment he doesn’t care who it is either.  He squirms around and looks up, slightly surprised when he realizes its Changmin.  Usually he’s the last to approach a member that’s caught up in their own thoughts, simply because he usually doesn’t like to be disturbed when he’s in a similar mood.

“Your game over?” Yoochun questions, because for the moment he’s caught off guard there’s something in Changmin’s eyes that make him edgy.  He simply hums in reply, eyes still fixed on his own and Yoochun fights the urge to fidget.  “Did you win?”

“Silly question hyung,” Changmin says with a soft smile.  Yoochun smiles in return; of course it was a silly question because 99.8 percent of the time Changmin always won against whoever he was playing.  While Junsu was good at the games, and he enjoyed them a lot; Changmin didn’t like to lose and he was more than intelligent enough to figure out how to win. 

“Of course, it was.”

“What’s up?  We didn’t even realize you’d returned until Jae-hyung found your bag on the table.” 

“Hmm, just enjoying some fresh air,” Yoochun answers. “After being cooped up inside the studio all day, I just needed a moment.”  Yoochun doesn’t want to explain that he was caught up in his own thoughts; that seeing them caught up in such normal moments when he’d returned had hit something inside his heart for a few moments.  He didn’t want to cause worry to the youngest of their group, or any of the members.  And he knew that they tended to worry about him the most; because he was soft-hearted, emotional and the most sensitive of them all. 

“It is a nice night,” Changmin says easily, eyes shifting up to look at the now dark sky.  Yoochun nods, and then leans forward further into Changmin’s arms resting his head against his broad chest.  Changmin smiles and rests his chin on Yoochun’s head, closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment.  Neither speaks for a while, just enjoying the quiet; enjoying a moment of peace. 

A few moments later they’re shuffling inside and heading towards the kitchen where Jaejoong is calling, still wrapped around one another.  They enter the kitchen and Yoochun smiles at the small chaos that greets them.  Junsu is avoiding Jaejoong around the table, spoon covered in frosting in his hand.   Yunho is rocking with laughter in his chair at the table, poking and pulling at Jaejoong to help Junsu every time he’s within reach. 

“Yah! Junsu you get back here with that,” Jaejoong yells, as he jumps around Yunho’s arms trying to get at Junsu.  Junsu simply laughs harder and dodges faster.

“What the hell,” Changmin half questions around a laugh, as he shakes his head at his hyung’s obvious lack of maturity.  Yunho smiles and turns at the sound of Changmin’s voice, leaping from his chair and wrapping long arms around Yoochun.  Yoochun laughs as he’s pulled up into Yunho’s arms, feet leaving the ground as he wraps his arms around the older boy’s neck.

“You didn’t say hi when you got back,” Yunho whines into his ear, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth and smiles.  Just as Yoochun’s feet get back on the ground he’s swept up into another pair of arms, swung around for a moment and enveloped with the giddy laughter of Junsu.

“Chunnnnie,” Junsu yells, and Yoochun winces when the noise is too loud and too close to his ear.  But he simply laughs as Junsu practically throws him at Jaejoong when the older man gets closer.  He’s caught easily, but they stumble together for a step or two.  Jaejoong glares at Junsu over Yoochun’s shoulder, biting back a laugh when the younger boy sticks his tongue out and hides behind Changmin.  Shaking his head Jaejoong wraps Yoochun up in his arms, kissing him softly lingering for a moment enticed by the taste of the younger boy, before tucking Yoochun’s head into the curve his neck. 

Yoochun melts into Jaejoong’s arms, all comfort and warmth; and for a moment he’s reminded of home.  And then he realizes that his is home too, that he’s got family here as well.  He smiles into the curve of Jaejoong’s neck, and enjoys the moment before he’s hauled away.

“I had him first,” Changmin whines, pulling Yoochun back to his side.  Yoochun is pleasantly surprised when lips are pressed against his again.  He leans into Changmin’s strength as the younger boy pulls him closer, hands into his hair, mouth melting against his own.  Yoochun whimpers, Changmin swallows the sound and presses further, closer, demanding more.  

Jaejoong rolls his eyes, smiling for a moment before chasing after Junsu once again, yelling about needing to finish the cake.  Yunho shakes his head at all s, wondering why Jaejoong doesn’t just use another spoon, but then figures it isn’t really worth asking as Changmin settles into the chair beside him.  He smiles resting his head on his chin, watching closely as Yoochun curls up on Changmin’s lap, before the youngest is turning towards him with bright eyes.  Yoochun smiles as Changmin and Yunho start talking about some dance moves, and he can still hear Junsu’s laughter from the living room and Jaejoong’s constant threats. 

He decides in that moment, that everyday life with s is worth any of the pain and frustration and sadness.  As long as he can keep having moments like this, with them by his side; he’ll be perfectly fine.