"yo, ~~~-ah, whachadoin'?" you were shock by the voice behind you. 

you were quietly reading a book under a shady tree at your school's back garden.

"o-oh, t-taemin-ah wh-what are you d-doing here?" god why am i shuttering .. ~~~-ah get a grip.

"i thought were going to have lunch together, did you forgot?" he said and pout. don't do that you just make me like you more.. wait did i say like?

well, it's not like at all, you think it's more deep than that .. the difference of two letters .. it's love .. yup you love your bestfriend, your childhood bestfriend .. you like him before when you were  little but that like grow, and grow .. then it hit you one day .. you realize you love him, very much .. that it hurts.. because you know he can't love you back.

"~~~-ah, gwenchana?" he look at you. your face turn red, so you look down to hide it.

"y-yeah, of course. why wouldn't i be okay"

"oh, that's a relief, well .. what are we waiting for let's go , i'm starving"  he held your hand and drag you to the canteen.

it felt ... nice and warm. taemin-ah when will you realize that i love you..

* * * * * * * * * *

"~~~-ah, you were quiet, what's bothering you?" 

you look up and saw taemin's worried face. then your cheeks turn red, you just avert his gaze. you and taemin are walking home todays class is over and it's nice to walk home, besides you and taemin are neighbors and your houses are close by the school, just a walking distance.

"w-what are you talking about?"

"i mean, you were quiet earlier and now .. you know your not that kind of a person-"

"what do you mean by that?"

"well, if i'm being honest you were loud, and loves to chat .. it's kinda annoying but now-" he place his hand on your forehead. the two of you stop. "are you really okay? are you sick?" 

your cheeks flush by the contact, your heartbeats racing .. 

"i-im okay really , so don't worry.." then you hurriedly walk leaving him.

you were quiet all afternoon because you were weighing things, your feelings. if what you felt for taemin is really true but, how many times you deny it to yourself you really fall for him .. hard ..

"~~~-ah, wait up" you pace slowed and wait for him. you two just walk home silently.

* * * * * * * * * *

it's another day and the semester is going to end soon. you can't wait for the summers break. it means more time with taemin. 

"good morning" you greet your classmates. you were back to your cheerful self, last night you just accept the fact that your feelings for him is really true and you can't do anything about it, you're happy so be it.

"good morning, taemin-ah!" you greet him and went to you seat.

"good morning ~~~-ah" you notice his smile didn't reach his eyes.

"are you okay?"

he nods. but you think otherwise...

the teacher came in and the class starts, what's with him?

lunch break ..... 

"yo, taemin-ah, are you really okay? tell me the truth and don't lie"

you decided to ask him when the two of you finally got your orders and went to your seats.

"you know...." he starts . but....

"taemin-ah .. i heard you were going to transfer next year. father told me that mr. Lee wants you to study abroad" 

a girl interrupt. you were shock to hear that taemin is transferring. you look up and saw. Park So yun. she's very popular and also your 'rival'. she always claim that taemin's her boyfriend but taemin never confirm it. 

"So yun-ah...." taemin look like his pissed off or something but it was replaced by a fake smile.

"yes, yeabo?" yeabo? this girl makes me sick.... 

"i was about to tell ~~~-ah about that-"

"you mean she doesn't know?" she smirk at you. " i thought your his 'bestfriend, why didn't he tell you yesterday? oh well, the girlfriend should know first after all-"

"that's enough So yun-ah!" taemin snapped."that's enough" the students went silent. So yun walk-out as soon as she raise her eyebrow at you.

"~~~-ah-"

"yah, you said it's enough right. i think you exhausted. i heard it"

"~~~-ah .. i was about-"

"about, means that your not sure"

"i know .. i'm sorry .. look you know So yun's father and my father are business friends right? so-"

"hey, why are you explaining? i'm just your bestfriend.. it's okay" you tap him on the shoulder and left the canteen. your chest is heavy. you went to the back garden and sat under the same tree. i thought your his 'bestfriend, why didn't he tell you yesterday? oh well, the girlfriend should know first after all.....

"right .. just his bestfriend nothing more-"

"nope .. more like a special friend" your body grow tense. you didnt know that he followed you. " ~~~-ah, i'm sorry .. really i am.. for not telling you yesterday i mean you were quiet and i think you were facing some problems and i don't want to add up to that"

you just listen. the sadness earlier was replace with warmth. a special friend.. 

"i know you will be mad.. nope .. i know you'll be sad by the news .. i will too .. i don't want to leave korea .. i don't want to leave you .. "

you turn around and face him.

"you mean .. "

"i know about your feelings .. i know it and i'm feeling the same too"

"y-you knew .. that i-"

"the feelings of having a brother .. i too .. feel a sister love to you because i don't have one .. you were a perfect sister-bestfriend for me" he said smiling.

you froze. what???? 

"oh ... r-right .. " i thought .. Lee Taemin .. your angry .. and hurt . it means that he never show you as more that a friend but a sister .. only .. it hurts.

he approach you and hug you gently .. this is enough for me .. 

you hug him back ... i .. love you bestfriend..

* * * * * * * * * *

it was summer break. you and taemin is saving the time together before he go to the states. you went malling, went to the park, or just hang out. you were happy. 

the night before his depature, you ,your parents  and his mother since his father is already in the states .. throw a party for him. it saddened you but you can't just stop him right? you didn't have the right to do that... you are just his bestfriend nothing more.

you all gather at their house's living room. eating, chatting, until your mother suggest a truth or dare game that of course the rest agrees to play.

the bottle was spinned and stop-- pointing at you.

"so my lovely daughter... " you mother asks. " truth or dare"

"ammh .. t-truth" you were nervous. you has a hint that your mother'sgoing to ask you a personal question, since she know that you love taemin.

"who's you crush?"

"mmmh .. can i just give initials?"

"okay" all of them anticipating you answer when.....

the door bell rang .. a you were surprise to see So yun enter.

"good evening, mrs.Lee invite me."

she sat next to taemin while you were sitting across them.

"okay, now for the answer-"

"i go and spin the bottle" you're nervous so you just spin the bottle. all of them protested. including taemin.

"hey, not fair." you just chuckle. the bottle point at taemin.

"truth or-" you ask.

"truth" he answer. 

"okay ... do you have someone special to you? i mean someone y-you love?" 

he was silent. then he smile gently at you. what was that smile all about?.

"there is one .. a very special someone .. a person i love-"

"i know it's me.. right?" So yun sunddenly interrupt. taemin didn't comment. he just smile at So yun.

so .. that means .. he LOVE So yun? you quickly stood up. 

"ammh .. excuse me, i'll get more wine" you are allowed to drink wine. since its a celebration and you have your parents with you so they let you drink some. it's you first time.

when you went back. taemin's eyes were on you. then you smile at him.

and it's a very long night. you were having fun .. all of you are laughing and you got a chance to know So yun better too.. she's not a bad person after all.. but you didn't say she's not. you did'nt notice that you drink plenty of wine.. maybe ..your thinking that alcohol can heal wounds. dissolve pain and that's what your feeling now, So yun .. went home early. taemin drove her home since she's a little drank. and her home is not too far away from theirs so it's okay...

"hey ~~~-ah, its not good to drink plenty of wine you'll get drank" your mom said she's also drank. "~~-ah, i'm going to bring your father home okay? wait for taemin" you nods.

taemin's mom is also drank and decided to go to sleep.

you were left at their living room, drinking like hell ... 

"~~~-ah .. that's enough" taemin returned and try to get the wine bottle but you stop him. your drank and it felt good.

"yoush know i lovesh thish pershon but he hash someone he lovesh .. and i know it'sh not me .. it hurtsh very much .. i love him sincesh were little .. but i thinksh hesh dense or something he never noticed" you felt like crying and before you know it tears keep on falling...

"~~~-ah ... "

"i know it from the startsh ,, that he can't love me backsh .. i try to stopsh but i can't  .. i really fall for him hardsh .. you know .. i never lovesh someone exceptsh him .. and i don't think i will .. he'sh the mostsh amazing guy i ever know  .. hish childish .. and funny .. hish , handsomesh .. all perfectsh .. but he don'tsh have a heart .. i'm not selfish you know but .. i-" you were crying .. the wounds-- the pain .. it hurts so badly .. "i wish .. just a self wishsh ... thath someday .. he will lovesh me too..just once .. like how i love him .. but it's just a dreamsh .. i didn'tsh hope for thish .. i didnt ask for thish .. it just came to me .. i just love him .. i .... love you .. taemin-ah .. now i know thatsh you love someone .. i'm going to let you go .. because i knowsh it's the best i could do .. i'm strong .. i can bear it .. but .. justsh promisesh me be happy okay ? because .. i love you ..bestfriend." you fell asleep tears continue falling ... 

and in you dream taemin smile at you lovingly and gently kiss you lips. what a great dream .. or is not?

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