*******1 year later********

I exhale loudly as I walked out of the office building I work in.

Finally free from this constricting office.

Relief is one of the few emotions I have left since that day a year ago, but it's cherished dearly. I've gotten use to the numbness that's a part of my everyday life now, but for some reason something is different today... I can't pinpoint exactly what or even state why I feel it so... I don't know, maybe it's the upcoming spring?

Or maybe I'll finally get the guts to call them and that's what this nervous anticipation is all about?

Just thinking about hearing his voice again sends the dead butterflies in my stomach to slowly twitch to life, but I mercilessly stomp them down once more, making sure they stay dead.

I couldn't feel again, couldn't allow myself to feel happiness or sorrow. Numbness was proving to be the best method.

It was the only way I could support being apart from him... from them. Oh how I miss Min too.

Ever since that day I've cut all communication off, barely even calling my parents to tell them I'm still alive, in hopes that it'd help me move on... but I fear that it's only served me to shut down completely from the world I knew.

Oh well, at least I'm surviving.

I walk to my apartment, get ready to j-walk the street in order to reach my apartment, and barely noticed the moving trucks taking off from the locale if not because one almost ran me over as I crossed the street.

I ignored the calls of 'idiot' and 'watch it' and just kept on walking towards the entrance of the building.

If I'd been in my normal state, I'd already have gotten angry or yelled something at those irresponsible guys. But ever since that day I left Korea, I function on automatic mode. Living just to live... in the end wasn't really living.

I'm pathetic, right?

I walk the same path that I always take towards my apartment number, taking the stairs up four flights, and paused slightly when I noticed some boxes outside the apartment next to mine. The door seemed to be open too.

Weird. Must have a new neighbor.

I ignore the new discovery and walk into my apartment, closing the door and closing myself from the outside world. I didn't have any friends in this place nor did I need any.

I should've followed that motto when I was younger and maybe... just maybe... I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

****

I drag myself out of bed and get ready for work as always. I glance at my watch and count the minutes until I have to leave my apartment, knowing how much time it takes from here to the office building I work in a couple of blocks away. As I sit on my living room couch, I wonder if this is going to be the rest of my life... would it always be this way?

I get startled out of my thoughts when a loud thud and a curse is heard in the hallway.

"Gosh darn-it! Aish! I don't have time to change!" The voice is high pitched and immediately after the exclaimed, I hear running steps and the noise disappears just as fast as it came.

As I get up from the couch, I happen to glance at the television screen and frown when I notice a small smile playing on my lips. That was definitely weird... I didn't even feel my lips curl upward.

Shrugging it off, I head out of my apartment. Wondering if the person who'd sounded in such a hurry made it to their destination on time.

****

I was preparing to leave when a commotion attracted my attention.

"So you came all the way from South Korea?!" Someone I don't remember the name to squealed to a guy I'd never seen before.

"Y-yes." The guy responded timidly and seemed uncomfortable with the closeness of the woman interrogating him. I remembered the dreadful experience of being someone new and exotic and felt sorry for the guy... but really valued my solitary life, so I decided to ignore the situation and head out as fast as possible.

"You're the second person to come from there. Have you met Yunho Jung? He also works in this floor. Oh, there he goes!" The woman said loudly and I had no choice but to stop or seem completely rude. Even if I was antisocial, I still had manners. I turned towards the aforementioned woman and stayed put until she beckoned me closer.

"Yunho! This here is Junsu Kim. He recently came from South Korea to do a project here and we're trying to make him feel welcomed." She said brightly as she introduced us. I almost bowed in greeting, but remembered that I wasn't in Korea any longer and just held out my hand to shake his.

Since he was new, he still bowed to me in greeting, but blushed when he noticed my extended hand and immediately straightened and shook my hand.

"H-hi Yunho-sshi." His voice sounded familiar to me, but I couldn't remember from where.

"Yunho is just fine. May I also call you Junsu?" I asked and he nodded his head. It seemed he still couldn't master this language all that well, since he kept to short worded answers. "Well Junsu, it was nice meeting you. I have to go now. Enjoy working here. If you'll excuse me." I said and quickly left the two behind, ignoring whatever they talked about. For some reason, I felt the need to keep flexing my hand in the hopes of getting rid of the imprint of his hand. It was strange to feel this, since my life had been surrounded by numbness all this time.

I ignored it though. Besides, what would be the odds I'd have to speak to him again?

****

Turns out I had to speak to him more often than I'd wish. He turned out to be the new neighbor that moved in and also the man that I'd heard the first day tripping in the hallway. I was courteous to him whenever we happened to talk, but my patience was running thin.

He seemed on a mission to befriend me, something I couldn't have. And even though I tried to dissuade him many times, he kept coming. I didn't care if the only reason he tried to befriend me was because we came from the same country and he was trying to have at least one person who he could speak Korean with. Or that I was his neighbor, which in his mind means he has to befriend me even more because of that fact. All I knew was that he was intruding into my life and that he was unwanted.

A knock came to my door and I rolled my eyes. It could only be one person.

I dragged my feet towards the door in order to open it. If I ignored him, he'd knock until I did. That guy didn't seem to get the hint to leave me alone and for some reason I couldn't tell him straight out to leave me alone. Once in front of him, I lost my nerve and I'd begin to feel guilty whenever his face showed the slightest hint of sadness.

His face was just so... so... innocent. I don't know. Just something about his face that didn't allow me to blow him off easily. Besides, he wasn't going to be here long, so I supposed I could endure this harassment until he had to leave again.

"Yunho hyung! What took so long?" Junsu questioned as he came into my apartment without preamble as if he owned the place. I never would've suspected him to be this hyper person from our first meeting. He seemed so shy and reserved then, but once he got comfortable with me he seemed to do a 180. A completely different person.

I exhale loudly before I respond. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Hyung, Junsu? We're not in Korea and it sounds strange coming from you..." Plus, it always reminded me of the two that use to call me Hyung... the small throb I felt in my chest was enough to let me know to stop that train of thought before any more unwanted pain erupted.

"But Yunho sounds disrespectful Hyung." Junsu said as he frowned. Once more I tried not to notice how cute his face looked when he did that. It was stupid really. How could a grown man look that cute?

"Yes, well. We live here now and people don't use that phrase, so just sto-" I pause mid word when I see him beginning to pout. Damn it! And here comes the guilt.

"Aish, fine, fine. You can call me Hyung when we're in private." I cave and sit heavily on my chair. I find it slightly amusing when Junsu jumps up and down victoriously, but then seems to remember I'm observing him and flushes a bright red. It's hard to believe he's only a year younger than I am. He acts like such a kid.

"Thank you Yunho Hyung. I'll try to remember not to do that at work. So, what are you going to do today?" Junsu asks excitedly. I stare at him dumbfounded. It's as if he doesn't know that I normally don't go anywhere unless I have to.

"You know I don't like going out Junsu." I respond flatly and watch as a little of that brightness in his eyes dim.

Oh boy, he was going to lecture me. In only a month I'd learn to read the only other person I spoke to after such a long time. It was actually scary how much I'd learned of Junsu in this short amount of time.

"Yunho Hyung, it's not healthy to not go out. You need to distract yourself from your gloomy apartment." He said sadly as he looked around my apartment. He'd tried to change it, but I'd refused sternly and he hadn't attempted to change my plain apartment again.

I just stare blankly at him and wait for the reason he'd visited.

"I've got tickets for the local soccer game Hyung! Please, please go with me? It's free and I'll invite you to eat too. What do you say?" Junsu said cheerfully and I detected a hopeful tone.

I sighed again because I knew the other wouldn't drop the subject unless I accepted. And that face again was guilt tripping me into going. I brought my hands to cover my eyes as I make a noise of irritation, but once I face Junsu again all I do is nod and he jumps up and down again excited.

"Just wait Hyung! You'll have fun, I promise!" Junsu says happily and turns to go to the door. "I'll come over at 1 so that we can go to the game. See you then Hyung!"

And then total silence reigns in my apartment. I feel drained, as I always do whenever I have to deal with Junsu outside of work, but at the same time feel a tinny tiny burst of excitement at going out. I shake off that excitement and the same numbness encompass me.

What worries me is that lately... lately it's getting longer and longer to get that comfortable numbness I'm so use to. What will happen when I can't get that comfort back?

****

"I'll be visiting my family this three day weekend Hyung. So I won't be here to give you company. You should go out though. You work hard and need to distract yourself. But... Hyung... do you visit your family at all? I haven't seen you visit them once in the four months I've known you..." Junsu asks cautiously and I stop doing what I'm doing and look up at his standing form. I haven't revealed anything to him from my past and it seems he's finally gotten the nerve to ask me. I bite my lip and decide I don't want to open that can of worms to a stranger.

"I'll go out. Don't worry. I can't visit them." That's all I say before I continue to write checks for the bills of this month. I feel him get closer to sit down next to me and get uncomfortable with his closeness. I discreetly back away a little.

"Bu-" I look at him and he stops what he was about to say. He stares at me for a while and his stare makes me uncomfortable. The longer I stare, the more my hearts races and I break eye contact with him. I feel myself frowning at my reaction.

"Alright Hyung. I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready. Well... I have to go pack now. My flight's tonight. Sorry I let you know so late, but I barely found out they bought me a ticket." He laughs nervously and I frown more when my heart feels lighter with the sound.

"Okay. Safe flight Junsu." I tell him in a plain tone and don't look up when I feel him stand.

"I-I'll miss you Hyung..." Junsu spoke softly and gave me a half hug, running out of the kitchen as fast as he could.

I stay stock still after the half hug and mock him in my mind of how girly he sounded and of why the hell he'd felt the need to hug me, but I still felt the imprint of his arm around my shoulder and the warmth of my cheeks.

"What the hell?" I whisper and shake my head. I continue with my bills, trying to forget the incident.

****

The three days I spend without Junsu make me realize how much I've grown use to his presence. For some reason he doesn't call me and I refuse to call him, but that still doesn't mean I don't miss him.

I damn him for making me dependant of his presence, something I never wanted to be, and wonder if it's too late to cut him from my life. After all, his stay here isn't permanent and I'll have to grow use to never seeing him again, but that thought isn't a pleasant one.

I go back to my same routine, but for some reason it doesn't have the same results and satisfaction as before. It doesn't bring comfort or that familiar welcomed numbness. I grow restless and actually do go out, but everywhere I go seems to remind me of Junsu and that makes me angry.

How did I not notice how under my skin Junsu had gotten?

I resolve to get away from him. To actually steel up my resolve and brave through the guilt. To finally tell him to leave me alone. Maybe it's not too late? Maybe I haven't grown too use to his presence?

I don't need a friend. If I did, I would've called the two that are in Korea. So Junsu can go looking for another if he wants one.

****

Of course my resolve goes down the drain as soon as Junsu comes knocking on my door. Well, not exactly the knocking part. As soon as I'd open the door, intending on telling him to leave me alone, he hugs me fully and brings a burning warmth back to my body that leaves me speechless.

"Yunho Hyung! I've missed you!" He exclaimed cheerily and detaches himself from my body, walking into the apartment as if he owns the place. "So, what have you done in these three days? Hmmm???"

I shake off the feeling of his arms around me and walk into my own apartment. I couldn't believe he actually woke me up in the middle of the night to talk.

"Junsu-ah, it's 3 in the morning..." I freeze when I realized what I'd said and Junsu seems to have heard me because he's sporting a huge bright smile, his eyes shine brightly.

"Hyung! You called me Junsu-ah!" He says happily.

I groan at my mistake. I'll never hear the end of it now. "I repeat, it's 3 in the morning and we have work tomo-"

"I know, I know. Just wanted to let you know I'm safe and sound and that I'm back and I'm so sorry I couldn't call you but I lost my phone and have a new one, so I'll give it to you tomorrow, okay? Goodnight Yunho Hyung. See you in the morning."

And just as fast as he'd arrived he'd left. Leaving me speechless and confused. I decided to just head to bed and try to rest. Hopefully I could forget this interaction.

The problem was that I could still remember the sensation of his hands around my waist, the warmth that had traveled my whole body... a warmth that originated from deep within my chest. Work would be hell, I just knew it.

To be continued....

A/N:  Hi everyone, so was able to post this after much trouble. ><  This is the first part.  I'll post the second when I get it from my beta.  For now, enjoy. :)