It's been almost one year since they started dating, and what a heart-wrenching shock it was to him.

It was raining when Jongup came jumping to Himchan.

"Hyung, hyung, hyung! Zelo and Yongguk-hyung are together now!" he squealed, "Zelo asked hyung out and he said yes. Do you think I should ask Dae out too? Do you think he'll say yes? But aigoo--- hyung? Where are you going?"

Himchan, without listening to Jongup any further, stood up from where he sat and walked off from their dorm onto the streets.

And yes, it had to be raining to create the best and gloomiest atmosphere for him to cry his heart out - like in movies.

He walked and cried and cried, stopped occasionally when his vision blurred to much for him to take any step further than he stood.

Himchan remembers how he had spent that day walking in the rain, his phone switched off, tears if utter disbelief mingling with the water pouring from above.

Mumbling incoherently to himself he finally sat down on a park bench when the rain had turned into a soft drizzle, wondering about 'them' trying to sort out his own thoughts.

It was not long enough after than when a black car pulled up at the park entrance and a figure came running towards him.

"Yahh! Are you stupid? Where did you run off? Jongup scared me, came running to me screaming his head off!"

Himchan does not remember how long he had blinked before finally a panting and absolutely drenched in rain Yongguk sat down beside him.

"Is everything okay?" he softly asked Himchan wrapping his arms around him.

Himchan remembers how he just wanted to disappear at that moment; how he lied at that moment.

"Yes. It was just- mother."

"Aw, channie. This is not going to help. We can never bring her back. Please, be okay now. It's really disheartening"

"I know."

"Let's get home now, okay?" Yongguk asked brushing away Himchan's clearly visible tears.

They drove back to their dorm with Himchan convincing himself that he hurt was because of the loss of his mother.

The road to recovery does not exist to Himchan, he's still in love with his friend.

He still lives with them, hangs out with the group, fakes smiles, cries curled up on a park bench - pretending the hurt is because of his 'other' losses.

"Himchannie, where do you think I should take Zelo for our one year anniversay? We totally did not get any time to celebrate it properly!" Yongguk asks Himchan.

"I would go to the park"