Close your eyes, go to sleep
Know my love is all around you
Dream in peace, when you wake
You will know I'm still with you.

♥

I lay in my room, staring at the ceiling, thinking this is still a dream and that I'd wake up any minute. I looked at the time.. 4:59AM. I closed my eyes and the tears that formed in them started rolling down. I kept them closed, and I waited for a phone call from the man I loved the most: Lee Jinki.

5:01AM. Just a minute late. He'd still call me, right? This is just a dream.. a dream I wanted to wake up from so badly. I'd like to think that he just left for a vacation, or for an urgent event overseas. Or maybe he would've just left me for another girl. Maybe that's a lot better than losing him forever. His words kept on replaying in my head, that he'll always be by my side, that he will never ever leave me, that all he wants is for me to be happy..

"But how do you expect me to be happy if you're leaving me just like this?! Tell me, Jinki. Tell me!!"

My mom busted in my room and hugged me tightly as I cried and cried in her arms. "Shh, it's okay.. Everything will be okay, sweetie. It's alright.." She comforted me, but not enough for the pain inside my heart to disappear. I needed Jinki right now, and his presence is the only thing that can calm my heart down..

But that's not gonna happen anymore, is it?

"Three roses for you: I. Love. You." Jinki said as he handed me the roses on our balcony, early in the morning. "Happy birthday, _____." Then he kissed me. I smiled and hugged him tightly. He called me at exactly 5AM, telling me to look out of the balcony. I saw him there, holding the roses for my birthday.

"Thanks, Jinki. I love you too." I said with a light, happy, heart.

"Be happy okay? It's the only thing that matters to me. As long as you're happy, I am, too." He said as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I'll only be happy if you're always with me." I said with my eyes closed. He didn't reply at first, so I looked up. His eyes were a bit teary, but then when he saw me looking at him, he smiled.

"Of course. I will never leave you.. I will always be with you whether you know I'm there or not." He replied. "So, let's make this birthday of yours as memorable as possible, okay?"

I nodded, and we went out of the house. He took me to the park, then to the movies, then to the amusement park, then to the mall, then the restaurant.. So basically, we went to every corner of Seoul. He paid for all the expenses, not allowing me to pay anything. I didn't like it, of course, but he pleaded to me, saying it's my birthday so he has to pay. In the end, I just agreed. I never felt so happy in my life, spending my time with Jinki.. It definitely was the best birthday ever..

And the best birthday I'll ever have.

That night, when we got home, he tucked me in bed and waited for me to fall asleep. 1AM, I felt my eyes grow heavy, so I closed them. I was still holding Jinki's hands, then he squeezed mine tightly. Then, I felt his hot breath on my cheeks and he whispered to my ears.

"I love you, _____, and I always will. But this will be the last time you'll ever see me again. I don't want to see you cry. It just makes it a lot harder for me to let you go.. I'm sorry, baby. Goodbye.."

Then he let go of my hand. Yes, I was still awake, but I couldn't move. My body felt numb after hearing those words. I knew that it was just a dream. Jinki wouldn't leave me just like that.. He won't.

The next morning, I woke up at 6AM. I checked my phone if there was any message from Jinki, but I was shocked to see my inbox empty. Where'd all his messages go?! I checked my phonebook, and his number wasn't listed. I opened my Facebook account, but his account was deactivated. I checked everything: all his accounts, his letters to me, the clothes he left me.. it was all gone. Traces of him are all gone. Tears started forming in my eyes, and and I knew that what happened last night wasn't a dream.

Weeks passed and I haven't heard anything from Jinki. He dropped out of school. His friends said they didn't know where he was. I couldn't contact his parents either. I knew nothing.. Nothing at all.

Until one night, I received a text message from an unknown number.

"_____? This is Jinki's mom."

My eyes widened as I read the first sentence.

"Jinki told me to not tell you this, and to not bother you anymore, but I really think you should know by now. It's hard for me and for all of us to say this but.."

My heart dropped as I continued on.

"..Jinki's gone."

Gone? What does she mean? Like, gone to another country? Or like, went to another school? What does she mean with 'gone'? It's not like, gone.. forever, right?

"He's been sick for quite a while, and he didn't want to let you know. He doesn't want you to get hurt, knowing he'll die anytime soon. His disease is incurable, and lately, he accepted the fact that he's going to go. I'm sorry, _____. We know you love him so much, that's why we told you. I'm really sorry.."

I dropped my phone. So.. he's gone? Heh, that's nonsense! He's too young! How can he die just like that? How can he.. possibly.. die.. just like that? No.. He said he wouldn't leave me, right? He didn't die. It's not true. I.. don't want it to be true.

My family and I went to Jinki's funeral. His mother handed me a letter from him before he died. I opened it and read it. My eyes don't seem to dry because of endless tears.

"_____, annyeong. Maybe by the time you're reading this, I won't be around anymore. And to let you know, I took all the letters I gave to you, leaving this one letter so you would still remember me. But not for you to cry all over again, but for you to move on. I want to let you know that I'm happy wherever I am now, and I want you to be happy as well. Think of me as someone who just came by to teach you a lot of new things in life. Don't cry, okay? I don't like seeing you cry. It makes me really unhappy. And you don't want that right?"

I fell on my knees, crying my heart out. My mom caught me, and comforted me. I continued reading.

"Please don't be sad and be happy. I'd like you to keep this letter as a reminder for you to live life well. You're still young, and you'll meet a lot of new people in your life. And remember that I'll always be with you. Just like what I said on your birthday, whether you know it or not, I am always with you, protecting you and loving you.

So, I guess this is it. I'm finally saying goodbye. I may sound really stupid right now, but pleeeeeaaase have fun. Be happy, _____. I love you so much and always remember that. Goodbye~ Always with you, Lee Jinki."

Seriously, Lee Jinki, how do you expect me to be happy right now, huh? You left me all alone, you left me crying here. You said you don't like seeing me crying, but this is all because of you! How can you leave me?!

I didn't go to school for about a month. I only had 2 hours of sleep everyday, still waiting for Jinki to call every morning. When I started going to school again, I felt alone, even if my friends never left me. I stay in school till 6PM, waiting fo Jinki to come to my classroom and walk me home, even if I know he won't come by anymore.

No, I can't move on. I won't be able to move on. He taught me how to be strong, how to be happy, and how to love. And now, losing him might even be harder than losing my own life. And I don't think I will be able to love again.. Not at all.