I thought it was fitting that it was raining outside as I glared at my opened suitcase, filled with my belongings that were still being added onto until everything of mine from the dorm room was gone. While I was packing, I cursed my roommate and his little boyfriend under my breath as I finished packing the last of my clothes. From the door frame of the room, I could feel a set of eyes watching my; watching my every move as I packed up. His stare was driving me crazy with mixed emotions, most of them negative. I couldn’t take it, I had to hurry and leave this dorm and memories behind, before I went insane.

“You don’t have to go you know…” my roommate says softly as he leaned against the door frame, looking so inviting and cold at the same time, “Youngjae.”

Why did he have to say my name? I asked myself, closing my eyes tight and taking a pause in my work. I didn’t let it stop me though, as I continued on soon afterwards.

“I have too,” I answer zipping up my suitcase with the last of my things, standing up straight to look at my soon to be ex-roommate.

“I have too Daehyun,” I reiterate, more for my sake than his.

xXxXx

I wasn’t moving out. Instead I am inside my room at my desk studding for an upcoming test I had. My pencil scribbling away as I took notes from the textbook. In the distance I would hear the door slam shut, but I didn’t care too look up and see who it was. There are several soft footsteps as my roommate walks into my room and hug my suddenly from behind, surprising me as I was just as I was about to finish the chapter.

“Yah get off of me!” I hissed as the other hadn’t even bothered to take off his coat that would still be damp from the outside. He was shaking slightly with his head buried in my shoulder so I wasn’t able to see his face.

I knew then that something was wrong.

My face soften and I turn the chair around to hug him properly, he moves closer to me and choke out words that I couldn’t quite make sense of. But it didn’t matter, I had a feeling of what it was anyways; all I had to do was hold him and tell him it would be alright.

“Aish you big baby,” I sigh, rubbing a warm hand up and down his back in comfort, “it’s going to get better Dae.”

xXxXx

Daehyun sighs and moves from his spot from the doorframe and moves into my room, or what was my room. “Listen, if the thing about Jongup is what’s bothering you then-“

“Why do you think it has to do with Jongup?” I interrupt quickly, breaking my gaze away from the other, picking up my few belongings before walking forward to leave this place once and for all.

“Then why are you moving out then?” Daehyun asked, blocking my way out.

I bite my lip and glower at the blond who was in my way, refusing to answer the other because if truth was ugly, then my answer would be a hideous ghastly monster.  

“Answer me.”

“Because I want to,” I say, hoping that it would suffice for an answer.

“That’s a lie,” he says flatly as soon as the words leave my mouth. His harsh words causes me to visibly flinch, making me a where all too well how vulnerable and weak I truly was.

“Says the one who used to claim he wasn’t gay,” I respond with resentment; resentment from the time when I confessed my feelings for Daehyun and was rejected because “he wasn’t gay” four months ago. Who knew that only two months later he would come out to our group of friends about his and Jongup’s relationship.

Daehyun’s mouth hangs open slightly as I can tell I managed to hit something, cause the other to feel guilty; and even if it was just a little it showed that I had some power in this. Too bad Daehyun held more.

“I honestly thought I wasn’t, until I met him,” he speaks softer now with a soft look in his eyes that tells me that he’s thinking of his damned boyfriend right now, while I was standing right in front of him.

Why couldn’t I be the one who made you realize that?

xXxXx

“It won’t be okay,” Daehyun claims dramatically, his voice hoarse from his breakdown. “It won’t ever be.”

I roll my eyes and pull him away from me so I can look at him in the eye, as well as study him. Wet hair, flushed cheeks, red eyes that showed that he was probably running in the rain

“What happened exactly?” I ask raising an eyebrow and brushing some of his hair out of his face, feeling the cold smooth skin of the other.

“H-He… was… Jongup and… cheated,” Daehyun explained in broken words, unable to form complete sentences as they brought back memories that cut opened wounds that were still bleeding. “I don’t know anymore Youngjae,” he says breaking down once more and hugging me tightly, as if his existence depended on it. And maybe it did, maybe I was the only one who could comfort him. That thought made me smile as I felt special to the other, despite the pain he was going thorugh.

“I knew he was bad news,” I mumble under my breath, loud enough still for Daehyun to hear me though.  

Don’t get me wrong here, Jongup is a nice kid, but he just wasn’t right for Daehyun. He was too young, too short, too quite, too awkward, and just too Jongup.

“I should have seen it before…” he croaks out calming down from his hysteria, allowing himself to relax in my arms as I continue to rub his back. “Why didn’t I see it before?” he asks himself as he allows his heavy eyelids to close, and his breathing to steady out; and soon I’m holding a sleeping Daehyun.

“It’s alright as long as you finally realize it,” I whisper softly so I don’t disturb the other. Looking down at the other and watching his peaceful sleeping face. I let out a small smile as I trace his full lips with my thumb before I sigh in agitation realizing that I had to now put him in bed. “Aish…”

xXxXx

I stare at Daehyun, despising the fact that he was in my way, that he was happy with Jongup, that he wasn’t with me.

“Just move Daehyun,” I tell him closing my eyes and shaking my head, tired and just wanting to get away from this man. Not waiting for him to respond, I push past him holding my stuff, heading for the door.

“Youngjae.”

Hearing my name spill from his lips is all that it takes me to stop moving, I don’t turn around though to face him. I can feel a small spark of hope flicker, and my stomach twists as I wait for his next words; praying that they were words that I wanted to hear.

“You’re my friend Jae,” Daehyun says using the shorten version of my name, trying to lessen the gap between us. “I don’t want you to go just because something like this.”

I let out a dry laugh as my small shred of hope turns into heavy lead, dropping down my throat into my stomach. I knew I shouldn’t have stopped moving.

“You don’t get it do you?” I asked slowly, trying to keep my voice from cracking and the tears burning the corners of my eyes back. “I don’t want to just be your friend.”

“Jae… You know that I lo-“

“What I want is something I know I can’t have, so stop making such a show of things and let me be on my way in peace,” I interrupt, not wanting to hear him finish that sentence. Because if he says it out loud, if I hear it fall out of his mouth, then I would be forced to accept that he was in love with Jongup and vice versa. And here I am holding true feelings for Daehyun, but without them being returned back.  

Unrequited love is pathetic no? It makes people turn into pathetic beings. It has made me into a weak and pathetic person.

But I’m not so weak that I can’t walk out the door.

xXxXx

A week has passed since Daehyun found his now ex-boyfriend cheating on him, which lead to their breakup. Since then things had started to return to normal before they started dating, and I was happy because Daehyun seemed more happy than he was during the time he was with Jongup.

“Aish, what is with this rain?” I say to myself, shaking off the water that had collected on my hair before I kick off my shoes and place some groceries on the counter. “I’m home!” I call taking off my jacket and hanging it up.

“Welcome back,” Daehyun calls from the couch, turning his head and smiling at me.

“Thanks,” I say putting away the groceries away before joining Daehyun on the couch. “What are we watching?”

“Just some American movie.”

“Cool,” I say leaning back on the couch and watching the English movie, picking up on a few phrases, but needing to use the subtitles for the most part.

Throughout the movie, Daehyun kept glancing over at me sometimes bluntly staring at me for several minutes. It was distracting and half way through the movie I gave up and looked back at him, with an annoyed look written on my face.

“Something wrong Dae?” I ask raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” he denies shaking his head slightly, reaching forward and brushing some of my hair that had fallen in front of my face out of the way. “Nothing at all Jae,” he confirms with a smile.

“Alright,” I sigh not affected by the other, turning finish the movie.

Despite my question, Daehyun continued to watch me more than the movie. Once the credits were shown at the end of the movie, I turned to look at Daehyun again. Somehow our bodies were right next to each other so our shoulders and legs were touching, and our faces were less than five inches away from each other; just looking at Daehyun make my eyes cross.

“Okay spill it, what’s on your mind.”

“I…” Daehyun trails off, his eyes flickering around to all sides before focusing on mine again, “I think… no, I know… I like you Jae.”

I felt a surge of blood being pumped all at once by my heart as I heard the other’s confession; hearing the words that I’ve wanted to hear for months. The room seemed to grow warmer and I tried to fight a dorky smile from making its way on my lips.

Besides, as happy as I was to finally have Daehyun confessing to me, I wouldn’t let him have it his way just yet. I’m not that easy to get.

“Dae…” I sigh looking at him, “I confessed to you four months ago, and since then and now I’ve moved on from my feelings.”

“O-Oh…” he says looking down blushing due to his confession being rejected.

It was so cute how he wore his emotions so freely. Smiling I lift Daehyun’s head so I can face him directly to add with a playful tone, “But if really do like me then you should try and win my heart over.”    

Daehyun gave a lopsided smile hearing those words of mine. “That’s so cheesy Jae!”

“Take it or leave it,” I shrug laughing slightly.

He brough me down into a hug and whispered softly, “I’ll take it.”

xXxXx

It’s been a few weeks since I moved out from my old dorm with Daehyun. I currently lived with an annoying talkative senior named Kim Himchan. And despite some troublesome road bumps, I was okay. I couldn’t say I was completely content with life at the moment, but I knew I would be sooner or later. Not having to see Daehyun everyday had helped a lot.

“Oh roomie!” Himchan called out in his loud outdoor voice. “Guess what.”

“You learned how to use your indoor voice?” I guessed glaring at my roommate who had decided to invite himself into my room.

“Not yet,” he says laughing. “I just wanted to tell you that some of my friends and I were going to go out tonight, and I’m inviting you since you’re my friend roomie.”

“Thanks,” I sigh pinching the bridge of my noise about to reject the offer. However, there was a part of me inside that asked why exactly I was rejecting the offer. Realizing this, I rethought and changed my answer. Looking up at the elder with a semi-awkward smile and said, “Sounds like fun.”

“It will be,” Himchan promised with a smile.

Later that night I found out that Himchan was right… for the most part.

I was chatting with one of Himchan’s friends, Youngguk-shi, as I drank some soju. There was loud music in the air, people dancing against each other and plenty to drink. I laughed at Himchan for getting on a table to dance, and sang along to some of the songs that I knew. Things were good, I was having the most fun I could have in a long time.

However, all things must come to an end.

I made a mistake to look out onto the dance floor where I saw two platinum blondes dancing together, the colored strobe lights reflecting off their sweaty bodies. I didn’t need to study them carefully to know who they were.

“Daehyun…” I murmur under my breath seeing the said male the first time since I moved out.

I felt my throat constrict and anything I tried to consume had an acrid taste. I knew I couldn’t enjoy this night any longer. I kept watching the couple out on the dance floor, as they moved together sensually, like they were having but with clothes on. Just watching them made me feel sick, and I felt like throwing up as soon as I saw them kissing each other; deep, passionate filled with love and mocking me all at the same time.

I had to get out of there; I just had to.

So, I ran.

xXxXx

After almost a month of cheesy lines, sweet gestures, and loving embraces, I finally accepted Daehyun’s feelings; and I couldn’t be anymore happier with things. Currently we were walking down the street under a single shared umbrella through the rain talking about nothing really.

“You’re so cute Jae,” he says out of nowhere, smiling to show his clean white teeth.

“Yah! Am not,” I deny as I stop walking to turn to look at my boyfriend with a glare and a matching pout. “If anything you’re the one who’s cute.”

“I can live with that cutie,” Daehyun teases, eye smiling as he looks at me.

“Aish you…” I trail off trying to make myself seem intimidating to the other. However it falls short of my goal, because instead he gives out a sweet clear laugh and rests his forehead against mine.

“I love you Youngjae,” he confesses with a smile, our eyes meeting with each other so I could see myself in his eyes.

I don’t answer right away, and instead allow myself to smile full heartedly as I lean in and kiss him sweetly and lovingly. As Daehyun kisses me back I drop the umbrella that I was holding, feeling the sun’s golden rays shine down on us as the clouds parted and the rain stopped.

“I love you too Daehyun.”

xXxXx

I allow myself a rest as I lean against a random wall in a random alley way somewhere in Seoul. Panting hard I can feel the rainwater soak through my clothes and skin, I’ll have a cold in the morning without a doubt. However I can’t trouble myself over something like that, not when I was bleeding to death from the inside.

I croaked out a dry laugh at how pathetically over dramatic I sounded. Leaning my back against the brick wall, I looked up at the dark cloudy sky, feeling the cold rain and my hot tears mixing together on my face. Wondering why I allowed myself to hurt myself over one stupid guy.

It was because it was Daehyun.

But he was happy now with Jongup.

He should be happy with me.

He doesn’t want you, he never had.

Daehyun never said anything like that!

 He was simply trying to be nice to a pathetic person like you.

I let out a scream of frustration as I was sick and tired of my internal conflict between my common sense and my emotions. I just wanted all of this to be over and done with, with me moving on with my life; but that was easier said than done as my past attempts always failed me. Sighing I closed my eyes, allowing the rain to wash over me as I thought out loud:

 “Why do I cling onto someone that was never mine in the first place?”

xXxXx

A/N: Well that's it! If you were confused through the story, it alternates between a senerio that happens and another doesn't. Um... I don't know what else to say but I hope you guys liked the oneshot! ^^;