chapter thirty two- pillar.

note: the order of pov go like Yuri-Minhyun-JR.

Call me clueless, but when you see a gang leader walk past you, or literally storm pass you with watery eyes, of course you’d be confused. Not only confused, but curious.

That was what I was when I saw JR walk away from my mom’s office as I walked towards it. Okay, I could have understood if he only got angry, but from what I saw, he wasn’t only angry, but was also hurt.

The tears in his eyes proved it.

What on earth had my mother done?

“You might want to clean this up. Yuri could get hurt, you know.” I heard Minhyun’s voice from inside the office. The next thing I knew, he was in front of me.

When he saw me, he stopped. Froze, more like it. His eyes clearly showed that he was shocked.

I stared up at him, confused. “What’s going on?” I asked. “What happened while I was gone?”

His eyes softened, as if he was facing a lost puppy (I don’t blame myself for looking like one, I felt like that too) and he sighed. With a small smile, he caressed my face.

“I’ll be back.”

And with that, he disappeared again.

He had been rude earlier. But suddenly, he was nice again.

I actually felt as if he was being genuine.

“Arasso. You do that.” I heard myself whispering, watching the route he had left, from which Myungsoo oppa was now coming.

I wasn’t curious or confused anymore. I felt trusted.

And it was not Myungsoo oppa making me feel like that. But Hwang Minhyun, the bastard whom I hated at first sight, who was making me feel like that.

And suddenly, I realized, I might not hate Minhyun as much as I thought I did.

And, maybe, just maybe..

I might not be that much in love with Myungsoo oppa as I thought I was.

-

He was scared.

It had been a long time since he last felt that.

Hwang Minhyun was scared.

But not for himself.

Jonghyun.

He was scared for Jonghyun.

Damn that bastard, running off like that. Didn’t he even think he’d look vulnerable?!

He has been cursing Jonghyun in his mind ever since he had left the office. That idiot didn’t even think before running off like a coward. And in front of Yuri at that.

Yuri.

Another person he was scared for. Though he wasn’t scared for her at the current moment, he was worried. What would she think?

I’ll be back.

He had said that again. He felt like kicking himself for that. What was he doing, leading her on like that?

Was he leading her on? He sure thought he was. If Yuri stopped loving Myungsoo and started loving him, that would be the end of him. He’d see her every day, with that face, that lost face…

He wouldn’t be able to take it.

Aish! Damn it!

In the end, he would up cursing himself again.

No, he wasn’t in love with her. He just didn’t want her in love with him.

..right?

“AISH, MY LIFE!”

Minhyun’s thought snapped back to reality. He was on the roads of Seoul, running around like an idiot until he heard that voice.

Jonghyun’s voice.

He changed his path and starting running towards the direction of Jonghyun’s voice.

It led him to the most obvious place Jonghyun would be in.

The alley behind his mother’s old apartment building.

Of course, Minhyun thought. Knowing that rascal.

He was worried as hell, and his body was covered with sweat. Even so, he couldn’t help but smile when he saw Jonghyun punching the wall of the building.

He was alright.

-

He hated it.

He hated it all.

His life, his friends, his family, everything.

And all because of that one woman, Nam Yoora.

Filth who wasn’t even supposed to be considered as a humans. Filth who thought of herself so high that she forgot how low she actually was.

At least, that was what he tried to convince himself.

His fist was bleeding, from the cuts he had gotten by punching the brick wall of where he used to live as a baby. Back when Yoora had control of his life. The wretched building he had once called home.

All because of Yoora.

“ you, Nam Yoora.”

He punched the wall, a little more lightly this time than before. It hurt. Not only his fist, but his heart too.

“I’m not a mistake.”

He was not a mistake.

He was not a mistake.

He was not a ing mistake.

Or maybe he was.

“Aish, look at this rascal, wasted.”

He turned around to face the owner of the familiar voice.

Hwang Minhyun.

Of course.

Who else?

Minhyun scratched the back of his head with a puckered brow. “And he calls himself a gang leader.”

“Piss off.” Even though Jonghyun had said it, it was definitely the last this he wanted Minhyun to do.

“No.” came the direct answer of his best friend. “You coward.”

“Aish, this rascal, seriously, leave me alone!”

“I already said no, bastard!” Minhyun’s voice was equally as high and Jonghyun’s. “What are you going to do when I go? Mope around like a loser, punching and kicking walls, and only inflicting harm on yourself? Do I look dumb enough to let you do that? To let you turn into an emo loser?”

“I’m not a loser, this rascal.”

“So he says.”

They exchanged glared for a while before both of them turned away.

“What are you going to do?” Minhyun asked, after the eye contact ended. “Let that treat you like dirt?”

“She’s dirt.”

“Wow, he actually knows how to insult her.” Minhyun scoffed. “Why didn’t that come out when we were back there, in the office?”

 There was silence.

“I’m not a mistake.”

“Aren’t you? You look like you’re having trouble convincing yourself. You can’t convince anyone else when you can’t convince yourself.”

“I convinced you.”

“You did?”

Jonghyun looked at Minhyun who stared back with challenge in his eyes. He looked more of a gangster than Jonghyun could ever picture himself, the sun behind him causing a silhouette of himself.

“Are you saying you think I’m a mistake?”

Minhyun chuckled cruelly. “Yes, this bastard. I called you a mistake. What are you going to do about it?”

Jonghyun’s fists clenched. “I’m not.”

“Does that word hurt you more than dirt? Mistake. It hurts you, huh?”

“I said I’m not, this bastard.”

“Aigoo,” his voice changed from vicious to teasing. “Is this little rascal actually trying to defy me? This mista-”

Before Minhyun could complete the word, a fist lined the teasing smirk on his face.

Jonghyun’s fist lined the teasing smirk on his face.

“Listen to me, this bastard, I’m not a mistake. Call me filth, call me dirt, call me wimp. Not mistake.” His words were direct, almost harsh, if not for the small sense of hurt in them.

Minhyun wiped the blood on the corner of his lip. He smirked. That was the Jonghyun he had been expecting,

“Mistake.” He spat.

Jonghyun’s foot kicked Minhyun stomach. When he tumbled, Jognhyun grabbed him so that he’d gain his balance and punched him with his free fist. Watching Minhyun tumble like that, for the first time in his life, gave him pleasure.

He kicked and punched Minhyun again and again, until he was on the ground, clutching his abdomen. Jonghyun felt pleasure, so much pleasure. After kicking him some more, he grabbed Minhyun by the collar and made him face Jonghyun.

“What were you saying?”

Minhyun coughed blood, a few times. Then he laughed. “Feeling good, aren’t you?”

His voice, his tone had changed. Changed much more compared to when he was taunting Jonghyun.

Jognhyun’s eyes widened, realizing what he had done, and immediately let go. Involuntarily, his eyes began watering up, looking at his best friend, the pillar that had kept him standing, try to sit up.

Minhyun was in pain, Jonghyun was the cause of it.

As fast as he could, he helped Minhyun sit up and lean against the wall. Then buried his face in his hand.

“Like a child, you still are.” He heard Minhyun’s voice.

Jonghyun sobbed. Minhyun smiled.

Jonghyun felt an arm around his shoulder, he immediately knew the owner of the arm.

“I..I’m no..t-”

“I know, stupid. I was the one who told you that, remember?”

She was there, looking at him from head to toe. Judging him.
he had already called her filth. What else would he call her?
“Mistake. This boy is a mistake.”

He was running. Running away.
He didn’t like her, he didn’t want to see her.
Tears were streaming down his face.
He stopped in front of a taller boy.
“She..she ca-called m-me a mis-mistake..”
The taller boy frowned.
“Mistake? She called you that? She’s the mistake between both of you.”
“Wha-what if i-I rea-really am?”
“You are not. If you were a mistake, why are you living under my roof?”
The lad stopped crying. In fact, he smiled. Those words were enough to convince him.

Even while sobbing, Jonghyun smiled. “N..no duh.”

“Look at you. Crying and smiling. Like always.” Minhyun chuckled, removing his arm. “A child.”

“Che.” Jonghyun sniffled. A teardrop fell from his right eye. Followed by one from the left. Once again, he was crying. Like a child, as Minhyun had said.

But so what? There he was, a gang leader as he called himself, leaning against his best friend, crying. Nothing was impossible.

A real man is one who not only fought, but cried after getting hurt. His fathr had once said.

He convinced himself that.

And that was enough for him. He was with his pillar, the pillar that helped him stand, the pillar that built his life. He didn’t care. He was attached to this pillar. No matter what, he knew this pillar would be there for him, that his pillar, no matter now deep he fell, would help him stand up again.

shotuout!

i was going to update before going to sleep, but i was so tired.
anyway, here it is.
i liked writing this chapter.
the black circles under my eye..orz
in italic, the short space left one is a flashback.
anyways, i'm too lazy to type.
ciao. author-nim lubs you. ♥