I walked down the long hallway leading to one of SM Entertainment’s many dance studios – our favourite hangout – greeting my colleagues along the way.  My eyes scanned the people present until it laid itself on a group of girls who were chatting animatedly and playfully shoving each other. A smile lit up my face before disappearing as soon as it had appeared when I could not see her anywhere in that crowd.

Inhaling a deep breath before slowly exhaling it, I continued making my way to my destination. Due to our respective group’s international involvement, it feels like years since I have last seen her. Okay, so it was just an exaggeration, but I certainly do not like the idea of being away from her for even a day. I groaned inwardly as I thought about how I have not see her face up close for about a month now. Sure we keep in contact through our daily calls, but that is just not enough. I silently curse the nature of our job for causing this distance between us. If I could, I want to be around her for as long as I could afford; even if it is just watching her from the sidelines.

A small smile crept over my lips as I laughed mentally at my thoughts. Lee Hyukjae, when did you become such a creeper? Shaking my head softly, I turned the doorknob of the dance studio. I entered the room and was about to close the door behind me when someone tackled me with a hug from behind.

‘’Guess who I am?’’ A voice spoke from behind and I could imagine the wide grin on her face. Silly girl, of course I could recognise that voice and that smell of hers that resembles that of cinnamon and a hint of vanilla. So that is how we are playing, I thought. Without turning around and spoiling her fun, I questioned “Who?! I know I’m popular but you shouldn’t kidnap me.’’

She pulled back her arms and sneered at me as I turned around to face her. Seeing her this way, I could not help but put on an amused face. It seems to annoy her more and she moved to back face me and walk away. Suppressing a laugh, I grabbed one of her arm and swirled her around. Closing the distance between us, I pulled her in for a hug.

She did not resist and instead, wrapped her arms around my waist. I let out a contented sigh as I placed my chin on her head and take in her scent. ‘’Hyo, you missed me don’t you?’’ I teased. In response, she playfully hit my back with her hands, hard. I smiled a little at her strength and how easily irritated she gets. ‘’I don’t. I just can’t get use to not having someone to bully.’’ She retorted.

 I decided to let her have her way just this time around and tightened my hold on her. It felt so right for her to be in my arms and involuntarily, the corners of my mouth tug upwards. But even with this intimate distance between us, there was still this feeling that we are not close enough. I sighed inwardly at how greedy I have become.

 This is not entirely incorrect though. There was always a distance between us that I wanted to overcome but I am too much of a coward to do so – stepping beyond the line of being mere best friend and advancing towards a more intimate relationship. I thought I have been explicit with my feelings; openly acknowledging our close relationship on public broadcast, freely showing my affections for her through hugs and handshakes with her and only her, hinting my jealously of other man’s interest in her and my frequent gaze towards her.

 But when she pulls back from my hug and pat my shoulder with her hand and in her tinkle like voice said, ‘’Welcome back, best friend!’’, the distance between us became harshly evident. My resolve in closing that distance between us then crumbles and all I could do is to let out a bitter laugh.

So all those physical distance between us means nothing. The greatest distance between us is that she is right in front of me but I can never tell her what is in my heart.

‘’I love you, Hyoyeon.’’ I whispered silently under my breath and let those words disappear in the deepest corner of my heart.