I Wonder If You Hurt Like Me
I Wonder If You Hurt Like Me
So... this is the first and last chapter :) Anyway thanks to wonderful comments and subscribes :)
I was so happy that i have to study hard for exams and everytime i log in Asianfanfics.com, there are notices about new subscriber and comments, *sniff*
ENJOY and COMMENT ;)
Inspired by 2AM's
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I Wonder If You Hurt Like Me
Birds chirping. Sun light peeking through my curtains. Another day finally has came. Another day without you.
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Shrugging the flows of memories of you and me, I start my morning. Cook breakfast, take a bath then wearing the nearest wardrobe I can reach. Why does I have to remember about you again? Why does your face always appear everywhere I go ?
I sigh. Today, I have an appointment to meet my old friend. Yoo Yeojin, my friend from our high school had called me last week. She asked me to help her with the year book of her students. Yeah, she had became one of new teacher in our high school.
I grab my camera and go off. Another memory of you comes back to my head. Why does it hard for me to forget you ?, I think. This is not fair. Life isn’t fair. You hurt me and I’m always the one who is hurting.
It’s almost five years, I say to myself, start to pick my pace to the bus stop. I hop on to the bus, take a sit and sighed, again.
To distract my wandering thoughts, I took my camera then started to take a photo of any scenery I spot when the bus moved. I take a picture of a kid, an elder couple, a saler…. There are a lot of people in this world. Out of all people exist in the world, why did I fall for you ?
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As soon as I arrived to our high school, I breathe deeply. Be professional, be professional, I keep chanting it my head.
“ _____ -ah! “ a beautiful young woman waves her hand to me. “ It’s nice to meet you again!”
Wait. Don’t tell me….
“ I’m Yeojin, your friend, “ the woman laughs. It is so obvious that this woman doesn’t look like Yeojin I knew , at all.
“ Yeojin…. You changed… so much ,” I exclaim to her, hugging her. She is my closest friend from high school. But after all things happened to us, I started to separate myself from our friend.
“ Yeah… I’m not a nerd anymore, see ? “ Yeojin says. She was a most-known nerd in school, before. And now the once nerd turns into a beautiful swan.
“ Anyway…. About the photograph… what’s the concept? “ I asks her. I have to know the concept before I can make the yearbook photographs.
“ We just want to make it as a usual yearbook. Full of memories, so the students can take picture freely, with anyone. “
“ Okay,” i get my camera ready for the photographs.
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Students by student passed. Time passed, and the photographs I’ve taken was really good. They seem so happy, their expression is so natural, so it fits the concept perfectly.
We were once like that, weren’t we? Laughing, smiling, cuddling, taking a lot of photos. Our relationship was so wonderful, and everyone envied us… before we fell apart..
Finally, the last photograph of the day. Still there are a lot of students haven’t taken photograph yet, so it will be continued next week.
They bowed to me, saying thanks. I smile, then I excuse myself.
Yeojin approaches me, giving me hot cappuccino. She smiles.
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“ It has been awhile since last time you talked to us, you know? “ Yeojin says. She sips her coffee.
“ Yeah.. it has been so long, “ I says, weakly.
“ How’s life? Are you okay? “
“I’m… fine. “ I lie again. I’ve been wearing that mask since he went away from my life.
“How’s you and him ? “ she asks. I know from her tone that she tries not to hurt my feeling.
“ He looks fine… I don’t know.” I look away. “ it’s already dark. I better get going. Thanks for the coffee “ I change the conversation, quickly walk away, as I’m afraid that I might burst to tears, remembering him.
When your shadow disappears from Yeojin’s sight. She sighs and sips her coffee again. You aren’t the cheerful girl we used to know, we are worried of you. Your old friends are worrying over you, ____ -ah, she thinks, as her shoulders deflated.
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The next day is Monday. It means work for you. You’ve been accepted as a photographer in a famous fashion magazine. Today there will be a one day shooting. It means that the whole day, you have to work on a project.
The models must be famous ones, you think. Only a big superstar, hallyu stars do the one day shooting. Their gorgeous faces would appear in special pages of the magazine for the next issue. My boss had told me that the guest today is really important, so I have to do my best.
After the bus stops, I hop off the bus, walking to the headquarter. There are certain memories of him that made me like to go anywhere with bus.
I greet my co-workers and the bosses. There are several faces that I don’t know. they must be the managers or the models. My boss,the head photographer signaled me to go to him.
“Annyeonghaseyo, “ I bow to the people in front of my boss. They must be the models, because their faces are really gorgeous, like him.
“This is Young _____ , our co-head photographer for today, “ he introduces me.
They bow, so I nod my head. “___-ah, this is EXO, the models for today, “ my boss introduces them.
They starts to introduce their names. There are 11 of them, namely Kai, Su Ho, D.O, Luhan, Lay, Xiumin, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kris, Tao and Chen.
“ Actually, there’s one more of us, but he had to go to the rest room for awhile, “ the chubby cute guy says. What’s his name…. Xiumin. Yeah, I’m not too good with names.
Suddenly, a guy appears. “ Hyung…when will we… start the shoot?” he trails the last words as he locks his gaze, directly to my eyes. He rounds his eyes, obviously shocked. He regain his composure, as he bows formally to me, “ I’m Oh Se Hun, “
Me, shocked myself then snapped out of my own mind. “ I’m Young _____, the co-photographer for today’s shoot. “ I bows, my heads sweating, as I meet him.
The one and only Oh Se Hun. The guy whom I thought I loved. The guy that actually still I love ‘till this second. The guy that I’ve given my first love, my first kiss… and my first heartbreak to.
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Years earlier, the fifth month of High School Freshmen year.
It was summer. It was the hottest day of school. The second rest time was the time when the students go wild. Boys playing jokes all around the class, girls making groups and starts to talk about cliché gossip.
If only me and Yeojin has the same class, I thought.
I was isolated. I was stuck here with a book in my hand. “The Hunger Games” book was really great. It absorbed all of my minds, but suddenly my minds stopped as my homeroom teacher came to my class.
I quickly hid the book, as school’s rule strictly forbid students to bring anything that wasn’t related with school.
A boy, a handsome one followed her from behind.
“ Class, “ Lim sonsaengnim started. “ We have a new friend. Sehun, please introduce yourself, “
“ Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Oh Sehun. I moved from Japan, please be nice to me, “ he says. Is he a Japanese?
As if he could read my minds, he said “ I’’m a Korean but born and raised in Japan. Please help me with Korean manners, since I really didn’t know a thing, “ he smiled, sending off my girl classmate to go swooning over him.
“Sehun, you can sit on the empty chair, “ Lim sonsaeng pointed to a seat…. Which is beside me.
The Sehun guy walked to me. He smiled as he sat to the seat, offering a hand shake, “I’m Sehun. What’s yours? “
I shook his hands, surprisingly It was so warm and soft. “ I’m Young ___,”
I smiled. Maybe, this guy will be my best friend, after all.
I was so wrong. He’ll be more than that, I should have known.
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For the nth time, my boss snapped me. He seemed so irritated because today, my photographs were really bad.
“ Young ____ !! You are really bad, today! What’s wrong with you? You are the best photographer, here, “ my boss shouted to me. He is a strict boss, so he’ll shout every time you do foolish mistakes.
“ Chweisonghamnida, boss.” I bows apologetically, as the EXO boys didn’t understand what’s happening.
“It’s okay! Let’s take picture again, “ Chanyeol, one of EXO member says. I can feel that Sehun is looking at me, worriedly. I scoff at the thought. You play the caring Sehun, right now ?
Determining that you won’t lose your mind to your feeling, you started to take picture of them.
Luckily, the warning from boss really does have effect on me. They started to praise my ability to take great pictures. And I start to grow closer to them. Except him.
“ Thanks for today, “ I bow as EXO boys start to leave. “Especially to Baekhyun-ssi, thanks for the help, “ I smile.
I can feel that Sehun is staring at me. It is so hard not to stare back, but it would be so unfair if I’m hurting again after these years.
I start to walk away, as my eyes start to moisten. My bottled up feelings start to break, the wall seems to fade away. I bow quickly to the staffs and saying thanks for today, they’ve worked really hard.
“I will stay late, today, so if you need anything please contact me, “ I announce to my co-worker as I walk to my office room. I have to edit the photos, and sometime to be alone, I add by myself.
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The summer ended quickly. It was replaced by the beautiful autumn. Feelings started to change, as me and Sehun grew closer.
“Hey, “ he said, flicking my forehead, as I laid my head on his lap, enjoying the graceful leaves fallen from trees. “ I have something to say, “
I got up from his lap, “What? “ I asked him, lazily.
“ I like you. “ he said, straight-forwardly telling me. I grinned as I heard the confessions I wanted to hear the most. It was so obvious we like each other, but didn’t dare to admit.
“So what should I do? “ I joked with him, teasing him.
“You… “ I trailed “ want me to accept you, right?”
He nodded like a puppy.
“ Then.. I accept it, “I said.
“ What? “
I whispered to his ears, “I accept you, my boy,”
Suddenly, he snuggled me. He held me close, as I hugged him back. His shy confession was so perfect. That afternoon was the best thing I’ve had.
“ I love you, “ he said.
“ Me too, “
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Were you hurt like me? Were you meant that confession? Things piled up in my mind.
I try to finish the photo editing, only to find myself staring at his photos. Sehun, you made it so hard for me, I hate you… but I love you, I really do.
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The years passed, and graduation had arrived. We walked side by side, holding hands and smiling to each other to the graduation party. Since we really don’t have much pocket money, we have to take bus and walk to the venue.
The venue was so crowded, and the moment we walked in, it was really like a dream to have this amazing guy as a boyfriend.
Couples started to stare at us, slightly gasped as people thought we were really a great couple. I blushed, and you ruffled my hair, chuckled lightly.
We danced all the night. We snuggled, closely. And finally it was the main event, to announce the prom king and queen.
“ IT’S …… YOUNG ____ AND OH SEHUN!” the mc announced. We didn’t believe it, we just shocked until people pushed us to have a dance.
You hugged me. You said, “I love you, “
You always said that. Sometimes, I thought, did you really love me that time?
In the walk back to home, you held my hands tightly. When I reached my house, you hugged me.
“ ____-ah, “ you said with solemn look on your handsome face.
“ What’s the matter, Hunie? “
“ I’ll go.” He said.
“W-where? “ I said, shocked.
“ To Japan. “ he replied, started to cry.
“ W-when.. “ I choked by my own tears.
“Tomorrow, “ he sniffed.
Then, he kissed me. So deep. It was my first kiss. And I knew it was his first kiss. It felt so wonderful. It felt sparkling. The salty tears from us started to spill.
“Then… I’ll wait for you. “ I said, even though it felt so heavy.
“You’ll wait for me? “ he said, a bit unsure.
“ Yeah, I’ll wait for you.”
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If only I know the first love means the first heartbreak, I wouldn’t wait for you, then. I cry. I feel my heart aching at the memory. “I Love You” starts to lose the meaning, you started to lose feeling of love on me, you said.
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It was so hard to keep a long distant relationship. Despite all of tiring waiting for him, I struggled alone.
All of these times, I have to keep up with part-time jobs, photography college and our relationship.
But these past months, I noticed that you’ve changed. My chats ended up not read by you, my email seemed ended up in trash section, my letter ended up ripped and our webcam… seemed rarely we did it.
I waited, waited patiently. Days changed to week. Weeks changed to month. And it’s almost a year. Until you sent me the e-mail.
“ Let’s talk. Tonight. You and me, on webcam.”
I was so happy, and I was so fool about it. After months of waiting, we finally had a decent webcam.
“I want to tell something to you, “ you said, with serious face. I was so afraid about what you’re going to say. My senses said it wasn’t something good.
“I know a girl. I’ve been seeing her for awhile,” Sehun was going to say something.
“You liked her? “ I interrupted, crying silently.
He stayed silent.
“ YOU LIKED THIS GIRL ? “ I shouted.
“YEAH! “ he shouted back. “I like her!! I LOVE her! “
“ Who is she?”I finally asked. My heart was breaking into pieces.
“Yumi. Ayumi Yuriko. My childhood friend. My lost long childhood friend, “ he stated, looking so guilty.
“ So, you’ve been using me for all along? “
“ No…. I … “ Sehun tried to explain.
“ Then, goodbye. I won’t see you or wait for you anymore, jerk.” I said,
“ No,, No! Don’t.. “ you tried to stop me from disconnecting. Too late. I clicked the End Conversation button, then removed your contact from my list.
That night, was the longest and the most painful night I’ve experienced. I cried to myself.
My first love… my first heartbreak.
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After a long period of memories, I take my coat and start to walk to home. I fix my eyes, as the mascara was so terrible after crying for hours.
When I want to go inside my apartment, someone takes me.
“ Who are you? “ I slap its hands away.
“ It’s me. “ the man, he’s…. Oh Sehun.
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After awhile, finally he drags me to the park. “Let’s have a decent talk, “ he assures.
“ No. “ I gets up and walks away. He held my hand, “ Don’t go. “ he pleaded.
“What do you want to talk about?” I asks, angrily. My eyes started to tear up again.
“ I’m so sorry, “ he finally stares at me, with cry in his eyes.” I really do,”
“It was past. Past is past. Time can’t be rewound.” I finally have a brave to stare at him back. “People’s heart is like glass. Once it was scratched or broken, you might clean up the mess, but you’ll never can fix it back. It will stay broken, “ you said to him.
“ I’m.. so sorry, “ Sehun said to me.
“ Were you hurt like me? “ I ask him. The question that have stuck in my mind.
“ Huh, ? “
“ Were you hurt like me? I always think of that. Were you hurting like me? Did you cry to sleep just like me? I guessed no. You never feel how hurt it was to have someone you’ve waited for a long time to comeback, only to find yourself is hurting by them. “
He blinked in tears.
I continued, “You changed, a lot, back then. I think the ‘I Love You’ had lost the meaning, because you kept saying it over and over.”
Silence means right. And he keeps silent as I pour my bottled up feelings.
“You don’t know how hurt I was, when you simply said, ‘I like her. I love her’. It feels like all of my efforts to keep up with you were wasted, “
Sehun finally hugs me. “ I’m being a jerk. I’m so sorry. I know sorry won’t fix anything, but I regret it. I regret it, I really am.”
I break the hug. “ Let’s don’t meet anymore, “ I say harshly to him. “ I want to heal myself, you need to heal yours, too.” I wipe the tears on my eyes.
“ Bye, “ and with that, I turn, crying.
Prologue
“ Good morning, ma’am, “ my co-workers greet me. For these four years, I’ve worked so hard so I get promotion to be a head photographer, as my boss retired. He said that he wanted to establish his own photo studio.
Jieun, my secretary walks me. “ Ma’am, we have a one day shoot, today. The model has arrived,” she tells me.
“ Okay, I want to meet them, “
As I meet them, I smile. That’s him. Oh Sehun.
I smile to him, finally having a big heart to face him directly, after years of healing. My heart feels lighter.
And easily, he smile, quizically at me.
What will happen in the future, we didn’t know. Sometimes, something in the past should be forgotten and we have to move on.
We both did experience it, before.
And I’m glad, that now, we face our life with no regret, just facing the future lightly.
THE END
It has ended!!!! So will you tell me what you do you think of this :)
AUTHOR's NOTE :
you and sehun, in the end haven't been a couple again, ... yet.
So it's up to you to think whether they are a couple or not :)
COMMENT IS APPRECIATED.
Let's be friend :)
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