Story Title: Just by a Twist of Fate
Story Author: zickkyu
Reviewer: Rirakuma

Plot: 17/25
I enjoyed the plot. It was fairly simple, yet it delivered that ‘ow my heart’ kind of feel as I read. I felt that you sent across the feelings to your readers that you intended to, so good job on that. At the start, I wasn’t quite sure what to feel to be honest. It felt like a tragedy, but I wasn’t sure if I actually cared about the characters yet. There wasn’t much of an introduction, but as I read on, you filled that in nicely, which is something hard to find in one-shots. You explained the characters, and a little bit of their backgrounds without overloading your readers with useless information they don’t really want to know. I particularly enjoyed the ending, because after understanding the characters and hearing more about their relationship, the ending was a slap in the face—in a good way. It was angsty and painful, which I thought was great. There’re too many fanfics on this site that end in rainbows and happiness.

Some parts I felt were a little rushed. Personally I would’ve liked there to be a little more on Sora. Other than that, you did well. 

Characters: 15/20

I have to say, even though she’s only briefly mentioned, I really like Ginji and her relationship with Leeteuk. She never forced him into anything, and they co-existed together without any love, but it feels as if there’s a mutual understanding between them. It seemed like Ginji was what Leeteuk wanted to be. She was the person Leeteuk could’ve been with Sora, but turned away.

I really felt for Leeteuk, since he had to give everything away and then take the fall for Ginji running off with Kangin.

In the end, the fact that Sora turned away shows her selflessness when it comes to Leeteuk. She thought he was happy, so even though she wanted to see him, she left him without saying anything. As I said before, I would’ve liked to hear a bit more about Sora. I know it’s hard in one-shots to really explore the characters properly since you’ve got a limited amount of words to write, but most of the characters felt a little incomplete to me. Although Kangin was only briefly mentioned, he does have a big part in the plot. I think if you added just a little more about Kangin, Leeteuk’s and Ginji’s relationship, that would’ve been quite interesting to read.
Overall, you did well though! One-shots can be extremely difficult with characters, but I thought you did well.

Language and Writing Style: 12/20
I did see a few grammar errors in here.
"Sora." he softly said.
This here is incorrect, because the full stop should be a comma. Also, the flow of the sentence would run better if you put the said first. “Sora,” he said softly.
If the speech ends with a ‘he said’, then putting a comma in before the quotations is what you should do. This is because, the ‘he said’ is still part of the sentence. They aren’t two separate ideas, but one, so they should be written as such.

Also, you had some issues with your tenses.
E.G: ‘Just before she leaves the place’ and ‘So Junwoo just calls Leeteuk, "Uncle".
The bolded words are what needs to be corrected. In these, you’ve switched from past tense to present. They should be: ‘Just before she left the place’ and “So Junwoo just called Leeteuk “Uncle.”

I believe this is just a typo, so I won’t deduct anything, but you’re missing the capital here:  but I have my obligations." she quietly said.

Entertainment and Originality: 7.5/15
The story isn’t anything particularly original—the parents refuse to let their child marry, arranged marriages, etc, but I enjoyed the twist on the end. Sora having Leeteuk’s child, and also instead of approaching him, walking away; I felt this was well done.

The story isn’t what I’d usually read, but I did quite like it. It was short and sweet.

Flow: 5.5/10
The flow within the words themselves was what I felt didn’t work so well at times. For example, the opening where you wrote: Leeteuk was angry. Pissed. Irritated. And annoyed.
It didn’t flow well, and it felt awkward to read. I suggest either writing it as: Leeteuk was angry, pissed, irritated and annoyed. Or: Leeteuk was angry. Pissed. Irritated. Annoyed.
The ‘And’ makes it sound as if it’s all one sentence rather than individual words.
How you can fix this is, just by checking over your sentences and reading things aloud. It can really help to make sure that your speech or sentences aren’t jerky and hard to read.

Presentation: 2.5/5
They went silent.


...

"Sora, I really love you." he started to cry. Sora hugged him fiercely.
The gap there makes reading this bit a little awkward. It feels like there’s a new paragraph rather than just a pause. Make the gap smaller, or add in something like ‘a heavy silence hung between them’.

Also, the bolding of the words did detract from the story. When Sora writes ‘I’m sorry’ in bold, that’s fine. But when Kangin yells ‘Are you serious?!’ I think it’s overdone. The ‘?!’ show that he’s shouting, and the bolding comes across as overkill.

The poster and the background were fine—they fit the story.

Title: 4/5
I think the Title could’ve been a bit shorter, and it would’ve come across with more punch than the current one just by crossing out a few words. I think something like: ‘A Twist of Fate’ or, ‘Just a Twist of Fate’ may make it more eye catching.
 

Overall: 63.5/100