January, a very ty month for me.

 

Too much happened and having a crush on one of the exchange students, Giselle is one of them. I am a student volunteer who gets an allowance for teaching these students how to speak English in a conversational way. We have similar taste in music, she likes gay films, and when we were drinking, she was way too touchy. She was the type who had no social media. So we first talked through email. It was a cute experience. I never thought I would have that Anastasia Steel x Christian Grey experience. You know, the part where they send each other emails (if you haven't read it).

 

However, I was never really sure if she was not straight. She’s close with Yuna, another student of my friend Ningning. Ningning accidentally outed me to Yuna. I think because of that, Giselle kind of started contacting me less. I couldn’t blame her because I know how things are from where they come from. I was so hung up on her that I didn’t realize someone else was more interested in messaging me. 

 

Karina, another exchange student. How did we become close? It is still kind of a mystery to me. She never became my student. The first time we met was in King's, a drinking pub near my school, dorm, and the hotel they’re staying at. At that moment, I never really paid that much attention. I just drank with them but I was still wishing Giselle was there. Days passed and the first message I sent her was a reaction to her story. It was not such a big deal because I was truly amazed by the story she posted. Later on, she reacted to my story and actually started messaging me. Still hung up on Giselle, I didn’t really care about it much. 

 

I went to the penthouse with my best friend Ryujin at the hotel they’re staying at because we usually smoke there. When we were on our way down, we met Giselle and another exchange student. I was so shocked, that I had a million rummaging thoughts. The elevator we rode on was reaching the ground floor and I was contemplating if I should go back up. But me being gay and a hopeless romantic who easily gets attached, I left Ryujin and went back to the penthouse. Giselle was there. Talking to her other friends. I don’t know why I went there if I didn’t have the courage to talk to her. So I sat there doing org work instead. Since Karina and I have been messaging almost casually, I asked if she could go up and she did!! 

 

Sadly, something serious but not so serious happened. I can’t really talk about it so I went to the pub with my friends and posted a story. Karina replied once again asking me if I was at King's. And our conversation went something like this:

*texting*

Winter: Yeah I am. What’s up?

Karina: Oh are you okay? 

Winter: yea I’m fine. My friend is just stressed so I went with her here (which was a lie. Because I’m the sad one) 

Karina: I want to see you. Is that okay? To your friend?

Winter: it’s okay!! You can come here 

 

So she did come to the pub and my friend had to leave thinking that I could get an insight on the issue that I can’t talk about from Karina. I did open it up but she just smiled and said don’t be sad because she will be sad. That night, we were just drinking and talking. It was so genuine, nice, and comforting.

 

When I got home, I got the courage to open up about the issue I was dealing with. She kept saying that people like who I am and that I should not worry. But what made me give my heart away was when she said “I’m not worth it, but I hope I can be of any help to your mind”.

 

Ever since that night, things just keep escalating. I could not understand nor do I remember how. The next thing I knew, I was accepting her call on our Instagram Live when my friends and I got drunk and held a cooking show. 

 

After that, my friend gave me beef jerky. I thought I should give Karina and her roommate some. So after I ate at a Korean BBQ with my friends, I had to go up to my friend’s condo to get the gift she gave me. This condotel is the same hotel that the exchange students were staying at. When I walked into the elevator to go down to the ground floor,  someone tapped me and it was Karina.

 

I don’t know why but she suddenly made me lean into her because a lot of people were in the elevator. I soon gave it to Serena along with a 1x1 pic of me because why not? She put my picture on the back of her phone and in return, gave me dried mangoes. We were laughing because she gave me a Filipino delicacy and I’m half Filipino. Soon, we were giving each other little gifts. 

 

A new Korean grocery opened and I asked my friend if she wanted to eat there. So we did try their food and I noticed that Karina was online. So I messaged her. Knowing she loves food way too much, I bought her tteokbokki. It was so cute when we were negotiating how to meet up. We ended up saying that we should meet at the penthouse of their hotel. So I was carrying a paper bag with cooked tteokbokki at 12 am on my way to the penthouse where we agreed to meet again. It suddenly stopped at the 30th floor and then Karina came in. We were just laughing and hugging when we reached the penthouse we stayed in the elevator and went back to their floor then the ground floor. She also gave me a passport picture that I also put on the back of my phone. Yes, we are a couple. A couple of best friends hehek. 

 

I really don’t know how we got closer after that. Suddenly it was their last week in the Philippines and we were saying that we wanted to spend most days with each other.

 

So we did eat at a shabu shabu place in an expensive mall. I paid for it because I wanted to treat her before she left. After that, we went to the pub to drink with other Filipinos and exchange student friends.

 

This is where it goes downhill once again.

 

One of them got too drunk. Don’t get me wrong, I did everything I could to stop her from taking more shots and even made her drink water. She was too drunk and it was passed their curfew. Their instructor (we know each other not as close friends but as student-teachers) saw me. I think he thought that I got them drunk but we all know I didn’t do it. 

 

Karina was suddenly messaging me saying she was sorry and she was sad, blaming herself and saying it was her fault. I told her to calm down and call me.

 

So we were calling and she said something that made me sad and anxious. She said that the instructor wanted her to stay away from me. And what for?? I was sad and mad that I forgot we were having dinner the day after tomorrow. I kept telling her that maybe we couldn’t eat dinner etc. She got so frustrated and she said..

 

Karina: I don’t care about him. I want to spend my last days in the Philippines with you. I want to eat dinner with you and drink with you. I don’t care about him. He’s going back to with us. You won’t see him anymore. 

 

So I said okay. I will go. 

 

After that, we had to secretly meet up near school and eat where no one would see us which was the expensive mall again. I gave her something really special to me which was my Captain Marvel pin. It’s special because my friend gave it to me I was at my lowest and kept holding onto it whenever I was sad. She said they might return the university lanyards back so she put the pin on her bag. She treated me Japanese beef and I treated her with 3 bottles of wine. We spent around 7k that night and I was drunk. She was also hit but she was taking care of me which hurts my Leo pride. Anyway, I fell and twisted my ankle and lost my phone but we found it soon after. 

 

The next day was their graduation after completing a course in our school. I was trying to write her a letter in their language which was translated by my very kind blockmate. I was kind of sad that day, knowing that we couldn’t be seen together by their instructor. I still went to their graduation and shed some tears. Each of them have to deliver a speech and when she was the one on stage, I immediately saw the pin I lent her. It was on her lanyard and my heart just dropped. Because I did not expect her to wear it. After that, when it was time to take pictures with the buddies (buddies = student volunteers), she went to where I was and secretly gave me the letter she wrote for me real quick and I gave mine to her too. Everything was so secretive and intense that my heart was beating fast. We took pictures and I had to leave because I have majors. 

 

I took a few pictures with the other exchange students and left. Soon after, she messaged me “Where is Winter?” I told her I had class and that I was not allowed to use my phone then asked her why. She said, “I want to meet you”. But me being Marupok, I asked her to go to the floor where my class is and I told my professor I would go to the bathroom. We met and took pictures. She does what she usually does which is hold my face and stare into my eyes (pls I’m so gay). Then I had to go. 

 

—

 

ps. i just found this on my notes and changed the names and other details asifjasief YES THIS WAS A REAL STORY SO FORGIVE ME IF IT WASN'T WRITTEN WELL. This was written early 2020 before the pandemic hit. I wrote it on my notes so i don't forget the that went down HAHAHA