“But I mean…you loved him so much. I guess things like this wear out, huh?”

This was Bom’s first reaction when I told her that Jiyong and I have broken up. The girls were all devastated, but not even close to what I felt.

Does love wear out?

It’s been a year since we broke up.

A week after the concert, I returned the red hat and accessories I borrowed from Jiyong, as well as a shirt I had taken without him noticing. I thought I might find the Balmain jacket he forcefully took from my closet the next day, but it still hasn’t shown up.

The call that I was expecting didn’t come.

We don’t talk to each other.

We don’t even look at each other anymore.

With the way things are going…

…just like this…

…we’re slowly becoming strangers, aren’t we?

My life has been so silent since he left. At the end of the day, I suddenly miss him. But then I have to remind myself that it’s only me who’s missing. It’s unfair.

Even the whole family became silent. Everyone respected the issue by keeping their silence. But I know that they have been discussing it behind our backs.

Jiyong and I have been busy with our group activities, and I was glad despite the hectic schedules and all. At least my mind was off of him, even just for a moment. And when 2NE1 finished promotions in Japan, Big Bang had already left for their world tour. Our paths have never crossed since then.

One day, Gummy-unnie invited me to her place. As she poured me tea, she said, “Do you have a new boyfriend yet? I heard you broke up, so I thought there might be someone else you like.”

“Ah, no, that’s not exactly it…I haven’t really sorted out my feelings on the issue yet,” I replied with my head down. “That’s why for now…”

“You’re sorting them out.”

I nodded.

“Hey. Do you know how to forget about an old love?”

Old love?

“You find a new love. You should completely immerse yourself in it. If that new love is true, then the old love will naturally become part of the past. It’s not that you can fall in love with someone new because you forgot the old. It’s because you fall in love with someone new that you’re able to forget about the old.”

Now where would I find someone? Finding was not really a problem. Ever since our boss lifted the dating ban, lots of guys have been asking me for a date. I give them a chance because I don’t want to be rude, but most of them don’t get a second date.

“Only love can heal a heart that was hurt by love. Think about it and make your decision.”

Decision? My heart contradicts what my mind tells me to do.

“Whatever you do or don’t do, you’re the one who always makes the decision.”

I decided it’s time for me to move on.

Because no matter how long I wait, the call from Jiyong will never come.

With that advice, I decided to find what would make me happy. And I found my happiness with a guy named Lee Donghae.

We met during a commercial shoot where he and I were chosen as representatives from each company. At first, I thought it won’t work, because for some reason, Jiyong’s memories haunt me and I can’t feel anything but guilty. But Donghae proved he was the one for me. He was sweet, caring, and he definitely loves me more than his pride. He was everything I wanted, and needed.

Donghae gave me his love and affection, his whole heart and world.

Unnie was right.

It didn’t take me that long to love Donghae.

Because I loved him, I forgot about Jiyong.

And the love I once felt for him, turned to dust.

“He was definitely a two-timer. That’s all it could be. I can’t think of any other reason he’d be dumped.”

“Not possible. If he was cheating on her, she’d hate him so much that she’d want him dead.”

“No…I think he was cheating, too. Not with another girl, but his pride.”

“He should have just called. Jiyong is such a fool to let go of a keeper like Dara.”

This was the initial reaction of my friends—Seungri, Taeyang, Daesung, and TOP. What made a bull’s eye were TOP-hyung’s words. He should have just called. Until now, I still ask myself what could have happened if I called her that night.

It’s been a year since we broke up.

A week after the concert, Dara returned the red hat and accessories she borrowed from me, as well as a shirt she had taken. She must have thought she’ll find the Balmain jacket I forcefully took from her closet the next day, but it still hasn’t shown up.

I was not ready to let go.

We don’t talk to each other.

We don’t even look at each other anymore.

With the way things are going…

…just like this…

…we’re slowly becoming strangers, aren’t we?

My life has been so silent since he left. I miss the way she laugh, giggle and talk. I have never seen her cry, or get angry, because she always has a smile ready for me.

Even the whole family became silent. Everyone respected the issue by keeping their silence. But I know that they have been discussing it behind our backs. And even though, they won’t say it, I already know.

I am the one at fault.

I will always be.

With 2NE1 at Japan, I find myself lonelier than before. I find myself listening to songs Dara and I once sang. And with every heartbreaking story on the radio, I felt like it was her who sent it. I miss her so much.

There were countless times when I picked up the phone and dialed Dara’s number. But at the end, I don’t press the call button. Why? Because I’m such a coward. Every time my phone rings, I always wished it was her. But then I knew she already gave me an ultimatum. She’ll never call me again.

So I let myself drown in my work. But ever since I broke up with her, I haven’t composed any songs. It was like my inspiration disappeared when she went away.

Who are you kidding?

Dara was your inspiration.

And you just let her go.

When 2NE1 came back to Korea, we already started our world tour. Even fate doesn’t want us to cross paths. And depression hit me.

I still perform, but because, it’s part of my job. The heart and soul of performing has left me. I just became an empty shell.

I don’t even go out with friends anymore. I was always in my room, sulking. So one day, Taeyang and the rest invited me to go out with them. I refused at first, but I ended saying yes. Besides, I need fresh air and a new environment.

When we were out eating, Seungri mentioned Dara.

“Dara-noona looks very pretty today. She sent me a picture and she was with her boyfriend, Donghae.”

Boyfriend?

That can’t be, can it?

I senselessly got angry at him, even though what he didn’t do anything wrong. Everyone looked shocked at my response so I left them and went back to my room.

I suppose they were expecting me to have moved on, but I guess I was still stuck. Every night, I’m wishing for Dara to realize that Donghae was not the guy for her. That she’ll come back to me at the end. The lyrics for Ain’t No Fun always played in my head whenever I see a picture of her with him.

I know you know why
There’s no solution, one day I became a stranger
I know you know why
Why don’t you say anything oh
We weren’t meant to be from the beginning

Even I thought I was too selfish. But I can’t help it. Let’s just say I was still hoping.

When we came back from the tour, a party was held in our honor. I was feeling a little bit better until Dara entered with Donghae. They both looked happy and I thought, That must be what we look like before.

At the middle of the celebration, Donghae did something that crushed my heart to bits. He proposed.

I was looking at Dara, but she was not looking at me. She had her eyes on the love of her life as she accepted the proposal. Everyone looked happy, and me? I was hiding my tears with a smile. I approached them, and with an awkward smile, I said, “Congratulations.”

The couple smiled at me and they both got pulled by the others who were too happy to hear the news. Dara glanced back and mouthed, Thank you. I smiled sadly at her.

I decided to leave the place because I’m afraid that I might collapse. My chest felt tight, and everything seemed blurry.

I looked at the sky once I got out. It was clear, filled with stars, so why do I fell something wet on my cheeks? My tears were falling generously as I started to regret everything.

She has moved on, while I remained stuck here.

And just like the end of the stars, our love has turned to dust.