The End of the Beginning

Gyeouri gago bomi chajaojyo urin shideulko
Keurieum soege mami meongdeureotjyo

(I’m singing my blues) paran nunmure paran seulpeume gildeulyeojyeo
(I’m singing my blues) tteunkureume nallyeobonaen sarang oh oh

The moment Seungri’s voice echoed in the dark, screams of fangirls filled the place. The lightsticks that were sold out days before this concert waved in harmony and looked like a sea of fireflies in the dark. And when the lights hit the stage, everybody went berserk. Because it only meant one thing.

The boys are back.

Big Bang is alive.

The ever-playful maknae sang his lines perfectly, and may I say a little cocky? It doesn’t matter. It was enough to melt the hearts of everyone in the stand. I can almost hear Seungri say Louder! But what made my heart skip a beat was his voice—Jiyong’s.

Gateun haneul dareun gos neowahna

wiiheomhanikka neo-ye-geseo tteonajuneun geoya

Girls in front of us were screaming frantically and one even shouted, “GD-oppa! Sarangheo!” Bom laughed as the girl continued to scream the same phrase over and over again. And me? I’m trying really hard not to cry.

Jiyong and I have been dating for three years now, almost the same with the time of our debut. He’s the sweetest and caring guy I ever knew and being with him was like a suspended honeymoon. But with our hectic schedules, we barely talk to each other, let alone see each other.

On our first anniversary, we agreed to meet up at Se7en-oppa’s restaurant. I dressed up real nice, and waited for nothing. He did not come. I just received a text message saying that he’s busy and he’ll make it up to me in the morning.

Typically, I would cry over something like that—my boyfriend not showing up on an important occasion. But he’s G-dragon. Part of having a relationship with him was accepting the fact that he’ll be busy, and I can’t have him for myself. Jiyong showed up the next morning, and gave me the ring that caused a lot of controversies. I loved him for that though, even if CL went ballistic and Jiyong’s action made her buy 2NE1 “friendship” rings.

For our second anniversary, another no show. He just surprised me the next day, and brought me to a really nice place. Just being with him is enough for me. Maybe that was the only thing I’m asking for in our relationship. A time where it would just be us. No schedules, no appointment. Just us.

Am I asking too much?

This time, Jiyong asked 2NE1 to come on the same day of our anniversary. Maybe he knew that he won’t show up again, so he asked me to go. Smart move, but I was getting tired of this kind of arrangement. And maybe it’ll be better just to end it.

My trail of thought was broken when Bom nudged me and said, “Ya, smile there, won’t you? Just look at the surprise Jiyong made for you.”

I focused my eyes at Jiyong, and saw the earrings I made for him. He insisted that I make those for him, with the expense of one of my outfits. Is that it? His surprise?

Bom must have seen the tattoo on Jiyong’s side that says “Control”. I already saw that. He showed it and told me that it would be his battle cry for the next three months of my dating ban.

“Just three months left!” Jiyong exclaimed and I let out a smile as I recall him getting giddy about it.

CL poked me at my side and said, “Unnie, don’t be sad there! In three months, you can date each other freely already. Just be careful, okay? Please!” Minzy and I laughed at CL’s remark and we continued to watch the concert, but my mind was definitely somewhere else.

The wall I built around myself finally broke when Big Bang sang another song from their album ALIVE. This time, they sang ‘Bad Boy’. I took a deep breath as I collect my thoughts which are scattered as I hear Jiyong sing his part.

Do you hear yourself, Jiyong?

Those lyrics that you wrote…are you writing about us?

We’ve been fighting a lot lately. Jiyong’s been moody these days. He’s happy and cheerful, and the next, he’s ill-tempered and irritable. I told myself it was just the stress. Comebacks always get the nerves of singers, and maybe Jiyong was no exception.

God knows I’ve been trying so hard to understand our situation.

At the end of his part, Jiyong blew a kiss on my direction and the fangirls in front of us actually sighed. Minzy giggled and kidded, “That was so sweet! Unnie, you should catch the kiss, before the fangirls do!” I let out a dry laugh and bit my lip to prevent myself from crying.

So where did it go wrong?

Was it me?

Was it you?

I’ll never know. But my mind is made up. This relationship is sinking, and no matter how much I wanted to save it, it can’t be saved. It was just too much.

The concert was a success…but our relationship failed.

Gyeouri gago bomi chajaojyo urin shideulko
Keurieum soege mami meongdeureotjyo

(I’m singing my blues) paran nunmure paran seulpeume gildeulyeojyeo
(I’m singing my blues) tteunkureume nallyeobonaen sarang oh oh

The moment Seungri’s voice echoed in the dark, I can hear the screams of fangirls filling the venue. The lightsticks that were sold out days before this concert waved in harmony and looked like a sea of fireflies in the dark. And when the lights hit the stage, everybody went berserk. Because it only meant one thing.

The boys are back.

Big Bang is alive.

The ever-playful maknae sang his lines perfectly, and may I say a little cocky? It doesn’t matter. I guess it was enough to melt the hearts of everyone in the stand. I can almost hear Seungri say Louder! and I cringed at the thought. The intro was wonderfully done but what made my heart skip a beat was her face standing out the crowd. My darling Dara.

Dara and I have been dating for three years now, almost the same with the time of 2NE1’s debut. She’s the girl of my dreams, the girl I always wanted. Dara’s my better half and being with her was like being in a suspended honeymoon. But with our hectic schedules, we barely talk to each other, let alone see each other.

Today is our third anniversary. I feel like a total jerk for making her come to the concert instead of me celebrating it with her, but it can’t be helped. This day, I will atone for everything.

When my part came, I glanced at her direction and flashed the earrings she made for me. I saw Bom-noona nudge her, but her reaction was not the one I expected. Dara looked sad, and her smile is forced. I wondered what she could be thinking at that time, but I quickly wiped it away. The concert needed my full concentration and I can’t afford to screw up.

Because of the comeback, I often cancel our dates. It’s not that I don’t care about my girlfriend. I do, I really do. But I also know Dara. She has been so understanding these days. Through thick and thin, she was at my side, always supporting me. I feel grateful she chose me. She always tells me that I’m not like any other guy; I’m totally different.

But I had to admit that our fights are becoming more frequent. Maybe her patience is already wearing off. And when we fight, it was always her who walks away. I’ll feel guilty, because I know it’s my fault. I wanted to run after her or be the first one to call, but time won’t let me. I’m lucky, I really am. Because she will still call me in the morning to make up.

I know I’m a jerk, making her suffer like that. But what can I do? It’s an occupational hazard. So I just vented my feelings in my songs, and I just hope she could feel it too.

And when it was time for us to sing ‘Bad Boy’, I felt something sting.

Am I a bad boy?

I blew a kiss at Dara, hoping she’ll catch it, but she just stood there, staring at me. I looked at her, and I knew there was something up.

I’m sorry, okay? I’ll make it up to you. I promise.

When the song was finished, I was already fidgety. I already wanted the concert to end so I could go to Dara’s side and relieve her of whatever she’s feeling. She’s clearly thinking of something and it scared me.

I bolted out of the stage the moment we said our goodbyes. I had to see Dara. But my manager blocked me and said to me, much to my surprise, “Dara was here awhile ago.”

Dara? Why didn’t she wait for me?

“She asked me to give you this.” My manager handed me a folded handkerchief, but not just any handkerchief. It was the handkerchief I gave her, long time ago, when we were still trainees. I slowly opened it and saw the ring I gave her and a rolled piece of paper.

I slowly unrolled it and was shocked on what I read.

Jiyong-ie,

I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry for not being able to keep our promise

I won't come back tomorrow, so please don't expect me to call you in the morning.

Mianhe.

Dara

I scanned the place and ran for the door where I knew she’ll go out. My lungs were bursting out of air, yet I continued to run. I’ve got to catch her, before it’s too late.

Camera flashes blinded my eyes the moment I ran out of the nearest exit. Fans were everywhere, and I just wanted to scream her name, hoping she’ll hear me. I scanned the area aimlessly and saw her Range Rover just pull out the parking lot.

I just lost her. I was too late. I was too dumb to feel that I’ve been making her miserable. Or maybe I just turned my head the other way. The lyrics I wrote for Bad Boy start to play in my mind

You say that I’m different than other guys so it’s hard
You’re still like a young girl with a soft heart
For you, who is always smiling next to me, I’m still too young
With the excuse that I’m busy, I postpone our date

We fight over stupid things numerous times a day
You take off crying, I look around and think,
‘She’ll come back tomorrow. She’ll definitely call me first in the morning’

I never thought that the lyrics I composed will be the reflection of my life. Just like I never thought I would ever lose her. I'm a bad boy, and now I'm singing my own blues.

Sequel links are on the next chapter

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