I heard what Hyun Soo said, but it didn’t register in my brain.  

“What?” I squinted at him in the darkness, as if I hadn’t heard him correctly the first time. “What are you…”

Then it clicked. I realized…

He had been out of school this week because of…work. A job.

“To support my family and help buy my guitar.”

Talk about a blow to the face. It would have been better if he had actually slapped me and left a mark. 

Hyun Soo didn’t wait for a response. He walked away, leaving me to stare at the black pavement….embarrassed and speechless, to say the least.

Eventually I trudged back in the house, and crawled into bed. I didn’t even bother to put on pajamas. I just stared at the white ceiling, illuminated by the moon. My head was swirling thoughts with a mix of guilt that made me wince. I almost felt sick with myself, wanting to take back what I said in that moment.

…Almost.

But the only reason I didn’t have complete sympathy was that arrogant smirk. That stupid expression of his! It threw all my emotions off.

I was even more confused…. and curious…. about Lee Hyun Soo.

It sounds dumb….but is he a good guy, or a …”bad” guy? My flashback of him turned to his formal sincere apology, switched to his uncouth tone and critical eyes, and back again. Maybe me saying that stuff reached him, I assured myself as an afterthought. Will he come back to school now?

I heaved a sigh, and rubbed my eyes. I can’t look at him in the face ever again…like it matters, I thought. He probably will drop out and continue to work wherever he’s working.

If I do see Hyun Soo again…on the street or bus, or something…do I…apologize? I cringed, thinking about how emotional I became about something that obviously wasn’t any of my business. And all that stuff I accused him of… I must’ve looked ridiculous. I felt like a jerk. Times ten. Well, I felt awful, let’s just leave it at that.

If there was anyone to blame for being arrogant and immature, it was me. Not Hyun Soo.

My mind couldn’t quite wrap around this irony, apparently. I pounded my forehead with my fists in frustration.

“All I was trying to say was that his future was in danger!” I rationalized out loud. “I was trying to help. Then he had to go on and be himself, and make a stupid comment and make me say all that stuff!”

“If I had a cent for every time I heard someone tell me that…”

“You’d be rich, I get it,” I said into my pillow. “Wouldn’t we all.”

 You know that feeling when you’re trying to avoid someone in a crowd, and you don’t know if they’ll pop up suddenly? That’s what I felt like. I was walking on eggshells in the halls at school the next day.

 Did Hyun Soo decided to come back to school or not? I wondered as I carefully avoided eye contact with the oncoming students in the hallway. I was afraid that Hyun Soo’s striking stare would suddenly pop out at me. My heart jumped at the thought alone.

The tense feeling didn’t cease throughout the whole day. I fidgeted in English, dreading gym class. What if he really did come back? Would he call me out on last night to embarrass me in front of everyone? I started panicking, but then remembered that this was Lee Hyun Soo we were talking about—he wouldn’t want to draw any attention like that to himself, would he? I could only hope.

I groaned when the signal for class change came.

 Here goes nothing.

I cautiously entered the gym, and dressed slowly so that I could fall behind with the other girls as a cover up. I could feel my stomach climbing up my insides, threatening to give way. Wait… why was I making this such a big deal?

It was a question that I couldn’t quite answer, but all I knew was that I didn’t want to see Lee Hyun Soo here.

“Did that Oppa drop out?” A girl asked aloud, reading my mind.

“That Hyun Soo guy? He only came that one Monday last week,” A boy spoke up. “Remember when he walked out on teach?”

“That was so cool!” The girls squealed excitedly.  “I really hope he comes back…”

Uh, no thanks.

“Are you kidding me? How will teach even let him back in here! I mean, come on,” Another guy said, shaking his head. “He’s as good as dead before he steps another foot in here.”

That’s true…. So he wasn’t here. A flood of relief entered me, restoring my system. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all….I was freaking out for nothing! I almost gave a laugh I was so happy. Lee Hyun Soo would be smarter dead before coming back in this class.

“People, people! Gather around for attendance.” The coach shouted, sharp voice echoing off the high ceiling. The chatter stopped abruptly and was replaced by silence and the whirring of the fans.

“Dong Hara!”

“Here~”

“Kang Lia!”

“Here!” I responded.

“Lee Howon!”

“Here!”

“Lee Hyun Soo!”

No response. The class all exchanged glances with raised eyebrows and grins.

“Lee Hyun Soo?” The coach scanned our faces with pursed lips. He finally glanced down at his clipboard, shaking his head. He was marking a red “X”. He glanced up at us again. “Alright! Today is volleyball!”

It seems my happiness was temporary. I slouched over, heaving a sigh. I at volleyball. Well, look on the bright side. Anything is better than having Hyun Soo in class.

Suddenly, the doors boomed open, flooding the room with light. Someone was walking quickly but quietly towards us.

“He’s here, he’s back!” The girls whispered excitedly. “Hyun Soo-oppa is back!”

No! No, it can’t be! I thought desperately. That’s a different late kid, it’s got to be! Coach didn’t call out all the names yet…I automatically turned my back to the class, pretending to be busy putting my hair in a ponytail, but in reality my heart was beating with nerves.

But I couldn’t help giving a peek. As the person came closer, there was no denying the scowling figure was Lee Hyun Soo. I could tell this was a treat for my shallow classmates—rebellious student coming back for a second round at humiliating the teacher? Wouldn’t miss it for the world, right? They talked in hushed excited voices, poking each other excitedly.

I kept my back turned in the opposite direction, keeping myself casually busy counting  bricks on the wall. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6--

“Mr. Lee!” Coach barked. “Why are you late! You haven’t been in class all last week, and today--!”

“Sorry.” Hyun Soo interrupted stonily, shifting from one foot to the other. “It won’t happen again.”

The girls beside me couldn’t contain themselves. “He’s so cool!!” they squealed.

Yeah, maybe if you like attention-seeking jerks, I scoffed inwardly. He just had to make an entrance. For being such a quiet guy who doesn’t want the spotlight, he sure does find a way to make himself known.

What kind of complex is that?

“We’ll see,” Coach said, crossing his arms, now pacing around Hyun Soo like an army sergeant. “Any funny stuff from you today, and that’s the end of you.” he threatened with a hard tone.

Hyun Soo gritted his teeth in irritation. “I said I wouldn’t be late again.” I could see his fists in his pockets ball up in anger.

“Whatever you say. Alright, volleyball! Count off: 1, 2. Kang!” Coach suddenly pointed at me.

“O-one!” I replied, surprised.

“Two!”

“One!”

“Two!”

Coach pointed at Hyun Soo. “One.”

“Look at it this way,” I said to myself, trying to console myself on my bad luck. I glanced at Hyun Soo’s back. “At least I’m at the back, so I don’t have to feel him staring me down the whole time.”  But of course it was my luck that we would be on the same team. Of. Course.

“Mine!” A girl next to Myungsoo shot in front of him, brushing his shoulder. Her eyes widened, and made a little surprised “o”.

“Sorry about that.” She beamed.

He glared at her. “Watch where you’re going.”

“Sorry, Oppa~” She fussed. “Maybe if you played with us I wouldn’t bump into you! You need to help!”  She punched his shoulder playfully, making me want to gag.

“Cht.” I crossed my arms in disgust. “She’s so cheap. Is that supposed to be some form of aegyo? She wasn’t even aiming for the ball.”

Someone served again, and the ball sailed back a forth. Everyone was able to give hard punches at the ball, but I shrunk away, dodging. I didn’t want to be in the way. By this time, I had learned pretty well how to fake participation in P.E, and today would be no exception.

Looks like Myungsoo was a pro at it, too. He stood there, leaning on one foot, hands in his pocket, head cocked. Most likely shooting fiery darts through his laser eyes at someone. How can he stay so perfectly still? What if it came right at his face? Hah, I would like to see that. I gave myself a satisfied grin, nodding my head.

“Heads up!” Someone shouted.

Before I could react to what was going on, I felt the wind of a body swiftly rushing out in front of me. Abruptly, they stepped hard on my left foot, pushing me over to the gym floor. I heard the smack of the volleyball, and squeezed my eyes shut, bracing for the pain.

But it didn’t come.

“Are you ok?” I heard coach yell.

I saw that I was on the ground. Besides my numb foot, nothing else was wrong. Myungsoo stepped in front of me, holding out a hand.

I avoided his eyes, trying to get up on my own. But he reached down, grabbing my wrist, pulling me off my feet effortlessly.

“Did you miss me?” He said in my ear.

I froze in place. Wh…what? What just happened? I felt a flustered red creep up my face. Did he just say ‘miss me?’

“Whoa-ho! Looks like we’ve got a hidden athlete right here!” Coach chuckled. “And you said you weren’t a sports guy, eh?”

As if nothing happened, Hyun Soo scowled and retuned back into his uninterested position.

“Oh my gosh you are sooooo lucky!!” The girls crowded around me. One of the gossip girls suddenly became my best friend.

“Hyun Soo blocked the ball from hitting your face!” She shook my shoulders. “Can you believe it?!”

“It was like watching the Olympics!” Another said dramatically.

“Huh? He blocked the ball? Oh, he must have tripped,” I laughed and rubbed where he grabbed my wrist nervously, aware that he could hear me. “No need to make a big deal, guys. It was just a lucky accident.” I gulped. 

As soon as gym was over, I limped as fast as I could out of that place.

“Embarrassing me like that!”  I sputtered. “Ugh, he is so….so….!”

Arrogant? Stupid? Egotistical? My brain couldn’t place the right word.

“Did you miss me?”

I slammed my locker, mortified. “ ‘Did you miss me?’ Did I miss him? What is that supposed to mean! Did he misunderstand my outburst last night? That was sarcasm, right? Was he making fun of me from last night?”

My paranoid dissection of the 3 second conversation was making myself looking like a freak.  

“I…I have to get things cleared up,” I said to myself, camping out at the bus stop bench extra early. “There can’t be any misunderstandings.” I nodded firmly, trying to convince myself that the sacrifice of sitting purposely next to Hyun Soo would be worth it.

For once, I was hoping he would be on time to the bus. But then I remembered last time when he came on in the late evening. That was hours later….ugh. It can wait, I concluded, finally boarding the bus when it came by.

It was a bit of a relief, not having to sit next to him. I plugged in my earphones, hoping to drown out Hyun Soo’s stupid words that were on repeat.

My peace of mind was short-lived.

“Well, look who it is~” Hyun Soo un-shouldered his strange black bag, taking a seat. “It’s either you, or that druggie kid in the corner.” He pointed to an empty seat next to the kid, before I could even open my mouth. “I don’t have a choice.”

I closed my mouth, and sighed. Well, this is what I wanted, right? Take the opportunity to clear anything, and do it straight up. Here it goes.

I drew in a breath, trying to think before I spoke this time.

“Um…about last night…I’m…really sorry. I wasn’t thinking. You’re right about me not….knowing your situation. So, I’m sorry.” I exhaled, relieved to have that off my chest.

Hyun Soo didn’t reply, but put in his own earphones. He turned to look at me, flat-line expression still intact.

“I only told you that stuff because I was fed up with your stupid mouth spouting off whatever it wants. I don’t want your pity. You need to learn to stop judging people.”  He said coldly.

I grimaced at his straightforward words. It shouldn’t surprise me that he didn’t beat around the bush when speaking his mind.

“Why do you think I would tell my family?” He continued, staring straight ahead now. “Everyone has an amount of pride they have to keep.” He glowered at me. “Despite what some people think.”

 I gritted my teeth. The way things were going, he was never going to let this go! “Look, I’m sorry, ok!” I said, throwing my hands up, exasperated. “I know you don’t want me to feel sorry for you and stuff--”

“Just mind your own business. Simple as that.” He said, leaning back to sleep.

I was about to explode about how I was apologizing to clear my conscience and of course I was right and he was wrong and--but I remembered to control myself. I drew in a sharp, annoyed breath, and closed my eyes.

“Count to 10,” I said to myself in a controlled tone. “One….two….three….”

 I thought I heard Hyun Soo chortle, but I opened my eyes and he was asleep.

What he thought of my apology didn’t matter. I said it, and now it was over. Now was a good time to get the second bug off my mind.

 “When you said…’did you miss me’… I thought you maybe…well, don’t misunderstand about what I said last night.” I said quickly, hoping my words didn’t sound too weird.

Hyun Soo glanced at me. “Same goes to you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “What are you talking about…”

 “If I didn’t block that ball from your face, I would have to stare at an ugly purple lump for weeks on end.”

It took me a moment to connect the dots. So…” don’t think that I did it because I like you” is what he meant to tack on the end.

Oh, heaven forbid if you should go out of your way to do something nice for me! Would it really kill him to say something polite for once? I couldn’t believe this guy.

“Hah! Let me ask you something,” I said sitting up, feeling my reign of control loosen. I jabbed a finger into his arm, hard. “Do you even know my name?”

He turned his head to me, glaring at me. “Kang Lia.”

“Well, it’s not like you were participating, either,” I crossed my arms, ignoring the impressed and curious feeling in me. How did he know my name? “You’ll be pleased to know I wasn’t paying attention because I was imagining you being hit in the face by the ball. Not such an ice king anymore, are you?”

Ice king?I face-palmed myself mentally.

“Funny how irony works, isn’t it.” He closed his eyes, giving a smiling scoff.

Yeah. Knee-slappin’ hilarious.

I ignored him. “Let me ask you something.”

“No.”

“Are you back to stay? At school, I mean. What about your family?” I asked, knowing I probably sounded nosy.  I was entering personal, sensitive territory…but…I made my tone kind enough to let him know I wasn’t criticizing. I mean, we’re neighbors, and--

 The bus halted to a stop. Hyun Soo sat up, rubbing his eyes. “You better get off. Home is that way.” He sighed, ruffling his hair.

“Wait! You’re not getting off, too?” I asked, getting up slowly, trying to stall. “But you’re on the bus early, and--”

“Thanks for watching Hyeri. I really appreciate it.” He said with what I guess was a small, crooked smile.

I stared at his dark eyes, caught off guard. No matter how much I tried to find something, I felt like I would never know what was going on in those eyes. They told nothing, keeping everything hidden. But despite that… this, right now… it was one of those rare moments where he seemed…human.

Just because of his sincere voice and a broken smile? Was his frigid personality a barrier protecting his heart?

“Yah, girly! Are ya getting off or not?” The driver yapped.

I jumped. “Y..Yes.” I looked back at him, wanting to say something, but not quite sure what.

“Lee Hyun Soo…you will be the death of me.” I mumbled, watching the bus turn the corner.

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