Jeff entered his hotel room after a night of partying. He opened the door and saw his roommate Barcode was fast asleep in his bed. It was a pity that he was forced to stay in bed alone because his mother didn’t allow him to party together with the older cast members. It was understandable because Barcode as the baby of the group was at least ten years younger than others.

He took a shower, feeling like his head was heavier by the second. He wanted to hit the bed so badly after only a couple of drinks. His throat felt sore because of the singing, the screaming and the excitement of it all. He glanced at Barcode who was shifting in his sleep silently. He smiled, feeling sorry for Barcode for all the excitement that he missed. He would not miss it though if he ever experience the hungover that would come later on. Jeff put a hand on Barcode’s hair, and ruffled it just to mess with it. He smelled so good, he might already take a long warm bath before falling asleep.

His phone rang.

He walked lazily to his bed and took his phone.

It was Gameplay.

Jeff stole a glance at the clock. It was 1 AM in the morning, and it was really late and it was so tiring...

“Hey, Game?” Jeff picked up the phone, his voice cheerful.

“Hey, Jeff...” the other voice was weak, Jeff could sense the vulnerability of the owner. “Is this the right time?”

Jeff put a hand on his mouth, trying so hard to stifle a yawn.

“It’s always okay to call me, Game.” There was deafening silence on the other side, and Jeff glanced at Barcode’s bed. “It’s always alright,” Jeff sat down on his bed, waiting for the caller to continue talking. He could hear the sound of him breathing through the speaker, he could grasp the silent sob but he waited patiently. “Is it the anti fans again?”

“I’m sorry, Jeff. I should have not call you…”

“Game, it’s always okay to call me whenever you’re feeling upset. I’m happy to listen,”

“Oh, Jeff…” Jeff clenched his fist together, the emotions warping him gradually.

“What’s wrong?” Jeff shifted, his fist clenched around the pillow case. “Game?”

“Can you just stay with me tonight?” Gameplay’s voice felt distant. Jeff nodded, even when he knew Gameplay couldn’t see it. “I’m feeling down and I needed someone to just be on the other side of the phone.”

“You can count on me,”

“I miss you, Jeff. I miss the moments we have, the moments that we missed that we should have,”

Jeff swallowed and closed his eyes tightly. The chances that felt out of their hands when everything seemed like it’s falling into place.

“We promised to be there with each other when the sky was high, and the land was set low.”

“Game, did you have a drink?”

“Jeff…”

“Are you with someone now?”

“We promised to be with each other when the sky falls down.” Jeff took another glimpse at Barcode. Did he sleep like that before? Or is he moving?

Jeff stood up and walked to the balcony. He peeked through the closed curtain and looked up to the sky. The skyline felt extraordinarily beautiful tonight however he felt like he was missing something. The Kinnporsche concert was incredible and he was very grateful to be a part of the team. He was living the dream, singing the soundtrack and rose to fame overnight with the success of the series.

But he was alone.

“Is it still possible to stand by your side now, Jeff?”

“What are you talking about, Game?”

“I could never be on par with you anymore, Jeff,”

“Game…” he could hear the other sighed, he recognised the pain and the intoxicated nature of it. He seen it before when Gameplay decided to terminate his contract with Kinnporsche team due to another project coming up. Everything was so messed up that time it still killed Jeff slowly whenever he’s thinking about it randomly. It was the biggest fight with Gameplay, it was the lowest point of his life. “You know it’s nothing like that. It’s my job right now and I’m trying my best,”

“But you know it’s nothing like the old times right? You’re huge right now, and you wouldn’t want to stay with me anymore,”

“Game, we talked about this before.” Jeff pinched his forehead, it started to hurt and his vision blurred. He turned to look at Barcode’s bed again before he opened the balcony door and stepped outside.

“Then tell me again,” Jeff scoffed.

“Game, what are you drinking? Why are you talking like a little boy?” he heard Gameplay laughed a little, and he smiled a bit. “I want whatever you’re having,”

“Stop accusing me of being drunk.”

“You hated to be drunk, Game. But whatever it is that happened there, just tell me,” Jeff felt his patience thinning. “I’m all ears,” Gameplay took a deep breath, Jeff could hear a sob.

“I miss you, Jeff. I wished that I can hop on a flight and see you right there, right now,”

“Then come here,”

“But I can’t ruin your reputation with me right now. People hate me, people hated that I had the gut to leave,”

“Game, we talked about this.” Jeff started to get annoyed. They talked and talked, and kissed, and fought and cried about this. Jeff persevered because he knew the big things are coming but he knew Gameplay’s decision was not easy too. “I would never change. Come and we can sort this out,”

“I can’t, Jeff. I hate those people who put this paranoia in me. I hate those who talked about us breaking up when…” he choked. “Or…are you thinking about it?”

“What the , Game? Put that drink right now and talk to me sober tomorrow!”

“That’s what you’re always thinking right? Abandoning me when I’m here begging to hear your voice…”

“Game, I want you to stop thinking that I’m leaving you! Who do you think I am? I’m in this to protect this legacy of us, even when I’m with someone else!” Jeff almost screamed. Gameplay was insecure with all the anonymous threats he’d been getting and he basically need to go into hiding when Kinnporsche started becoming a big name in BL’s household. Fans were blaming him for pulling out at the last minute when he should be staying as Porchay – his on-screen lover.

Didn’t he know that he was hurting too when they hurt his Gameplay like that?

“I had never once forget about you. All this time I’m thinking about what if he’s still here? What if you are still here? Do you think I wanted this for us? Circumstances changes but not me. I am still yours, Game. We’ll find projects together, we can be lovers together after this.”

“They will want you with Barcode!”

“But I want you!”

“…”

“Don’t you hear me just now, Game? Or is it only me? Are you still mine?”

“Oh, Jeff…”

Jeff took a really long breath and lifted his head watching the night sky. The tears were on the brim but he refused to let out another more. His heart couldn’t take anymore break after the last fight. It was ugly. It was ing hideous.

He couldn’t talk to anyone for weeks.

He pushed away his friends.

Gameplay left the project, and him.

And he still had the audacity to tell him that he’s the one hurting?

He leaned on the balcony, the ground below felt so far away. The urge to climb on the ledge and…

Jeff closed his eyes, listening to the drums of his own heart.

He wouldn’t do it again. He wouldn’t go that way again.

Gameplay was all he had.

Barcode was what he’s living for right now.

He couldn’t sacrifice it all now.

“Please tell me you’re not going to do anything stupid.” Jeff said after a while. “I’ve done it for both of us.”

“No.” Gameplay’s voice sound reserved. It was contrast with his extrovert self. “I’m sorry Jeff. I’ve been selfish,” Gameplay knew what he did at the lowest point of his life. Jeff sighed in exasperation. “I’m sorry, please don’t get mad at me, please.” Jeff smiled.

“I was never mad at you, Game. It’s the circumstances, the situation that we’re in. I promise we will get through this together, please don’t give up on us,”

“I’m sorry I’ve been an ,”

“An that I like to get my hands on,” both of them laughed. Jeff was delighted when he heard Gameplay laugh again. It had been a while since they were apart, away from each other. It felt wrong too when he was paired up with someone so young, so basically different from him. Barcode was from another era, another time that he couldn’t get accustomed too. He didn’t want to compare both of them but he couldn’t help it when they’re together. “Don’t you want to sleep? Do you want to have another drink?”

“Do you want me too?”

“I don’t want you to get intoxicated in other person’s arms,”

“Someone’s jealous,”

“Of course,” Gameplay laughed again, this time he sounded merrier. “It’s you who called me first because you think I would be in the arm of someone’s else,”

“Who do you think I would be hugging right now? Barcode?”

Both of them laughed again.

“Come now, I’ll sing you a song and you have to go to sleep afterwards, thinking of me. I’ll check on you tomorrow before I start the concert,”

Jeff could hear Gameplay agreeing with his plan. He cleared his throat and started singing their song.

***

The wind blew into the room making him shudder in the blanket. He could hear his roommate singing the song that he too was familiar with. He knew Jeff composed the song himself and it was for someone special and he was singing the song to him.

But the beats of his heart were sickening. He pleaded for the ache to stop when he heard the smooth voice of Jeff trying to soothe the caller down.

What was this feeling?

Barcode closed his eyes tightly. When the wind blew, he could smell Jeff’s scent – it was flowery, a hint of smoke and musk. He could recognise it anywhere in this world. He listened to Jeff singing the song with all his heart, with the phone still in his hand. It was no doubt serenading his other partner.

Gameplay.

He and Gameplay was the couple before Kinnporsche. His on-screen couple. His other half of the drama.

Barcode bit his lower lip as he listened. Jeff’s voice was calm and there was hoarseness because of the fight before. He didn’t know what was it that upset Jeff so much, but he heard his own name. He heard Jeff pleaded, heard him pleasing the other.

And it hurt him so much to be on this side of Jeff. He was so near to him but when they were together there was some wall between them. Jeff was too careful with him, he just wanted to hold his hand, hug his shoulder and touched his hair. Barcode seen how Mile and Apo did it, they were so compatible with each other and he wondered if he didn’t have that chemistry with Jeff. Jeff wouldn’t touch more than his hand, he wouldn’t kiss him more than on the cheek.

It was hard for Barcode to fathom.

Am I not lovable?

Why do Mile and Apo did the extreme and were not polite about it?

Jeff was very cautious with him.

He heard how Jeff teased Gameplay on the phone, sending kisses when he ended the call and most of the time naughty phrases that made Barcode crimson in the face.

Was it like this being adults?

“I gotta go, Game. Barcode is sleeping,”

Jeff sent another kiss and laughed through the phone. He entered the room and closed the balcony door.

“No, he’s sleeping. He’s my baby, don’t think of anything of it,” Jeff was still laughing as he climbed on his bed with phone stuck to his ear. “Yes,” Jeff cleared his throat and pulled the blanket around him so that he was engulfed fully by it. Barcode stayed still in his bed. “Alright, go to sleep. I’m sleepy,” another chuckle and Jeff shifted in his bed. “Game...”

Barcode tried to breathe as silent as possible. It was hard to do that when he’s pretending to sleep.

“Wait...I gotta check on Barcode, you wait,” Jeff suddenly sprang to his bed, and pulled his blanket a bit to see his face. Barcode was startled but immediately regained his composure. He felt his cheeks reddened and prayed that Jeff didn’t notice. Jeff leaned closer, as if he wanted to check if he was sleeping or not. He ran his fingers on Barcode’s bluish hair, and maybe he was satisfied with it. He waltzed back to his bed, pulled his blanket and took his phone. “Yeah... he’s asleep. What do you want to do?”

Barcode gritted his teeth.

So much for pretending, and now he felt guilty for eavesdropping.

But he couldn’t just let it go and fall asleep. It’s too late now. Since Jeff entered the room after the party, he was awake. He could hear Jeff coughing and singing in the bathroom, he could smell the soap that Jeff brought from his home. It was a scent unique to him. Even Barcode used the hotel’s soap because his mother said it’s okay to do so. He could hear Jeff ruffling through the room, he might want to have a smoke one or two but decided against it because Barcode was there and he didn’t want to disturb him.

It must be boring to be his roommate, unlike his other cast members. He was young, he was inexperienced and he was still feeling like he was as young as he looked. He didn’t want to be the baby of the team, he wanted to be an adult and acted like them. Goofy and matured at the same time.

“Yeah…” Jeff sounded so y. What was he doing under the blanket?

Barcode blushed violently.

“Come on…” Jeff whispered, his voice had an urge to it. “Do you think I will fall asleep?” he laughed.

Barcode noticed Jeff laughed with more sincerity when he was on the phone with Gameplay. He had never laughed like that in front of him. It felt like an insult to his aching heart.

“Come…” Jeff whistled. Then, he giggled like a little girl.

Barcode was sweating in the cold room. It felt wrong to hear all this private conversation, but…but he couldn’t help it. What should he do? Suddenly spring up and scared the out of Jeff?

So, he stayed as quiet as possible.

“Gameplay, oh my…” Jeff twisted and turned in the blanket. Barcode was scared to turn to see what was happening, what was Jeff doing. Then, Jeff hummed a song. Barcode was serenaded again. What was it that was so attractive about his voice? It was so soothing, so relaxing but at the same time he felt aroused.

He lowered his gaze to his own member. Something was twitching. He didn’t dare to look down. He knew what was happening.

.

He clenched his fist on the bed’s spread.

It will pass. This too shall pass. He chanted to himself.

But his ears were still listening to Jeff’s hum, his voice hitting the lowest note and the throaty laugh and the way he talked to Gameplay brought chills to Barcode.

“You like it?” Jeff asked. He waited and hummed a bit more. “Do you want more?” Jeff cleared his throat, clearly weakened by all the singing tonight. “Or do you want to come again?” he laughed louder than he needed and immediately he calmed down. “Damn! I might woke him up,” he whispered naughtily. “, Game. Please go to sleep,”

Barcode bit his lips harder.

What was it that this man has that he couldn’t find in him? What was Jeff looking for in a partner that he couldn’t see it in him?

Of course, he’s older and more on the same wavelength with Jeff but he stayed with him throughout the shooting and had to endure the show and concert after the drama ended.

And still he kept looking for Gameplay.

Why was people treating him like a little kid?

Why didn’t Jeff treat him the same way as he did to Gameplay?

It was all platonic, right?

But why was his heart felt like it had shattered to the ground?

 

 

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A/N

well, that's it for the first chapter. Don't worry, I'm in quaratine right now so the story already completed haha. Let me know what you think of my hiatus debut lol