--

“There will be a last member that will join you guys. You will debut as six.” Their manager announced as he clapped his hands to gather their attention.

Bang Yong Guk, the tough-looking leader, just had his eyes almost bulging out from their socket and his mouth agape. The second older, Kim Himchan, seemed cool about it. So as the two maknaes that had their own worlds together, Moon Jong Up and Choi Jun Hong. He raised a brow and stared at their manager with are-you-serious-look. 

Their manager just grinned and nodded. “I am serious as hell so you better be guys ready.” As he headed for the door, he threw a glance to Youngjae and added, “He’ll be the main vocalist.” 

… 

“No! Please, no!” Youngjae’s scream can be heard throughout the building. “I am the vocalist. Yoo Youngjae. The one and only!” 

“Hey, you’re too noisy.” A stranger came, with a black mask on his mouth. He had an accent. The worst thing was he didn’t find it funny, it was more like… y. 

He stopped whining and threw a dagger look at the guy who just came in. “Who the hell are you?” 

“Jung Daehyun.”, was the only answer heard. 

“And why are you here?” He asked again, as if mocking. “This is B.A.P’s practice room.” 

Daehyun just shrugged and put his heavy bag off the floor. “I am B.A.P’s sixth member.” 

Just then, Youngjae had the reaction that Yongguk had. He looked like an idiot. 

--

I fell in love with his voice. 

That was the first thing I felt for that guy who came. It was too sudden but yes, I fell in love with his voice. Every time he sings, it touches my heart – and never fails to have a grip on it. I longed to hear his singing. It was too soulful and with his facial expressions, it was too perfect. 

With that, I unknowingly accepted him as the last member of our group. I even accepted the fact that he was the main vocalist along with me as the lead. 

It was only his voice. Jung Daehyun’s voice. Yet I came longing for more.

Daehyun stopped singing 4men’s Baby Baby as he noticed Youngjae was staring at him intently. “Why don’t you just practice with me too?”, he offered. 

He gave a slight nod and gave it a go. It was just a practice anyway. He will risk nothing. 

Or so he thought.

He paused for a while when he noticed he felt like he had butterflies in his stomach when Daehyun, who was standing closely on his side, started singing. He gulped and immediately told his mind “No.” 

“Don’t tell me you have fallen for me, Youngjae.” Daehyun teased with an accent as he smiled, looking liked a kitten. Youngjae then went far from him and threw the paper that was on his hands. “Dream on!” 

--

I started giving him respect.

Respect. That was common in our country but not much to me. Sure I respect those people that were older than me but Daehyun wasn’t one of them. When he came, I saw him as a guy that was as of the same age as me. I hated him at first. Well, he seemed annoying and mysterious that it was rubbing off on me. But then, when I fell in love with his voice, I slowly gave him respect. Little by little, I was slowly turning into a guy that was full of manners. Yes, it was only because of him.

“Youngjae, it’s now your turn to wash up.” Daehyun stated, and woke him up from deep thoughts. He looked around and saw Daehyun that was topless. He threw the towel on his hands and said, “Stop showing your skinny body, Jung Daehyun.”, then headed for the bathroom. 

“Hey. I am older than you, you should at least respect me!” He heard Daehyun shouted from the room. He just smiled and shouted back on his head “I am respecting you, hyung.”

“You fat guy!” Daehyun shouted again.

“JUNG DAEHYUN, DIE!” He shouted aloud. 

--

I started feeling something special.

Maybe it was right from the start and I was just too dumb to know it. Maybe this feeling was just lurking on my heart and started creeping unto my whole being. This feeling. This was destructive, I know. Nothing good comes out from it. And the worst was that I know… that this was one-sided. 

I fell in love with him. It was no longer a surprise. Right when I first heard him sing. Right when we practiced together. Right when I felt there were butterflies in my stomach. This was love. 

We had gotten close – closer than what I had expected. I thought I could hate him forever, but I was obviously wrong. Maybe what they say that “The more you hate, the more you love” was right. He was mysterious, I couldn’t predict him. One time, he was next to me, before I knew it, he was gone. 

But I couldn’t leave him alone. I wanted to by his side forever. I should at least give it a try.

--

“Daehyun, you should at least talk more in our reality show. You don’t even talk. You will not gain fans with that.” Youngjae gave a lesson as he sat on the sofa and started eating his chips. 

“I’ll gain fans by that. They’ll find it y.” Daehyun shrugged. 

True. 

It started by then, I silently swore to myself that I will never ignore him in our show.

--

I slowly had assumptions.

Everyone noticed that Daehyun and I had gotten close. They teased it and it wasn’t like I had to stop them. It felt good and it was even better to see Daehyun that just smiled every time he hears Yongguk-hyung and Himchan-hyung calling us together as daejae. 

Could it be that he liked me too? Could it be that this wasn’t one-sided? 

“People, stop teasing me and Youngjae okay. We’re friends. Close friends.” Daehyun explained and laughed.

I smiled from deep inside of me. It somehow sounded special.

--

I had the courage to confess. 

It was only two weeks since our debut and we were very much received by the people. We decided to have a small party in our dorm and even give small gifts to each other. That idea was kind of lame, knowing it came from Himchan hyung, but it was a perfect time for me to let Daehyun know my feelings. It seemed I cannot hold it any longer.

As we started, I then pulled Daehyun out and we went to the practice room. I handed him the simple letter I made. “Read.” I demanded as I gulped with nervousness. I have not been this nervous my whole life. This guy surely let me experienced many new things. 

“I like you.” Daehyun read it without feelings. “This is it?” 

“Yes,” I answered back but it seemed… why was there no reaction from him? This was not what I wanted. This was not the reality I dreamed. “That’s all you can say?” I asked as I tried to clear up the water that started making my eyes blurry. 

“What? I don’t get this.” Daehyun responded once again. 

And right then and there, I knew I was wrong all along. 

--

I didn’t give up.

I was thinking that maybe, he was just surprised. And maybe, he was just giving me a test on how long I can hold unto him. I will show him how much I like him. How much I love him and how much serious my feelings for him were.

“Daehyun, it’s time for practice.” I said calmly as I woke him up. I decided to touch his shoulders until he’d open his eyes. But before I could do it, he opened his eyes as fast as he can and got up. He then went to the practice room alone, as if he didn’t saw me. 

That made my heart flinched but no, he must have just been in a bad mood, right? 

-- 

He started avoiding me.

I didn’t know where I did wrong. Did I make him feel bad? I was too clueless to know anything. He wasn’t on my side anymore but more on JongUp. It hurts so much to see him smiling and laughing with him. I can only picture out that it used to be me with him. We were so happy. Until I had these feelings for him. It was all my fault. I couldn’t handle watching them tickling and doing all those stuffs so I went to our room.

“Where are you going, hyung?” Jun Hong asked me, concerned. 

But I ignored him and went straight to where I wanted to be. And right then and there as I closed the door, my first tears for Jung Daehyun fell.

I felt so unwanted. 

-- 

I am losing hope. 

It was almost a week that I felt horrible for being ignored by the guy I liked. Everyone noticed it but they were obviously staying away from our problem. You can no longer hear the word daejae. I missed it, a lot. I can no longer hear Daehyun practicing. We can no longer practice together. Everything just went wrong and it was my entire fault. 

So one day, I brought all my courage and dragged him to the practice room and locked the doors, making sure it would only be the two of us. 

“Are you ignoring me on purpose?” I asked him with a blank face. His reaction hurt me so much even before he could utter a word. It was purely cold. He was different from the Daehyun that I fell in love with. 

“Why should I do that?” Daehyun asked back. 

“Listen, there’s no use in pretending. Okay, I confessed to you. I fell in love with you. Blame it all on me. I made you all uncomfortable. Sorry for that.” I started blurting out my feelings and before I knew it, my expression told the older guy that I would cry any minute by then. 

“I… I don’t know what to say.” Daehyun answered truthfully and looked down. 

“Do you like me? Were all those things I noticed before all just my imaginations and assumptions?” I asked one again. I tightened my heart from its place to make sure it wouldn’t break as soon as I would hear the answer.

“You’re just a friend.” 

There. My heart’s grip must have not enough as it fell right then and there and broke into pieces. And followed by it, my tears started running on my cheeks endlessly as if happily screaming that they were finally let go.

“I love you, though. I love you, Jung Daehyun.” I said in between my sobs.

But the older guy just gave me a sad look. It pained me even more. 

-- 

I gave up. 

It was our practice time again. Everything seemed well. Well, except for my heart but I wasn’t too obvious about it. I started moving on. Or more like, I started pretending that I was fine.

“Hey, did our favorite couple made up already?” Himchan laughed as he sat on the floor.

“Of course. All is well.” I answered and forced a laugh. Daehyun did the same too. 

“Yay, our daejae couple is alive~”, Yongguk hyung shouted like a kid as he sat with Himchan. Sometimes I wonder if their age were real. 

“Just shut up you two, will you?” I said and then rolled my eyes. I looked at Daehyun but there it was again, his emotionless face. I felt a sudden thump inside me then a sudden pinch. No, I will not cry this time. Not now where all members are here. So I stood up and went outside the room.

* “Why are you letting Youngjae suffer, Daehyun? You’re such a fool.” Himchan commented and jokingly threw a punch on him. Daehyun stayed silent. 

Yongguk then threw a punch on him too. “We stayed silent as what you like, but we cannot take this anymore. This is plainly stupidity.”

“He loves me too much.” He started. “I’m afraid I’d just hurt him.” He then let out a bitter smile. “I love him too, though. Yoo Youngjae, I love you.” 

* 

-- 

Until now, I am secretly in love with Jung Daehyun.

It was my entire fault. I love him too much. I didn’t make him fall in love with me as he wanted too. I knew I’d end up getting hurt but I still continued this feeling. It was my fault for not letting him go and for clinging too much on him. But it was fine… with him; I experienced what love is and how to treasure these feelings. It was fine. Daehyun-ah, blame it all on me – and forgive this person than fell in love with you. 

xxx

A/N: How was it? Hopefully it wasn't a fail ;u;