“Turned out you don’t after all, huh. Means I need to feed you, let’s go,” was all that Hyukjae said once their literature class was over and the teacher, despite being surprised, had to announce that guy got the highest mark that day.

Donghae decided to not tell him that actually… if Hyukjae didn’t pay attention to what he’s been telling him the other day and didn’t put some effort into memorizing everything it wouldn’t have worked. Yes, he saved some time, yet it didn’t mean the other guy didn’t do anything to get that mark. Besides, the teacher asked to analyze the actions of the characters in that book they were studying, and that was totally on Hyukjae. He simply did well with a little help of Donghae, and that help didn’t require a whole meal, to be honest.

But it would’ve been stupid of Donghae to decline, so he just followed his classmate and allowed him to pay for everything, trying to not order too much. Noticing that, Hyukjae bought him a cinnamon roll, although the guy didn’t ask for it.

“What for?” Donghae remembered himself asking.

“Want to see a battle of two cinnamon rolls to figure out which one will be eaten. You better win, otherwise I won’t have anyone to tell me what the books we’re supposed to read are about.”

The guy blushed, realizing it was Hyukjae’s – rather weird, he had to admit – way to call him, Donghae, a cinnamon roll.

So… it meant that his classmate thought he’s cute? Or…

The poor guy shook his head, realizing he’s probably thinking about it way too much. It looked like Hyukjae had no reasons to do certain things – he just kept doing whatever he pleased. Although… it really was rather peculiar that for some reason he wanted to keep talking to Donghae.

The latter kept restraining himself from asking why. He kept fighting the urge to ask that question, focusing on food instead, yet stealing glances at his classmate from time to time.

It didn’t take Hyukjae even five minutes to sigh and say, “I’m not a picture in the gallery, you know? Stop looking for hidden meanings in my appearance and just ask whatever you’re curious about.”

Donghae didn’t expect to hear these words out of all, so he couldn’t help himself but choked on food and started coughing… only to discover he didn’t think of buying a drink. Ouch.

Seeing that, Hyukjae gave him his bottle of water – untouched – silently, observing the guy who drank an offered liquid only to comment, “You’re a messy eater. Such a baby.”

The other guy frowned a little after hearing that (though let’s admit, it looked more like he was sulking) and asked, his voice hoarse after coughing, “Aren’t we the same age? I might be a few months older even.”

“We’re born the same year, but my birthday is in April whilst yours is in October, so don’t try to pretend you’ve got a chance to be older than me.”

Donghae blushed. So he was the younger one among the two, huh. Even if it was only a half of a year, still… And Hyukjae even figured he was trying to pretend he can be older than him. How embarrassing.

“Your birthday is in April… when exactly?” he asked to change the topic.

“Fourth. And yours is October fifteenth.”

That was not a question. He knew.

Donghae widened his eyes a little and tilted his head while asking, “How did you get to know?”

“The teacher told us when he explained what happened to you that day. He repeated it’s such a shame that this happened to you during your birthday… three times, I think.”

“Oh,” was everything the younger boy managed to utter.

Oh. Indeed.

He didn’t know what to say. Or more like he knew, but… he still wasn’t sure whether he could ask it. But, after all… his, the one he wanted to ask, question was quite common. In such situation at least. It was a simple curiosity and Hyukjae told him to just ask when he wants and…

“How did it happen?” Donghae found himself inquiring even before he managed to come to a certain conclusion in his mind. “How did he tell you? What did he say? How others reacted? Can you tell me?” He looked into his classmate’s eyes, noticing that there was no surprise or anything described on his face. As if the guy who was now sitting in front of him in the school canteen expected to hear this question eventually. If not today then anytime soon. Despite seeing that, the younger still added, “If it’s okay for me to ask this, of course.”

Hyukjae kept silent for a few seconds. He placed the fork back on his plate, which indicated it won’t be the shortest story out of all, and only took the bottle of water Donghae previously drank from to take a few sips. For some reason, although it’s been only a minute since he drank from it, the boy felt how his mouth turned dry once he saw his classmate drinking from that bottle.

The very same bottle his lips touched a minute ago. Donghae was the one who opened it, Hyukjae didn’t drink from it before, so he was the first one, but now it…. It was just…

Apparently, he made the bottle thingy too much of a deal. If Hyukjae could read his thoughts, he’d definitely call him dramatic. Or weird. He was both, Donghae assumed.

“It’s not like there’s much to tell,” Hyukjae said. “I’m sorry if it won’t fulfill your curiosity. Basically, I noticed something might’ve been wrong the moment I saw your friends. Jaesung and Wheechan?”

“Jaechan and Wheesung,” Donghae corrected automatically. He knew the older guy knew their names, they were classmates, after all, but twisted them on purpose just to show he didn’t like them at all. He still corrected him. “What about them?”

“They looked nervous,” Hyukjae shrugged. “Don’t know why. Kept looking at their phones all the time.”

Right. Donghae had to text them once he gets home. He never did though.

“I realized something might’ve happened for sure when I saw teacher Kim talking to the principle beside our class,” the guy continued. “Couldn’t hear them, yet it really looked like they were concerned about something. When they entered the room and asked us to pay some attention to them, I knew it’s going to be about you.”

Hyukjae was quite observant, Donghae thought. He had to figure it out earlier, but only noticed now. After all, he’s always been there for him during the hardest moments and never failed to notice when the younger needed his help. Never failed to guess his mood either.

“They told us you died first,” Hyukjae said; his voice was emotionless. “Said that you were going back home after celebrating your birthday and got attacked, which resulted in your death. Later, they explained that you were saved and might return to the school in a while. The principle asked for our understanding.”

Understanding. What did the principle want them to understand? To understand Donghae? He didn’t notice they understood him. They kept treating him as if he’s the biggest threat to society and didn’t even try to hide it. To understand the teachers who allowed him to return here? But why did they need understanding? He didn’t do anything bad. He was murdered. He was brought back to life. He had to deal with it. All alone. Why did others need understanding?

“Everyone was shocked and really upset when they heard what happened to you,” Hyukjae said all of a sudden. “You know our class better than me – it’s rare for everyone to be silent. They all were silent when we heard the news.”

Donghae smiled with one corner of his lips, although he didn’t feel like smiling at all, and looked at the food on his plate.

“Yeah,” he said, “they must’ve been really shocked to learn that I’m alive after being dead.”

Hyukjae scanned him. He sighed and added, “They were upset, Donghae. They really were.” Their eyes met. The older didn’t fail to notice how the other boy didn’t believe him and repeated, “They were upset to hear about what happened to you. Someone even teared up. I’m not trying to defend them; their behavior is horrible right now and they’re the biggest for treating you this way. But no one was happy that you died. No one wanted that to happen to you. It’s a horrible situation and no one took it lightly. People were upset they lost you.”

Donghae didn’t plan to cry. He didn’t cry even – just a single tear streamed down his cheek and he took a deep breath in, holding it for a while. Yeah, maybe the adults were right. It definitely wasn’t easy to talk about his own death. Every time Hyukjae repeated that Donghae was dead for some time… it felt like his world kept crumbling. All these events became even more real with each word.

At the same time, it was a relief to hear that. Donghae couldn’t explain his feelings properly, but he almost convinced himself everyone was happy to know he was dead. It really looked like this world would’ve been better if he died that day; the way people acted made him think so. However, as weird as it sounded, although it didn’t change a thing in his present, Hyukjae saying that people were upset to learn he died made the boy feel a little better.

At least his death wasn’t a relief to everyone. It made them feel better even. He wasn’t so insignificant; he didn’t make others hate him while he was alive before. He was worthy of being upset for when he died. For some reason, that was a relief.

But… it didn’t change anything. Like, for real.

“They probably weren’t too happy to learn that I survived though,” Donghae said and regretted it immediately.

Damn, he sounded like he was begging for some good words. What if he won’t hear them though? Hyukjae wasn’t the best choice when it came to getting comfort from someone, the guy admitted it himself. What if he’ll say something that’ll make Donghae feel even worse eventually?

Or he could simply say Donghae was too dramatic. That’d be very like him.

Instead, the guy said, “I was happy to learn you’re alive again.”

Donghae’s eyes widened and he looked at Hyukjae in a way as if the latter had at least two heads. He didn’t know what to say, what to ask, only wondered, rather pitifully, “You were?”

“I still am.”

The younger gulped loudly to suppress the sob that was about to escape his lips and asked, “Why?”

“What do you mean? Isn’t it okay to be happy when someone manages to escape death?”

Donghae gulped again, “I didn’t though. I was dead for quite… a while.”

“You escaped it. If you didn’t, why are you sitting here with me? Who am I talking to, a ghost? They should laugh at me then, not at you.” The younger smiled with one corner of his lips. Not like it was funny. For some reason, he just did that. “Listen, I’m not the biggest expert when it comes to this, but… you’re alive now. Doctors said you’re alive, you look alive too. Sick, yes. But alive. I literally don’t understand why others complain. It’s wonderful when we can save someone. Amazing even. It’s so unfair you had to go through this, everyone should be thankful and happy you’re alive. They’re just morons who don’t understand how wonderful it actually is. And it’s not your fault they’re like this.” Donghae sighed. He wanted to say something, however, didn’t even manage to do so when Hyukjae added, “Just like it isn’t your fault it happened to you.”

Donghae dropped his fork. He didn’t even realize he’s been holding onto it this whole time, as if that fork could help him or something.

The sound was rather loud, so a few people who were sitting beside them looked at the two, turning away the moment they saw it was the ‘zombie boy’ who caused that sound. They didn’t really want to have much with him.

They were in the canteen that was full of people. However, everything Donghae could see was Hyukjae and only Hyukjae. As if others didn’t matter. In a way, that was true.

“Who said it was my fault that I died?” the younger asked, not too sure whether he had to keep pretending he didn’t get it or not.

“No one. But just in case someone told that to you or – what’s even worse – if you decided it yourself, then I just wanted to say that isn’t. Everything that happened to you isn’t your fault.”

Donghae took a deep breath in, and once again, it sounded like he could start crying any moment. He tried his best to say calmly, “I was irresponsible though. I stayed until late and…”

“Oh, so celebrating your birthday until late hour is a crime now?”

“I never said it was.”

“Well, murder is a crime though.” Donghae shivered when Hyukjae said that. “No one is responsible for that apart from those who did it. It’s not your parents who didn’t convince you to go home earlier, not your friends – although I don’t think those two deserve to be called ones – who stayed with you, and definitely not you. All you wanted was to have fun