“Another fight happened?” asked Junsu’s mother once she saw her son stepped sluggishly to their living room. Junsu’s mother knew very well that every time her son and his girl had a fight, Junsu would look gloomier than December’s sky. Shrugging, Junsu threw his satchel to the couch and threw himself later. “What is it this time?”

“I found some bottles of hard liquor in her fridge,” said Junsu slowly.

“My...,” Junsu’s mother made a sigh. She took her seat beside Junsu and rested her chin over her son’s shoulder. “I never knew Daeyeon would be this careless to her daughter. Don’t be too harsh to her, Junsu-ah. Maybe Daehee needs some affection... with her parents all abroad, she needs someone who cares about her.”

“But, mother,” Junsu protested with his hoarse voice, “hard liquor isn’t a solution.”

“I know. Just talk to her later, okay? I’m sure you two will be fine,” she said. The bright eyes of hers, which were exactly the same as Junsu’s, were filled of her motherly love to her son.

‘Well, I’m not sure it’s going to work,’ Junsu voiced inside. Deep in his heart, Junsu wanted to forgive her, she was his girlfriend after all, but somehow the terms ‘to hell with you, Kim Junsu!!’ and ‘I don’t need a coward as my boyfriend’ kept resounding in his head. If only his mother knew what Daehee was really like.

It was around spring 2010 when they both first met. Junsu’s mother had asked him to accompany her to a charity event where she would meet her fellow ex-Miss Korean contestants. Since Junsu had a lot of empty slots in his schedule due to the lawsuit he performed with JYJ toward his former agency, he had agreed to attend. Some of the Misses, which had already become Missuses, had brought at least one of their family member as well. And there was where Junsu got introduced to Daehee.

Junsu was impressed since the very first time. The girl seemed to know how to situate herself properly. She was polite, kind, and friendly, but also straight to the point and wasn’t afraid of telling what was on her mind. The way she threw her criticism toward various matters had attracted Junsu. Next thing he knew, he got hooked onto Daehee and only one week later they had enjoyed their precious first date at the cinema.

Junsu wouldn’t deny it was also because of their mothers’ intervention resulting they both got closer. But he had also had that special feeling for Daehee. Although they went through ups and downs, they managed to last for almosth six months. Junsu was specifically moved by Daehee’s toleration of having a superstar boyfriend, or her patience in their so-called relationship where she was lucky to meet him once a month. Given the fact that Daehee worked as money-spender didn’t even change Junsu’s heart. Only one thing burdened him; he couldn’t stand her bad habit of drinking alcohol, how she used alcohol as her problem-solver.

As Junsu kept staring blankly to a particular point on the wall across him, his mother ruffled his hair. “Come on, Junsu-ah, cheer up a bit,” she said. “Anyway, dinner’s ready. I’ve made dubuseon-“

Dubuseon is Korean dish made of steamed tofu mixed with ground beef and vegetables.

“Ah, really?” said Junsu, his mood was lifted up a bit. If there was something pleasant about the lawsuit thing, it would be the large amount of time he could spend with his beloved family, watching football match with his father, playing game together with his Junho-hyung, and eating two or three rounds of his mother’s cook every night.

“But clean yourself first, okay? And there’s Sukgatmuchim as well, you have to eat lots of vegetables...”

Sukgatmuchim is one of Korean seasoned vegetable dishes, made of blanched garland chrysanthemum greens. By the mentioning of sukgatmuchim, Junsu’s face slightly dropped again. He remembered the face Daehee had showed him when he gave her the golden flowers.

‘Why is it chrysanthemum again?’ he asked helplessly.

***

It was early in the morning when Junsu decided to finally pay a visit to the doctor. Another day he postponed it and he would end up hospitalized. The laryngitis he was having had arrived at its terminal stage, leaving Junsu completely unable to speak.  

As soon as the checkup began, the doctor gave Junsu an annoyed glare. “With this kind of condition, you won’t be able to speak for at least a week,” she said. “Why, for heaven’s sake, did you keep postponing to seek for a help?”

“I’m really sorry, a bit busy lately,” Junsu’s voice was close to Voldemort’s pre-resurrection form in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. “Will I get any better?”

“Follow my advice by determination and you eventually would,” the doctor left Junsu’s side on the checkup desk. She walked around her table to write the prescription. She ended their meeting with a long lecture of what Junsu should do to recover. With his sore throat, Junsu only responded by a nod or a simple hum, knowing it would be much better if he just stayed quiet.

“If you had something to ask, just tell your mother. She has my number,” said the doctor, handing Junsu his prescription. Junsu accepted it with a restrained sigh; the doctor was a part of his mother’s empire. Sometimes it did give them a hand for almost every matter, but the other times, Junsu felt like he was in a square, closed room, where there were surveillance cameras on each of its corners.

Driving back home, Junsu tried to recall the doctor’s suggestion. ‘Drink only warm water,’ was one of it. ‘Speak as little as possible,’ was another tip. But the worse had become, ‘Please don’t include singing in your schedule for at least two weeks.’

How on earth a singer wasn’t supposed to include singing in his activities, Junsu had no idea. But he knew he couldn’t risk his voice. It was his asset, his most precious gift, and it would forever be. His imagination flew to a scene when he forced his vocal cords to the limit and then the same doctor which had just examined him appeared and declared, violently, ‘You’ve just lost your voice forever. Too bad, there’s nothing I can do about it.’

That would be the end of his world. There was nothing that could stop him from singing, not even the ban he had received with JYJ to perform on music programs. Looking straight to the unusual crowded street, he made his mind to follow the doctor’s advice. Just that time he noticed he was in Insa-dong area.

It was still the same place as the morning he had bought his mother some souvenirs. The same place where he had almost hit somebody, which had turned out to be an angel with her lost voice. Eunmi.

Junsu parked his car on one of three parking slots left on that street. He hopped down the car, fixing his camouflage a bit, and trying not to look nervous. And then he traced the alley he had run along the day he had chased Eunmi. For some moments he was afraid he didn’t remember that place, but there he was, standing in front of the very same store Eunmi’s father ran. Hesitated for a second, he decided to stepped inside.

“Hello,” he greeted, as polite as he could manage to carry out with his soreness. A man, looking old like the last time Junsu had met him, appeared from a hallway beside the ornaments rack. Shim Joonwoo’s eyes widened at the view of Junsu’s face without his big shades and hoodie. Familiarization filled those weary, wrinkly eyes.

“Junsu-ssi!!” He took his steps forward to bow and then shook Junsu’s hand with both of his. “What a surprise! How do you do?”

“It’s gotten worse, my voice,” Junsu beamed, delighted at the warm greetings. “How do you do, ahjussi? And Eunmi?”

“We’re doing fine. Have you seen the doctor?” Joonwoo pulled a four-legged stool, gesturing Junsu to sit.

“Just came,” replied Junsu. He felt a bit faulty not being able to blather properly, all the more his interlocutor was a very kind of a man. He muttered a hoarse apology, but Joonwoo tapped his back with understanding.

“No need to worry. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“I want to see Eunmi, please, ahjussi,” said Junsu. “I want to-“

Junsu was meant to say he wanted to tell her that then he had fully understood how hard it felt for not being able to talk and that she was a strong girl, when a faint sound of piano filled their ears.

‘Hang on... This sounds familiar...’

The sound was getting louder and Junsu had no choice but noticing in surprised that was the intro of Stand by U, a ballad song way back from 2009, a beautiful piece he had used to sing with the rest four of Tohoshinki members. Following his instict, as if the song was a call for him, he walked slowly to the hallway to find the sound come from the ceiling.

“She’s upstairs,” said Joonwoo, who had suddenly appeared beside him. “Please.”

He led their way to the level above, where there was a view of an looking-old-yet-well-maintained black piano with Eunmi sitting in front of it. Her fingers danced on the ivories, her eyes closed, and her skin glowed in the dim light of the room. One bead of tear slid down her cheek as he watched, made a turn on the curve of her jaw, arrived on the point of her chin, and then dripped down onto Fate’s brown fur. And the next time Junsu came back to his senses, he was muttering the lines of that song.

Kimi wa doko ni ite?

Dare to doko ni ite?

Donna fuku o kite?

Nani e waratterun darou?

Boku wa koko ni ite

Ima mo koko ni ite

Kimi to futari de mata

aeru to shinjiteiru yo

The dance Eunmi was performing with her fingers came to a sudden halt. Her watery eyes enlarged at the sight of her visitor, but her smile took Junsu’s breath away. He had found her.

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Okay, I know I deserve a shot for making this story get the least of my priority. But I promise, this time for real, that I will update this regulary, for a sake of a friend whom I know I'll miss so much. You take care, big girl :))

Thanks for those who have read and subscribed and left comments. I appreciate it a lot