Something was off.

Donghae knew that the second Hyukjae entered his - well theirs - apartment. It was late, few minutes after midnight to be exact, when someone typed in the door password and a slim figure appeared in the dark hall. The blonde singer stopped what he was doing and grabbed a towel from the kitchen counter to dry his hands. He smiled to himself, once he recognized his boyfriend, but it changed to a worried frown very soon. Donghae put the cloth back on it’s place and leaned on the kitchen island, letting his hip hit the wooden wall. With his arms crossed he observed Hyukjae taking off his coat and shoes in the dim light coming from the kitchen, just like he always did once his boyfriend came back home from the late schedule, when suddenly the older one let out a deep sigh, before entering the living area.

“Hello there” Donghae was the first one to welcome him, with a soft and genuine smile, his voice gentle.

“Hi” was the weak response he got, not even a kiss or a hug. Hyukjae just forced a smile, which Hae was able to recognize right away, then went straight to the bathroom connected with their bedroom, not looking at the younger even once.

Something was definitely off.

Forcing a smile was one thing, but avoiding Hae's gaze? Now that's a clear sign the older tried to hide something. The thing is – no matter how selfish and narcissistic it’s going to sound – Donghae knew Hyukjae was never able to stop himself from looking at him, especially after a long day without each other. He was a love struck fool, that couldn't take his eyes of the younger, admiring him and his beauty every chance he got. Donghae loved that – feeling the older’s gaze on him no matter what he did, feeling his eyes on him, whenever he looked away - of course he did. How could he not? It gave him more confidence, when they’ve had a schedule together, it made him feel more attractive and most importantly – it made him feel safe.

Hyukjae’s eyes were like an open book to him. Blonde man learned how to read from them over those twenty years they knew each other, which made him understood his partner a little better, when he wasn't able to voice out his feelings. The main dancer was great at hiding them from everyone, wonderful even – but those big, sparkly orbs always betrayed him. Just one look into them was enough for Donghae to know what the older was thinking at the very moment - even every ‘i love you’ he wanted to say, but couldn’t, every ‘i’m sorry’ he wanted to say, but was too afraid to do it. Donghae knew whenever he wasn’t feeling well, was extremely excited or . It was all there and Hyuk was aware he couldn't hide anything from his boyfriend, but he still tried doing it.

Just like he did today.

It was obvious, so damn obvious, yet Hyukjae tried every time. Maybe it would work with someone else, he did that with his family members and the rest of the group and they failed every time – but not Donghae. He knew his boyfriend like the back of his hand, he liked to think he noticed whenever even the tiniest detail in his behavior changed. That’s why he rushed behind the raven head, but before he reached him, the door to their bedroom were closed and soon the water in the shower started running. The blonde idol sighed and not trying to be too pushy, he backed away.

Space, his boyfriend needed space and some time for himself. It was hard for Donghae to hold himself back sometimes. Whenever he, himself, was upset all he needed was some comforting words from his loved ones and their closeness, Hyuk on the other hand.. It was overwhelming for the older. It was hard for him to even talk about his worries, he always bottled everything up and at some point – he finally broke down. Hae tried not to let that happen, but sometimes it wasn’t really possible to prevent it.

Getting back to the kitchen, the blonde singer looked at all the strawberries he had in the sink and quickly put them in the glass bowl, after drying them up. Adding some chocolate chip cookies on the plate, Donghae moved everything to the coffee table in the living room and came back to the stove, where milk was now almost boiling. He quickly added some cocoa powder into it, then took out his boyfriend’s favorite mug to fill it up with the sweet beverage. Just when he was done and put it next to the snacks, the water in the shower stopped. Just a few moments later Hyukjae appeared in the living area – his hair damp, wearing shorts and an oversize hoodie he just took out of the younger’s closet. He was looking everywhere, but not at his boyfriend when he made his way to the couch, where Donghae was sitting and waiting for him. Without a single word the dancer sat curled up right next to the blonde idol, leaning his head on Donghae’s shoulder and put a blanket on their bodies.

“Are you cold?” Hae asked quietly.

“Mmm”

“Do you want me to put the heater on?”

Hyukjae shook his head in the response.

“Okay then. I made you hot chocolate, drink it before it gets cold too”

“It that for me also?” Hyuk asked finally, pointing at the strawberries and cookies, as if it wasn’t obvious enough. His voice sound tired, a little unusual.

“Who else, love?” hearing that raven head smiled and looked down at his lap, while playing with his fingers nervously. “Are you okay?” Donghae asked, putting his hand on the older’s back. “Baby?” he tried once more, since his boyfriend didn’t respond, just sat still, starring at the hot chocolate and strawberries on the coffee table.

Running his fingers up and down Hyukjae’s spine, Donghae waited patiently for the other to say or do something at least. It was worrying – seeing his boyfriend like this. The singer was always prepared for the worst, after that one time when Hyuk completely lost it and sobbed so hard all night his body was collapsing. It was awful, seeing his boyfriend in such a state, not being able to help him in any way, cause he wasn't even able to talk and tell him what happened. Later that night - when Hae finally calmed him down and brought to the bed where he fell asleep immediately - the singer called Sora, hoping she will give him an answer and a reason hidden behind his lover's sudden breakdown. Oh and she did - she told him everything about their mother being sick and her little brother not taking it well, about him holding it back for days, before he even spoke to her or anyone, about him not being able to look at their mom during today's dinner.. Donghae felt awful and he stayed up all night, apologizing to his sleeping boyfriend for not realizing something is wrong sooner and adding even more of his worries to him.

But the thing is - Hyukjae was so selfless. He always was there for Donghae, took care of him and tried his best to comfort him when he needed that, yet never complained, not even once. The dancer looked after Hae as if it was his responsibility to play the role of the strong one in their relationship, as if his feelings and worries did not matter and that hurt the younger so much. He wanted to be there for him too and tried his best to show his boyfriend he's not as fragile and sensitive as everyone around views him. He wanted the raven head to know that it's okay to show his own vulnerable side too and let his boyfriend take care of him, cause he is there for him too. Not only on a day when Hyuk finally loses it and can't hold back his feelings anymore, but he's there for him everyday.

"Can we.." the rapper spoke quietly out of sudden, bringing Donghae back on earth. "Can you just.." he cleared his throat, shifting nervously after he put the hot cup back on the table. "Can we just cuddle for a while? Please."

"Come here" the blonde idol opened his arms and his partner quickly moved closer.

Curling his legs to his own chest under the blanket, Hyukjae put his head on the younger's shoulder and nuzzled his nose in the crook of Donghae's neck, inhaling the addictive scent of his boyfriend. Few seconds later a tired sigh left the older's lips, which made Hae frown once again. The blonde idol tighten the grip on his boyfriend's petite body, placing a long kiss on the top of his head before resting his cheek on it. They sat like this for a while, in a complete silence. It was comforting, for both of them, but it was usually Donghae who needed comfort from his boyfriend more - not the other way around. 

"How was your day?" the younger asked calmly, tracing his fingers up and down Hyukjae's arm, not changing their position. "You left so early in the morning, something important came up?" the other man stayed silent, only hugging Donghae a little more tightly. "I tried to call you a couple of times, but your phone was off. I got so worried I even called your mom, but then we just ended up chatting for an hour" the blonde chuckled, remembering what happened earlier today. "She was so happy I called, I could barely interrupt her to say something." the singer continued, understanding that his boyfriend is not in a mood to talk himself. "Even Sora joined us later, asking when will we come over for a dinner. She misses us, all of them miss us, well - you mostly." another kiss was placed on the older's head. "Mom said she's been watching our radio show, so she won't forget how we look like and.." suddenly the smile on his face disappeared and Donghae stiffened. "Hyukjae?" he asked, feeling his boyfriend's body shaking. "Hey, hey baby, what happened?" he tried to change their position, hearing a weak sob coming from the raven head's mouth, but the grip tighten even more.

Holding back another sob Hyukjae wrapped his arms around Donghae's neck and straddled his legs, only to hide his face even deeper in the crook of it. The blanket that covered their bodies fell on the floor, already forgotten. Hyuk let out another weak and broken sob - hugging his boyfriend tightly - begging and looking for more comfort, which Donghae gave to him without any hesitation. Leaving behind all the useless questions, the blonde man hugged back his partner and pet his back gently, allowing him to let it out completely. Repeating "it's okay" and "i'm here, baby" quietly in a soft, yet concerned tone - Donghae waited. He waited for his boyfriend to calm down a little and say something - anything.

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter