Disclaimer: I don't own Twice or the members. But I do own this story and the characters in it.

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Jihyo was dating someone, Sana knew, before Jihyo told her, or told anyone, she believed. She could see from the way the girl was clutching her phone, typing occasionally, whenever she had free time. And yes, Sana was sure that it wasn’t game, like in Mina’s case, or updating the news, like the others. There’s no game or news that can make Jihyo giggle and blush, then discreetly look around to see if someone caught her action.

She knew, when their leader suddenly disappeared for a suspicious amount of time backstage at music shows, only to come back later with a ghost of a smile on her face. Jihyo tried to hide the smile, to appear composed. But Sana could see through it. She’s observative, at least with Jihyo.

She knew, from the nights Jihyo sneaked out, looking so well-prepared and beautiful (Jihyo always looked beautiful!). The leader put on her nicest outfit and covered it with a black jacket to avoid being recognized. But she couldn’t hide her happy smile and the dreamy look, the tell-tale sign that she’s on a date, or worse, in love. Jihyo didn’t say anything, but Sana knew.

Then Nayeon and Jeongyeon took turns driving Jihyo to those dates. So, the unnie line knew, either Jihyo told them, or they found out. The three had always been close, from their trainee time.

Sana wondered who the lucky person was. Nayeon and Jeongyeon didn’t say a thing. Of course, it wasn’t their place to tell. Jihyo didn’t tell, either. But Sana had a hunch. She had seen meaningful glances between Jihyo and a certain guy – another celebrity.

The funny thing was, they never noticed Sana sitting there, in the corner of their kitchen, unmoving. She guessed they’re so familiar with an energetic, always-making-noise Sana that they didn’t notice a motionless Sana. Or because she never turned the kitchen light on. It’s torturing, seeing Jihyo looking all lovey dovey going on dates like that, but she can’t help it. Jihyo was so beautiful when she’s in love.  So, Sana stayed to watch her leaving, even when she couldn’t stop tears from flowing out when she settled under the blanket later at night. Sana wasn’t there when Jihyo came home. She couldn’t.

There’s this one time, when she’s up early searching for ice cream. Jihyo and her ice cream date was getting shorter and much less frequent than before. She’s craving ice cream really badly and Jihyo wasn’t here, so she decided to eat herself. Right when she scooped the first spoon, huddled in the familiar kitchen corner, she caught Jihyo sneaking back into the house, obviously just back from her date. The Korean shot her a (guilty) sheepish smile before scurrying back to their shared room. Jihyo was so rushed she failed to notice Sana didn’t smile back at her.

Sana lost her appetite for the whole day.

She didn’t understand why the girl still hadn’t told her about this. They were considered close, Sana supposed. Ice cream partners. Partner – the word Jihyo always used to refer to Sana. But sadly, it had a different meaning to Jihyo than what Sana would want. She knew Jihyo would never think of her that way.

To think again, she didn’t want Jihyo to tell her about her relationship at all. Sana would rather pretend she didn’t know anything, to Jihyo, to others, and to herself.

But the dates became more frequent, and the others soon caught onto Jihyo’s strange schedule and behavior. They started teasing the leader at first, throwing remarks here and there. It’s all harmless. Sana didn’t join them. She couldn’t. Until one day Jihyo sat them down and told them everything, the dates, the relationship status, the guy. The girls were worried. It’s understandable. Even when the dating ban was lifted, having relationships in this harsh industry wasn’t all fun and games, especially for them, the top girl group with paparazzi watching their every step. Jihyo looked so nervous and jittery, so different from her normal self. Sana’s heart melted at this sight, wanting nothing more than to embrace the younger girl and assure her things would be fine (it’s not). But Nayeon beat her to it, then the girls followed, engulfed their leader into a tight group hug, saying they’re just worrying about the pressure she had to endure when the press found out. They’re all happy for her. Because they all genuinely loved her.

Sana loved Jihyo too, just enormously slightly different from what other members felt. Unlike others, she couldn’t see herself being happy about this news. Her heart felt like it was being torn apart by a clumsy child with dull scissors. But to Sana, Jihyo’s happiness came first, so she used all her strength to repress the pain, force a smile to join with others. It’s just the smile didn’t reach her eyes and she quickly scurried behind everyone after giving Jihyo a barely there hug. No one noticed it, except for Momo.

The older Japanese followed her to the bathroom. Seeing the look on Sana’s face, Momo didn’t ask her what was wrong, not until she led Sana back to her and Jeongyeon’s shared room, kicked the older Korean out, and declared that she and Sana would have a besties’ night. Her Korean roommate didn’t protest. She herself was eager to go to the biggest bedroom, intending to join the gossip group with Nayeon and Jihyo.

Sana’s body was on autopilot at that time. She had used all her mind power to hide the pain away, putting on a front to interact with others. It’s not what she didn’t do before, considering years of training to be a celebrity. But when she’s in the arms of her best friend, listening to soothing words in their mother tongue, she’s not Twice Sana anymore. She’s just a young girl with a broken heart. She dropped her façade and let the tears flow out. Now, when the feelings weren’t repressed anymore, the pain came back full force. It hurt, in every fiber of her being. She clutched her chest, where her heart was shattered into million pieces and lodged into every part of her body.

“It hurts so much, Momo.”

“I’m sorry. It’ll be better, I promise.”

“She… she has…”

Sana couldn’t finish her sentence as the violent sobs took over, deeming her speechless for the night.

“Shh… I know”

Momo continued to hold her all night, placed kisses on her temple and whispered comforting words in Japanese. Momo knew, she could feel it. They’re best friends. They had always shared that special bond since the day they boarded a plane to Seoul together. Momo knew nothing can heal a broken heart better than time. And she would be there for Sana however long it took.

***

Sana had always been praised and known for her different personality when she was on and off stage. Even though she found it incredibly hard to go around acting like nothing when she had a big hole in her heart, she still nailed it. At least in front of the camera. But being near Jihyo was still too much so she latched onto Dahyun, acting all too flirtatious and lovely dovey with the girl on camera. That’s what she was told to do. Feeding their fans the so-called hints, the intimate interactions, keeping the ship alive. That’s what they must do to keep the fan interested, but nothing strong enough to prove they’re real. They were not! Well, most of them.

Her ship partners were mostly Dahyun, Momo, and then some other girls like Mina and Jeongyeon. She tried to avoid Jihyo at all costs. Fortunately for her, the Sahyo ship wasn’t that big compared to Saida and Samo. But when she had to, she still managed to put on her smile, throwing some flirtatious banter with Jihyo, being the flirty Sana people wanted to see. That’s the easy part.

The hard part was when she let go of the façade of camera personality and went back to daily life. Thanks to their different and crazy schedule, most of their free time was for resting and sleeping, respectively. Despite staying in the same bedroom, they didn’t have chances to talk much.

When the promotion time was over, she had managed to avoid Jihyo by camping in Momo’s room or making sure she’s under the blanket when the leader was there. However, Mina, being the homebody, caught up on this weird behavior quite fast, and by the hushed conversation that Momo and Sana shared, using Japanese to make sure others couldn’t understand. But Mina could.

Mina was quiet when Sana told her story, looking deep in thoughts herself, as if contemplating something. She didn’t scold Sana for having feelings for another member (Sana was sure Momo would never judge her for it, but she wasn’t sure about Mina). Instead, the younger just hugged her, saying she understood Sana’s feeling and the older could come to talk anytime. It’s distressing, but they couldn’t control their feelings, the younger concluded. Sana wondered what Mina had been through to say such words.

Since then, Momo and Mina took turns taking care of Sana when she was down (mostly when Jihyo was out on dates). They created a barrier to shield her from interacting with the leader. They sat beside Sana at home, in green the room, distracted the leader when she approached Sana. Mina didn’t think hiding from Jihyo was a good idea, but with Sana’s sad puppy eyes and pleading, she agreed to help the fellow Japanese.

The two even accompanied Sana when she craved ice cream in the morning. Momo wasn’t one to be up early, but she did it nonetheless, and well, she loved ice cream too. Mina just sat there, silently playing on her phone while occasionally being fed by Sana or Momo. It’s like the Sixteen period again, three of them toge