[Nichkhun’s POV] 

It's such a beautiful morning. I sat in front of the music school waiting for her to come out. Today is our 4 years and 1 month anniversary. I was lucky enough to even be allowed to get out of my busy schedule. It was such a relief to be spending my whole day with her and no one else.

I sat looking back on everything we shared with each other. The very first moment she laid eyes on me and vice versa. “Nick” she called from behind. I turned around and found her smiling. Her smile made me miss her. It's been like 2 months since I last saw her. I was never allowed to go out and have fun, that's why we were never allowed to have girlfriends but I started dating her before I even debuted so I guess it was alright.

I stood up from where I was sitting and gave her a peck on the cheek. But she moved away and gave me a kiss on the lips. I smiled a bit and she smiled too. She looked beautiful, covered with a white tube dress that reaches all the way to her feet. Her eyes covered with nothing but eyeliner; her lips covered with pink lip gloss highlighting her beautiful lips.

I was dressed as the normal Nichkhun. Not Nichkhun from 2PM but just Nichkhun. We started walking for the bus; she hated it whenever we get drive around. She wants me to not forget the other side of me, the simple Nichkhun. She's the one always reminding me to stay humble. She was wonderful that way. She's mostly the source of my strength – the source of everything. Oh, if I haven't mentioned her name is Kim Min Young. She's perfect.

“Nick?” she called.

“Hmm?” I replied. She released a smile and held onto my hands tightly and asked “Are you tired?” I nodded my head which made her hold onto me tighter. Whenever I would complain about how tired I am she would always hold onto my hands tighter than usual, she said that maybe if I get more tired I might end up leaving her. She always has those thoughts... You know what ifs. She once told me; “What if you find another girl? What if you fall in love? What if I fall in love? What if they separate us?” if I continue more of her what if I will never finish. There's no one in this entire universe who doesn't think about what ifs. Almost everyone everywhere thinks about what ifs. I do too. But I am happy where I am and I don't think I'll ever fall in love as hard as I did with her.

We arrived at the place the very first place where we both exchanged “I love you.” The place hasn't changed. Our silly little swing is still there, the tree where we carved both our initials with the love heart in between is still there, the shade under the tree where we would talk about our dreams and our hopes is still there. Nothing has changed.

Nothing.

She hasn't said a word to me after that ‘small talk’ in the bus. I understand there's this gap between us that neither of us is filling. But I can't help myself if everything else gets in the way of us. I love her but sometimes I just can't do anything...

“Mi Young?”

She tilted her head a little and released a pale smile. The last time I saw her she had the same pale look. It's like she's on drugs or something, I really couldn't stand seeing her like this but I couldn't do anything. She made her way next to me and entwined her hands with mine then rested her head on my shoulders. I can hear her breathing against my neck, the smell of her 'Baby Bench' perfume is so attracting. We watched as the rays of the sun shines through every leaf that was above us. None of us was talking but I know our hearts is secretly communicating.

“Oppa” she finally spoke. I looked down and she was looking straight ahead where there was two old couples walking pass, smiling and holding hands. “Would you spend forever with me like that?” she asked. I laughed a little and answered “Yes”.

“Even though I'm old, weak and wrinkly?” she continued. I couldn't help but laugh at everything she was saying, she was cute asking about questions she shouldn't be asking.

“Even if you don't have any more strength to speak I would still love you” and with those words I heard her cry. Never have I heard her cry, not even once and I'm telling the truth here. Even though how many times we fought and how many times our relationship was on the edge of ending; she was strong and she kept fighting.

“Hey you okay?” I asked.

She nodded her head and looked me in the eyes. I didn't like where this was going, her eyes said it all. The warm hands that was holding me have now turned cold, the sweet face that was once there is now gone; all I can see is a pale girl with no emotions left in her. I know this can't be good from the look that's in her eyes. Could this be it?

“I'm sorry” she whispered. I knew right then it was the end of us. But I don't get why. We fought for everything we stood by each other, we fought for each other and we cared about is our love. What happened then?

“Please don't do this...” I begged. She hugged me and I hugged back. I could feel that the warmth she once had is long gone. I wished I could have filled the gap in between us maybe then we could have worked it out.

“I'm sorry” she said once again. “Why?” I asked trying to hold all the emotions about to burst out. I've never cried through our fights or anything else like that, but I don't think I'll be able to hold it. Then she replied with these; “It's not you, it is me”.

I've heard it all before, from movies and TV. I've seen it all before, the person breaking up uses these lines to make the other person feel better but in my case it ain't working.

“Baby let's work it out” I said. She let go of me and stood up, I quickly got up on my feet and hugged her once again. I was desperate, desperate to hold onto my first ever girlfriend. The girlfriend I saw my future with, the girlfriend I want to have kids with... the girlfriend that is right in front of me. I felt her trying to get away, she couldn't breathe. I let go of her and she looked straight at me and said “I just don't love you no more.”


She was serious; there was no lie in those lines. Her black orbs that were once warm whenever they look at me have also turned cold. Though tears were running down her cheeks her eyes couldn't make it any clearer. I lost... I lost the one I love. I stood there looking into her eyes; my heart was stabbed with reality. I felt cold tears running through my cheeks. I wanted to hold her once again but I think if I do, I might suffocate her once again. Then suddenly she smiled.

“I had a good run with you, now it's time for me to end the race. I have to take the right turn, I can't run anymore. I loved you Nichkhun but this is it, don't stop me. I want to be able to stand up on my own two feet. You take good care... I'm sorry” and with that she was off. Normally people would run after a break up but with her, she was just walking. So this is how it feels like to be walked away from. Your heart becomes numb. I felt pain, I had tears yet I couldn't move. I couldn't follow her. This was supposed to be a happy day, our 4 years and 1 month anniversary.

My first love, I'm so young yet I feel like a falling star. A star that can no longer shine, because my rights was taken away... I'm breathing but I'm barely alive... It is true; the first one is the worst one when it comes to a broken heart.