Never too late

" I'm sorry Hoya, but..."
" It's okay hyung, I thought so."

This moment of our life... I will never forget. I still remember our dancers's embarrassed face when he had just confess. I remember apologizing repeatedly, to which he answered with a simple hand gesture to tell me that it did not matter. " Since we're going to be disbanded, I thought it was time to confess. " Even if he smiled, I knew he wanted one thing: running away as far as possible. He suffered but thought it was more important to reassure me. If I had the opportunity to go back in time, I would say he is too nice. That he should be a little selfish. Most importantly, I would not make the same mistake twice ...

I don't know when I started to cry, but my tears don't seem to stop. My heart aches painfully in my chest and it hurts a little more with each hiccup. I need air, but I don't have the strength to get up. I'm there, kneeling on the floor and I cry. I am pathetic, and the thought hurts me a little more. Minutes pass slowly before I rest my eyes on the piece of paper I hold in my hand. "Lee Howon and Kang Ji Sun invite you to their wedding which is going to be held June 17, 2020. "

The days go by and my heart is still heavy. I don't know what to do, think or say. Should I respond to the invitation? Ignore it? Should I Interpose on their wedding day like a romantic movie hero? Do I wish them all the happiness in the world or be sincere? All these questions tortured my mind for weeks, and no answer comes to me ... I'm lost.
A sigh escapes my lips and I automatically turn the TV on, like every night after work. I listen with half an ear while cooking in the kitchen of my apartment. Until I heard the beginning of a song that I know only too well. The announcer's voice resonates in the living room: "And now one of the greatest hits of the group that we miss so much, Paradise from Infinite. " A wave of nostalgia overwhelms me during the first notes and I start to sing, until his part comes. I stop any movement and I have the pleasant impression that his voice slides inside of me. I miss it... His voice. I turn off the fire hastily and rush towards the door after taking my jacket on the way.

My heart is hammering against my chest for running too fast and too long. It beats also because of the anxiety and excitement. But still I end up hitting, determined to see him, and his voice suddenly breaks the melody of my heart that beats up my ears. " I'm coming! " The seconds pass too slowly for me, but now the door opens. He looks surprised, shocked maybe. It's normal, We didn't see each other for over a year after all.

"Hyung? What ... what are you doing here? "

Suddenly my insurance is gone, and fear replaces it. What am I doing here? I try to catch my mistake. The biggest bull in my life .. I came to talk to you, tell you what I feel and that "You must not marry her. "

" Wh...What?"
" Don't marry her. I came to tell you that. I do not want to commit the same error as Sungkyu and Dongwoo. Look at them, they are both unhappy but they can't do anything about it now. I don't want that to happen. Hoya, don't marry this woman. "

Here they are again those bloody tears. They threaten to leave their prison but I hold them as much as I can. I meet his gaze , and I get lost a few seconds.

"Hoya ... I love you. Forgive me for that time. "


*****************

The door slammed violently, but I don't pay attention. Many tears escape from my eyes but I don't pay attention either. I only feel his breath on my skin, his lips against mine and the warmth that came over me a little more every second. His hands slipped under my shirt while I undo his own bluntly. I don't want to take my time, I don't want this moment to be romantic just because it will be our first time. I just want to feel his skin against mine, there, now. I need to feel his body against mine, I need him to take me in his arms.

"Hyung, you will not abandon me? "

Even with years, he is always the same. He has always this childish look when he asks a question, and I can't help smiling at this view.

"Never."

I murmur this simple word before taking possession of his lips once again.