Standing in front of the door to my house feels alienated for the first time. It feels anxious, dirty and disgusting all at the same time. The door- and whatever's inside it. But, it's still the same place I've been living for the past twenty-seven years of my life. And I hate every moment of it.

The backpack hanging from my shoulder has never been heavier. What should I do? Maybe I should enter the house first. I hold onto the cold door knob and pushes it only to be greeted with the reeks of alcohol and smoke.

*Welcome home, Lee Haeri*

I close the door slowly, just to make sure no sound and quickly takes off my shoes. Almost tiptoeing, I walk to my room.

"You're late", her voice comes from a distance. "I don't even bother to ask where you've been but do me a favour and get me a bottle from the fridge",she said not even turning to me like her eyes glued to the drama she's watching.

"I'm tired, get it yourself", I quick my pace to my room and lock the door. Who knows what her drunk mind would do to me.

"Yah,you b*tch! Aren't you being ungrateful?! I fed you and raised you, you b*tch! You're the reason why your dad left! You should have died!" another soju bottle thrown against the door to my room. She threw three of them. She wouldn't throw the filled ones cause it seems like for Ms. Jung, her soju is special.

*I know,mom. I know*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ring ring

The sound of my phone ringing woke me up from a deep sleep. The room looks darker, either the night is coming soon or my eyes are too sleepy. I reach for my phone and answered the call.

"Noona, mwohae?"

"Wae?" I panicked a little. "What time is it?" I turn my sight to the clock hanging on the wall.

"Why are you calling me so early?"

"Noona, if you're tired, just tell me. I can help toncover your shift tonight"

I wipe my face with my dry hands, hoping the sleepiness would go away.

"Aniya..I'll be there"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wrapping my wet hair with a hair towel, I apply my skincare (which consist of toner and moisturiser). I close the gap between me and the mirror to look for any new small pimples on my face. It's been a hectic week with the stressful shifts, no wonder if any new friends are coming soon for a visit on my face.

"Of course, you're still a woman. Beauty is important for all women", looking at the mirror, I sympathetically looks at my own reflection. "What's bothering you now, Lee Haeri?"

I let out a deep sigh and continue massaging my face when my eyes caught the viewnof my black backpack I placed on the floor. I turn around and take a good look at it. I totally forgot.

I slide myself on the floor and pull the backpack strap towards me. I the big compartment and there it is. I don't know how should I explain my exact feeling when I see the envelope.

Another huff of deep breath.

I pull out the white envelope out of the backpack and pushes the pack away before  spending another forever staring at the envelope.

*HS Hospital*
 

**flashback**

"Miss Lee, how are you feeling?", a doctor in white doctor trench coat as I would call it ask me with a smile. I don't know wether the question came out of his mouth as it is a habit or he actually curious about how I'm feeling. 
 

"The same", I answer and sit down on the chair across him.

"Miss Lee, I understand you mention that you have been experiencing chest pain lately and sometimes it's hard to breathe, right?"

Again, I nod.

"It's probably nothing. Maybe I'm just tired from working two jobs", I don't know why I even bother explaining to him. It's not like he's curious about how many jobs I have.

Actually these pains come and go. Maybe this one decided to stay a little longer than any of them before. I just decided to do some checking because later they'll give me something to make me feel better. Long story short - I want those meds.

"Miss Lee, my name is Dr. Matthew. We did some checking on you earlier and I don't know how to put this...to make it sound better", he moves around the pen in his grasp.

I look at it looks like he need to comfort me with whatever he's about to say and figure maybe I'm the one who needs to comfort him instead.

"Don't need to. Growing up with an alcoholic mother, she spurts almost everything to me. Whatever you have to say, I can take it. Shoot me", I look at him straight in the eyes.

He raises his brows. Guess he didn't see that one coming.

"Miss Lee, we detected a cancer at your lung area. We believe you have a lung cancer"

Shoot. Didn't see that one coming.

I turn my eyes to anywhere except for his face. I don't know how should I react. Most people would just say 'why' or 'how'. But none of them comes out of my mouth.

"It could happen to a person if the person a heavy smoker or heavy drinker. So, just for some data, I would need to ask you these questions if you don't mind", he starts opening some file and starts writing.

"I don't smoke. But I live with a heavy smoker. She smokes two packs per day and drinks seven bottles of soju everyday.   It's not fair, isn't it? She's the one who smokes to kill herself and I'm the one dying".

"We can still check the stage and to see if we can kill the cancer cells. I will schedule you for another appointment and we'll see from there", he picks up a foldable card and start writing things.

I get off from the chair and pick up my backpack. He quickly pass me the card.

"I know it's hard. If you have any questions, you can either come here or, you can just call".

**end of flashback**